This may come as a surprise but I dont want to sexually harass you....

So it has come to my attention that I may have a reputation that is partially unfounded and I would like to set the record straight once and for all, I dont want to sexually harass you, I actually want to tenderly love you (well other than maybe you.... pretty much I just want to rip your clothes off and lick you a little bit... nothing strange). I have some how got this rap as a bit of a sexual deviant and I guess this makes me giggle, because honestly people, look at me. As I stated in my first post I am really nothing special or out of the ordinary... but I think what may have created this reputation is my friendliness and the fact that I am not afraid to speak about my unfortunate experiences (because lets face it, I am a born story teller). So yeah I am probably a bit of a deviant, but it is probably less than what you think it is

Is it rape eyes if he likes it

Hi my name is Kerry, I have seemingly terrible luck with guys, but my friends constantly tell me that they cant keep up with which guy I am liking, or which guy I am going out for a drink with, there are two things here, either my friends are 1. Forgetful (a sign of being drunks) or 2. I have men coming out my wazoo. I guess there is possibly a little from column a and a little from column b. So I hear you asking, how do I get all the guys that I do? I think it is possibly my great ability to bullshit and that I have confidence, because after all kids, as Willy Wonka says to Violet "Confidence is Key" 

I would like to take this opportunity to point out that whilst I might meet a lot of men 95% of them are just random meetings and maybe a follow up drink and it never goes any further than that. Just because I meet a lot of guys, doesnt mean I "meet" a lot of guys if you get what I mean. I thrive on meeting new people and making new friends, and as much of a surprise as it is, I dont want to sleep with every guy who I meet.

It has also come to my attention that I am that girl that generally makes the inappropriate jokes about anything sexual, or giggles at the inappropriate times in the conversation when something could be slightly dirty. I wonder how I came to be this girl and if this has a bearing on the way that the world views me? I guess I just like to take the easy laugh and I am like a small child, if you laugh at me I am going to continue playing up. Also just for the record the people that laugh are also just as dirty as I am, maybe just not as quick so I am not taking the wrap on this one all on my own.

Thats me climbing your computer to steal your porns

To me, sex has never been a taboo subject. I grew up with very liberal parents and this is something that I am very thankful for. Sex was never something that was hidden from us and when we came of sex making age they explained it to us and brought it all out in the open. It was comforting knowing that if I ever had any issues (or my friends had issues) that my parents would be there to help and listen without being judgemental. Because of this to me sex has never really been anything more than that, it shouldnt be serious, it should be something fun and thats why I joke and talk as much about it as I do. Sex is natural, just like farts, and we joke about farts dont we?

While I was away it was maybe some what surprising to me that a lot of guys cracked onto me when I was at the race track. A day didnt go past without someone having a go, and a few times situations arose that made me go "Woahhh, wtf?!?? back this truck up" and on pondering this point to a shaggy haired Jesus Look alike, he told me that I was pretty flirty, and being one of the few girls up there, it was bound to happen. Where did the flirty come from? because honest to buggery half the time I dont actually realise that I am doing it. Do guys know the difference between flirty and friendly? or is it actually me that is getting the difference wrong?

Why people cracked onto this... I have no idea

Or it could be my overtly sexual nature? On my first Japan trip, I frequented this dodgy bar in Roppongi called Gas Panic, full of Gaijins and lots of people for me to talk to. I was travelling alone so anywhere that I could go that was full of westerners was a win for me, I ended up going to this bar so often that I got known to the bar staff. One of the staff was a cute little girl called Arisa and we built up a pretty good relationship, I ended up leaving Tokyo and heading to Kyoto but got sucked into coming back for a night of partying with some cool kids I met from Queensland, so after being missing from the bar for about a week I walked back in and had Arisa spot me, jump onto me yelling hentai. Well for you non Japanese speaking person Hentai means Pervert (its also what they call the cartoon porn) and I was a little taken back by this, I told her I knew what it meant and she just laughed. 


I was pondering the name to a very tall, very good looking French guy called Alex (he was wearing a leather jacket and  looked like a bad boy, how could I not talk to him) and he told me to not take offence to it, he said it simply meant that I was confident and overtly sexual, I wonder how one becomes overtly sexual just by being there? I still dont actually know to this day what that means, maybe I have rape eyes? I do often get told I have really nice eyes.... maybe there is a link.

Yeah I'd Hit it

So really this is my pondering, it can be summed up like this
- I like Cheap Laughs 
- I have rape Eyes 
- I am overtly sexual 
- And I flirt without knowing it sometimes


Think what you will of me, because there is very little I can do about that, but maybe look at it from my point of view, I cant help being the person I am with the nature that I have and being this awesome isnt easy. If I give you the eye, I may not want your body... but then again maybe I do. Maybe its good to keep you guessing. 


Love and Rape Eyes 


Miss K 


P.S As a side note, remember partners is just a number, it doesnt change the person who you are. If you have morals and only do it because you want to, you arent doing anything wrong. If people tell you that no one will marry you because you give it out to easy, they are probably frigid fucking bitches with expectations too high and they wouldnt know what they are talking about anyway. Its just a number and everyone comes with a past. It should be no different for girls and guys, so if you are one of the people that judges, pull your fucking head out of your arse!!! This is the 21st Century (or dont pull your head out, that just means more men for me)

Facebooking, the new drunk dialing?

