tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32425587317957475862024-02-07T04:09:29.416-08:00Gropezilla VS The WorldMiss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.comBlogger191125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-87902447289678466672018-06-08T22:37:00.000-07:002018-06-08T22:37:17.269-07:00Friendship and the Delete Button<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Its National Best Friends Day today, a day where you celebrate your ride and die and for the first time in my adult life I don't feel like I can say that I have a best friend. Please don't get me confused here, I am not saying that I don't have any friends because that would be a gross understatement, what I am saying is that I don't have a ride or die person anymore, Someone that I feel comfortable with telling all my secrets to. And I have come to realise that this is a situation of my own creation. As I have gotten older I have realised that not everyone is for you and despite all the work that you put in sometimes people just grow apart and the dynamics of a relationships change. Just because it has always been that way doesn't mean that it always will and that's ok. If it doesn't feel right, don't be scared to walk away. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have been falling in and out of depressive episodes in the last few months, and have come to realise that this may have a lot to do with the people that I have picked to surround myself with. As a way to try and snap myself out of it I decided that I needed some Daily Affirmations, to remind myself what I deserved and to help me to take the hard steps. They are - </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Listen to your Gut</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Cut the Ties</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">See the Silver Lining</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Only Speak Good Thoughts</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Realise that you Deserve Better</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So with these affirmations in mind, why do we keep the people around if they are not serving us? Its pretty easy to cut them out of our physical world , we can stop seeing them, stop replying to their texts but its a little bit harder when it comes to interactions on line. I have always had a problem with deleting people from Social Media and I am not totally sure why. What do they bring to our lives but a sickish feeling in our gut when we see them posting or commenting? Why would we put ourselves through that willingly? Here is maybe why... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You want them to see how good you are doing with out them - Hey, look at me, having fun, living life, whoooo. Yet you are there obsessing if they've seen it and what they might be thinking,. You are keeping yourself in the loop when really its time to get out. Go out and do you, for you and stop worrying about what they think, because probably they don't actually care</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You cant be Bothered with the Drama - because people put so much focus on the digital world, if you unfriend them its an issue of biblical proportions and they might start telling people its because you cant handle the truth or that they didn't do anything wrong. And that might be the case, but you don't need to justify your decisions to anyone and if these people are going to trash talk you, they will do it whether they can see your online life or not</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You want to believe in the good in people - you hope their behaviour will change, that they will finally realise that you did good things for them and you cared for them and only ever wanted the best for them. Its taken me 35 years to realise that sadly this hardly ever happens, once the cards have been shown they rarely change</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You want to see them succeeding - this one will probably sound odd and I will admit that it doesn't entirely make sense to me either, but I like to see people doing well and being happy and having good things happen in their lives. It doesn't matter if we aren't friends now, at one stage we were and my desire for you to excel has not changed. Everyone deserves the best and I like to see when people get it. It gives me hope that it will happen for me as well. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not everyone is going to like you, and you would probably be living your life as a lie if they did. So with that in mind, maybe it is time to find the delete button. If someone will walk past you in the street or refuses to acknowledge you if you try pleasantries, THEY DO NOT DESERVE A PLACE ON YOUR FRIEND LIST!!!!!!!!! And trust me, you life will be so much better when they are gone. The sickish will be gone, your feed will be calmer and you can just concentrate on living your best life. A small circle is way better than a circle filled with sharks</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While scrolling through my feed the other day a beautiful soul that I know posted about how the People around you are a reflection of the person that you are and I believe that she is 100% on the money with this statement. If the people around you don't reflect the person that you want to be, its probably time to find new people. This week I have gotten inside my head and started to believe that people treating me badly was because I deserved it because I was a bad person but I am trying to give up the blame. There may be some truth in the statement but there is also the resounding fact that not everyone is nice and has your best interests at heart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have been working on this post for the last week and out of curiosity I have been watching my friend numbers on Facebook. When I started I was sitting at 1005 and on checking just now I am on 1001, and you know what gets me the most about it all? the fact that its so close to being a nice even number. The people who deleted me have their reasons and I am not taking it personally, if I see them in the street I will still smile and say hello in passing. Because we never know the struggles that people are going through or how our actions might effect them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I did it, I hit the delete button on a few people that at one stage of my life were my ride and die, its ok to miss what was but its also important to remember what is now. I believe I have another ride or die coming for me, because despite all my faults, I am worth something and I deserve that (and so do you, if you need reminding of that). Its never to late to stand up for yourself and find a different circle. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love and Deletion </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-29545548240326564792018-04-03T21:09:00.000-07:002018-04-03T21:09:26.702-07:00How to find your confidence when you are just full of sadness...<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Its been a while between takes, I stepped away from the keyboard for a while and went in front of the Camera to try my hand at that but lately I have been having some requests for some written content, so lets give this a crack. Lets start back with a topic that I am sure that we have all faced at one point in our lives. How do you feel confident and be intimate with a partner while you are hating yourself and feeling sad about life?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So look, to be fair, its been a really long time since I have been in a relationship and have been getting some action on the regular so this problem hasn't plagued me for years but I remember being there. When I was younger my self esteem and body image was so bad that I remember covering the mirror in our bedroom so I didn't have to see myself. I didn't want to look at myself and I certainly didn't want anyone else looking at me. It put a huge strain on my relationship and ended up being one of the catalysts to it all falling apart. I wish that 23 year old me had the confidence of 34 year old me, but you know what, life is all about the learning curve. And here is what I have learned </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take those nude photos - controversial opinion I know, but when you feel good, document those moments. My phone is literally full of nude/risque photos of me being confident in my skin. And most of the time no one even gets to see them but me, but that's the greatest thing about it, those photos are a reminder for sad me, that confident me is never far away. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lingerie!!!!! - This one ties in with the one above, if you look good you feel good. So find those things that you feel good in. I have a whole draw of Lingerie that I wear on the daily to turn that frown upside down. And yeah sometimes it may cost a bit of money (I could probably have bought suspension for my car with the amount of lace that's sitting in my top draw) but can you put a price on feeling good? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Focus on yourself - take time out for yourself to make yourself feel good. Wash your hair, shave your legs, get a pedicure, apply fake tan, what ever you need to do to feel confident. For me, I don't feel as confident if I'm not tanned, give me some of that Bondi Sands and I will most likely forget where I put my pants</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Porn - sometimes we need something to kick start our imagination and remind us how good it feels to be in the mood. There is nothing wrong or shameful with using some outside influence. Just keep in mind, that its not real and if you try to throat fuck a girl she is probably likely to spew on you (just a quick FYI to you guys out there)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Remember that Time? - Remember that time that you did that thing and it was hot? yeah that time. When you are feeling sad and not in the mood, think back to the times that you were in the mood. Yep, just as I though, Vagina Epilepsy* </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Communicate - sex is as much to do with the mind as it is to do with the body. So get you mind involved. Sexting isn't just for your potential Tinder Dates, keep that shit running when you are in a relationship as well. It doesn't have to be all P in the V talk, I am a big believer that a little innuendo goes a long way. As do compliments. You like how he digs his fingers in to your hip bones when he pulls you against him when he is half asleep.... tell him that shit (and vice versa)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Try to see yourself in their eyes - and this one is hard, probably the hardest out of all of them, but you need to remember that they want to be close to you because they are attracted to you. That erection that is staring you in the face, that's because they find you attractive, the way the kiss your neck and look at you with longing in their eyes, THAT'S BECAUSE THEY FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE!!!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tell him you are not in the mood - we are human and are not sex objects, if you aren't feeling up to it, be open about it. And any good partner will accept this (or they should). These moments are temporary and will pass so don't put unnecessary pressure on your self because it will only make things worse in the long run. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I guess what it comes down to is, you need to feel good for you first in order to feel good for them. And in case you have forgotten, you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love and Confidence</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Vagina Epilepsy is when you remember a moment and you get all funny and clench downstairs out of pure pleasure in that memory. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">P.S In recent months I got close to a guy, this guy is nothing but pure sexual energy (well, that's the way that I see him anyway) and he has awoken this confidence in me that I didn't know I was capable of having. Just thinking about the way that he kissed me gives my Vagina Epilepsy, we haven't had sex and it could be a total failure if we do, but while this is all up in the air, I'm trying to ride this confidence train. The other night after a failed encounter he must have seen in my eyes that I was feeling down on myself and doubting everything that I was. His cocky little response was "you just gave the hottest guy in the world an erection" and that's when I remembered, it important to see yourself through their eyes. And in his eyes, in that moment, I looked perfect to him (or it could have just been the very expensive lingerie that looked perfect to him, but I am still taking it as a win). We are human, and things happen, remember that if things don't go to plan. It happens to the best of us </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">P.S.S if you watched my Vlog you'll know that I am the place where dicks come to die, I killed one again, but I am still holding on to hope that one day (hopefully soon) I am going to be able to make it work. Confidence is key. If you haven't watched it, here it is</span></div>
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Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-10347274560311468542016-12-30T15:32:00.000-08:002016-12-30T15:32:30.502-08:0017 for 17 <div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Going from 2015 in to 2016 I decided that I wasn't really going to do any resolutions because to be fair, who ever really sticks them and instead wrote a blog about my lack of a <a href="http://gropezilla.blogspot.com.au/2015/12/that-ol-new-years-kiss.html" target="_blank">new years kiss</a> and signed it off with a goal of not being a Jerk. Little did I know that there was going to be a turn of events on New Years Eve that made that blog kind of null and void and by kind of, I mean TOTALLY. And that was rad. So it got me thinking, if I could prophetically magic myself a new years kiss, why cant I magically profess myself a cracking 2017. Stranger things have happened. To give myself a fighting chance at success, it is probably important to go in to 2017 with a bit of a guide to better living. So here it is, my 17, kind of resolution with a hint of life lessons </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">1. Be Kinder to myself - like fuck mate, I'm alright, I just gotta start believing it. We put some much emphasis on what other people think about us when really at the end of the day no one else really matters. If you need a reminder of how much you have actually grown and improved and become more beautiful go back and look at your Myspace. I am glad to say, the years have been kind to me. Though I still stand by the fact though, that my perm was great. Everyone loves a little bit of curly noodle hair </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">2. Read More Books - I have always been a big reader but for the last 8 months I have been buried in piles of study books and haven't really had much time for normal literature. The end is in sight (hopefully, but I don't want to Jinx it) and when I am all done with my studies I am going to get back in to the books hard, so if you have any recommendations flick them my way </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">3. Stop Chasing People - I joked the other day with The Smile about this and said that I was going to make it one of my New Years Resolutions to stop Harassing him so much and its probably actually something that I should use as a blanket approach to life in the new year. I am forever chasing people for attention, and after a while it gets to your self confidence, I am worth it and if they don't want to take the time to tell me that, then really, why should I bother.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">4. Be more creative - with all my studies my creative endeavours have suffered. I haven't been writing or making Vlogs or colouring in or practicing my knitting that my nan spent so many pain staking hours teaching me. I need to get back to that. So if you can think of any topics you would like me to tackle, please let me know </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">5. Not get so fussed with the little things - If 2016 taught me anything it was that there is a whole heap of shit in the world and a mass of negativity, the more of this you take on, the worse your life is going to be. So I am going to make a conscious effort to not let it affect me </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">6. Go on adventures - this year saw a lot of impulse decisions that turned out to be the best experiences of my year. I guess its kind of like, have car will travel. And travel we will</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">7. Meditate More - kinda hippy and new age but it actually makes a giant difference to my mental state. Breath in through your nose, out through your mouth, rinse and repeat. I got this. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">8. Start Cooking - since living in my share house I have stopped cooking, now that I am going to be alone again soon I am going to get back in to it. I am actually not the worst cook in the world and have managed to get to 33 without giving myself food poisoning (other people have accidentally not been so lucky, sorry about those Chilli Mussels Ikea Flat Pack, I do still feel bad about it)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">9. Stop Looking for Approval - I said to my dad a few months ago "are you proud of me?" and as much as I love him and want him to be proud of me, none of it really matters because I am proud of myself. I have achieved a lot this year through sheer hard work and determination and what any one else thinks of that really should be of no consequence. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">10. Write down a positive EVERY DAY - when I lived with the Hippy House mate we had a happy wall, every day we would write down something good that happened to us or something that made us smile, and every time I walked past the wall I would stop and read all of the positive. Its time to focus on the little thing and the bigger picture will fall in to place</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">11. Buy a new Mattress - I am only making this a guide to better living because I have been saying it for like two years and haven't done it yet. Someone keep reminding me until I do it please... my back will thank you </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">12. Compliment People - a few words can make someones day... and that's a pretty strong power to have. You could create a smile that has a knock on positive effect in the world... that's pretty exciting right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">13. See more live Music - I used to go to gigs nearly every weekend and this year I think I saw one, I miss it and I miss the random people that you meet while you are out. I am going to change that </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">14. Grow some Herbs - mmmm Coriander. MMMMMMMM. And now I have a nice little Balcony to try my hand at Horticulture... pray for me, I am not good at plants </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">15. Tell people that I love them - people are so scared of these words, but you never really know when its going to be the last time you will see someone so I am sure as hell going to tell them I love them. Because I do, and everyone deserves to know that they are loved. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">16. Embrace confrontation - when I was younger I wouldn't back down from a fight, if you had wronged me, I would let you know that I didn't appreciate it, the older that I have gotten the less that is happening and its a pretty scary development. I need to start taking the power back and standing up for myself. Watch out if you cross me, in a nice way of course.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">17. Smile More - pretty much yeah, that's about all I think you need in life. A smile can fix most things and you never really know when someone else needs one. And you know what the best part is, a smile is free</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So lets see how this goes. And I have realised that it doesn't matter if I succeed, its about the effort I put in to making it work. Thanks to everyone who made my 2016 what it was and a thanks in advance to everyone that will make my 2017. I am blessed in the people I have in my life and you are part of my happiest memories. Lets go make some more!!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and 24K Magic Wishes </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">N.B I wanted to do a bit of a reflection on 2016 but I think like most people my 2016 was a bit of a bastard. It was the year for me of confusion and Wasting her time. I haven't seen my family in a year. Its been so long since I got laid that I am actually terrified of it now and all sorts of rubbish just kinda stacked up on me. But through it all I had amazing adventures, made a lot of new friends and came out the other end, a little bit bruised and battered but generally in one piece. I started an amazing new career which I am kicking arse at, met a guy who stole my breath the first time I saw him and gave me faith that things might be ok and that there are still gentlemen in the world (even if I am not with him). This year has had the Mantra of "Every day may not be a good one, but there is something good in every day". And I think I managed to get through most of it without being a jerk... so hey, I guess I was always winning if that was my bench mark. </span></div>
