When I grow up, I wanna be....

I keep asking myself even to this day, what do I want to be when I grow up. Surely at this stage in my life I should already know the answer to this question but it some what eludes me and being a lady of leisure sadly doesn't pay as well as a normal career does so I guess its back to the drawing board I go. 

When I was a wee tacker I wanted to be a clown, I thought there would be nothing better in life than covering myself in make up, going out and entertaining people and making them laugh. When I was about 10 years old I lived in a small country town and like most small country towns, they loved their country music. Every year they had a big country music festival at the local Rec Centre and people flocked to this event in droves to salute the genius of woe is me music (don't get me wrong, I actually really do love country music). One such year my dad was working behind the bar, which saw my sister and I just hanging out and killing time. This year was to become one of the most magical of my life, this year there was a clown, YES A CLOWN, and he was giving train rides. 

As a child I was an excitable young thing (some things never really change it seems) so I boldly strutted (as much as a 10 year old can) up to Bozo the Clown, introduced myself and told him that when I grew up I was going to be a clown as well. He must have seen something special in the gleam in my eye and on noticing my potential he asked if I wanted to work with him for the day. I was so excited I could have popped so I ran off to ask my dad if it was OK, he said it was, on the condition that I didn't tell anyone that he was my dad (pretty fair call I guess). I was dressed in clown clothes and  a wig, with full make up and it was my job to take the money and help the little kids into the train. It was by far probably the best job Ive ever had. Sadly though I found out that the following day someone stole all of Bozos money :( stealing from a clown is really a pretty low act, so still 20 years later, I say shame on you to the culprit. 

I guess my dream of becoming a clown did some what come true, I'm still the life of the party, dress in questionable fashion and sometimes my make up is a cross between a drag queen and a clown. If I am honest the real reason that I didn't follow through with it totally though is because my love for children quickly diminished and the idea of being surrounded by them on the daily sends me running for the hills in my giant novelty shoes. 

Next on my list of bright career ideas was something in Public Relations , so when I finished high school I tried to get into Tafe to do just that but missed out by a few points and instead got into a Travel & Tourism Diploma. When I finished my studies though the world was in the grips of world unrest, SARS and September 11 were all over the news and people were starting to loose confidence in the safety of travelling so the market bottomed out very quickly and job prospects were low so I was forced into a job in another field. 

Fast forward through 10 years, started as an office junior, moved up to a receptionist position then onto being a typist. Finally after about 18 months I landed in a credit controller role where I stayed ever since. I have moved jobs a few times, won a few awards and cemented myself with a solid career but its been something that is really just a job and nothing more, so now at nearly 30 I'm back thinking about career choices and whats going to fit for me 

Career change... overdue

*on a quick little side note - When I finished up my last credit role I was looking for other avenues and one recruitment agent that I visited remarked "you are a bit late in life to be thinking of changing careers aren't you?" as you can imagine I took an instant dislike to this lady. Fuck, I'm 29, still have a good mental capacity and control of my own bladder, why cant I change careers. I have a feeling that the reason she tried to beat me down was because a candidate with my experience in very easy to place and can get higher wages which means higher returns for the agent. I'm totally all over her evil back handedness. I ended up telling her I was set on my decision to change fields so I'd call her when I changed my mind. As you can guess she called me twice a week for about a month to see how my search was going and if I was ready to swallow my pride and accept her help. It was with great satisfaction that I could tell her that I had infact got a job in the new field and was getting the wages that I was after despite her adamantly telling me that I would not Succeed*

So I am on the drawing board at the moment and here at the ideas that I have come up with 

I don't know so much if this is a career choice or a genetic persuasion but I'm ready to give being Asian a red hot go. I like everything Asian and have slanty small eyes so I am half way there. I love Asian food, Asian past times (taking photos, Karaoke, drifting and eating pork buns) and have a pension for the cutesy. I did remark to my dad that I was going to become an Asian and he told me that I couldn't because there was to many of them already. I did take the time to point out to him that I would be a good Asian because I know how to park and I can eat with my mouth closed but he wasn't convinced and said that I would stand out to easily and they would be on to me. 

