20 Seconds of Courage

So Friday the 13th has come and gone and to say it kicked my arse was probably the understatement of the year, so I decided to try and ease the tension but going out on a lovely Friday night date with myself. Dinner and a movie in the hope that I'd put out, because if I didnt, well gosh darn that would be a waste of money. There is the old adage that goes "gas, grass or arse! Nobody rides for Free!" and just quietly between you and me, I was hoping for arse. When I was young I was always a lonely child and didnt seem to really find my niche until I was an adult and as such I am used to spending a lot of time alone, and I dont even really mind it so much. This week has been enough to make me realise that a "Kerry Time Out" was needed... so a night to myself may have well been what the doctor ordered. 

Here is something about me that I am sure will come as a surprise to many of you (even those of you that know me really well) I am shy, I am honestly scared to talk to people and dont even get me started on how much fear boys put in me. Over the years I have developed this persona that is the opposite of this, it is essentially my moto of faking it until you make it, but deep down I am still faking it. I pull off the shit that I do because I push myself to push through the shyness, and I have also come to realise that you create this "person" long enough then that is the person that people expect of you, I guess I cant slip out of this now... 

I know this is boring dribble, but surprisingly I do actually have a point. I went to see a movie called "We Bought a Zoo" on the simple pretence that I like animals (yeah, deep, I know), but what I ended up getting was something more than that. Something that was mentioned in the movie resounded in me and I have been thinking about it since I left the cinema... it was the concept of life being about 20 second of courage and it leading to something amazing. Imagine what we have the potential to create with a 20 second window of courage, you could set something in motion that will change your whole life.

This is the explanation.....

It got me thinking as to why I dont be more courageous in matters in my life and I realised that the main reason is that I fear to fail or I fear to expose myself for hurt. With great risk comes great reward... so here is what I plan to do to get my reward 

Smile More and at EVERYONE -  A smile is free and You never know if someone is going to need it and where it is going to take you

Stop being a Pansy - I can eat a guys pizza who I dont know whilst walking down the street but I cant tell someone I care about that I care.... that shit is whacked out. As a certain young man always tells me "Grow Up"

Remember that its only 20 seconds - I can hold my breath for longer than that, and if that doesnt kill me neither will this 20 seconds 

Dont take set backs to heart - Remember what keeps us back is doing so to hold us for what we are actually mean to have 

Stand up for what I believe in - I have let people treat me badly for to long and I have let them set a precedent, I am sure I can pack enough of an argument into 20 seconds to set up a solid foundation to change this 

I  know going into this that not ever 20 seconds is going to end in my favour, but if I atleast try then I will know without a shadow of a doubt that I threw everything at it, and all it takes is one person to change your luck

What are you going to spend your 20 seconds of courage on?

Love and holding breaths

Miss K 

P.S Incase you were wondering how the date went, the stupid bitch cried through most of the movie, so I dont think I will be taking her out again any time soon. And as for if she is going to put out, well I will let todays Redtubes offerings be the decider of that