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Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-10800499479081836032016-12-04T21:43:00.001-08:002016-12-04T21:43:53.299-08:00Grope-Nilla - a Year in the Life of a Lonely Vagina <div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So it appears at the start of the year I embarked on a spiritual journey, or at least that's what I am going to call it in and effort to make my situation appear less dire. My name is Kerry and it has been 11 months and 4 days since I had a sex. I am now in the longest drought of my sexual history and let me tell you, that's a strange feeling or phenomenon for someone that could have rightfully been called a slut in her younger days. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But in the essence of truthful story telling, the year didn't start like that. I kicked off the year with some sex. I was thinking, wow this is brilliant, busting a nut in to the new year and starting off right, amazingly great sex with a guy that is so sexy that when he took his shirt off, I exclaimed "oh, get fucked" out loud. This was going to be an indication of the year to come. YES!!!!!! I was going to find my Mojo again and start slaying.... Ha. Ha. Lets all laugh at this one together, how wrong could I have been.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">To be fair though, for the first couple of months I wasn't really interested, coming out of a pretty fucked up relationship meant that I was closed for business. I think I may have even stopped masturbating (Sorry for the drop in Battery sales Bunnings, don't worry though, I poured all that money in to the Sausage Sizzle out the front, so you still had my loyal patronage) and then this dude came along and I was like, yeah this could be a goer, we went on a couple of dates, my Vagina woke up and then he disappeared (and really I still have no bloody idea why, I am sure I will get to the bottom of it one day), but in his wake was a woken dragon with a thirst that needed quenching. So here it is, this is a year without sex...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: meeting a guy and flirting with him and then making an emergency trip to the waxer, you know, just in case </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: Keeping on getting waxed because you are still talking and flirting and maybe its going to happen soon </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: "it" not happening ( well clearly, because otherwise this Blog wouldn't need to be written)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: going on Tinder, not because you want random sex but because you might find a relationship that would enable you to do the sex </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: buying new lingerie to show "That Guy" just because he might be interested </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: buying MORE lingerie because it turns out that he doesn't like red. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: wondering if I actually find someone attractive or is it just their beard that I am attracted to</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: saying no to three separate guys whilst holding out for a guy that you think is special because you don't want to risk jeopardising it (hey guys, that guy appears to be a full stop no go, so like get back in contact with me, or something...) </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: having no one believe that YOU, of all people, cant get laid </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: wondering what the heck is wrong with me and if I may actually be a hideous swamp donkey </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: thinking that maybe I should lower my standards, because sex can just be sex right? And we are now at the stage that beggars probably shouldn't be choosers </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: every man and his dog trying to set you up (shout out to Heathy... I know how hard you have been trying. It will happen one day and when it does, you will be the first one to know) </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A year without sex is: your doctor making a joke when you go to refill your pill prescription, because you live in hope and he is sure that it will happen for you one day. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So that's what the Drought is all about, I get that there are water restrictions but this shit is just out of control. Maybe I might take a new tact next year, plant some drought resistant plants and see if I have more success. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Not Getting any Loving </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">N.B Shout out to that guy, he wins hands down for best sex I have had all year. And yes, technically its the only sex that I have had all year but I feel like he deserves a special mention </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">N.B V2 Giant thanks for everyone who suggested names for this blog. Seriously I spent the whole of last night laughing. There were some very creative suggestions. My personal favourites are listed below </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Debbie Does No One </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">50 Shades of Fuck All </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The Sad Beaver </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Forever Unboned </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Dried up and Crusty - A users Guide </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A Goodyear (from my Aunty Heather.. she always provides the Lols)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">FIngerbang - No dick for Days </span></span><br />
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Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-12295992009459932802016-11-19T15:22:00.001-08:002016-11-19T19:47:03.398-08:00Some thoughts on Modern Day Dating <div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I think that I have mentioned it before, we live in this modern day world full of choice and technology and I am starting realise (or maybe I have known for a long time) that this doesn't really do any favours to those of us that are trying to date. To me, this is modern dating... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... never knowing what the fuck is actually going on and being to scared to ask because you don't want to come across as crazy </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... sitting on "Read" and going silently crazy wondering what you did to upset him</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... joining Tinder even though you think its probably not going to work but feeling desperate enough to give it a go anyway because your time is running out. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... Deleting Tinder a week after you installed it because its not organic and everyone you have met isn't actually 6 ft even when they said they would </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... Reinstalling Tinder a few months later because hey, this time could be different and you're not getting any younger </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... saying no to all other guys because you have feelings for someone and while nothing has happened, you just don't want to risk it in case it does. And this is why, you are currently in the longest drought of your sexual career </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... buying new lingerie, getting a wax and a fake tan and laying yourself on a silver platter only to be turned down. But hey, you look banging so really he is the only one that misses out and sharing a bed is annoying anyway. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... getting waxed every month because it might be lucky this time around and even though it never is, at least someone is touching your vagina, even if it is only to slather you in hot wax</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... having multiple platforms to contact people on and still not getting anything (because <a href="http://gropezilla.blogspot.com.au/2016/07/so-he-hasnt-messaged-you-back.html" target="_blank">he hates you!!</a>) and wanting to contact them but not wanting to seem crazy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is...trying not to be crazy but then being crazy about not being crazy. And actually legit not being crazy until that dude comes on the scene </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is...bomb fire Nudes that you send only to them and forget to save. Its kinda like that scene in Big Daddy "we wasted the good surprise on you". Though thankfully you did save that one amazing underboob shot and now its on Tumblr because hey, sometimes things are just too good to not share </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... making an effort with your head, just in case there is a chance that you might see them. Even if the Chance is like 0.01%. You can't hide your terrible personality but you can kind of try to hide your terrible face. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is...'not looking for anything', and I kind of get that. If you've managed to get to this age without any battle wounds, I don't know that you have really experienced life. But I also think that you cant put your life on hold for ever just out of fear, not every person is them and you deserve to be happy... you just need to try. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... finding out from social media that its over and you're done. No final show downs, just some ghosting and photos with the new partner. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... constantly wondering why you aren't good enough and why it is so easy for everyone else that you know to find partners or get affection. You know you're hideous, but fuck, you're not that bad and you're sure you've got some good qualities in there. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Modern Dating is... having to tell your friends that its another false alarm and they can take the eggs out of the basket now. Or actually not really telling anyone at all, because really there was never anything to tell. </span> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This last couple of months, I have felt pretty much all of these things. Same old story, met a guy, he took my breath away the instant that I saw him without him even realising (I strongly believe that he is one of the special ones) A couple of months of talking and terrible flirting on my behalf and it all came to a head a few weeks ago. I laid my cards on the table and it didn't turn out how I was wanting, but that's cool as well, he isn't looking for anything and I respect him so much for being honest about it. I got sent this the other day and it hit my feels "Even if you go for it and it doesn't work out you still win. You still had the guts enough to head straight in to something that frightened you. That type of bravery will take you places" and you know what, that is 100% correct. I've survived every other set back in life and with each one of these, its taking me closer to the magic that I deserve. How bloody exciting is that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So hold in there my cherubs, its not easy, but I KNOW that one day its all going to be worth it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love and Magic Dreaming </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-49336335937444912442016-11-05T21:40:00.000-07:002016-11-05T21:53:53.528-07:00So its probably time to talk about Physcial Contact <div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Things I Do Well </u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- Making shy people feel uncomfortable</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- Reaching things on high shelves </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- Squirting water out of my mouth in a precision like manner at a target</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- Eating</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- Over thinking simple situations</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Things I do Badly</u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- Drying my back properly when I get out of the shower</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- Co-Ordination, all kinds, every day</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- Having a poker face</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- Putting my underwear on the right way, 7 days a week </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- Physical Contact and Touching</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So there it is, a little snap shot of the good and the bad that occurs in my daily life. But the one I really want to focus on, is the last one, because I am starting realise that it might actually be a bit of a big deal. For me, I have always been pretty bad at people being in my space, I guess I am a kind of a lone shark, but in recent years I have gotten discernibly worse. Long story short, I was the victim of a sexual assault a few years ago and now, I guess I am a bit crazy (well more than I used to be anyway I guess, or maybe a different type of crazy. Anyway crazy). I have gone through extensive counselling and I am most of the time ok, I can function and I am getting on with my life but it has had some knock on effects, like being weird about touching.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have a friend (actually I have quiet a few) and she loves affection and will demand hugs and back tickles from anyone that is around and I envy her freeness with it all. For me its more, oh god, I don't know this person!!! Why are they touching me!!! Or I worry if they hug me, I wont be able to get awa<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">y.<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> And <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I guess </span></span></span></span></span></span></span>a</span>s you can imagine, it makes <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">dealing</span>s with the opposite sex pretty difficult. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If I am honest mostly I just let <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">these interactions</span> happen because I know <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">that its me with the prob<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">lem<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and to most people, <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e</span>se <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">encounters</span> are normal. My head screa<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ms at me to man the panic stations but I am gettin<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">g better at trying to silence it<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and with each </span>bit of contact I am starting to regain som<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e footing.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And to add to all of this, I am a walking contradiction and I know it. I want to be able to touch people and be close to them, and when I have decided in my head that I trust you and I am ok, I am probably going to do little things like put my hand on your arm, or want to hug you when things aren't going so well and to you its not big deal but to me, its huge. I have dropped a big wall to do that, and I kinda hope that you see that. To be honest, I haven't actually figured out the best way to let people know how much it means and I just kinda hope that they can work it out for themselves. </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Facebook memories popped up this <a href="http://gropezilla.blogspot.com.au/2013/10/the-different-kind-of-normal.html" target="_blank">post</a> the other day and while I was reading back I was struck by how much has changed and how far I have come in three years and I am pretty proud of that. Three years ago, I couldn't have anyone touch me and even used to panic when men would look in my direction, and now I am at the point where I want certain people to touch me and that's an exciting advancement. Its all steps in the right direction.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> Some mornings, I wake up and think, today is going to be a day when I am going to destroy the world, all of the molecules and happiness seem to align inside me and I feel unstoppable. I am starting to think that this may be the secret to it all, the answer to all the weirdness and aversion. Its something I am probably going to investigate anyway. So there it is, the problem, the exceptions and hopefully the solution, I guess now we just wait to see what I can build out of this </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love and Touching</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-91334784980284071772016-10-25T19:31:00.000-07:002016-10-25T19:31:13.981-07:00Life, Death and Living Away <div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">These last few weeks have been tough, these last few week have reminded me how far away from "Home" I actually am. My uncle passed away a few week ago after a long and hard battle with Cancer and I wasn't there. This is the first big event that has happened since I moved away from Home and it was a lot harder to deal with that I imagined (even though in all fairness, I knew that it was coming). I felt like a fraud for being upset when I was so far away. But as with all big events and life changes, it got me thinking about the life that I have chosen to live, a million miles away from home </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Living away from your family causes a fair bit of conflict with in yourself. You feel an obligation and a desire to be with them because they are you life, but then you have also created a life for yourself here as well. You always wish that the lives could mix together seamlessly but you are also realistic that, that isn't possible.You miss things, you miss birthdays and parties and births and deaths. People have kids and the kids have no idea that you exist and that's hard.