I have woken up with a hang over and a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as the events from yesterday evening slowly trickle back into my brain. I committed a sin and as much as I am ashamed to admit it, I did it. I do how ever think that todays modern technology makes it easier for us to carry out such atrocities.  I did the drunk dial, but in the form of a facebook message. Has facebook messaging become the drunk dial of the 21st Century?

My name is Kerry, as my dad tells me, I am a hard lady, I have been known to cut things early (in some peoples opinion anyway) for the sake of self preservation and when someone pisses me off more than twice they are gone from my life. Generally. But as with everything there is always an exception to every rule. My exception comes in the form of a tall dark and handome that I met in October 2010. I sit here now 18 months later wondering why he still gets under my skin. Is it the story of the one that got away or really a story of one that was never there to begin with?

I laid eyes on him one day at a friends birthday, he was tall and had an air about him that I was attracted to, he intrigued me so I spent the better part of my day trying to get his attention. Due to a mix up in plans and taxi arrangements, I found myself with him and his friends and my friends no where to be found.We ended up at a club called Devilles, it is marketed as an over 25s high end club, very cool vibe and full of 60s go go dancing girls. Tall dark and handsome is a smoker so we sat outside to facilitate his habit. We spent the night chatting and getting to know each other and then things took a turn for the strange... 

Something like this but with a smaller sword

I had excused myself from the table to go and use the facilities and on returning, poor TDH had been over run by a gaggle of ladies who had seen our table as a delicious place to rest their tired feet, all the seats were taken so I took up a position on TDHs lap. After some conversation back and forth between the ladies at the table and myself the lady sitting next to us turned to us and said "So when are you two getting married?" I laughed and proceeded to tell the lady that we had only just met that day, she then apologised and said she must have gotten confused. 

A few more hours rolled on and after a strange encounter with one of the ladies friends in the toilet who told me that her friend was infact psychic, I returned to the table to find the lady looking intently at my companion, as I sat down she turn to us and said "What ever happens today, you two NEED to go home together!" I found this to be comical and turned to TDH and asked if he had, had a hand in this and he assured me that he hadnt. Things got a whole lot stranger when our new friend reached into her bag and pulled out some Panadol and a box of mints. She slid the Panadol over the table to me and told me they were for my headache (which I had not told anyone about but was secretly killing me and making me feel sick) and she slid the mints across to TDH and said "She doesnt like smokers" (another fact I had not shared with anyone) and she made the point again that we needed to go home together. 

Thumbs up, nah she is your mate

I turned to TDH and said he had to kiss me, and that would determine if he got to come home with me or not, because you can tell a lot about a person by the way that they kiss (wow lots of pressure I know...) and he is lucky that the first time is always a freeby because that first kiss was terrible!!! I cant remember if it was me or if it was our new friend that told him he had done a bad job and he needed to try again, but the second kiss was much better and from this it was decided that we would leave together. What followed was a magical night, where time seemingly stopped still and I didnt want to go to sleep because I was scared that it would break what ever spell we were under (and we didnt actually have intimate relations... true story). We talked all night about everything and there was atleast for me, an air of possibility about the whole thing. There have been two times in my life that I have felt this way, ones with the army brat and then this night. I was filled with a warm glow and I had hope. He said he would call me and I honestly believed that he would. I guess going to sleep did make the magic disappear.

This is what it felt to me....

What has followed has been 18 months of floating in and out of each others lives, generally with the aid of alcohol and possibly loneliness and for me, definitely the point of what if (just for the record, what if is an arsehole of a question. It does my head in on the daily) We talk about catching up, we make plans and for what ever reason the plans dont end up coming off. I am not normally that girl (not the shoe girl, the other girl) who will sit by the phone and wait, I am not the girl that has to be told that he is just not that into you, but for some reason I always found myself migrating back to him. In December of last year I decided that enough was enough and told him that I couldnt do it anymore, we wished each other good luck and went on our separate ways. 

So knowing this, why the fuck did I send him a facebook message last night whilst slightly intoxicated sitting in Devilles saying something along the lines of, when I am here I cant help but think of you and possibly a "just quietly fuck you" (and by possibly I mean, yeah I did that). I am normally awesome at staying away from the drunk dialing, and generally only leave it for a quick "hey what you doing later ;)" message for that guy with whom I have an agreement that we only like each other when we are drunk, and that works. I made a Rookie mistake and I am hanging my head in shame because of it. I would like to blame the trap of todays technology that makes it so easy to embarrass yourself but really I know the truth, a good craftsman never blames his tools and in short, I am actually probably the tool.  

Say no to drunk dialing and no to anal?

So on the off chance that the tall dark and handsome reads this, please take this as my some what strangely handled apology. I am a fuck head and if you didnt post witty inappropriate comments that make me laugh and feel more politically correct I would probably delete you so that this couldnt happen again (but if you want to delete me... then thats totally your perogative). So here it is, I am a fuck head and I am sorry. You didnt need me to bring up what you already knew. Life would be so much simpler without technology

So my loyal followers, please learn from me, drunk dialing or facebooking isnt really such a good idea. But I am 100% sure that you are all actually smarter than me and knew that anyway. Find a FB Sponsor (much the same as if you were in AA) and if the idea even pops into your head talk to the sponsor about it, but chances are if you are talking to them anyway you know its a bad idea, so put the phone away, get another drink and find another guy to stalk. It is far easier than the shame spiral that you will feel from the message you will send 

Get a sponsor...

