Thursday, 3 May 2012

Do you Shave? and other disasters

There must be something in the water because recently shit has been going strange. Maybe we should call it my Mojo? but what ever it is, I guess I am not really going to complain. This strange phenomena is boys, we have touched on before that I like boys but for once in my life it actually appears that boys like me back (WOAHHHH I KNOW!!!!!). I am on a winning streak and have had the opportunity of the company of a man on nearly every adventure that I have been on recently. But before we get ahead of ourselves, this is in fact not a post about my whoredom but more about the disasters that have encapsulated me this week  

So lets start at the beginning and cast our minds back to Wednesday last week and as some of you would fondly remember this was Anzac Day and being Patriotic (which is actually the truth so please don't think I am being disrespectful for what I am going to say next) I thought an adventure out into town to show my support was of up most importance (and it didn't hurt that the American Sailors were in as well). I grabbed my favourite cousins and headed into the city and ran into a giant Jug of Pink Drank (Exhibit A) and things turned to awesome after that. We bar hopped our way around the city before finally ending up in armed forces Heaven at the shed. Uniforms as far as the eye could see!!!!! And this is where the fateful encounter happened, please let me introduce you to Army Medic V2 

Exhibit A - Pink Drank

I am a skittish creature and need to be in 10 places at once so spent the night between the bar, the dance floor, the toilet and my friends. On one such trip there was a tall young lad leaning against a pole near my friends and being the friendly lass that I am I decided to wander over and say G'Day. On chatting to the boy for a while this was our exact conversation 

Me: So what do you do?
Boy: Guess
Me: I think you work in IT
Boy: *laughs* not exactly. I'm in the army 
Me: *holds up hand with one finger raised* Strike 1, and what do you do in the army?
Boy: I am a Medic 
Me: * Throws another finger up and makes a sweeping motion* STRIKE TWO YOU ARE OUT 
Boy: No!! Wait?! What???!!???  I get three strikes 

We then had a conversation as to why I have sworn of Military types (and the medic thing was just a bad coincidence) so he asked me to reconsider, and give him a chance to have his third strike. I reluctantly agreed and gave him my number and after a quick kiss I excused myself and found a taxi and headed home. After taking a ride on the porcelain bus (stop judging, I had been drinking for nearly 12 hours by this time) headed to bed. About half an hour after I left the pub my phone went off and who would you think it was, yes that's right it was Army Medic V2 with something along the lines of "I couldn't wait until the morning, when can I see you again?". My initial reaction was WTF!!! and my second reaction was WTF I will deal with this in the morning. 

I sat and procrastinated about the message until mid morning when I finally replied with "I think I am free tonight" to which the young army medic (actually just to clear this up he wasn't that young, he is actually the same age as I am) jumped all over this, told me he would pick me up at 6.30 and we would go out for Pizza and movies and I reluctantly agreed. Ive got to give the kid points for enthusiasm but even at the time alarm bells were ringing inside my head. I was nervous but then 6.30 rocked around and after being marginally late but no matter, he walked me to the passenger side of the car and opened the door (=@) and waited until I was safely seated before he shut the door and walked around to the drivers side. On getting in the car and driving off he put his hand on my leg and tried to hold my hand, I was again like woah he is eager, but then when we went to get pizza I think he might have accidentally rolled in glue when I wasn't looking because he was constantly touching me and hugging me. I am not the most affectionate person and I don't deal so well with people being in my personal space so I was starting to get freaked out. But sadly the worst was yet to come... 

After getting our Pizza we headed back to his house to watch movies, and on walking into his share house I was overcome by a stench some what a kin to rotten fruit, we walked up the dirty carpet stairs to his equally dirty room with its unmade bed (it was a single) and doona with no cover. I would like to take this opportunity to admit that I may not be the cleanest person in the world but if I know I am having company over I make an effort, I try and tidy up and I atleast make my bed. We ate our Pizza, watched some South Park and pretty much this whole time he was attached to me some how. In the end I had to ask him politely to take me home. As he walked me to my door he asked me to call him as soon as I had some free time and he couldn't wait to see me again. As you can imagine, its now nearly a week on and I haven't been in contact with him. I think maybe he got the message though because he hasn't texted me for a few days. I am sure he is a lovely guy and some girl would be lucky to have a guy as affectionate as that, but I am just not that girl. And I have learnt my lesson well and truly. To Army Medics, Kerry Says No!! I should have really learnt my lesson the first time. So lets call this one DNR and DOA.

I did find out after this photo was taken what wearing a Sailors hate means, 
pretty clear to say we GTFO of the bar pronto after that 

Fast forward to Saturday night, for people that don't know me, I am a HUGE Oz Hip Hop fan and some lads from Adelaide commonly known as the Funkoars were in town. On walking in and scanning the room I noticed a very tall very good looking guy standing near the bar with his mates, I turned to my sister and remarked "I will have him" and she just laughed at the suggestion.

As the night wore on I started interacting with the Tall Good Looking bearded man and when a circle pit start and a fight broke out I got pulled into the safety of his arms. I was feeling pretty awesome at this time and feeling smug because I had acquired my target. The night drew on and out of no where (His hands had been resting on the front of my jeans with his fingers hooked into my belt) he turned me around and these exact words came out of his mouth "do you shave?" I looked at him with a dumb founded expression and didn't say anything and then he winked at me. Finally had I found someone that was as interested in the state of the worlds pubic hair as I was? Or had he got a preview of what was inside my pants without me realising (we are entering week three... give me a break ok, its not the Amazon yet)

The 'Oars want you!!

After the gig finished he looked and me and goes "So are we going to go home now?" I like a man that is to the point, but sadly for me it turned out this one was a dick head and I ditched him not long after that. Its made me think that the tall good looking ones (and this guy was tall, I am 5'10 and his chin rested on the top of my head) might infact be crazy. So it was with that, that I told Mr Oar to Row Row Row his boat out of my town. Disappointing because he was soooo pretty and I do like them tall, I guess it shows I actually do have standards and self respect. 

So what ever is in the water, I like it!!!! But how about next time we bring me something that might be a keeper??

Love and Dodgy Drinking

Miss K 


  1. haha Can't believe you thought a guy who's first words were "do you shave? was a keeper! you crack me up!

    1. Hahaha but he was so pretty and he was tall so he might have been in proportion ;)