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But with all this, you are also given a glimpse of True Friendship. You will have friends that you can go months or years without seeing and then when you happen to see them again, you can pick right back up where you left off like you have never been gone.And the flip side of that is that you will grow apart from people as well and that ok too. I am a very firm believer that every person that comes in to our life is there to teach us something (or for us to teach them) and when they have done that, its time for them to go on and teach someone else that needs that lesson. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What Facebook portrays is always a little bit different to the way that life may actually be. Don't get me wrong, I love the life I have but its hard sometimes as well. I cant go to my Nans house and sit in her kitchen and cry until I feel better and I just cant pop around to my dads house and eat his cereal and watch cartoons on his couch on a Saturday morning. Living away from home means that you do a lot of things by yourself. I have the most amazing friends in the world that have become my family but even that doesn't replace the love and undying support of Sunday roasts at your Nans. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">When I first decided to move, I came up against a lot of opposition. People didn't want me to go, people didn't believe in me and thought that I would be back in 3 months and a lot of people couldn't understand why I wanted to leave the life I have always known. And here I sit in my favourite cafe 4.5 years later reflecting on the biggest decision I ever made for myself. Before I left, my dad said to me "You're about to do something big, you just need to think about yourself" (and when he got out of the car, I cried harder than I have ever cried) but he was right, the only way that I was going to get through this and I did get through this is by just thinking about myself. Moving away makes you selfish, but that isn't always a bad thing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Above all, this is the thing that you really need to remember, life doesn't stop. They move forward with you in the back of their thoughts and you do the same. There is never a good time in life for anything, something will always be going on and something will always be tugging at you to stay so you just need to remind yourself that in life, you only have you, so you need to do whats right for you. And just remember, when it all gets to much, home is only a phone call or a flight away. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Missing</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">N.B I was just struck with a scary thought, I am single at the moment but if that was to change I cant imagine getting married anywhere but here in Melbourne.... and I don't really know how my heart should feel about that. Life can still be confusing even when you think that you have it all figured out. On another note though, I guess there is always Bora Bora as a second option. </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-67664320247443087922016-10-01T19:45:00.000-07:002016-10-01T19:45:48.145-07:00Two Best Friends and the Bigger Picture <div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I have been thinking about it a lot lately, about how everything always seems to work out and we manage to land on our feet. I ask myself constantly how I managed to get so lucky in life with the people that are around me. I'm just an average girl who has made a lot of questionable life choices and some how I have managed to come out the other side with all of this. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I have always had trouble letting people in, I saw something recently that stuck with me, it was along the lines of "When I miss you, I will remember the silence that followed" that silence scares me. I'm scared to need people because then when the people are gone (and from experience, they normally go) you are surrounded by the empty silence that is so loud it crushes you. When ever I feel the need to pull away from everything, life has a weird way of giving me the things that I need at the time when I need them most. I found people that made me believe that its ok to let things in. My main two are the polar opposite of each other but some how they give me the balance that I need.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Friend One is the eternal romantic, she believes in fairy tales and happily ever afters. She recently said to me "You are allowed to have things" and while I didn't tell her, I cried because sometimes we just need to be reminded that we deserve more than what we think we do. Friend Two hates men. Thinks Fairy Tales are for kids movies and tells me to not let feelings in to it. She is my ride or die person and would drop everything to be by my side. She shows up when I am needing most to save me from myself.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And then there is me in the middle, that wants to believe in fairy tales but who doesn't expect that they will happen to her. The person that has so many feelings and emotions but tries to squash them away to keep things simple and the me who believes that I don't deserve good things These girls are my voice of reason and my back up to war. They see the good and the light that's in me when I forget that its there and they believe in me to the ends of the earth. I'm hard to love but they can do it without blinking an eye. These women are my warriors and my greatest inspiration. So if you want to step to me, let me remind you, they are behind me wishing bad fortune to your private parts.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And then there is us, as a small part of a bigger picture and its a picture that makes me smile every day. Finding friends as adults can be difficult, with conflicting schedules and changed priorities people drift apart, its just life but sometimes you get lucky enough to find new people that drift in. I moved states and knew no one and now I sit here 4 year later surrounded by the biggest group I have probably ever had.The great thing about these people is how much they genuinely care for each other. There is no ego driven one upping, just pure love and support. We all want to see each other succeed and do everything we can to help each other get there. People ask how you are and they actually want to know the answer. Its a nice feeling to go to sleep with. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I guess this is just a little thank you post to every single one of you for loving me and having my back. In case you didn't know, what we are apart of is something pretty special, and if it wasn't for you, it wouldn't be the same.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Thanks </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">P.S On a sadder note I have also come to realise that friendship is a lot like water. It ebbs and it flows and you are never really sure what it is going to do next. Sometimes it ends like a tidal wave and sometimes the waters rise so slowly that you don't know that its coming until the moment it washes over your feet. And the worst thing is, when this happens you can feel it, you know that hug and that look is going to be the last and things will just never be quiet the same again. This is where the emptiness comes, you're going to hurt and you'll feel like you've lost your left arm because in reality you have. But you will move on, I promise. Those people have just taught you the lessons you needed to learn and they need to go and teach someone else now. And that space they left will be filled with someone new with new lessons, its just the circle of life. Well, that's just my opinion anyway. </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-50787780295480347072016-09-18T05:44:00.001-07:002016-09-18T05:44:24.468-07:0019 Years On.....<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I
have been thinking about this a lot lately, about how people change
over time and how as we grow as people the way that we see the world and
the things that have happened to us in a different light. This year
marks the 19th anniversary of my Dad death, nearly two decade and a
thousand tiny lifetimes. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I sometimes feel like I don't fit in to what societies idea of grief
is. Some days I will admit that I don't think about him, I don't use his
death as an excuse for my failed relationships
and when his anniversary or birthday rolls around I am not a complete
mess that cant function. But none of this means that I don't miss him and
that I don't wish he was here. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When he first got sick I
used to wish that he would die, just because it was so hard to have to
watch him go through what he did. Having to empty the buckets of blood
that he had thrown up and begging him to go to the doctor when he
wouldn't are images that still haunt my dreams. I was so scared always but I didn't feel like I could let it
out. And then he did die and I was full of remorse and regrets. For
years I would lay awake and hate myself for the fact that I hadn't spoken
to him for three weeks or that maybe I hadn't told him enough that I
loved him or for those small moments that I wanted it all to end. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Until recently I was not willing to admit the fact that my dad was a functioning Alcoholic, I was ashamed and didn't want people to think badly of him but ultimately its the truth and its a catalyst
to his death. He died from complications of cirrhosis of the liver,
that nasty thing that happens when you drink to much. He used to run a
bar, drinking was kinda par to the course I guess but he was a man that
took his work home. I think I knew back then that he used to drink a lot
and I didn't understand why he just wouldn't stop, especially after he first got sick. Why keep doing something that was clearly hurting you? I just didn't understand about addiction then. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Alcoholism
has such a bad stigma attached around it and that why its hard for me
to write this, my dad was a good man despite his disease. He loved us,
he treated us like angels and always put us first. At my age, he was a
single dad with two young girls that worked full time to make sure that
we had the best of everything that he could give us. I put myself in his
shoes and I don't know that I could have done it the way that he did
and I take my hat off to him for that. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We
put our parents (or all family elders to some extent) on a pedestal of
how we expect them to behave, but at the end of the day, they are just
people and it has taken me to being this age before I really understood
what that actually meant. Parenting is about sacrifices, your whole life
gets turned upside down and you do the best you can to try and keep
above the water any way possible. Parents make mistakes but it doesn't
mean that they weren't the best version of them that they could be</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I
wish that I had more photos, or videos or anything to help his memory
stay in my head. Sometimes out of know where a smell or a song will pop
up and make me think of him but those moments aren't as sharp as they
used to be. I wonder if my life would be different if he was still here,
but the more I think about it the more I don't think it would be, I
would just have another person cheering me on from the side lines. I
have always been this hard headed independent entity and I think that he
would have been proud of that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And
this is the big thing about losing a parent, life goes on, life always
goes on. We owe it to them to keep going, to be the best version of us
that we can be, because they gave us the best version of them that they
could. Its really that simple. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love and Heavy Words </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-40044806909020983602016-08-27T23:43:00.000-07:002016-08-27T23:43:06.196-07:00Why Dating is Awkwardly Terrifying<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I am getting to the age now where I am among the dwindling number of fabulously single and the only way to become unsingle is to date and as we all know dating is terrifying and awkward. There are so many things to take in to account when it comes to modern day dating that it can leaving your head spinning and wondering if it is even worth the effort (for me the jury is still out on this one). I know some people seem to get dates and relationships easily but for me it has always been a bit of an uphill battle and here are some of the reasons why </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Food Noises - I like to think that I am a pretty patient and tolerant person and for the most part I am. That is until it comes to food noise. As Urthboy puts it, when I see that red flag I am like a bull to the Matador. What if I go on a date with someone and they chew with their mouth open and then I stab them and then I go to jail?? Its going to be pretty hard to find a boyfriend in jail. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">How many people is he dating? - I am a one man women, I have always been that way. If I like you, I like you and I will give you my attention until you don't like me anymore (or I don't like you if that may be the case) but from my experiences of modern dating I may be alone in this dating theory. What if I start going on Dates with someone and at the same time he is dating 3 other women. I don't want that, I'm not a jealous person but I want to be the centre of attention. Whats wrong with that? </span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://18674-presscdn.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/man-with-lots-of-womeniStock_000007528275_Medium.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://18674-presscdn.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/man-with-lots-of-womeniStock_000007528275_Medium.jpg" height="219" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">How much of your real self do you reveal - I'm odd, no ifs buts or maybes, I am an acquired taste, when you are first dating someone you want them to get a good impression of you so they come back for more, but how much of me should I show them. Its like, yeah this is all of me and its probably better that you know what you are getting yourself in to from the start, but in doing that, you give them a great excuse to run away. We should pour the crazy out in little trickles, I get that, but sometimes my crazy has ideas of its own. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What shoes do you wear - I am a self proclaimed Shoe Pimp, I judge people on their shoes so it only seems natural that people are going to judge me on mine as well. That's why when it comes to picking the shoes for a date its more important than actually picking the outfit, no lie, I will base my whole outfit around the shoes that I want to wear. Do you pull out the Big Guns straight out, are they worth your favourite Jordan 5's or should you ease them in with a lower level shoe to give yourself some room for impressing later (I wore a beater pair of AM90s a few weeks ago and he rocked up in a fresh pair of AM90s and my AM90 clad feet felt shame that I hadn't upped my game but in fairness I didn't know that I had finally found a worthy opponent) There is a science to shoe picking but it appears that I haven't got that science totally figured out yet. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Do you Kiss? - As an avid reader of romance novels I know that the first kiss is important, it is something that you want to be able to reminisce about for years to come, so you want to make it good. I am socially awkward and have always made to mess up the first kiss, Ill keep talking or start laughing or not know that you are actually possibly trying to kiss me. I THINK a guy tried to kiss me recently and I got so flustered that I told him he was hugging me with his arms in the wrong position. Way to ruin the moment idiot.... clearly that kiss didn't happen. Now I am starting to wonder if there is actually such a thing as a perfect first kiss. I feel like the movies have lied to me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What if they are a fussy eater - My mumma did raise me to be a good eater, she would feed us weird things out of dog bowls when we small and as such I have grown in to an adult that is willing to try almost anything. My idea of living hell would be to find a man that is all about meat pies, Kebabs and no fruit or vegetables. What if the guy I like is like that? Can I see myself falling in to these routines for the rest of my life? Is it worth even going on the date? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">When is it ok to be excited by the new date? - The below meme is my spirit animal. It is the story of my long and arduous dating life. I meet a guy, we have a few amazing dates, I get excited and talk about him to my friends (sorry friends) and then just like that, BANG, its done. Then you have to tell people that nope, this one was a false alarm as well. After how many dates is it ok to be excited and think that there could be a possibility of the dates turning in to dating? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Will they actually be as tall as what they say they are? - In the last week I have come to the realisation that Tinder 6ft is entirely different to real life 6 ft. I am the first to admit that I am a bit of a heightist. I like my men tall big and burley, and if you tell me that you are 6ft, I am expecting a 6ft man to rock up. Not a man that is 5'10 on a good day. When women said that size doesn't matter, in this incidence they are lying. I want my kids to play basketball and cant risk mating with you just in case they come out short.... you understand right? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">How do you deal with the small world connections? Social Media is a thorn in my side sometimes, while it brings us closer to people we care about, it can also highlights past misdemeanours. That whole, People you May know things could have the potential to open up a whole can of worms. A guy you hooked up with is now showing in the "People you May Know" section because he is mates with the guy you are currently crushing on. Melt Down stations and epic stalking to find out how good a friend they actually are. Does the bro code still come in to it when its been years and years and it was only one night? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What topics can you fill the awkward silences with? When there are awkward silences I tend to fill them with stories about myself because I get nervous (and maybe because my stories are hilarious and I like the sound of my own voice) but I am always worried that this could come across as being arrogant and full on and I don't really want that. I try to go in to every date with a list of topics that I could bring up to help stimulate conversation but then when I get there I forget them and end up going back to story time. Is it wrong to tell them to take a knee or can I bring flash cards?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Am I steam rolling them with my plans - I am the kind of person that needs to know whats happening and what plans have been made. I get stressed if times aren't set and if things are aimless. I am an efficient dating machine and I expect the same in return. People that are indecisive are generally steam rolled by me because if they don't make up their minds I am going to make it up for them, that's just the way that my life goes and maybe that isn't a great thing. I don't want people to think that I am bossy and inflexible, because that's only partly true. If you come up with a good idea and a plan, awesome, we will run with it, but if you don't, we are doing what I want. You have been warned. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Who pays? - My dad always raised me to believe that Women should pay for themselves and I know that this kinda goes against the ethos of chivalrous dating. Lots of girls just go on date to get free food and I am not ok with this, there is no such thing as a free meal. I always wonder if they are only paying for me because they are wanting something back from it, or because society tells them that they should or are they paying for me because they genuinely want to? I have been trying really hard to be gracious and thankful when it happens and I am getting better. But a little point for guys, if a girl is willing to pay, let her once in a while. She needs you to know that she is happy to contribute and she doesn't expect things from you (well that's the way that I feel about it anyway)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So there is it, the reason that its awkward and terrifying trying to get yourself off the shelf. Add to that the money, the time and personal grooming that is required to date and you can fully understand why people avoid it at all costs. On the flip side though I am starting to realise that every date could actually be an investment in my future, sure today its coffee but in 50 years it may be rocking chairs with the same person, you just never know. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">With Love and Dating Dilemmas </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">P.S I know for my frequent followers you will be like "but you said you were off Tinder" and I was and I am again, but recently I went on a few dates that ended in a "What the fuck happened" kinda scenario and my confidence took a bit of a dive as a result of that, as a way of moving past this I decided to give Tinder another crack. I collected me a few Pokemen to chat to and haven't been back on it since. Though this time around I bit the bullet and actually said yes to meeting up.... such a rebel I am. </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-52157757502094412762016-08-16T05:54:00.000-07:002016-08-16T06:22:21.362-07:00The A to Z of things you might not know about Miss K <div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">A</span>llergies - When you are admitted to hospital and you have allergies they give you a red band to highlight that you are a bit special. When ever anyone hospitally comes to talk to you, they ask you what your name, DOB and allergies are. No worries mate, well that is if you have normal allergies, most of mine are pretty common. Latex, Nickle, Lanolin, Nuts but then I have a really fucking stupid one that makes everyone go WHAT!! That's right folks, I am allergic to wood. Only 0.08% of the population is allergic to wood and I happened to find myself in that elite group. I always wanted to be exceptional, but this wasn't really what I had in mind. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">B</span>s and Ds - nope, not talking about boobs, little known fact, when I was younger I was really bad at spelling. Like really bad, to the point where I had to write bed on the top of all my tests so that I wouldn't get my Bs and Ds mixed up. I don't know what happened by one day it just clicked and I kick arse in the language stakes now. (And if you must know, they are DD/E)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">C</span>lumsy - My ex always used to joke that he should wrap me up in Bubble Wrap to keep me safe because I am a bit accident prone and hurt myself in stupid ways, if something is going to happen its going to happen to me. I broke my knuckle by a swinging spanner, my nose with a socket wrench (I know about the release button now thank goodness) and just the other day when I was getting a massage the massage table tipped upside down while I was on it. Honestly you wouldn't read about half this stuff. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">D</span>epression - I am not to proud to say that I have suffered from it, and in pretty heavy bouts more than once. Its something that is always simmering under the surface and has the potential to tip the scales at the smallest thing. I have had crippling anxiety and there were times when I couldn't leave my house. Because of this I am a huge advocate for Mental Health. There is no shame in admitting that you need help and reaching out could save your life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">E</span>xcitement - I get excited about a lot of things, to the point where when I smile my eyes disappear. Fireworks and sunsets and dogs with fluffy tails and especially inflatable waving arm men, they are my most favourite. I like to see the silver lining in life, my mum always says that I was a happy child, I like to be a happy adult as well. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">F</span>rances - This is my middle name, when I was younger i was strangely embarrassed about it, but as I have grown up it not really an embarrassment. Its a name that was carried by family members before me and if I ever have kids, a name that I will likely pass on to them as well. Little traditions can give you a sort of belonging... or something. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">G</span>lasses - I have worn glasses since I was about 8 years old, I need them to see, Like legit, without them I can see about 20 cm in front of me. I was always really shy about wearing them out and having my photo taken because years of being teased as a child must have had a knock on effect to me being an adult. Really it is a stupid shyness to have though, the sexy librarian gets a lot of guys so I have heard. Also with them being more main stream and people wearing glasses just for the fun of it the taboo has lifted. Kissing whilst wearing glasses is still a pain in the arse though, all those nose smudges on the lenses, not that I do kissing these days, but if I did.... you get the picture </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">H</span>orses - No Thanks Mate. Everyone has their irrational fear, and this is mine. When I was small a horse bolted with me on the back of it, and then over the years I have tried to give them other chances and they have always just turned out to be giant jerks. So if you are thinking of taking me on some romantic date, please, I beg you, take Horse Riding off the list.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I</span>ndependent - I have always been this way, if you want something done, you are best to do it yourself. I lived alone for a long time, I know basic home repairs and can fix a car like no ones business. It has been going on so long that I forget how to let people in and that I don't need to do it all by myself. Its something that I have to work on, and I am trying. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">J</span>apan - I have been there a couple of times and it floored me. From the food to the friendly people to how beautiful and their architecture was, I fell in love. The Japanese culture has been a part of my life for a long time, so thank you Japan. You are awesome and you make amazing cars. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">K</span>ookaburra - one time when I was small and eating a piece of steak a Kookaburra swooped down and ripped my nose off. Well not entirely off but off enough to make me need a band aid. Funnily enough though, I am actually still really fond of birds (and steak, did some body say Steak?).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">L</span>ove - You could say that I am unlucky in love and you would be right, but instead of making me bitter and hating the world it has done the opposite. I love love, I live for love and nothing makes me happier than seeing people that I love being loved. I am coming to the age where everyone I know is getting married and having kids and this explodes my heart for them because they deserve happiness and to feel all the love in the world. Keep loving each other people, you make my heart smile and I am excited about the one day when someone is going to love me that way as well. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">M</span>usic - It is pretty much my everything. I have no musical talent but I don't like silence so I am all about other peoples music. Sometimes I cry when I watch people playing piano, this morning on the way to brunch I was listening to Neil Diamond and Kesha with a bit of Elvis thrown in for good measure and you bet your bottom dollar that I was singing to all of it at the top of my lungs!!!! I am bad at singing but I do it anyway, because YOLO.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">N</span>ike - I don't know if it was ever a conscious decision to start collecting shoes, it just kinda happened. I got my first pair and then found others that I liked and it grew and grew and grew. I became known for my shoes and on Casual Fridays I used to have people coming to my desk just to see what I was rocking. I have lined up for Shoes even.... jesus, who have I become. Well actually I haven't become anyone, I was always this way, just now this way comes with much cooler kicks</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">O</span>pinionated - I always laugh at the Meme that says "Some things are better left unsaid, but I am going to say them anyway" and that kind of has become the unwitting moto for my life. I try hard to keep my onions to myself but when I feel passionate about something, it seems to spew forth from my mouth. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">P</span>erfume - Do you know how some people just had a smell? For me that smell is Ralph Lauren - Romance. I have worn it since I was 18 so I guess by now, 15 years later you could say that it is my signature fragrance. See, like I mentioned in L, I love love and everything around love. Ever fragrances of the same kind. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Q</span>uiet - I am this loud confident person in public but in private I love the quiet and the still. I am an introverted Extrovert and this means that my head wars with itself a lot. I need time away to get myself together before I can tackle the next bout of life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">R</span>omance Novels - No Shame here, but I love me a bit of trashy romance. It gives me an unrealistic hope that one day someone will put up with my shit and say that they love me. That's a pretty exciting prospect and he a bit of unadulterated literary sex never hurt anyone </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">S </span>- An S13 Silvia name Stella - she is my proudest achievement and also my biggest regret. I got her as a stock little thing and turned her in to the Diamond that she ended up being. Until the day that I die, I will regret selling her because the day that she left, I lost a tiny little bit of my heart </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">T</span>rains - about 4 months ago I decided that I wanted to be a train driver, 3 months ago I became a trainee train driver. Toot Toot mother fuckers. This just goes to show that you can do what ever you put your mind to (and when your mind isn't in it, you can do what ever your friends believe that you can do. Thanks friends)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">U</span>nderwear, its is a necessary evil but I bloody hate it. The minute that I am home it comes off, my skin needs to breath. But the flip side of that is that for someone that doesn't like underwear, I certainly have a whole heaps of it. I am easily fooled by the marketing that I will be more attractive if I wear Lingerie and it strangely works. I have this new theory that if I am wearing sexy underwear I do better in my exams. For every exam I have worn lovely little lace things and have scored 98% + and the day that I wore some boring old cotton tails I got 90%. There has to be some science to that I am sure. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">V</span>ulgar - I was tossing up between Vulgar and Vagina but then I realised that by mentioning my vagina that would actually be vulgarity. I have a potty mouth but I am trying to improve on that. Also cutting down on the sexual connotations, sure I still giggle but I am working on that as well </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">W</span>asley - That's who I am. A few years ago I went through a really rough break up and my sister posted a nice photo of us on my Facebook with the sentence saying "You will get through this because you are a Wasley and its what Wasleys do" and she is 100% right. I am a Wasley and I can get through anything. **</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">X</span>-Rays - Tie this one in with being Clumsy I guess but I have had a truck load of XRays, on everything. My Feet (fractures in my toes), Hands (Broken knuckle and Boxers bone) My Hip (chips off the top of my hip bone from an ice skating stack) My Spine (crocked cause life) My Face (hair line fracture in my cheek bone) and probably more that are slipping my mind at the moment. I should have kept them all and then turned them in to Venetians for my Volvo </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Wagon that I want</span>(ohhhhh that totally could have been my V word... shit. Next time). I think I read that in a book once and have wanted to do it every since </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Y</span>oungest - I have an older sister, there is just the two of us. I have always been an emotional person, she used to get people coming up to her at school saying "your sister is crying AGAIN" and as much as she hated it, she probably felt like she should protect me and look after me. I really do appreciate that. Even if we used to (and sometimes still do) fight and hate each other. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Z</span>oos - yeah it appears that I am scraping the bottom of the barrel to fund something for Z but I do like Zoos, true story. Seeing that horses and dates are out of the picture, I would be happy with a date to the Zoo to see other kinds of animals. Because animals are rad. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So there it, an alphabet of information that took you time to read that you wont get back, You're welcome</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">** When I was younger I got some pretty bad tattoos, I don't regret them because they were part of my tattooed journey but I can say that the pick and sticks weren't the best. Anyway I got this rad dragon tattooed on my lower back (as all 18 year old girls did back in the year 2001) and to add on to it, I got Wasley written next to it, except it looked more like it said Wasted and the wings of the Dragon spelt sex when you looked at it from the side and covered up its body.... so now all we can think of when we talk about my old tattoos is the Wasted Sex Dragon..... not very Wasley like, had a bit of wasted sex in my time, but sadly I have never been a Dragon </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-63668165945333866232016-08-06T20:52:00.000-07:002016-08-06T20:52:35.376-07:00The Friend Zone and Other Things<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I got approached about writing a post on the Friendzone the other night and I thought FINALLY something that I have had a lot of experience in. Actually I am starting to think that my whole life has just been a Contiki Tour around the Friend Zone, complete with too much drinking and a case of Contiki Cough (or Chlamydia if you were super unlucky). Is it because I am too quick to develop feelings for someone, or the fact that I am some sort of hideous creature like Quasimodo that is still searching for my Esmeralda? Lets investigate this</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Am I too nice? - Yeah look, I can hear some of you scoffing about this because there is no two ways about it, I am a bit of a cunt, but deep down I am actually a pretty decent person. It might be deep deep down but it is still in there. A few years ago I worked a brief stink in recruitment and while I was doing all the right things, I couldn't get the conversions because apparently I am to nice and it really easy to say no to me. It appears that this has spilled out in to my dating life. I will ask for something, you will say no and I will say, oh ok instead of grabbing you by the horns and forcing you to do what I want. Maybe I need to work on that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Am I too cool? - you don't want to ruin the friendship by saying yes to our bits touching... or something. I know I am cool, I am fun and I have great stories and I probably say what everyone wants to but are to scared to, but if I am out of the friend zone I probably wont change that much. I will say the inappropriate things and then get back to making you a sandwich. You would be living the best of both worlds. Because really, think about it, if I am this much fun out of the sheets, just imagine what I am like in the sheets (actually probably don't imagine because you might just be let down if it was to even eventuate)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Am one I of the guys? - I like cars and beer and sport and that's cool, but the draw back of that is that I think maybe the boys forget that I have boobs and womanly urges. Maybe they are like me, if I don't think about a guy romantically, to me,you are all just Ken Dolls and have plastic pants and no bits. Is this the way they see me?? A Barbie Doll with a perfect body and no facilities for fun? Am I like an A Sexual Worm? Fuck </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I was too quick to agree to hitting the sheets - This one was more so back in the day than in modern times but I used to fall in to bed with guys I had crushes on knowing full well that would probably be the end of it and I would be back in the Zone quickly but hey, attention was attention. These days I never actually sleep with anyone so maybe there needs to be some middle ground. When is the right amount of time to know someone before you sleep with someone? Is there a special formula that I don't know about? Someone help me. I always used to joke when I was younger that my Vagina was actually Pandora's Box, guys would fall in to it and never come out, but it appears that it might have lost its power </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Do they even know that I am trying to get out? - This one kind of goes hand in hand with being too nice, but I am starting to think that I might actually be really bad at giving signs. What is a big deal to me (think touching or cuddling or just being in someones space) is actually pretty normal for most people. I make these big grand gestures that can be overlooked for the fact that any girl likes to cuddle. Jesus when will the world realise that I am not just any girl (If I could put an emoticon in here, it would be the one of the monkey covering its eyes, so you'll just have to use your imagination). I tried to get out of the friendzone with a mate late last year by draping myself all over him in a drunken stupor, his remark to all of our friends was "check her out, laying all over me". That didn't work out so well for me, but I am actually happy that it didn't, hind sight hey. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I talk about other boys and whats going on - I am the queen of self sabotage, ask my best friend Vic, if there were medals for it, I would certainly win something. One day she asked me if I was dropped as a child.... I actually wish I was because then it could explain my behaviour, I will be making headway in getting up the Friend Zone slope and then I will panic and do something dumb like making out with someone else AND THEN reporting it back to the guy. Stupid Hey. He was probably warming to the idea of us as a thing and then I go and tell him about a thing with someone else and he backs off. Its really a vicious cycle. I did it because I liked him, he took it as a sign that I didn't like him. I am not saying that it makes sense because it most certainly doesn't but its just what I do ok. Yo, future Kerry, learn to shut your mouth for once. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Am I too available? I am sure the saying treat them mean keep them keen could possibly play some part in this equation, but I was never really good at the mean bit. If my "Friend" is wanting to hang out and do things I will petty much drop all that I am doing to hang out with them because what if this is the one time that could change their mind about me? But probably in reality it isn't and they just now expect me to always be there and the mystery is gone. I should probably get a Friend Zone Sponsor, if I want to rush to his side, I can call this friend and she will talk me down for the ledge.... prevention is better than cure. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Do I put them in the Friendzone First? As mentioned above, I am a bit retarded in matters of the heart so it is entirely plausible that I give off the impression of Friendzoning First. I joke and call them mate and this would actually give them the wrong idea. I found out today that there is a big difference between calling someone a friend and calling someone a mate. Apparently if you call someone a friend it means that you are wanting to bang.... apparently, who knew. Who knew? So from now on, maybe I should just call everyone friend so that I can keep my options open.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Am I actually really hideous and wanting to go above my station? More and more I am starting to think that this actually might be the case, but then I take a bomb selfie and change my mind. I ain't bad for an ageing vintage, Just gotta find a connoisseur that is willing to acquire me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Don't worry, I fully see the irony of this post and to anyone that is reading this that I have Friend Zoned, I am sorry, it is the circle of life of guess. One day you are Simba in the Pride Lands and the Next you are the Pride Lands that are being Ruled by Scar. Being in the Friend Zone is tough at the most normal of times but couple that with having a Vagina and a Gamete of female emotions and you are pretty much fucked. As women we like to look in to things too deeply and dissect every interaction to try and find the hidden meaning of it. Its like, I know he is saying this, but his actions are saying this, so Hooray, he likes me. Most of the time he doesn't though. You just need to find your map and get back in to the Friend Zone where you belong. I realise that now </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Zoning Laws</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">P.S Sorry about all the Disney References. I watched Inside Out last night so I am in a bit of a Disney Mood. Disney is kinda like the Simpsons, you can apply it to any aspect of your life and it just makes sense. Also I will admit that I have never seen the Hunchback of Notre Dam and had to look it up on Google to find out who his love interest was.... actually I don't even know if they do fall in love. I hope so because it will give hope to little Quasimodo me. </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-12700801614425873352016-08-06T02:14:00.000-07:002016-08-06T02:14:27.325-07:00Fuck My Beauty Standards <div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The other day while getting ready for a massage I came to a revelation about my body and if I am honest its probably something that should have happened a long time ago. I am 95% (because 100% would leave no room for improvement) happy with the skin that I am in, even though society tells me that I probably shouldn't be. I was trying to pick the perfect knickers to wear and on looking down I realised that I have a pretty great bum. It may not be rock hard and looks more like a rockmelon than a watermelon, but it is mine and it is the way it is because of the life experiences that I have had. We've lived a good life, my arse and me, and here is what we think. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So much of how we view ourselves comes down to how we think that other people view us. I was chatting with a guy the other night and as so many of these
young ones do, he asked for Nudes and to entice me to send him some, he
sent me a couple of torso shots and I was blown away, this kid was in a good shape,
like great shape and I was gob smacked and instantly instead of wanting
to send him something back I retreated in to myself and decided that next to
that, my body was not worthy of attention. I was making a decision for him, I decided that I wasn't good enough and wouldn't really listen to what he had to say even when he tried to convince me otherwise... the human brain is pretty stupid, I talked myself out of the compliments that were probably coming. Why would he be asking for nudes if he didn't find me attractive? The thought that I wasn't good enough even overruled the fact that I gave up sending nudes to people years ago.... stupid brain. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Its not easy being a women and having these preconceived ideas on beauty being thrown at us through the media and as much as we would like to think that it doesn't affect us, it really does. Recently I went on a few dates with this amazing guy and I was really excited about the prospect that it could be something, when he stopped contacting me, one of the first things that crossed my mind was that it must have been because I wasn't pretty enough or skinny enough for him. That really is the most preposterous thought, he had spent time with me previously so he knew what I was about, why do we so quickly jump in that direction and blame ourselves for not being enough. We discount everything else about ourselves that is great (like my eyes, or my personality or my superior joke telling ability) and let it be over ruled by how much we weigh and what we think people think of us. What is wrong with us? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">If I was to describe my ideal man to you, he would be tall, chubby,
bearded and tattooed. I like Chubby Men, I have always liked Chubby Men,
to me they are gods perfection, so with this in mind does it not also
make sense that there are men out there that like Chubby Women. I am
tall, chubby and tattooed (I have been working on the bearded but sadly
no matter how hard I try I cant seem to get that one) so why cant I be
gods perfection as well?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I follow a lot of plus Size Models on Instagram and I always look at
them and think about how beautiful they are and I would always wish that I had the same
confidence as them and then I realised that there is no reason
that I cant. </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I always used to worry about being single at this age because my "Prime" was behind me, my body isn't as tight and perky as 18 year old Kerry's body and that made me upset because my great love would be getting the watered down version, but then I got thinking, why cant now be my prime. Its not so much about what you look like or what you used to look like but its how you hold you self. There is a line in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory where Willy Wonka is being accosted by one of the little girls and he turns to her and says "Well, Confidence is Key" and I am going to make that my Mantra. And while my body may not be as taunt and terrific as it used to be, my face has certainly improved, and that's mostly what the world sees anyway so I'm taking that as a win. You're welcome world, you're welcome </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I am able to look at this situation from both angles, I have been skinny and believe it or not I hated it. A few years ago I went through a pretty nasty break up and my body suffered because of it. I dropped 30kg in about 3 months and everyone was saying how great I looked but when I looked in the mirror I was so unhappy. At first I wasn't sure if it was because I hated the reason for the weight loss or I actually hated what I saw and I am now starting to realise it was probably the latter. My ribs stuck out, my hips jutted and I had lost all the soft that I liked and realistically I looked like a bobble head. It was terrifying to me. I look back on photos and feel ill because of it. Sure I fit in to societies idea of skinny beauty but I went against what I felt to be beautiful.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I have friends that are fabulously skinny and work out and limit their
life styles so that they can have their perfect bikini body and I
support them totally, they are being happy with the skin that they are
in as well, they are just doing it in a different way to me. I like
going to the gym, I enjoyed boxing and being fit and strong but I also
enjoy going out and eating and spending times with my friends without
limitations, that to me is the balance. There is no right or wrong answer on what you think is beautiful or how you want your body to be. Be happy with what you've got or change it until you are, but only do it because you want to and not because society tells you that you should. To me you are all beautiful and perfect, true story. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Thunderous Thighs</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">P.S Turns out that my Underwear for my massage was the least of my problems, to say it was a disaster is maybe the understatement of the year. I ended up with 2nd Degree Burns from a Malfunctioning rain shower and bruises and a bang on the head when the massage table we were using flipped and catapulted me to the heavens. When I got over the pain I was thankful that I had chosen the black lace Brazilian cut panties because I am sure the Masseuses would have been thankful they were something pretty as my arse went cartwheeling past her face. Its ok to laugh, I certainly did when the pain stopped. </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-9487113567540192682016-07-30T18:41:00.000-07:002016-07-30T18:41:08.954-07:00How good is travelling alone?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Since starting my new job (I am becoming a Train Driver, not even kidding) I have been doing nothing but studying and the occasional bout of eating so when our first holiday period rolled around to say I was excited for the break was an understatement. We live in this magically beautiful country and now I have a car I am set to explore, and explore I did. If you are an avid reader of my blog you would know that I have a tendency towards the loner side of life, and this has its positives and especially positives when it comes to traveling alone, so here they are, the goodness that is solo road tripping </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">There is never any fighting over music - I have amazing (Questionable) taste in music, my Ipod kinda looks like Spotify had a hard night on the booze and vomited everywhere and you know what, that's pretty rad. I always say that I don't pick the music, the Ipod does so you never really know what you are going to get. You can guarantee though, when it throws up some Hanson or Kenny Rogers, I am going to bring the house down with my singing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">No one has to see you being unfit - I headed down to the Great Ocean Road and there was a lot of walking. Like I am relatively fit, not running marathons fit, but walking around the block without puffing fit, but I was tested. I walked in to Hopetoun Falls, easy walk in, down about a km but then getting back up, holy fuck. I honestly thought I was going to die, I was huffing and puffing and despite the 8 degree weather I stripped off all my layers to cool down and then when I finally got to the top I had to have a rest in my car before I could drive. That would have been embarrassing if anyone had have seen me, lucky I was all by myself and the only people that had to bare witness to my imminent heart attack were the park workers that I would never see again. Easy </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You don't have to share the Couples Wine or Chocolate - I booked my Accommodation using Scoop On and it turned out to be cheaper for me to book a couples retreat than it would have been to book a Singles Holiday. As part of my package I got a King Size Bed, some local chocolates and a bottle of wine. And, because I was there by myself I didn't have to share with anyone. It was a pretty magical experience for me (read magical as Drunk intersected with Hilarious conversations with my Kiwi mate from Perth) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Fluffy Towels and Pillow Forts - Along the same thread as the above point, in fancy accommodation you get robes and fluffy towels and enough pillows to build a fort. I had a new towel every day, it didn't matter that I dropped wine and cheese all over my robe because I had a ready replacement and I really didn't need someone there to cuddle me because I had enough pillows to build myself a cocoon. It was soft,warm and fluffy. Amazing. (Though if I am really honest, the pillows weren't to my liking and my old lady back was protesting a bit)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You Don't Need to Speed Read - I am a bit of a history nerd and I live for all those trivial facts about wall paper or building blocks or what ever may be the subject of the day. I read all the plaques and then see what they reference so as you can imagine going to a museum or tourist attraction with me can be a bit of a time consuming experience. I always feel like I should read quickly and get going so that my companion doesn't get bored... but when I travel alone, its all me baby. I can read and ponder and read again and no one can tell me different. That shit is great. I feel smarter because of it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I'm the Boss - I can do what I want, when I want and no one is there to tell me not to. If I want to spend the whole day sleeping, I can, if I want to stop at 15 inlets in a row, I can, if I don't feel like eating a proper breakfast and want to eat chocolate instead, I can. See how magical that can be. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Selfie Sticks are Great - I have done a bit of traveling by myself and always struggled with taking those cheesie holiday snaps because my arms just weren't long enough, but since the invention of the selfie sick, all my problems have disappeared. I will admit that I don't actually own one because owning one comes with some amount of shame but I borrowed one and it was legit brilliant. Hey this is me at the Apostles, This is me getting blown off a light house and this is me standing in a cave. BRILLIANT </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">From the list above, I have pretty much sold you on Solo Travel haven't I? But in the essence of giving you a fair picture, it does have its draw backs as well, so lets just gloss over those quickly </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sometimes you feel a bit lonely because you are doing something amazing and have no one to remark to, I just talk to myself, That works as well. </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Its hard to take trashy tourist photos, this is why I love traveling with my sister best because she will happily do stupid shit like getting in the mouth of a dinosaur of laying down in the middle of the street just to get that perfect photo. I don't really know how I would ask someone to take a photo of me riding on top of a giant clay elephant. It could be weird .</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="https://fbcdn-photos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-0/p206x206/21188_10151375739101780_1681946850_n.jpg?oh=c436355ce7eb209c9d72be65ab722c83&oe=58235977&__gda__=1477677130_176e8521fab98094ac5f0d80785bb496" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://fbcdn-photos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-0/p206x206/21188_10151375739101780_1681946850_n.jpg?oh=c436355ce7eb209c9d72be65ab722c83&oe=58235977&__gda__=1477677130_176e8521fab98094ac5f0d80785bb496" /></a></span></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">People will look at you funny when you say you are alone - Before I left I was telling my friends where I was going and one of them repeated to his girlfriend "she is going alone" when I told him that I was. I guess most people don't understand the beauty of solo travel. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">No one to share the driving - In three days I did 1200km and I was pretty wrecked at the end of it. It would have been nice to be able to share that with someone so that I could have taken a moment to stare out the window at the amazing passing scenery. Its kinda hard to look at breath taking ocean cliffs when you are worried that you are going to drive off the edge of them. You know how it is. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">People will Judge you for having a selfie stick - I don't think this one actually applies if you are an Asian, and despite my clearly slanty tiny eyes, I am most certainly not Asian so people probably judge me harshly when I am smiling at my stick. Pfft to them I say, you gotta do what you gotta do. Simple. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">That's a pretty top heavy list I think, so if you haven't thought about it before, I would really recommend taking some time out to go on an adventure by yourself, you could be amazed what you find, the people you could meet and the sights that you could see </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Adventures </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-45877036347010881852016-07-22T22:04:00.000-07:002016-07-22T22:04:29.361-07:00So he hasnt messaged you back?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would like to curse modern technology, it has come in to this world and while it makes things easier it also makes some things a lot harder and a lot more confusing. Like Dating, that's one thing that has been fucked up by modern technology. We now live in a society of instant gratification and if we don't hear back from our significant other or latest crush with in the hour, pretty much the sky is falling and all hell is breaking loose. Don't worry girls, you are not alone in your insecurity and all girls have been there at least once while waiting to hear back... and in this time we let our imaginations run wild as to what is actually going on. Here are some reasons that we come up with as to why he hasn't texted back </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u><b>The Reasons you give yourself on to why he hasn't texted Back</b></u> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Because your world is about to end, you think of all the little minor details of things that you could have possibly done wrong and that's the reason that you haven't heard from him. You are the Reason, you are always the reason. WHY CANT YOU STOP BEING THE REASON!!!!!