Love and Fuck Headedry 

Miss K 

P.S This is my 20 seconds of courage that has turned into two hours of writing. I have no idea what I expected from sending the message and I guess I realised that some what ifs, are always meant to stay as what ifs. 

P.P.S I think this story def proves that some psychics are full of shit 


P.P.P.S Here is the actual truth of the story, which I was embarrassed to tell, but it is actually pretty funny. I made a concious effort that night to not do the drunk text, I had written the message in an SMS and thought to myself "NO I shouldnt be doing that" so I copied and pasted the SMS into Facebook and sent it as a FB message. I like my failed logic and it even saved me $0.25c

We are one?

With Bogan pride Australia Day upon us, I have sat with my tinny of fosters and reflected on the reason for the season (or the celebration). My name is Kerry, I am born and bred Australian, My parents are Australian and my parents parents are Australian, I eat Vegiemite, drink beer and love a good meat pie but I will admit that my southern cross tattoo has lost some of its lustre in recent times about the going ons of the nation. I ponder what has happened to the youth of today and if they are actually aware of the reason that we celebrate Australia Day

Australia Day was always my favourite of national holidays, I loved the fact that people cared about the country they were from, took pride in what we stood for as a nation and wanted to celebrate what we had achieved.  I was that kid down the foreshore playing cricket in my Aussie Flag and bucket hat with green and gold zinc on my nose, I got a Southern Cross and a Boxing Kangaroo proudly festooned on my body on the permanent. I was Australian and Proud of everything that stood for. I wore my tattoos with a sense of pride, but now a days I am ashamed of them, I got mine before they were "cool" and every man and his dog had them and used them as an excuse to vilify White Pride and Australianism. 

This is my now hidden Aussie Pride

The meaning of the day has seemingly been lost in the drinking. Are we losing our history and our heritage and something that we could once proudly proclaim to be the Australian spirit because of the drunkeness that goes along with every national holiday? When did Australia day become about hating everyone who is different from you instead of about loving the lucky country that we live in?

To me  being Australian is about living in a Multicultural society, having an amazing life and being given amazing opportunities to become the person who I want to be. It makes me upset and mad beyond belief when I see people having prejudice and racism to people who are different but still call themselves Australian. Should it not be enough to people that these people want to make a new life for themselves and embrace Australia to do that? They call us the lucky country and its true, we are. Australia is a growth country, I personally dont see anything wrong with that growth coming through Immigration. If the roles were reversed wouldnt you like to be given the opportunity to start a new life somewhere else if you wanted to? And why are people that jump up and down about "Non Australians" being in our country seemingly ok with "white"' people being allowed to enter? They tote they are worried about their jobs, well I have one thing to say, work harder and you have nothing to worry about. Also think about the jobs that these people take, are they jobs you would really be willing to take?

So now I may have victimised and angered half my reading population (and its not that big so risky move) I will wrap this up, if you are the kind of person that has "Fuck Off We Are Full" Stickers on your car, please I beg you, delete me from your life, your brand of closed minded Bullshit sickens me to the pit of my stomach, just because you were lucky enough to be born here does not give you the right to hate on people that werent. Just remember sonny, we all came from convicts. I am going to go and sit on my porch in my double pluggers, drinking my tinny whilst throwing another shrimp on the barbie and think about how lucky I really 


Love and Confusion 


Miss K 


P.S I was at the shops today and there was an Asian family doing their groceries, the young daughter said to her mum that she wanted a Australian hat and  a shirt and when I looked in the trolley it was full of Australian Paraphernalia and this made me smile, I was feeling so negative all day about Australia Day and they reminded me what it should be about, taking pride and celebrating the bigger picture. Do we really need a crane to lift a pallet of tim tams? Keep it real people

This should be what Australianism is 

(A very good looking MC who I would do unspeakable things to)

I could be addicted to crack...

I am in love, it is unexplained, sometimes unfounded, its the love that goes beyond words, its the love that keeps you warm at night, its the love that you come home for. To me that love comes in the form of a beautiful curvy women called Stella. Here is a love story that goes beyond the ages, think Romeo and Juliet, Edward and Bella or Spongebob and Patrick, there is a possibility that this love surpasses even these... so here is my story, of love and heartbreak and currently triumph

I can remember when I first laid eyes on her, I walked down a drive way and there hiding in the carport was a vision of beauty in the form of an S13 Silvia, it was love at first sight and I knew instantly that she was the one for me. I got in her to take her for a drive and she showed me she had a big personality... and through this personality Stella was born. 

So I am guessing by now you have gathered that Stella is actually a car, and you may think this is odd that I have an attachment and a love to a car, but to me its the same as young girls liking horses (by the way horse as nasty) or people collecting clown statues. Everyone has their one thing and as I constantly tell my parents who look at me disapprovingly as I pump money into Stella, I could actually be spending that money on crack, so they should think themselves lucky that I chose cars (though the same as having a crack addiction I have thought about prostitution, because heck car parts aint cheap yo!!)


My ride (no pun intended) with Stella has been one fraught with danger and heart ache, as I would choose death before dishonour, I have stayed loyal to an engine that many believe to be inferior (and to you guys I say EAD). My Stellas heart beats with a CA18DET engine, it is the older of the two S series engines and like all things 21 years old they start to have problems, they require more time to be put in on them to get big power and its harder to source "bolt ons" but seeing I was never after huge power, none of these things actually ever phased me and these days I think I stay CA just to piss off the haters.