Cant You See Im Parking here?

Since he crushed my dreams of being Asian I suggested a possible career in Porn Star Stunt Doubling and he was OK with this. See It has been brought to my attention that I bear a striking resemblance to a porn star by the name of Gianna Michaels, she is a fair skinned, large breasted brunette beauty with the same eyes as me. Since finding out about the likeness I have researched her extensively and just quietly between you and me she is pretty amazing and I'd like to get all up in on that. So I've got some ideas on the best way to tackle this 1. Call her agent, ask if I can be a stunt body and do all the boring shots that she isn't keen on, the only main issue here is that I'm heavily tattooed and she isn't but If there is a will there indeed shall be a way or 2. call her agent and ask if they are interested in hooking up a bit of a twin scene. Ive got this goal to have a lesbian experience by the time that I turn 30 so it would kill two birds with one stone. Lesbian action, a porn career AND cash on the side. BINGO!!!!!!! I would possibly be a bit envious of her boobs though because whilst mine are pretty amazing they are small in comparison to hers. 

She has pretty hair....

So these are my two possible future career ambitions, who knows what will happen from here though because I have found life rarely goes to plan. Everyone needs a dream of what they want to be when they grow up, But as some Shaggy Haired Jesus fellow said to me the other day, Growing up can wait, Ive got too much shit to do in the mean time 

Love and Painted Faces 

Miss K 

When I grow up I totally want to bone Shirley Manson... Fuck Yesss!!!!!!!!

Wanna play a counting Game?

It appears that everything in my life is boiling down to numbers, so here is a short sharp listing of whats going on in the world of Kerry 

1.74 Million - Thats how many people are in WA. I have three ex's, one I never see who I would be ok with seeing, one I am actually good mates with and rarely see and one that I dont want to see and who I cross paths with more than should be probable. Yo universe think about the odds and sort your shit out. Probability got confused when it came to me 

I would run into him here.... easily

32 - Sneakers that I have. Its come time to start packing but I am struggling with the prospect of not having a wide array of sneakers to choose from for my weekly outings. I hear your scoffing about first world problems but I cant wear the same ones, people will judge me you know

This is my life... Paint, Silvias and Kicks

4 - the amount of Shoulders I need to count before my arm is around your shoulders 

3 - Weeks that I have left before this giant adventure starts, I need to start packing, organise my new furniture, say goodbye to all my friends and family... you know lots of busy people things 

The calendar days are a tumblings

2 - The amount of cars I owned until yesterday, now that number is 0. Both my cars were very much loved parts of my family and I will admit that I got a bit teary when the Rolla rumbled its way out the gate with its new owner behind the wheel, I hate to think what I am going to be like when the Silvia gets picked up AGAIN. 

My two prior loves <3

1 - The Guy. I met a guy recently and what was meant to be a casual fun hook up due to my impending departure may have possibly turned into something more than that. It makes me excited when I hear from him and disappointed when I don't get to see him. I smile and I blush and do all that homo no good stuff. Someone said to me that I would find someone just before I left, and it would appear that could have happened. Dear Universe, your timing sucks!!!!!

How gay is this?

So there are the numbers that are in my head at the moment, we are still full steam ahead on the march towards Melbourne (with a quick little side trip to Bali with my Amazing sister) and life is going good. I wonder what numbers I can rack up before I leave 

Love and Abacuses 

Miss K 

Seemingly talented Seminal Fluid?

I've been thinking about this a fair bit lately, there is so much talent in the world but my talent cup sadly doesn't overfloweth, My jury is still out on whether talent comes from practice or from pure god given skill, but either way I don't have much of either. Practicing takes hard work and god appears to have forgotten me, clearly there needs to be an easier way to get talented.

Cue last nights reasonings... I went to see Florence and the Machine and while I was there I walked past a Graff artist whos stuff I really like, I was thinking to myself that I would really like some of his talent (and the fact that he is pleasant on the eye and wears balla shoes doesn't hurt either.) I couldn't go and talk to him though because I'm shy so I just watched from afar while devising plans on how to leech his soul ummm I mean skills (doesn't sound as creepy as it actually was, or its not as creepy as it sounds? I cant really decide). Wouldn't it be great if you could have intimate adult relations with someone and at the happy conclusion some of their awesome would be all over you (except I always tarp up so there is not so much awesome on me). I'd even possibly be willing to take it in the eye for the greater good if I could paint like him at the end of it.

