Whilst running for my tram the other day I became concerned for a split second about how my hair was going to look, but it was only for a split second as I remembered that Porn is real and all the girl in porn movies have amazing hair despite their physical exertion, I was set and my beautifully manicured hair would turn up to work, still beautifully manicured. So here are a few other things that I have learnt about real life from porn.
Guys love it when you gag - I think they like the idea that their massive (or not so) weapon has the ability to choke bitches with one fowl thrust. So do the world a favour and do it like you mean it
Make up is for the long term - honestly I need to find out what they use. They can have a face full of seamen and not have their mascara run. Fuck just the thought of sweat makes my make up run off into the sunset leaving me looking like a haggard drag queen
On my face, on my face - really this is the only place to deposit your baby juice. Its not demeaning at all and women love it. So much so that they will lick it up, ever single drop of it.
Women are ALWAYS ready - I love the fact that the minute a guy touches a girl with his magic stick she starts screaming in pure Ecstasy. I might do that the next time I make intimacies, because if its in porn it must be real.
Every house keeper/nanny/teacher is horny and naughty - Pretty much they are gagging for it. You can use the fact that they have misbehaved about something to your advantage to talk them into having sex with you on the proviso that you will not dob on them. I think this is actually a pretty solid deal.
Shirts on, its on - Men should keep their shirts on whilst receiving fellatio, because there is nothing sexier than a man awkwardly trying to get his shirt out of the way of a "gagging" lady.
All women are lesbians - no really, didn't you know? all it takes is one hot lady to look at another hot lady and shit starts to get wild and water "works" are turning on everywhere.
The Bigger the Better - All men have large cocks. Really the bigger the better because the fairer sex loves nothing more than "coming on your big cock". It may be physically painful and you may be about to pop a hole in her cervix but keep going harder, bitches love harder.
Women want to sleep with other women's husbands - true fact. This is how threesomes happen. Lady 1 looks at lady 2s husband and lady 2 finds out and then they all take their clothes off and "work" out their differences.
Sex in Difficult places is easy - The shower, a toilet cubicle, a sunken lounge room. The more difficult the better it is. So you just put you leg up here, and I will put my hand here and lets go to town. Easy and Safe as Pie.
Heels are safe for sex - Women should keep their shoes on whilst enjoying sexual acts. Never mind the fact that they may be sporting a 6 inch heel, its totally safe AND sexy. It also give the guy something to grab to make the women more moveable so "contact" can be clearly viewed.
Dirty talk is loved by EVERYONE - I love it when you call me a filthy whore, because I know that I am one and you love it when I ask you to fuck my wet pussy. And no one laughs when these conversations are taking place. Because not only is porn real, but it is a serious business
I am all about learning and I am currently being educated by adult recorded acts. Maybe that's the only reason that I have the Internet, after all the Internet is for porn. There is a song about it so it must be true. But seriously I am actually legitimately a fan of adult content, it sure has taught me some tricks along the way. Starfish? Ain't no body got time fo dat.
Love and Bukkake