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You accidentally farted while you were out with him and while it was super quiet and discreet, he totally heard and now he hates you </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He has finally realised that you are not a size 8 Playboy model and he hates you </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He thinks you are too clingy and he hates you </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You are too tall and your hands are too large and he has just realised this and he hates you </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You remember that time you went out and put on a rushed face so your left wing wasn't as good as your right wing and he noticed and he doesn't want no girl that has misshapen eyes... and he hates you </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He is too busy texting the 50 other girls he knows because he hates you </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You like your steak Medium well and he likes his Steak Rare, it was never going to work and he hates you</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He figured out that one time many years ago you made out with one of his friends and now he hates you </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He likes girls with Dark Hair and you have blonde hair and now he hates you </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He remembers the time you accidentally squirted lemon in his eye while you were eating Pho and he doesn't want to hang out with someone that is so clumsy and he hates you </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Maybe he died.... from hating you </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He hates you </span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u><b>The Reason You Best Friend Gives you on why he hasn't texted you back </b></u></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(because of course she is being kept up to date with the situation and counting the minutes with you since you heard from him last. Its her job to try and cushion the blow and keep you calm and possibly even giving you false hope and mostly you love her for it) </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He really likes you but he is overwhelmed and doesn't know how to deal with it </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Guys are shit </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You haven't done anything wrong, he is just busy. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Maybe he lost his phone</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">he is probably just sleeping </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Maybe he hates you (disclaimer: they never say this, but maybe they should) </span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u><b>The Actual Reason he Hasn't Texted You Back</b></u></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Because he actually might have a reason, and all this hate is probably unwarranted. Boys and Girls are different creatures remember. And maybe they just don't realise that they are being perceived to be playing games. Silly Boys) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u><b> </b></u></span></div>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He thinks "She didn't ask me a question in that message so I don't need to reply to it" </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He simply has nothing else he needs to say</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He isn't interested but doesn't know how to let you down gently</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He forgot (heck, we are all guilty of this one, you think that you reply and then you open your inbox and bam, a message from your mum from three days ago is sitting in there waiting for a reply) </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He is sleeping </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He hates you </span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So guys, if you are reading this, just put her out of her misery and throw her a text. Even if it is just to say "Oi Slut, fuck off, I am not interested and Yes I am seeing other girls. Bye Felicia", girls appreciate honesty and mostly they weren't crazy until you came along with your penis voodoo magic. And Girls... this is a two way street, you know how crazy it makes you, so do on to others, as you wish to be done on to you. Simple.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Lateness </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">P.S Thanks to all the amazing girls that gave me input in this one, its nice to know that I am not alone on the crazy shelf. I say we go back to hand written, posted love notes, less anxiety for sure and then we can have another reason for hating Australia Post when the letter never comes. </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-80723909063358332112016-06-14T04:33:00.000-07:002016-06-14T04:33:12.968-07:00Why having a cat is just like having a kid....<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So recently I got a cat... well technically I didn't get a cat, I was just kitty sitting for a few weeks and it was amazing. All those tiny little kitty cuddles and the unconditional love (well, with the one condition, that I feed her and not pat her unless she wants to be patted. Cats can be jerks like that). It was like I was owning a cat without all the expense and responsibility. Through this amazing experience I also came to realise that having a cat is actually pretty similar to having a kid, well I am guessing so anyway, considering I don't actually have any experience with the latter. So here it is, my thoughts on cats and kids, or kids and cats, or just cats, or just kids, well you get the drift. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">They
will cry if you don't give them attention - oh, so you are doing
something that doesn't involve me, I will have none of that. I am going
to stand outside the shower and cry and cry until you let me in. And
then when we are done, you have to dry me first or I will cry then as
well. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You
will constantly wonder about their welfare when you aren't with them -
going to work is really hard, they will be at home alone, probably
sticking forks in to power points and wondering where you are, and you
will spend all day counting down the minutes before you can get home to
them to make sure they aren't dead.</span><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Going to the toilet is now a public affair - Good bye to using the toilet without an audience. You shut the door and the crying starts, so you open the door and they sit there staring at you awkwardly and you try not to make eye contact while you are wiping yourself. After about the third or fourth go, its not actually as weird as what you think</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You have to share your food - well technically you don't have to but cats have their guilt eyes on, and clearly you have a heart because you got a cat in the first place so if they want some, you are going to give it to them. They don't really understand "no kitty, this is human food, you are not a human" they just don't get it!!!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Their shits, yeah you have to clean that up - you just have to keep your fingers crossed that they do it in the designated area for easy finding and disposal, but sometimes they are sneaky mofos and will leave you surprise little nuggets around just to keep you on your toes. They are also probably going to sit there and watch you while you are doing it, just to make it that little bit more demeaning. I am sure they are thinking "Yeah, clean my shit you dirty bitch" or something like that.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">They are little jerks but you love them anyway - cats are like teenagers, attitudes out the Wazoo. They only want to be touched and have attention lavished on them when it suits them, they eat EVERYTHING and are untidy little jerks. But they are also kind of adorable and you are going to love them anyway no matter what they do and how bad they smell. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sneaking around so you don't wake them becomes a thing - they have chosen my lap or my bed as a good resting place to slumber, I feel honoured to have this great duty bestowed upon me and the rest of the world can wait until they wake up. Yeah sure, I may be busting and need to use the toilet but all of that can wait, because look at that beautiful sleeping face. Its the face of a fluffy fluffy angel and I think that god would be pretty angry if you upset his most fairest angel. Thats a thing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You speak to them in a baby voice and you aren't really sure why - maybe you don't want to startle them, or their cuteness activates something within your ovaries that turns you in to mush, but that mushy cutesy voice comes out in lashings. And like, you don't even care if anyone actually hears you either because just look at it!!! its perfect. </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I am pretty proud of myself, I managed to keep the cat alive for two whole weeks, she went home happy and healthy (bar the unfortunate incident in the car on the way home when she might have got the squirts everywhere!!! even all over herself). If having a kid is as easy as this, I totally got it. So pretty much BRB, I am off to get some Business printed with the words " Miss K - Kitty Sitting Extraordinaire" on them, if you need my services just let me know, I am totally down for that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">With Love and Whiskers </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span><div style="text-align: justify;">
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Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-85257078927301688312016-04-10T04:02:00.000-07:002016-04-10T04:02:06.516-07:00So whats the deal with Threesomes?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Lets all take a knee, its story time. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I
have been asked to write this post a few times but have always turned
it down because I do not have the proper worldly experience to comment
on it and we all know that I like to write from personal experience. But
I think maybe now is the time... lets talk about sex baby, lets talk
about you and me, lets talk about all the good things and the bad things
and inviting my friend along to join in the fun. I have long commented
on the fact that I thought that my friends claims were bogus that
threesomes were pretty common, but on doing some market research the
other night I realised that he might actually be on to something...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In
a crowded bar, I did a quick whip around asking the question "Have you
ever engaged in a Threesome?" and the results actually shocked me, I
didn't get any girls admitting it (though in fairness we were hugely out
numbered by the boys) but I would say a good 1/4 of all of the boys
that were there had said that they had (and I actually believe them as
well). From what we found, they are generally done with a friend,
normally after a bit of booze. You are probably more likely to have had
one if you play football, admittedly, I don't
understand the link either but it seems that there is a direct
correlation. The most common type of threesome is the Boy-Girl-Boy
Combination and if you are under the age of 25, it is a little more
likely (I would like to blame this on the Internet pornography). </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Prior
to these discussions the only threesome that I had ever heard about was
two friends of mine that had sex with the same guy at the same time,
they didn't interact at all, he just kind of poked one a bit and then
poked the other for a bit, in my head the whole situation was really
really awkward but it could have been romantic, I am not really sure.
Oh also there was that one time that my mate was about to bang two
sisters and then their parents came home, which may I add was probably
for the best. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Whilst we were in discussions I was asked for my view on them and why I hadn't had one and from my answers, I got told that I over think things and they were totally 100% right, so here are the scenarios and the over thoughts that I have had in relation to them </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>Boy - Girl - Boy</u> - </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">How do you decide who goes where? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Do you take turns and then do the swap? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Is that not considered double dipping and isn't that generally frowned upon at dinner parties? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Do they get shy about their junk compared to their mates junk?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What if one blows on the other one? (this is a true story, it happened to a friend of mine)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What if I am actually only attracted to one of them?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I
am not very good at multitasking, seems like there is a whole heap of
multitasking involved. One guy is always going to get the raw end of the
deal. I just want things to be fair.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>Girl - Boy - Girl</u></span> </div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">How much interaction do I have with her and what does he do while this is happening? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What if I am scared of vagina and cant touch it? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">If she goes down on me, do I have to go down on her?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What
about diseases? She can have her turn on the fun stick and then when
its my turn is it weird to change the condom (because really that's important) </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What if it turns out that I am more in to her than him? I don't want to hurt his feelings. </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A
few years ago I met a girl at a Hens Day, her name was Stacey and we
hit it off straight away, we swapped numbers to tee up a time to catch
up later (as you do with people that you think are rad), well you can
imagine my surprise when a few days later she messaged me to ask if I
would like to be in a threesome with her and her new boyfriend.... I
will admit that I considered it, because why not (I also patted a horse
the day that this message came through so I was on a roll with
conquering things that terrified me). Long story short, it never
actually ended up happening because it was too planned, I was going to
meet them together to see if I got along with the guy, there were a heap
of rules (which I believe are totally warranted in this situation) and
she was doing it in the hope to keep the boyfriend interested. Turned
out the Guy was a fuck wit and they ended up breaking up because she
wasn't able to organise one quick enough... but since this its not
really came across my radar again.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">On further contemplation, I think for me to engage in a threesome it would have to be a spare of
the moment decision. You know when you are at a restaurant and the
waiter has come to take your order and you haven't really decided what
you are going to eat yet but you make a snap decision under pressure
and you end up eating something delicious? yeah I think that's
how it
would have to be. I guess my friend Safety Sam said it best "If I wanted
to disappoint two people at once, I would have lunch with my parents" </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Eiffel Towering </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">P.S Thanks to the couple of guys that approached me about being in their threesome after my Facebook post. I am flattered and you did a little thing for my confidence, but please see above note, menu, waiter, etc etc. </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-81022249225189886992016-03-30T02:57:00.000-07:002016-03-30T02:57:49.667-07:00"Shitty" Super Powers<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Having recently gotten Netflix I decided to rewatch one of my favourite shows and have a little bit of housemate bonding in the process. There is this English Series called Misfits which is about people that get super powers because of a freak storm. It follows the adventures of the main characters while they try to navigate life with their new found abilities and all the hilarity that ensues. Some people have cool powers like being able to turn back time, or read other peoples thoughts, while others have less cool powers like being able to control Dairy Products. While walking to the train station today I wished that I had the ability to make people walk faster and it lead me to thinking about other not so Super Powers that might be ok to have.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would like the power to... control the speed of other peoples walking.You may not have anywhere to be but my train is due in two minutes and I still have a few hundred metres to stride. Just go that little bit faster. I could control them to be like the bow of the boat smashing though the ice to get me to the main land (in this case, Platform 1 for the 5.15 South Morang)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would like the power to... make food the precise temperature for consumption without having to wait. I don't like having to wait, this is probably why I eat a lot of my foot tepid because I need the food now and not in one more minute. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would like the power to... wear 5 inch stilettos without my feet hurting after a few hours. I would never have to be that girl, my calves would always look amazing and those dresses and jeans would just Pop. Oh yeah, then I would also have a weapon on hand to stab people if I needed (please note I said, if I needed, as yet in life I haven't needed to, but I have thought about it) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would like the power to... always get a good seat on public transport. You know those single seats where you can stretch your legs out and not worry about banging knees with the person in front of you. That one. And facing the right way. Preferably with the added bonus of having the seat next to me free to put my bag on but I don't want to be greedy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would like the power to... bring food back from the dead. That delicious thing that you wanted to eat but you forgot about and it expired two days ago... yeah. Back, in all its delicious fresh glory. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would like the power to... make clean linen. Want fresh sheets every day but cant be bothered with the arduous chore of changing and washing and folding and making? Never fear, Linen Cleaner is here. One swipe of a hand and all your linens are fresh and soft and clean. I hear you asking "What about stains?", stains are a thing of the past with this power. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would like the power to... block out annoying noises. For example, people making food noise, people talking loudly on their phones on public transport (yeah bitch who sits across from me EVERY afternoon and says Like a lot, I am talking about you), the droney noise of an Auto exhaust, Harley Davidson Motor Bikes. I have very sensitive hearing I guess and my life would be better without these things in it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would like the power to... control traffic lights. you would think that I would use it to always give me the green light, but I would sit at a red light if it meant infuriating people that were being wankers. You know the ones, people that split through lanes to try and get ahead... but then you meet them at the next set of lights... yeah those people. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would like the power to... fall asleep on demand. If I go to sleep NOW I will have 6 hours and 37 minutes sleep before I have to get up. BANG. ASLEEP. And god damn those 6 hours and 37 minutes would be glorious. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would like the power to... Control Music. I want to listen to this song and then its on, no having to scroll through play lists or worrying when you forget the name of the song. One thought and the music would be coming out of your speakers so that you can sing at the top of your lungs while you are waiting at the traffic light that you turned to red, just to piss people off. Make them wait at the Lights AND have to deal with my singing. </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So really, I guess it isn't the about the power, it is how you use it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Levitating (not a power that I think I would want, I get motion sickness) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-63912729544636205752016-03-18T23:09:00.000-07:002016-03-18T23:09:36.922-07:00Sneaky Adult Excitements<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I am 33 in two months, yep that's right 33. Holy Shit right? I had my moment of freaking out about turning 25 and then about turning 30 and then 31 crept up I had a little freak out about that as well. So who knows what 33 might be like, I am thinking about maybe doing a wine tour, because I am an adult and that's what adults do. To be honest though, I have been noticing lately little adult things that I find strangely satisfying and kinda calming, so here they are...