Its not just talent with a can that I want though, here are some other things I would like to be good at

Speaking another Language - my choice language at the moment would be Japanese. Ive been studying Japanese on and off for the last 18 months, its frustratingly hard work and it seems like every time I'm close to cracking it something comes up so I have to stop studying. I have so much respect for people that are fluent in another language. Excitingly my new house mate studied Japanese at Uni so I'm going to steal her knowledge (probably just through the conventional methods though, I have a strict rule of no fluid swapping with house mates). I also wouldn't mind learning what ever language it is that the ladies who do my nails speak, just so I can understand what those bitches are really saying about me.

What you say?

Keeping it sideways - I want to drift and I want to do it well. I don't want to look like an octopus trying to save itself from sliding down the side of a cliff. When I drift I am all arms and legs everywhere in a panicked mess. I want to become fluid, as if I'm going to the shop to get milk. I want to loose the fear and just be the awesome. Ive tried being intimate with a drifter or two over the years and whilst they are great at "sliding it in" sadly none of the skill rubs off on me.

Maybe if I was asian it would be easier

Counting my Coins - Maybe I need to be intimate with an accountant or an auditor or a bank manager or someone of the like, not to catch any of the boring but to instead transfer some of the money saving frugal ways that they have. My goal at the start of the year was to get better with my money and I did for a while, I started putting away my money but then a truck kindly decided to make surprise bum sex with my car and all my savings went on that (well I guess that's what savings are for, life's little emergencies. right?) I guess savings just seem like a bit of a waste of time if by saving I miss out on life events you know.

Ummmm I dont know if it means that much to me....

Sleeping on Command - I suck at sleeping, I cant remember the last time that I slept for more than an hour or two without waking up, I've tried everything to remedy this but no dice. One of my exs was a pro at falling asleep at the blink of an eye, I really need to learn that skill, it would make power napping a hell of a lot more successful

I dont like boats but if I could sleep this easy then awesome 

Pluck my strings - I wish I was musical, bitches love musical. Even I swoon when I see a guy playing guitar and a guy playing piano brings tears to my eyes and flutters to my nethers. I am not musical at all and I envy those that are. It would be awesome if I could have that effect on people as well. I think I would like to play the Violin, just because its hell baller. True Story

This is how you do it right?

In return I guess I should give them something as well, They can have a small portion of my amazing sense of humour, a supreme taste in kicks and what limited car knowledge I have. Its all about sharing right? So if I ask you for an exchange don't take it the wrong way, you probably just have a skill that I want to steal.

Love and Loads

Miss K

Haters Gonna Hate - On Birthdays

Birthday week is upon us and for me its accompanied with a mixture of excitement and dread, I shall be turning the ripe old age of 29, the grey hairs are showing, I have little to show for my years on earth and all celebration generally leaves me with disappointment. So there it is, Haters gonna hate, and I hate on Birthday. So why do I hate them? Is it the thought of getting a year older, dealing with my family, feeling awkward as people sing me happy birthday or is something else entirely. 

Contemplating Birthdays and hiding my greys with a Hoody

There is always a hype, an excited feeling in my stomach when it rolls into Birthday week. I would be lying if I didn't say the idea of being spoilt didn't appeal to me, after all this is the one day of the year that should be all about me. Maybe this is a selfish thought on my behalf because it very rarely turns out that way. Every year I try not to get my hopes up but so far at 29 years Ive not been able to achieve this. Expectation always leads to disappointment so I need to learn to not give a shit I think. 