When I got Stella she was relatively stock, the previous owner had painted her and redone her interior but had taken very poor care of her engine, she was perfectly straight so was a great base car. She came with hideously ugly chromies but I loved her all the same, and apart from changing the lights I kept her in her original condition for a few years 

Caution SILVIA2NV

After owning her for a few years something bit me (no it wasnt a spider, pretty sure I am not spidey man) and the desire to make Stella something that was me became too strong...I upgraded the Turbo, Got an Intercooler, some coil overs and finally the peice de la resitance a Genuine Supermade body kit (for you non car people this is a big deal, when I got it only 5 were bought into Australia so they were very rare and very expensive but for fitment it was worth it) and with the fitting of the kit my love for her grew, she became a head turner and she was recognisable, she was my phalis

Disaster (or my luck,...) struck on September 18th 2009 and I received a defect notice for having an "illegal car" I had to high 5 myself for this because they were 100% correct, she is loud and obnoxious and low as fuck and I deserved it. Instead of whining like most people I was thankful for the 4 years I got away with having her like I did. My Stella wasnt as amazing to the pits as she is to me and subsequently her plates were handed in and she became unregistered (pretty sure I lost interest) and this is the way that she sat for one year until I went to Japan, as you may have seen in my other blog if you took the time to go over and have a look, I love the Japans and decided that I wanted to move there so I decided the only way to do it was to sell the Stella. 

This was by far one of the toughest decisions I have ever had to make in my life, she is so special that I wasnt really willing to sell her to anyone unless I knew they would treat her with the respect that I knew she deserved. The amazing Mike Van came to mind so whilst I was still on holidays I texted him and offered him Stella. He was at first very reluctant to purchase her because when buying a well known car the car will never actually be yours. But he eventually agreed and Stella had a new owner and I was the owner of an amazing tattoo (while we were going to swap money, I got confused and got tattooed instead). I came under strong criticism from a lot of people for selling her and the words "soulless" did pop up a few times   

On her way to her new home

Mike is rather time poor and as such Miss Stella sat for another year until I got back from my second Japan trip and after learning to do skids and being back in the seat of a S13 my mind was made up, I NEEDED to have my Stella back and was lucky enough for Mike to agree with this request. I dont think anyone has been so excited about something since the second coming of Jesus. Every Stella related facebook status went Semi Viral and it made me feel good to know that people understood and respected my decision. 

New Engine whooo

Stella was still not registered so after a few weeks or solid work and amazing help from a few people she was ready to take over the pits. The first pit inspection didnt go my way, and the lovely gentleman at licencing would not believe that I owned the car or had any knowledge about it. News flash to boys, some girls actually know their shit, so pick your fights accordingly. I got deeply upset by failing and my amazing daddy helped me to get her sorted and registered a few days later. 

This is what Stella Happy looks like 

After 6 (well technically only 5 due to her hiatus) of owning her I know its true love because I still smile every moment that I spend with her and get to drive her. She is an extension of my personality and by golly does she pull the blokes, I have asked her nicely if I can bang her left overs and she has said she will think about it. What has been the most important thing about her is that she has been the one constant in my life and something that I can control. Life sometimes gets out of hand, things go wrong and people come and go, but every morning when I wake up and go outside, Stella is there waiting for me.... and this is the reason that I love her. 

My Big Blue Constant

I know many people wont understand the money pit or the obsession but I just ask you to take the time and think of that one thing that you have that gives you happiness (most of the time), brings you amazing friends and experiences and is a part of who you are and not be so quick to judge. Who knows when I will grow up and stop wasting my money, but while I do know its a waste, at the moment I wouldnt change it for anything 

Love and Constancy 

Miss K 

P.S I am sorry this is not my normal "this fucked up life" amusing post, I had a Stella request and seeing she is my life partner and something that makes me tick I wanted to share her with you 

P.P.S There has been many many tribulations with her.... if you want to read all about it, please visit my build thread. It is indepth and will give you an idea of the rollercoaster 

Sole Destroying....literally

As I have progressed in life I have realised that I really should set myself some goals so that I have something to aim towards. In light of this I compiled a list of things to achieve by the time I am 30, funnily enough I cant actually remember what any of them were apart from one. I had a dream, and that dream was to own a pair of designer high heels by the time I was 30 *cue angels singing and harps ummm... harping* but hey don't judge me, I'm not a super model so the dream of "world peace" doesn't have to be my staple answer and a girl has needs you know. 

Let me paint the scene for you, its early on birthday morning and the Tattooed Army Brat wakes me up (brave man considering his understanding for me and mornings) and asked me if I wanted my present, he then reaches under the bed and pulls out a wrapped shoe box. I was excited instantly thinking that it would be a balla pair of high tops (the Army brat is after all a sneaker pimp) and you can imagine my surprise as I pull off the paper and the words "Peeptoe" is staring back at me. Very early on in the relationship I had tried on a pair of these amazing designer high heels and he had remembered and gone back and got them for me (the girl from the shop remembered him and swooned about how romantic he was *spewwwwwwwww*)

This is the sight that greeted me :D

Why designer shoes I hear you ask? Im not really into the whole world of high end fashion but there is an air of magic around a pair of coloured soles. Your feet can feel the difference (even if it is a placebo affect I don't care) and in a good pair of heels you can take on the world. Its the pelvis thrust, it really drives you insa-a-a-ne (I know you were just singing and dancing to the Time Warp, don't deny it)