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Clearing my Inbox out - the other day I got to work and had 47 emails, I left with only 8 in my inbox. I was pretty god darn excited. Its like you can visibly see all the work that you have done (and I didn't even delete them, I totally dealt with them). High five for being an efficient worker and getting shit done. Whoooo, go me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Having a clean kitchen - EVERY DAY. Don't worry the irony is not lost on me, most of these things are centred around having clean / fresh / clutter free spaces and as mentioned in my last video blog this is polar opposites of what I used to be when I was in my early 20s. But man it does feel really good to look around your kitchen and see nothing but clean bench space. And when the dishes are done, that's one less chore to do and that means that I am closer to the time where I can do things that I love. Mainly Nothing. I love doing nothing... which leads me to my next point.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Doing Nothing - When someone asks me what I am doing on the weekend, do you know what my favourite answer is? Nothing. Yep that's right. A big fat nothing. I love sitting at home and watching TV and laying in my bed staring at the ceiling. Who knew that doing nothing could be more fun than actually doing things.The idea of having to put pants on, do my hair and slap on a face is sometimes more than I believe I can handle. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The succulents that I have on my window sill growing and sprouting - I get excited every time I go to the sink because 1. It means I am probably cleaning and 2. those little suckers are growing and sprouting and bringing life to my life. That's shits awesome and I did that (and as a side note they are growing in Fake Arse Jordan 4s and they look pretty ballin). Life is good in succulent land. I have had these plants for 3 years and while they were surviving, they certainly weren't thriving.... who knew what a bit of water could do? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Clean Sheets and new bed linen - In the last two months I have purchased three new bed spreads and a couple of pillows and it was exhilarating. There is no better feeling on a Saturday than putting clean sheets on and getting in to bed and wiggling all around in the tight goodness. Mmm sweet sweet tight goodness. I never really cared for home decorating and home decor but since I got my awesome new bed I have really wanted to create a good looking space, you know, just so I don't let the bed down. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Having an empty clothes hamper - who knew I liked to do washing. Might have something to with having a good washing machine now but seeing the bottom of the basket and having everything to wear at my disposal at the start of the week is pretty wonderful. Also another positive of suburb life is that my washing line is ALLLL mine and I don't have to worry about the people in my complex stealing my under garments (not that I thought they would, or that I think I am worthy of stalking but we live in a world of possibilities so I needed to keep these thoughts around and I do have expensive sheets, If I didn't own them, I would probably want to steal them)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vacuuming - or more specifically using the Dyson. Man if you haven't vacuumed with a Dyson you haven't really lived. I know that's a big statement but ask anyone that has Dysoned and they will be with me on this one.I vacuum my house every week (or every couple of days if I am feeling adventurous) and its a pleasure, it doesn't even feel like a chore and at the end of it the carpet is clean and dust free and that's gotta be good for my health. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Finding a good Avocado - those fucks are $3.50 a pop so don't you even tell me that you don't get a little jolt of happiness when you cut it open and its beautiful soft and green. Mmmm squishy green </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">People asking me for directions - I was walking home from work the other day and a Kiwi Lady asked me where to go for shopping and of course being the good host that I am, I was able to point her in the direction of some good bars with great happy hour specials as well. I wanted to be a tour guide around the city but apparently you actually need to be a local of the city to do that.... piffle. I think I would rock at it, just ask the Kiwi Lady (she is probably drunk by now so would only have complementary things to say)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Old people talking to me on public transport - Its been happening more and more and I actually love it. I am making an effort to stay off my phone while I am commuting and the opportunities that this has bought me to talk to people are really paying for themselves. People are nice, but I think we always distract ourselves so much that we don't give them a chance to show us that they are. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Home Design Shows - and along the similar line, cooking shows. I want to be a domestic goddess and run a house hold full of designer homewares (granted its all Kmart but their homewares are rocking and if you haven't checked them out, you probably should get on to that. Like Now!!!) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Grandma Underpants - High waisted cotton tails, yes please. Like I am not even kidding. I love Nanna Knickers. They tuck in the little pouch that I seem to have grown over the years and they keep everything tight when I want to go out and drink a lot of beer. Also not worrying about my plumbers crack showing is an added bonus. One time I was bending down to get something and someone shoved a straw down my bottom channel... I was unimpressed by this, if only I had know about Nanna Knickers back then.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So yeah, as you can tell being an adult isn't the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Its all about seeing the silver linings and cheaper insurance (I just got a car, its something that I need to consider these days)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Laugh Lines</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-904661235565827472016-02-28T03:21:00.000-08:002016-02-28T03:21:16.436-08:00Things to do while waiting for public transport....<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For those of you that don't know, I have recently moved from the city fringe life to the Northern Suburbs for a bit of a sea change (read, I was sick of being a broke arse negro and wanted to be closer to my friends) and so far its all been going well. Well as well can be expected when you are dealing with the rigours of public transport. I am now on the South Morang line and in the last few weeks its been having a couple of problems (don't worry, I see the links as much as the rest of you) and during the down time that has ensued I have had some time to think about the things that we could do to make the time pass that little bit quicker... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Speed Dating - Because when else will you have hundreds of men in your presence in a line just waiting for you (or technically the bus that will take them on to their destination but who is splitting hairs here). They aren't going to get out of the line, they have nothing else to do and when you are done with one you can move on to the next. I cant see any down sides here. </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.meetmindful.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/speed-dating.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.meetmindful.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/speed-dating.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Story Time - You know how I like telling stories (this blog has been going for four years after all), well just think of the audience that I would have. Sure I would make sure that my stories are PG because there are children present and I don't want a lynch mob on my hands. When I was younger I didn't have a lot of friends so in my lunch times I used to go to the school library and read books to the younger kids... this is the same thing, just on the grown up scale. </span><br />
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<a href="http://corbitlibrary.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Storytime.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://corbitlibrary.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Storytime.jpg" height="233" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Chinese Whispers - Do you remember sitting in a circle at school and playing Chinese whispers... nothing ever end<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ed</span> the way that it started but it was always pretty hilarious when it got to the end. Who knows if people changed it on purpose or some people just have bad hearing but what ever the reason, it was a nice little way to pass the time. Imagine doing it with five hundred people.Everyone standing and eagerly waiting <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">for it to g<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">et<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> to the end and the hilarity that will <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">follow</span></span></span></span>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Write/Draw a line - I used to love doing these. We could hand out bits of paper and break up in to groups (without leaving the line of course) and see where our creativity flows. I write the first line of the story, leave you a few words as a crumb trail and you carry on the story and so on and so <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">forth</span>... Alien Princess Monkeys wearing cowboy boots and eating tacos could possibly be the next best seller but we will never know unless we give it a chance to flourish</span><br />
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<a href="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/07/22/article-2017658-0D19788600000578-690_634x521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/07/22/article-2017658-0D19788600000578-690_634x521.jpg" height="262" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Become an Entrepreneur - The opportunities are endless. If you were smart and you owned an ice cream truck, or were a Big Issue Seller you would head to the station where the disruption is to cash in. Everyone wants ice cream and something to read while they are waiting in line. Also for us Gingers, someone coming around with Suncream would be a great help (though if you are true to the ginger life you would have your own in your bag, which like I totally do) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So to all of those on the South Morang Line, I am sorry that your train line started having problems when I showed up. I hope that being mildly annoying and incredibly hilarious made your times waiting for the bus more bearable and as much as you were awesome, I hope that we never have to share this time and experience again (though i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">f we do, as above, I have a plan)</span>. All I can say is, thank god for my new phone. The battery life on that thing is amazing so leaving work at 4.30 and getting home at 8 is no matter for me. Got me some sweet tunes and some Jenna Marbles videos... life is good. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love and Ludicrous Ideas </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">P.S I know that people like to get home to their families and have things on and these situations can be really stressful and frustrating but don't be a jerk. Everyone is in the same position as you and happy to wait in line to get to where they need to go. Abusing the PTV officers and the people standing in line around you isn't going to make the line go any quicker and it just makes you look like a Butthead. Don't be that guy, because people like me will make up hilarious comments to voice to the people standing close to <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">them</span> and everyone will laugh at you. And I ain't even sorry. Just remember you bought this all on yourself. </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-61564058401416054612016-02-26T15:18:00.000-08:002016-02-26T15:18:34.194-08:00For the love of Hashtags<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As the years march on, I think everyone gets that little bit more conscious of their health. We start to realise that we aren't as young as we used to be and we cant fill our bodies with booze and junk food like we did when we were in our 20s. Since the invention of social media the whole getting fit thing has become big business. There are people that have their whole career and lively hood which started as an Instagram page (ie. Kayla Istines... who, by the way, is amazing, but when you do her workouts you feel like you might die. Legit). There are a whole heap of hashtags that are specifically centered around being fit and active and maybe its just me but I am getting a bit worn down by them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Que a few weeks ago and an interaction with a friend of mine that is on a body transformation journey, he is doing amazing. He has shed a whole heap of weight, been watching what he eats and putting in the long hours at the gym and I am immensely proud of him. But there has to be a point when the people around you kinda need you to stop. What I am talking about is the multiple daily snap chats about the gym and the food adventures that he is taking to get to his goal (or the complaining about the food that he is eating in the effort to get ripped). On one particular foul mooded day (though it seems increasingly that this is just my normal state and happy moods are a rarity) after about the third #fitspo inspired snap chat I received, I had enough. I have no qualms in admitting that I am a bitch... its kinda my brand, so with this in mind, I took a photo of the ground and sent back #unsubscribe. I was done, no more #fitspo sharing for me. It also stemmed the below Vlog. I got drunk, got hilarious and recorded my thoughts on the Hashtag epidemic that is sweeping the globe. Enjoy... (hopefully)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Maybe its because I am old and sometimes have difficulties reading the hash tags (thought I certainly have gotten better) or maybe its because I am an in an eternal loop of arseholeness and like to find reasons to hate the world but these ones just mildly annoy me. It doesn't stop me from using social media though, because if I turned it off, who knows what I would miss out on. And on that note I don't think any age is immune from the need to be part of the FOMO generation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In this video, I especially like the Pizza Bit. Hawaiian with hot Salami. Yessss!!!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Laughs </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K</span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-51925277083132264092016-01-20T02:56:00.000-08:002016-01-20T02:56:47.034-08:00More to Cum!<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The other day a friend suggested that I should start a Vlog, like a blog
but the main difference being instead of you guys having to read my
words, you could look at my beautiful face while I spew them in your
direction. I thought about it and decided that it would be a novel idea
and that I should probably give it a go. So the other night I did, and
let me tell you, recording myself is much harder than this writing stuff
that I pretend to do, and add to that the fact that I had to put a face
on, do my hair, change out of my white top I was wearing because I was
disappearing in to the wall behind me and I actually had to think on my
feet. It turned out not as badly as one would expect from ones first
foray in to cinema (I know its surprising but I have never made back
yard porn). So here it is, my first Vlog, its called "Semen Sharing"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But
wait, there is more, I have realised on watching this back that there
was so much on this topic that wasn't actually covered and I feel like
it needs to be. To give you back ground on the story, a friend of mine
(who alarmingly I have just realised does not have an alias and probably
should) was saying the other night while we were out dining that he was
under the impression that Australian girls did not like copping a load
on them during the closing moments of Coitus and because he was
programmed to think this, on encountering a European Princess instead of
offending her, he got up and ran to the bathroom to finish himself off.
While I laughed at his story, it left me with some (more) questions </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Should
I be taking it on my face? - I was of the illusion that anywhere below
the neck is fine but on further investigations I am starting to think
that maybe I am the one that is lacking here. 90% of women I have spoken
to about this topic have said that in past, they have let their gentle
fellows cum on their face and it was acceptable (As long as it wasn't in
their eyes or in their hair). I find the whole idea incredibly
disrespectful so have never let anyone near it... maybe I have been
going about it wrong this whole time? maybe I am missing out on an
amazing face mask and a great source of protein that is cheaper that pre-work out. I don't know that I will change my mind but I might at least think about it... maybe.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Does
it Kill the mood? - the general consensus is yes it would, one minute
you are having a grand ol' time and the next, old mate is up and
trotting to the John. No doubt you are confused and possibly questioning
if he ate a bad burrito for dinner. The same goes for you ladies, if he
has deposited, don't get up and run straight to the bathroom to do the
sit and cough (don't even pretend to not know what I am talking about).
You are missing out on one of the nice bits (supposedly) of intimacy,
The post coital glow and cuddling. So lets just get it straight, you
need to lay there in your filth until a mutual agreeable time that you
go to clean up, either by yourself or with you partner. There is nothing
like that shared shower experience after all. I hope you realise that
we are in a drought , its import to try and find ways to conserve
water. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But
what about what I want? - maybe I am odd but I can see the appeal in
being the receptacle for your significant others offerings. There is
something sexy and dirty and hot about copping a load in your chosen
area but in the past I have been with guys that have been unwilling to
do that for me. From my experience (as limited in recent years as it is)
if you say to a guy "cum where you like" 9 times out of 10 they are
going to want to come inside you. Which is fine too but despite asking
repeatedly to multiple partners I have been unable to get them to agree
to play target practice with my chest and this issue perplexes me..... is it me? Is there something wrong with me? Its me isn't it?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I
am going to sit here and start asking myself the hard questions, so
then when the time comes for me to get freaky I will have the answers.