I also think that I am cursed, its what I like to refer to as the Birthday Curse. Every year around my birthday some terrible event happens to me. Over the years this has included engine fires, deaths, thiefings and broken bones. I can hear you sitting there and mumbling that the timing could all be a giant coincidence but I'm not convinced. I am constantly at the ready during Birthday week for the Zombie Apocalypse because being my luck this is when it would strike (but at least then I could take myself on a shopping spree in the empty shopping centres hmmmm). If it happens I hope for old school Zombies because I don't particularly feel like running on my birthday. Big Girls gotta eat cake you know 

I dont wanna share my cake

Its not been all bad, don’t get me wrong. There has been a smattering of good experiences in there, or memories that make me smile

This memory is funny for the information that I found out afterwards but its still an amazing present so it needs to be mentioned. For my 21^st Birthday Ikea flat pack decided that Diamonds really were a girls best friend and  he set out on a mission to get me something that I could keep for ever. He decided on a diamond  necklace and set about diligently walking the shops comparing prices. In one such shop he found a beautiful pendant that he wanted for me and on enquiring to the shop assistant for the price, he was asked "So is this for your boyfriend?" Ikea Flat Pack quickly shot back "NO ITS FOR MY GIRLFRIEND, I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND" and promptly left the shop. I did end up getting a very gorgeous diamond pendant  from a different shop, as I was his girlfriend, because after all he did have a girlfriend

Is this for your Boyfriend?

This is a story of a Blue Eyed Boy and a Slinky. It was coming up to my 25^th Birthday and as always I was filled with dread about the impending event, as a birthday outing, the boy I was seeing at the time decided that a celebratory trip to TimeZone was in order. After playing for a few hours we had enough tickets to pick prizes and me being the excitable kid that I am decided that there was no other prize in the world that I wanted more than a Slinky. Proudly brandishing my new slinky we headed off with our spirits at an all time jovial high. The next morning whilst I was at work my phone started to ring and on answering it I was met by the Slinky Song (it goes along the lines of “slinky, slinky everyone loves a slinky”) and then a loud BYE. I sat there rather miffed, it was my birthday after all, surely the blue eyed boy hadn’t forgotten. After about 30 seconds the phone rang again and I heard “Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Bubbles”. It seems that he was possibly so excited about the slinky that he forgot the business at hand, but indeed all is well that ends well. I still have the slinky, it sits on my mantle piece and every time I look at it I cant help but smile and sing the slinky song in my head.The year of the slinky was also the year of the Tomei Oil cap, a present still  that I have to wrestle off people who try and steal it, gives me a legit extra 20hp

This is THE slinky

Fast forward a few years to my 28^th Birthday, an event was to happen that would surpass all other things in my life to this point. Being the some what deviant that I am, a trip to the strippers was the only possibly course of birthday action. I rallied my friends and we headed off to the Voodoo lounge in Northbridge, honestly what better night could someone ask for, naked ladies and all of my friends. Early on in the night I saw one of my amazing friends walking around slyly getting money off everyone that was there and I started to think that there was more going on than I had originally thought. It was really no secret that I had a thing for one of the girls that worked there, her name was Lola and she is totally not the normal kind of girl that I would look at, she is clean skinned, amazingly curvy and has the most intense eyes I have ever come across, to the point that when she looked at me I would throw my money at her without her even taking her clothes off. Well I was later to find out that as a birthday treat for me, everyone had put in to get me Lola. I was called up on stage, got whipped (I thank my lucky stars that I remembered to put knickers on that night because having your dress lifted up without underwear would have been awkward), covered in lotion, given a lighter and some candle wax and told to go to town. It was the best 20 minutes of my life and I was left speechless (this never happens) and didn’t need to watch porn for a whole two months. To everyone that was involved in that night, my gratitude can not be put into words and to everyone that missed it, sucks to be you.

I've been blessed for the last 6 years to have a Birthday Fairy in the form of one of my best friends Krystal. She is one of the most generous people you will ever meet in your life and she makes it her mission every year to ensure that my Birthday can be as amazing as possible. Every year she raises the bar and this year the bar was raised to 3D Robot Invitations and Lolly Bags. Despite everything thats going on with my life I know there is always going to be a surprise from her and it makes the Birthday Curse easier to deal with, for her I am eternally greatful

I guess really birthdays are inevitable so I should just suck it up, realise that dollies and multitudes of presents are for little girls and I just need to get on with my life, after all really just like New Years Eve its just another day on the slow march towards death 

Love and Hip Hoorays 

Miss K 

Happy is his hoody on a... ummm Everyday?