These shoes quickly became a vital staple for my life, 5 inch black patent leather Peeptoes full of love and deliciousness, I wore them to work, I partied in them and sometimes I even did the house work in them, these shoes were sent from God. I was never "that girl"* in these shoes, they took me on more adventures than I can remember. They went from being shoes to being a part of my family 

At the start of the relationship with the shoes, I will admit that I wore them for the wrong reasons, being slightly bitter about the demise of my relationship with the Army Brat I made it my goal in life to use the shoes to pick up boys (strange idea now I look back at it). One particular night a lad of 21 commented that my shoes were nice and I ended up making out with him in a back alley (but thats not being a cougar because he thought I was 23 so it makes it ok) I went home feeling triumphant and desirable but in the cold light of day I realised I was using the power of the shoes for evil instead of good and it was time to put them away until I could act responsibly with my toys. 

Fast forward a few months, I was feeling better about life and decided to bring the shoes out of retirement and what followed was 18 months of drinking and dancing,  2 resoles and 3 reheels. The shoes saw me eating randoms pizzas, having boobs rubed against my face, riding in a trolley and dancing on podiums. They walked for a million miles and never let me down. 

"The Shoes" Coming out of retirement

The last outing for the shoes was on a balmy night in early December to my work Christmas party, I frocked up, slid my feet into "The shoes" and headed to the seaside location and partied the night away and at the time I had no idea that this was to be the beginning of the end. Being Christmas time in Freo taxis were like Hens teeth and our little Posse headed out on foot in search of a mighty taxi chariot to take us home, we walked for hours (or probably not but it was a considerable distance) and despite my feet hurting and my companions pleas to save my feet and take his shoes, I continued forward in my 5 inch heels. We finally got a taxi and night turned into day and I eventually got back to my car and threw my stuff in the back and headed home for some much needed rest. 

This was the last outing for them... and a boy even wore one 

(maybe this was what really killed them)

Well see I am of the forgetful breed and days turned into weeks before I realised that my amazing shoes were somewhat lost. After realising the error of my ways I ran to the car and on opening the boot was greeted with a sight that still turns my stomach now, there in the boot of my car was my beautiful Peeptoes in a warped heap, the Australian summer sun had been the final straw for them. They were on their way out anyway, they were stretched and scuffed, due for the 4th reheeling and the heel was beginning to develop a distinct wobble because of a snapped spline, but none of this mattered to me, I was sure that they had a bit more life left in them before I had to lay them to rest 

Really Dead :(

I walked back inside clutching my fallen comrades to my chest and was met by laughter from my house mate. How could he laugh in a situation as serious as this? Did he not have a heart, did he not understand that I had just lost a member of my family? I retreated into my room to mourn the passing when the hippy house mate came in and I remarked to him that I didn't have the heart to throw them out even though I knew it was time. On turning them over in my hands it came to my attention that the brand insignia was still intact!!! SUCCESS!!!! I could keep a portion of my shoes as a constant reminder of our lives together. I handed my precious shoes over and with a bit of hacksawing later (testimony to how well made these shoes are) the soles were returned to me and the shoes went off to farm (as an adult I realise this means they were dead but its easier to think of them frolicking in a field with all the other shoes)

Memories are all I have left now

I have since purchased another pair (or two) of Peeptoes but so far have not built the same attachment to them as I had for the originals. Hopefully the pain of their passing will fade with time and I will find a place in my heart for the replacement. To me they were more than a shoe, they were a memory, an adventure, a wingman, a partner in crime but most importantly they were my family. So lets hold a minutes silence for our dearly departed and next time you see a girl with a pained look on her face and amazing high heels, spare a thought for her, she knows the inevitable is coming 

The new Pair.... but sadly its just not the same

Love and Sole Searching 

Miss K 

* That girl is a girl who takes her shoes off and carries them in her hand. I have in the past been known to be that girl, but I was never "that" girl in my Peeptoes

Photo Evidence that I am "That" Girl sometimes

P.S ladies buy yourself a pair of designer heels and you will understand what I mean, you CAN feel the difference and the quality and workman ship are worth every penny. My Peeptoes were about $250 but they lasted me 18 months so it was in my opinion the best money the Tattooed Army Brat Boyfriend spent on me. I still thank and curse him on the daily for starting my addiction... but now I have seen the light there is no turning back 

20 Seconds of Courage

So Friday the 13th has come and gone and to say it kicked my arse was probably the understatement of the year, so I decided to try and ease the tension but going out on a lovely Friday night date with myself. Dinner and a movie in the hope that I'd put out, because if I didnt, well gosh darn that would be a waste of money. There is the old adage that goes "gas, grass or arse! Nobody rides for Free!" and just quietly between you and me, I was hoping for arse. When I was young I was always a lonely child and didnt seem to really find my niche until I was an adult and as such I am used to spending a lot of time alone, and I dont even really mind it so much. This week has been enough to make me realise that a "Kerry Time Out" was needed... so a night to myself may have well been what the doctor ordered. 

Here is something about me that I am sure will come as a surprise to many of you (even those of you that know me really well) I am shy, I am honestly scared to talk to people and dont even get me started on how much fear boys put in me. Over the years I have developed this persona that is the opposite of this, it is essentially my moto of faking it until you make it, but deep down I am still faking it. I pull off the shit that I do because I push myself to push through the shyness, and I have also come to realise that you create this "person" long enough then that is the person that people expect of you, I guess I cant slip out of this now... 