And in case you were wondering, yes he did go back to cuddle.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Second Cummings</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-5970820358817765682016-01-12T03:26:00.000-08:002016-01-12T03:26:21.575-08:00So I finally joined Tinder...<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Yeah, I know, I know, by joining the Grind I go against everything that I wrote about in my previous <a href="http://gropezilla.blogspot.com.au/2015/10/them-tinder-tingles-part-2.html" target="_blank">post</a> but hey, I thought that I might see if anyone was out there to light my fire (see what I did there) and I guess I was curious. We are three days deep in this adventure and it has been.... interesting. I didn't realise that I was such a judgmental arse hole (well maybe I did) but I have realised that going on Tinder is like shopping at the Op Shop, there is a lot of shit that you have to sift through in order to find that designer shirt bargain. Here are the reasons for swiping to the Left. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Who Are You? - If I have to sift through five photos full of people I am going to give up. Which one are you? Why are you hiding with your #squad? Trying to show off that you have friends? I have friends as well, you aren't that special. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Likes: 420 - No shit, this is actually a thing. I see it every couple of profiles and it makes me wonder when getting high became cool? Look, I know a lot of my friends do it and that's fine, but I know them. I don't know you, for all I know you are the biggest bong head ever and will steal all my snacks. Ain't no body got time for snack stealing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">No Blurb - Maybe this comes from the fact that I am a writer but Jesus cunts, take the 2 minutes to write a little something something about yourself. One dude wrote the Fresh Prince of Bel Air lyrics, Mass respect to that guy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Negative Nancies - dude, you are on Tinder, I don't want a rant of what you don't want. I get enough nagging from my Nan. Your first impression isn't great.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Gym Mirror Selfies / Abs - no. Just no. Maybe its just because I am jealous that I don't have wash board abs and have not perfected the art of the mirror selfie but I don't know that I want to compete with your ego and protein pills. Though good for you for keeping in shape, I wish I had your dedication.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Not Chunky Enough - I like my men like I like my Salsas. Chunky (and red?). I am attracted to the big burly wood chopper lads and if you are a skinny mini you probably arent for me. I will admit that in my real life, I have crushed on the non Chunky but thats because I can be attracted to their aura. Or something. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">No Picture - because I like building relationships on hopes and dreams as well. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Posing on Luxury Cars - I know this one might be a bit left of field because I am a "car girl" but I am not impressed by your toys (and secretly I think that maybe you just saw it on the road and got your mate to take a photo of it while no one was looking). Same goes with if you have heaps of photos of your car / motorbike / boat. Yeah I get you have interests and hobbies, but I am more interested in you that whats you drive. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Yo, it would appear that Beyone was on to something when she sung To the Left, To the Left. So many guys, to the left. And incase you were wondering, its going ok, everyone I swipe right to has generally swiped right to me already. Started a few conversations, deleted a few people because they were flogs, said yes to meeting a guy for a drink... making progress (I hope I have made you proud Katrina). Though dudes, I know I am good looking but clearly not good enough looking to be a Bot Sex Scammer so its ok to say hello first because I'm running out of amazing opening liners (9/10 times I have made the first move) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-71605962356886314042016-01-08T03:16:00.000-08:002016-01-08T03:16:13.052-08:00Holiday Questions<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Finally, FINALLY I have a job that closes over Christmas and let me tell you, it has been glorious, all that time off for activities and sleeping. Not having to go about the daily Grind of Tram Life, Glorious I tell you. I spent the first two weeks of my Holidays visiting family in Perth and was run off my feet visiting a few people every day so now I have come back to Melbourne and am engaging in some down time, and along with that there has been some Holiday thoughts. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What day is it? no, really, what day is it? - Thankfully I take the pill and yesterday it told me that it was Thursday. Good Guy Contraception </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Where am I? - and while I am at it, what time zone am I in? oh its 1 o'clock in the afternoon, I should probably wake up, even though technically I am still on WA time so its only 10am and that's a totally acceptable time to sleep to. Don't Judge Me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Do I really need to put on underwear to go to the Supermarket? - heck, why am I even asking this question, I live in Brunswick and pretty much anything goes, I think I have washed in the last few days and I don't look like I got my clothes from the bin so I am kicking goals already. No Underwear it is. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Hmm, how much water have you drunk today? - I know you have only been awake for two hours our of the last 24 but I think you need to up your water intake, your pee is starting to turn fluro. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Is this the same show I saw this morning on the cooking channel - yes it is, probably means you should change the channel or go to bed. You already know how to cook those amazing fish tacos that were aired today. Yes, I know fish tacos are delicious. GO TO BED. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">When was the last time I had a shower / washed my hair / left the house - if you have to ask these questions, the answer is probably too long ago. I am pretty sure I showered yesterday though. I totally don't smell, I just checked. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I'm Bored, I think I might join Tinder - and so far it has been everything that I thought it was going to be, I haven't got a dick pic yet but I got a fully erotic story, but just a word of the wise, its very hard to be turned on by someone that doesn't know the difference between there, their and they're. You took the time to write the prose, maybe take the time to get your spelling and grammar correct. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">God this book is terrible - but I am 80% of the way through and even though I know it is going to have a happy ending and they are going to end up together forever this one may surprise me so I better keep reading just in case. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Its 11am and I have just gotten up, is it OK to drink the Cider in the fridge - I think that I am a bit lost for direction, I don't have anything to do so I may as well get drunk. Why not, YOLO, etc etc. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Maybe its a good thing that I am going back to work on Monday, my liver and my personal hygiene might suffer if I am holidays for any longer. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Love and Lounging </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3242558731795747586.post-45836833097986373542016-01-04T18:48:00.000-08:002016-01-04T18:48:50.580-08:00Encounters of the Underwear Kind <div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Event: </b></i>Saint Patricks Day Circa 2002</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><i>The Outfit:</i></b> Low Cut Black Top and Wide Leg Light Denim Jeans (hey don't judge, it was the early 2000s after all)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Under Garment: </b></i>A Pink Tshirt Bra with Blow Up Insert ala Chicken Fillet Style </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><i>The Disaster Story:</i></b> I know it might be hard to believe but I was not always rocking the ample cleavage that I am now, I was a little bit of a late bloomer when it came to the Boob department so back in the day I needed all the help that I could get. At the time we were hanging out with this rad group of guys who we had randomly met on a night out (Translated, my mate hooked up with one of them and then they started fucking***) and as St Paddys day was upon us we decided to go on an impromptu adventure with them. We ended up at a Bar somewhere (I think possibly around the Joondalup Region) and as slutty little 18 year olds do, a gentleman showed me his attention and then we were making out. All innocent and the like. And this would have been ok, until he decided that he wanted to go for a grope. In my head I am all panic stations, as he was running his hands up by waist, getting closer and closer to the little plastic bags of air that were sitting on my chest. I needed an escape route, AND FAST!!!! Sure he was drunk, but even a drunky would hear the plastic bag rustling noise that would emit from my region in about 7 seconds.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Course of Action:</b></i> I would say that I am not proud of what happened next but I think that's probably a lie, I was thinking on my feet and it worked... I did the pretend, "I'm going to spew" snuck off to the bathroom and then out the front door to wait for my friends to finish their drinks. Sure I could have just told the guy that I wasn't interested in his advances but Hind Sight is a beautiful thing isn't it. That was the last time that I ever wore that Bra as well, I have realised that its better to be boobless than run the risk of people thinking that you stuff your bras with plastic shopping bags. I am all for saving the environment and recycling but I think this is taking it a bit far. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Event:</b></i> The Rabbitohs Visiting Perth to play Rugby June 2011</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Outfit:</b></i> White Low Cut Backless Top which I borrowed from Rhychelle, dark high waisted Skinny Jeans</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Under Garment:</b></i> Skin Coloured, Silicone Nipple Covers </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Disaster Story: </b></i>The Rabbitohs were in Perth playing some team (does WA even have a Rugby Team?) and somehow we ended up going to an after party with the team. I got drunk and tried to set my friend up with one of the players (who muttered to her "Its not that big, honest" and something about a Poweraid bottle) and after a few hours of frivolity we decided to head home, after our traditional shared Kebab of course. On arrival home, I set her up on couch bed and then went to get changed. I was admiring my svelte figure in the mirror whilst removing my top and then I noticed that something was wrong.... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Course of Action:</b></i> I sat on my bed and cried, really there was nothing else that I could do, during the course of my night, unbeknownest to me, someone had stolen my nipples and now I was going to have to live my life as a nippleless freak of nature. There was a good 15 minutes of panic before I realised that I was still wearing my covers.... HALLELUJAH, two quick peels and I was back to my awesome booby best. I stuck the covers on the mirror above my bed as a constant reminder to that night. The night that was nearly RIP Nipple. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Event:</b></i> Boom Christmas Party 2011</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Outfit:</b></i> Fancy Black Dress from Myer that had been purchased n Melbourne </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Under Garment:</b></i> Black Halter Neck Push Up Bra, biggest Bridget Jones Underpants that you have ever seen</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Disaster Story:</b></i> Christmas is a time for eating, drinking and being Merry and possibly drunkenly hooking up with people that you work with, its a right of passage. We went to a classy sea side establishment so of course one had to dress up. I had just returned from 3 weeks over seas and my holiday kilos were doing me no favours so it was time to give old mate Spanx a night out as well. Queue drunken adventures, walking for miles in designer high heels and a taxi to a house to party on... and before I knew what was happening it was far to late to dispose of my offending Bridget Jones knickers. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Course Of Action:</b></i> It pretty much went down just like in the Movie, he had kindly lent me a shirt to sleep in (because some part of the drunken me had decided that was all that was going to happen) and after a bit of kissing and cuddling, he lifted the shirt to reveal the biggest underpants known to man. I think it was actually over shadowed by the fact that I was due for a wax, so I guess we can thank god for the small mercies. Why be embarrassed about one thing when you can be embarrassed by two. He laughed, I laughed, then I made him take me out on a few dates, just to live down my humiliation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">On a side note, Spanx are amazing, I rate them highly and so does Gok (and who doesn't love Gok) but there is a whole heap of disaster getting laid stories that are associated with them. You know that you are probably going to get laid and that your Spanx helped in this situation by making you slim and beautiful, but oh how quickly we are to abandon them when push comes to shove. Its ok that you wear them and we all know that everyone does but you don't want HIM to know that you are wearing them. I am sure that I am not the only one that has taken them off and abandoned them in some toilet or behind some door (because there is no way those giant pants are going to fit in your tiny little going out purse). We say we will go back for them, but realistically we all know that we wont. They served us well, but this is no Black Hawk Down Mission and those fuckers are just being racked up as Collateral damage. It happens. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Event: </b></i>New Years Eve 15/16 </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Outfit:</b></i> Black Backless Casual Dress</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Under Garment:</b></i> Skin Coloured Stick on Bra Cups </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The
Disaster Story:</b></i> As you will remember from my last blog post I
mentioned that the likelihood of a New Years Kiss was about as plausible
as that of the moon landing. Well, it turns out that by putting that
comment out into the Universe, the Universe conspired to prove me wrong.
Queue stunningly drop dead gorgeous guy that is so far out of my league
that I am actually convinced that we aren't even playing the same
sport... A Sneaky new years kiss turned into the need for a jumper to
fight the night time chill and the rest is history. Or it would have
been if I hadn't been faced with the Dilemma of what to do with my Stick
on Bra. What should I do? Pull it off before he had a chance to see it
and hide it somewhere for later retrieval? tell him that I am a mutant
and actually don't have nipples so the skin coloured things he is seeing
is actually part of my body? Admit that I am wearing a stick on Bra and
let us laugh about it? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>The Course of Action:</b></i> I turned it in to a
joke, hey look, I am wearing this really really unattractive stick on
Bra so that my weird nipples aren't showing to the world. Isn't it weird.
Yeah ok, you can peel it off if you like and then examine it while I am
waiting half naked in a state of pure mortification. No worries mate.
And then when we are done I am going to subtly sneak back in to the
party with my stick on bra hiding inside the jumper that caused for the
removal of offending item in the first place and hide it in my bag and
hope that no one notices that I am now free boobing. I actually think
that I may have jinxed myself, I had been joking to my friend that if
they were to fall off while we were out, we were to pretend that they
weren't mine and just keep walking like it never happened. We didn't
really come up with a contingency plan on what to do if a hot man
approached me... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I guess I have come to realise that the least prepared you are, the more likely you are for people to see your under garments... that's just Science, or fate or something else that I cant remember the name for at this exact point in time. And yeah ladies I know that underwear can be annoying and probably the most appropriate underwear for the garment may not be the most comfortable but for the love of all things holy, please, please, please wear the best choice. Sure you may get laid later on and it may get awkward but think of the hilarious stories that you will be able to tell your kids later in life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Miss K </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">*** not that this portion of the story has anything to do with Underwear but the story of these two people is actually pretty cool. We were at the Craic (now Bar 120) like we were most nights in our teens and my friend met this guy called Leighton. He wrote his number on a piece of paper and gave it to her so she could call him. I don't know why but for some reason she gave it to me to look after, she knew me, she should have known this was a bad idea, anyway I lost the bit of paper but she managed to remember the number enough to get in contact with him. They started dating, we got accepted in to their fold and what followed was about 6 - 12 months of awesome friendship and adventures. Its funny how life works out sometimes isn't it. </span></div>
Miss Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08680922898492894378noreply@blogger.com0