The winter season is making its slow march towards us and that means its time to break out the warm clothes. This is also the time that a girl realises that she has insufficient hooded apparel for her winter needs and she starts looking around for substitutes. Bring on the great hood search, this search is made much easier for the girl that is in a relationship but for us single gals this search is a little bit harder

So whats the allure of a boys hoody over one of your own? Here it is, in the plain and simple

The Girthy Hood - for any of you girls who have tried to find an adequate hood I'm sure you will understand me here. Girls hoodys generally have insufficient head, maybe I do have a large melon but honestly a hood that sits awkwardly in the middle of your head and doesn't cover your ears isn't doing anyone a favour. I feel a hood should come over your forehead with ample room for head turning. Its  to hard to sleep in a hood that doesn't cover your eyes if you need it to. In the search for my current hoody I tried on about 20 to find the right head fit and in the end I went with a boys one because it provided me with what I needed

Man Size - awesome

It smells - generally (and by generally I mean all the time) I only like boys that have that delicious boy smell about them, its kinda like cologne mixed with virile man pheromones and when you put this smell on an item of clothing it can give a girl that kind of knee buckle that she wants to be all over. Its comforting and makes a gal feel safe and secure. Hoodys are about all the senses, smell, warmth, softness. You know how it is

Size Matters - I'm sure we all know this but when a girl says size doesn't matter she is lying (unless she is talking about anal, then in that case size really does matter). This statement also includes hoodys. The boys hoodys are generally larger and looser and less restrictive. I wear tight clothing everyday to work, I don't want to feel restricted when I get home as well. 

Its so Cuggily - Thanks for making your hoody so cuggily. I don't know what it is but generally the boys hoodys are far Superior in softness to girls ones and having soft delicate girl skin we appreciate this. 

This kid knows it

Mostly though and it kills me to say this because its super mega homo, but the number one reason that we love to steal your hoodys so much is because it reminds us of you. Clearly if we want to steal your hoody you are special to us and we like to think about you when you aren't around. By keeping something of yours close to us we can have that little smile of flicker memories to carry on our day. 

So boys get used to it, its your destiny in life to have your hoody taken. Just suck it up, give us a kiss on the forehead (chics are suckers for that shit) and marvel at how cute we are. Its all part of the circle of life 

Love and Warm Ears

Miss K 

My Ears are warm in this... and I didnt even need to steal it, smells like Girl though

P.S As I am between boys at the moment and have been for some years, I am now taking applications for a Hoody Donor (like a sperm donor but far less messy). Must be tall, good looking and delicious smelling. In return you will get, well probably nothing but maybe I will share my candy with you 

Bliss N Eso love their hoodys so much they wrote a song about it 

Kicking the Bucket?

It is a well known fact that everyone, yes everyone is going to die at some stage so this has got me to wondering about some things that I would want to achieve before I die,  A bucket list if you will. It has also got me to wondering when its actually a bucket list or whether it is just a guide for better living? A bucket list fundamentally is thought to be a list of things you would do if you were told that you have x amount of time to live, but this concept is flawed to me, we never really know how long we have to live and we could get hit by a bus tomorrow so should we not live every day as if it was our last? Also by compiling a bucket list at this early juncture in life would it not give me a better chance at achieving everything that I have on it?

So here is my list, as it stands at present...