I know this is boring dribble, but surprisingly I do actually have a point. I went to see a movie called "We Bought a Zoo" on the simple pretence that I like animals (yeah, deep, I know), but what I ended up getting was something more than that. Something that was mentioned in the movie resounded in me and I have been thinking about it since I left the cinema... it was the concept of life being about 20 second of courage and it leading to something amazing. Imagine what we have the potential to create with a 20 second window of courage, you could set something in motion that will change your whole life.

This is the explanation.....

It got me thinking as to why I dont be more courageous in matters in my life and I realised that the main reason is that I fear to fail or I fear to expose myself for hurt. With great risk comes great reward... so here is what I plan to do to get my reward 

Smile More and at EVERYONE -  A smile is free and You never know if someone is going to need it and where it is going to take you

Stop being a Pansy - I can eat a guys pizza who I dont know whilst walking down the street but I cant tell someone I care about that I care.... that shit is whacked out. As a certain young man always tells me "Grow Up"

Remember that its only 20 seconds - I can hold my breath for longer than that, and if that doesnt kill me neither will this 20 seconds 

Dont take set backs to heart - Remember what keeps us back is doing so to hold us for what we are actually mean to have 

Stand up for what I believe in - I have let people treat me badly for to long and I have let them set a precedent, I am sure I can pack enough of an argument into 20 seconds to set up a solid foundation to change this 

I  know going into this that not ever 20 seconds is going to end in my favour, but if I atleast try then I will know without a shadow of a doubt that I threw everything at it, and all it takes is one person to change your luck

What are you going to spend your 20 seconds of courage on?

Love and holding breaths

Miss K 

P.S Incase you were wondering how the date went, the stupid bitch cried through most of the movie, so I dont think I will be taking her out again any time soon. And as for if she is going to put out, well I will let todays Redtubes offerings be the decider of that 

48 days... the clock is ticking!!!!

So I used to have this plan for my life, it went along the lines of married by 25 and kids by 28, and now I am bordering on 29 and neither of these two things have come into fruition. I often sit here and wonder how my life went astray from my finely laid plans and how different things would be if I had have followed that path, but then I remember that I have an amazing rack thats hasnt been sucked dry by a parasite  child and I am free to do as I please and I stop wondering about the what ifs and be happy with the have gots. 

In the opening post of this blog I mused my desire to find the "spark", here is a bit of background information for you. In my life I have only had three serious relationships but many more let downs, disappointments and many many amusing memories along the way. I was once told that things fail, to hold us for what we should actually have. You take something from every person you meet and I was obviously meant to have them in my life for some reason... so here they are 

Boy Number 1 - Ronald McDonald 

I was a late bloomer in the relationship stakes, I met my first boyfriend in ToysRUs when I was just finishing high school. He is a Tall red head (this is what possibly started my uncanny love for the gingers) lifeguard surfer who I went out with for just under a year, he was my first everything and because of that he was my very narrow minded world. We were young and outgrew each other and thats ok. He was the start of my interest in tattoos 

Boy Number 2 - Flat Pack from Ikea

I used to go to Tafe with a young lad called Hayden, I was looking for a job and he helped me out. When I started working he told me about this guy that he thought I would love and assured me that we would get along really well. First night on the job this tall blonde guy comes trundelling down the hill towards us and I would like to say it was love at first sight, but sadly it wasn't, I wondered why his head was so big and if he was possibly deformed (thats a bit harsh actually, I don't really mean that totally). Over the next few weeks I started to take an interest in this boy, my love affair for him was ignited and my hatred for Rotor engines followed not long after. I chased him for months and months and we couldn't get our act together and finally after about 8 months, he cooked me Ravioli and kissed me in his driveway at 6am and that was the end of that. No one was surprised when we announced we were together, apparently everyone but us could see it the whole time.

He can also be to blame for the scary trend of me being able to pull guys after vomiting. Think a lovely dinner his mum had made, me getting a sudden bought of Gastro and spending the next few hours in his toilet turning myself inside out. This was early on in our chase before we were offical, his mum never made Chilli Con Carne again and he still wanted to go out with me. Great Success... 

We were together for 5 years and had plans of grandure for life. We loved, we fought, we got a cat and he was my best friend. To this day I am still convinced that my parents love him more than me, he is the good looking Dutch Model son that they always wanted and never got. He was my life plan, it was on track but I woke up one day and realised that the plan wasn't the right thing for me. We went our separate ways and after being apart for 5 years we are friends still (if he ever remembers to text me back!!!!!) Really it is a good thing we broke up because the idea of pushing out a baby with a head as big as his scares me!!!

Boy Number 3 - Tattooed Army Brat 

I met him, I knew he was going to try and kiss me but I decided early on that I wouldn't let that happen, cue a lot of cider later and apparently I changed my mind and we kissed in the back of the taxi (his recollection of this story is different to mine and thinks I kissed him but I don't believe this for a second) . He stole my bed and my pillows and I was forced to sleep on the small couch, I ended up getting a migraine because of this and as stealthy as I thought my vomiting was, he heard me and looked after me for the next few hours until I felt better. If you can vomit in front of someone and they still ask for your number then you know you are doing something right. I fell deeply in love with him very quickly and it was a fairy tale while it lasted. 

