So it needs to be done, here is another post about my lady garden (for the original garden post please click here), but I think this is an important issue (like really important), so here it is!! Is it ok for your beautician to talk to you whilst she is having a tour through your garden? I personally like my beauty therapists like I like my strippers, with no personality, no conversation, very little clothes and crying (well actually the beautician can just not talk I'm fine with that the rest of those points are for the strippers). I know that they are trying to relax you by talking to you, but cut the chit chat and get to the business. This doesn't just go for beauticians but also for any people that make me pretty, I don't pay you to talk, so zip it.
There was an experience during the week which has reinstated my firm belief that no talking is the best option, let me paint the scene for you. It came time for the monthly visit to the waxer to get my Mary sorted, I was on the table, my legs akimbo in my courtesy gstring, she had just put some hot wax near my little man in the boat and as she bent forward to pull it off she asked "So do you have a partner?" Woah lady back that truck up!!!! I stuttered out "no" and then with one giant rip, I was convinced that half my vagina was gone (but really that is a side note) and the burning sensation I was feeling in my pantal region wasn't the only burning I was feeling, somewhere in the depths of my brain was a burning question "what did she mean by that question?" so here are my (and my friends) theories
1. She was totally hot for me she was asking because she was hitting on me, she saw a beauty in my vagina that rivalled a Rembrandt and wanted a piece of this all for herself. I always knew deep down that my Garden was a work of art, and she totally confirmed that to me
2. She was shocked at the unkempt nature of it - I don't know how my pubic hair compares to other ladies pubic hair (as I only look at the hairless ones of strippers and porn stars) so it could be highly possible that I have the Amazon inside my knickers after 4 weeks, she may have possibly been so aghast at the fact of this that she was querying as to what kind of man was man enough to take on a jungle quest for the holy grail
3. She was wondering how many cats I had - she could have seen the cobwebs that were gracing the halls and was pondering why this was so.Surely if I was in a relationship these pipes would have been cleaned on the regular, so by being single I must be one of those crazy cat ladies. I think it was like 40 cats or something that she ended on deciding on
4. She was nervous and was trying to make conversation Turns out the young lass was, well, young. She was only 17 and cant have been on the job for very long, she seemed a bit shy so she was probably just trying to break the ice (I guess that's customary before breaking someones vagina).
Pretty sure I would prefer this ice breaker... just saying
I am going to go with number 3 as being the correct assessment of the situation, but I guess you can all use this as a choose your own adventure story. I am still firm on my no talking rule, possibly next time I will pretend that I am deaf, then their talking will be falling on deaf ears (oh yeah see what I did there), or I might possibly start asking her awkward questions. There is only one beauty person who is allowed to talk to me and that's my hair dresser, and that's only because I have been going to her for the last 25 years, she has now earned the right to have a personality, so unless you are her, please a bit of shoosh please.
This man has it going on
Love and Row Boating
Miss K
P.S This can be the monthly Gardening Column, I promise to not do another one until next month (or at all)
Until Next Month....
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