Read every book on the top 100 books of all time - I like to read, I have read about 30 - 40 off the list so far. You get smarter the more you read. True Story 

Visit the Hanging Monastery and the Terracotta Warriors - China is def next on my list of amazing places to visit. There is so much history and culture packed into the country that I just want to go and immerse myself in it. Plus the food would be pretty rad as well.   

on a Cliff face for 1400 years, knowing my luck it would fall down while I am there

Take three months off to volunteer- The world has given me so much, I am lucky to have what I do so I would like to give something back 


Climb Fuji and watch the Sunrise from the top Station - The highest I have been on Fuji was the 5th Station and the view was magnificent, I want to see more of it. I am a sucker for sunrises and I think Fuji likes me. Its very rare that she reveals herself and is covered in cloud most of the time and on the 3 chances I have had to see her, she has revealed herself. It needs to be done  

This is Fuji 5th Station, Next time its the summit

Journey to every continent - there are seven, I have visited two. I best get cracking with the other 5


Drift Ebisu – I have been to Ebisu twice, once to watch and once to actually drift. And the second time I kinda sucked... like pretty badly so I have a plan to go back and not suck so bad and actually get off the skid pans and start hitting up the big boy tracks with everyone else. 

Its not how you sit on your car, its how you drive your car

Complete a solo skydive - I live with a crazy adrenalin junky and he has put this idea in my head, it was always something that I wanted to do but doing it solo never really crossed my mind. Price wise its the cheapest way to do it realistically


Visit the Northern lights - There is something magical about fancy lights in the sky. I know its cold up there and that might be an issue but it will be totally worth it 

This... there are no words

Get tattooed in every new country I visit - I know this one could be a bit risky but it would still be cool. There is so much talent in the world and the idea of being a walking canvas appeals to me greatly 

This, everywhere

See Snow - I know this will seem like a strange one to most people but remember, I live in the desert, We don't have snow here. But soon I shall be living in a place that does snow, I am bound to take a trip one day 


Visit Gallipoli – As a country we would not be the way that we are today without the sacrifice that our diggers made for us. I am eternally proud and thankful for their sacrifice, I would like to visit to pay my respects 

Ride on a horse – this one will seem very silly to most of you but Horses are my biggest fear (equally on par with spiders and I cant really ride one of them could I? Life isn't Harry Potter). Its that irrational, all consuming heart pounding fear that washes over me when ever a horse is with in 10 meters (or if we are being truthful 50 meters) that I need to get over. It will be done with a sense of achievement

But easily the top of my list is to be Happy, eternally radiantly happy. I may not always have the best but I will choose to make the best of everything I have. If it turns out that I don't achieve any of the things on my list, if I can live my life to the best of my ability then I can at least  die knowing this fact. I guess life is really as simple as that

As you can see most of the things in my bucket happen outside my doorstep, there is so much in the world to explore and I wont be content to sit in my arm chair and read about it on a computer screen. I want to breath it and smell it and taste it. Life is for living and I dont want my bucket to get a hole in it without atleast giving it a crack. I consider myself to be very lucky, I am young, fit and healthy and the world is really my Oyster. I live in an age where if I want to do something then its within my realm to do so and in this age of technology my mind can be opened by the endless possibilities. This is exciting!!! So please excuse me while I head off to start ticking off the items on my Guide to Better Living and I suggest you do the same

Love and Pip Pip Tally Hos

Miss K 


P.S I went to visit my Nan the other day and she is an amazing women, very cynical and witty even in this late juncture in life. During my visit she remarked to me that she didn't think it was fair that she wasn't dead yet, I asked her not to speak like that because it was upsetting but I don't think that she sees it that way. She told me that I was only young once so that I should do everything that I could while I could, so thats what I am going to do. Thanks Nan 

This is my Nan and my Favourite Uncle Ash, I will fill my bucket for her (and him if he puts his teeth back in his mouth )

Do you Shave? and other disasters

There must be something in the water because recently shit has been going strange. Maybe we should call it my Mojo? but what ever it is, I guess I am not really going to complain. This strange phenomena is boys, we have touched on before that I like boys but for once in my life it actually appears that boys like me back (WOAHHHH I KNOW!!!!!). I am on a winning streak and have had the opportunity of the company of a man on nearly every adventure that I have been on recently. But before we get ahead of ourselves, this is in fact not a post about my whoredom but more about the disasters that have encapsulated me this week  