I blame him totally for my addiction to killer kicks, designer high heels and tattoos. His influence is the reason that all future potential mother in laws will probably dislike me, who wants a tattooed daughter in law because just think of what the neighbours would say? 18 months have passed and we are slowly being friends. Its nice to have a medical professional in easy contact because as we know, I am Captain Retard

Why 48 Days?

So this takes me to today, and it was brought to my attention that this year is infact a leap year and ladies you know what that means!!!! on the 29th of February it is totally acceptable to ask a guy to marry you (he can still obviously say no though, but I am sure he wouldnt dare), so the hunt is on. I have 48 days to find myself a suitable husband candidate who I can ask to marry me and live happily ever after. If I dont do it by the 29th I then have to wait another 4 full whole years before I get another chance. Disaster!!!! by then I will be 32.5 and no doubt my boobs would have sagged and then no one will love me. Time is running out  

A few years ago I was chatting to my friend and she said that I should put out to the universe the kind of guy that I was after, so I got out my crayons and got creative and this is what I came up with 

This was back in 2009 and I wonder if my list of desires has changed at all. Now I think I can add these things to the list as my tastes have developed with age 

- Possibly High Vis Wearing - I for the life of me can not understand this strong fetish (for want of a better word) that I have at the moment. Maybe I like my men to be hard working and dirty?

- Facial Hair is growing on me - face fuzz used to be a big turn off but I am slowly coming around to the way of the beard, because if your dad doesnt have a beard, you have two mums

Heard Mr Reynolds is back on the market, call me ;)

- A possible love for hip hop - would make things a whole heap easier, then we wouldnt fight over the stereo. Plus they generally dress well and have good shoes

Suffa wanna marry me?

- Tattoos - Being so tattooed myself I think I need someone tattooed that will understand what its all about, also they should get the kind of attention that I attract, its not easy being this amazing. Also for once I would like to hook up with someone that is more tattooed than I am, hmmm maybe that should have been one of my new years resolutions 

This one would do just perfectly 

But I guess first and fore most I am after someone that loves me for me but I guess I cant really push my luck with these things. So I am on the hunt, I shall have to move quickly like a Puma through the jungle (well I guess its kinda true because I do like them young) and see what I can get myself. 

And any of you ladies that are keen to join my crusade, use your crayons and put it out to the universe... 

Love and Marriage 

Miss K 

P.S to all the boys out there and anyone that actually might think I am being serious, 60% of the time, all the time I am pulling the piss. I think that this is part of that 60%

The hair down "there"

Let me set the scene for you, its a normal day at work, just like any other normal day, and after a few cups of tea and your recommended daily intake of water its time to empty your bladder, you wander into the toilet cubicle and as you look down "shock horror" there is a pubic hair that has taken residence on the seat. This happened to me today and I didnt know whether to be repulsed or otherwise in the situation (well actually I was a bit repulsed) and on returning to my desk, I mused my findings on Facebook in the form of a comical statement and it appears to have brought up some conjecture on the hair down there issue. Apparently pubic hair is a highly debatable subject and its one that appears to interest me for some sick and twisted reason. So here is it, my thoughts on the hair on your mummy/daddy parts (or the lack there of as may possibly be the case)

The Evolution of my Pubic Hair

I guess seeing this blog is about me I should tell you about the evolution of my lady garden (if you dont want to read this section, please feel free to skip to the next section, I wont be offended at all). Like all developing girls hair started to grow down there, at first it was gross and strange and then I guess it just became a part of the landscape and I forgot about it. As I started to become interested in boys there was some landscaping in the form of courtesy trims and normal bikini waxes, though at this stage of my life my vagina was shy and I had this thing in my head that I couldn't go to the same waxer twice because what if she got to familiar with my vagina. Do you know how hard it is to find a good waxer? Its pretty hard let me give you the tip. I still laugh about those days 

Slowly over the years I got more and more taken off with each wax and then the Brazilian became the buzz word. Let me tell you the idea of having a lady pour hot wax on my little man in the boat terrified the fuck out of me (and it still does every month) and I was adverse to the idea for a long time. My waxer suggested one day that I may as well do it because I was nearly there anyway, so after some probing I decided to give it a bash. I was 25 at this point and now at 28.5 I haven't looked back. Every month I trudge myself down to the beautician, let her put hot wax on me and then proceed to rip half my vagina off, and while it does hurt like buggery there is nothing like the feeling when you walk out all clean and fresh, its kinda like putting clean sheets on your bed. 

Whats your Style?

While I was googling for research (and by googling, for once I dont mean looking at porn) I came across this list of different possible hair styles you can have for your garden (who knew there was so many?)

• The Afro Not confined to heads, it seems.
• The Arrow A Brazilian strip, with an arrowhead on the bottom – presumably in case that special someone needs a little help finding their way home.
• The Bikini Bottom/Bikini Line Just a little tidying really – hair remains giving the effect of a bikini bottom shape when viewed from the front (excuse me for being dense but don't they all look like that anyway?)
• The Brazilian The most famous popular pubic hair style of them all... Removing all but a very thin strip down the centre.
• The Cardshark Hair is removed to leave a playing card design. Hearts, diamonds and spades are popular but clubs rarely sported. And apparently it's not the done thing to centralise the design – it should be to one side of centre.
• The Charlie Chaplin A horizontal strip like a Chaplin moustache. Also called the Hitler or Adolf.
• The French Removing a strip of hair both sides – less dramatic than a Brazilian.
• The Hollywood/Lolita/Kojak/Yuk Brynner All gone. Nada.
• The Isosceles This is a triangular version of the French.
• The Landing Strip Referred to in Military circles as the Runway. Wider than a Brazilian, narrower than a French. It's all in the width…
• The MC Hammer Chevrons, as seen on the famous eyebrow. And no, your third eye is on your FOREHEAD...
• The Mohawk Or, as they say in Japan, the Beckham Mohawk… About the same width as a Brazilian or slightly wider. What's in a name anyway?
• The Patchouli All over the place, au naturelle. Also called the Rasta, and the Madonna.
• The Princess Cut A vertical oval shape like an American Football or Rugby Ball.

and out of all of those on that list I think that people possibly only have a problem with the Brazilian or the Hollywood. Some people say it makes boys think that they are having intimate relations with a child. Just putting it out there that when you get old all your hair down there will fall out so maybe these guys are actually fantasizing about what unthinkables they would be doing to Miss Mavis (honestly its true, why do you think they use nanna rugs?). Another point to think about is that some boys find it slightly difficult to navigate their way around, so hair is just another obstacle that they don't want to deal with, its like driving into the sun with a dirty windscreen. Honestly people stop trying to put meaning into things that have no meaning

Oh Miss Mavis you minx

Is the Brazilian Expected?

With the internet, streaming porn and strip clubs hairless vagina is everywhere, so this has got me thinking, If this is all that is projected is it thought to be the norm? Are the men of today spoilt and greedy? As a woman I cant really answer this question but part of me thinks that it is expected of girls today, but I dont know a guy that would turn down a bit of something something just because of a bit of covering (but in saying that really by the time the girl has taken their pants off it could possibly be past the point of no return). I have a feeling that girls are possibly more fixated about the issue than guys are. 

Recently I had the pleasure of meeting an amazing guy who I connected with and I ended up spending the night at his house, I don't know what came over me but I was so stressed about the situation that I ended up blurting out my faults before he had a chance to find them himself (I still dont know why I did this). It had been about 6 weeks since my last wax (hey dont Judge I had just gotten back from Japan) and I was wearing bridget jones slimming knickers. Needless to say I was mortified by the situation and he just laughed at me and told me it was fine. And I honestly think that it was, girls make a big deal out of these things when really possibly they dont need to (or possibly it had gotten past the point of no return so he was in for the count... hmmmm) 

I asked a few of my friends in the writing of this post and while they said they preferred it to be bare or with a small landing strip, they all said as long as it was neat and maintained they didnt care

Pubic Hair is Dangerous

NEWS FLASH!!!! Pubic Hair can be detrimental to ones health. And I aint even making this shit up, I have a close friend who reg-ails me with stories of his amusing sexual exploits and this one story always sticks in my mind and makes me giggle. One fine evening, he met a lovely specimen of a lady creature and after some dinner and dancing (this may not have happened... but I am sure he was a gentleman none the less) they made their way back to his boudoir for a spot of light adult entertainment.  Being a safety concious young lad he had tarped up for the occasion (remember kids, if its not on, its not on) and away they went. See ordinarily this would have been the end of the story, but on this particular occasion the lovely female in question had a rather unkempt nether region (think slashing through a thick overgrown forrest to get the clearing with the stream). From my understanding (and his) of the situation her hair had folded over (possibly engulfed) and was rubbing between the condom and her vaginal lips. For any of you that may not know this about adult relations, there is (or should be) a fair bit of movement involved and this causes some friction and the offending hairs ended up burning a hole through the condom and abraised the bejesus out of his throbbing member* (mid shaft, right side, thankfully no permanent marks, or so he assures me). I dont know about you but abrasions and bleeding genitals aren't high on my list of fun things to do. 

This could have been the chic.... 

Manscaping? 

This is possibly where I may have double standards and I may be alone in this one but if a guy doesnt have any hair down there it looks kind of strange. Apparently if you get rid of the hair it makes your cock look bigger, trust me lads, it may make it look bigger but it wont make it feel any bigger... if you get my drift. I think the same rules apply for guys as they do for girls, keep it maintained and you will have no problems, You dont want hair in your teeth and neither does she. If you dont keep your shit in check, the hello head job may be the only head job that you get. 

Just a note below pro tip, if you do want to manscape and go bare, make sure you shave your snail trail as well. While the snail train can be incredibly sexy, its kinda pointless if it doesnt lead to anything and just stop abruptly. She might get lost on her way down and you dont want that awkward silence of being lost

Pubic Hair - Your Public Choice

At the end of the day, the way you choose to wear you "hair" is totally up to you. If you want to rock the 70s porn star muff I commend you (and some guys like that, there are special areas of porn just for them), if a short back and sides is more your style I support you and if you are like me and like to bare it all then I high 5 you. Who knows what the style will dictate in 10 years time, but just keep it in the back of your mind, that at the end we will all be wearing our nanna rugs together 

Love and Smoothness 


Miss K 

P.S The merkin (a vagina wig) was officially included in the Oxford Dictionary in 1617 and was originally worn by hookers to cover the signs of lice and venereal disease

*Disclaimer* I would like to strongly point out that I have not seen this young mans penis, he proof read his section and got upset when I called it "his little man" so throbbing member it is. Apparently he tells me its a glorious sight