So lets start at the beginning and cast our minds back to Wednesday last week and as some of you would fondly remember this was Anzac Day and being Patriotic (which is actually the truth so please don't think I am being disrespectful for what I am going to say next) I thought an adventure out into town to show my support was of up most importance (and it didn't hurt that the American Sailors were in as well). I grabbed my favourite cousins and headed into the city and ran into a giant Jug of Pink Drank (Exhibit A) and things turned to awesome after that. We bar hopped our way around the city before finally ending up in armed forces Heaven at the shed. Uniforms as far as the eye could see!!!!! And this is where the fateful encounter happened, please let me introduce you to Army Medic V2 

Exhibit A - Pink Drank

I am a skittish creature and need to be in 10 places at once so spent the night between the bar, the dance floor, the toilet and my friends. On one such trip there was a tall young lad leaning against a pole near my friends and being the friendly lass that I am I decided to wander over and say G'Day. On chatting to the boy for a while this was our exact conversation 

Me: So what do you do?

Boy: Guess

Me: I think you work in IT

Boy: *laughs* not exactly. I'm in the army 

Me: *holds up hand with one finger raised* Strike 1, and what do you do in the army?

Boy: I am a Medic 

Me: * Throws another finger up and makes a sweeping motion* STRIKE TWO YOU ARE OUT 

Boy: No!! Wait?! What???!!???  I get three strikes 

We then had a conversation as to why I have sworn of Military types (and the medic thing was just a bad coincidence) so he asked me to reconsider, and give him a chance to have his third strike. I reluctantly agreed and gave him my number and after a quick kiss I excused myself and found a taxi and headed home. After taking a ride on the porcelain bus (stop judging, I had been drinking for nearly 12 hours by this time) headed to bed. About half an hour after I left the pub my phone went off and who would you think it was, yes that's right it was Army Medic V2 with something along the lines of "I couldn't wait until the morning, when can I see you again?". My initial reaction was WTF!!! and my second reaction was WTF I will deal with this in the morning. 

I sat and procrastinated about the message until mid morning when I finally replied with "I think I am free tonight" to which the young army medic (actually just to clear this up he wasn't that young, he is actually the same age as I am) jumped all over this, told me he would pick me up at 6.30 and we would go out for Pizza and movies and I reluctantly agreed. Ive got to give the kid points for enthusiasm but even at the time alarm bells were ringing inside my head. I was nervous but then 6.30 rocked around and after being marginally late but no matter, he walked me to the passenger side of the car and opened the door (=@) and waited until I was safely seated before he shut the door and walked around to the drivers side. On getting in the car and driving off he put his hand on my leg and tried to hold my hand, I was again like woah he is eager, but then when we went to get pizza I think he might have accidentally rolled in glue when I wasn't looking because he was constantly touching me and hugging me. I am not the most affectionate person and I don't deal so well with people being in my personal space so I was starting to get freaked out. But sadly the worst was yet to come... 

After getting our Pizza we headed back to his house to watch movies, and on walking into his share house I was overcome by a stench some what a kin to rotten fruit, we walked up the dirty carpet stairs to his equally dirty room with its unmade bed (it was a single) and doona with no cover. I would like to take this opportunity to admit that I may not be the cleanest person in the world but if I know I am having company over I make an effort, I try and tidy up and I atleast make my bed. We ate our Pizza, watched some South Park and pretty much this whole time he was attached to me some how. In the end I had to ask him politely to take me home. As he walked me to my door he asked me to call him as soon as I had some free time and he couldn't wait to see me again. As you can imagine, its now nearly a week on and I haven't been in contact with him. I think maybe he got the message though because he hasn't texted me for a few days. I am sure he is a lovely guy and some girl would be lucky to have a guy as affectionate as that, but I am just not that girl. And I have learnt my lesson well and truly. To Army Medics, Kerry Says No!! I should have really learnt my lesson the first time. So lets call this one DNR and DOA.

I did find out after this photo was taken what wearing a Sailors hate means, 

pretty clear to say we GTFO of the bar pronto after that 

Fast forward to Saturday night, for people that don't know me, I am a HUGE Oz Hip Hop fan and some lads from Adelaide commonly known as the Funkoars were in town. On walking in and scanning the room I noticed a very tall very good looking guy standing near the bar with his mates, I turned to my sister and remarked "I will have him" and she just laughed at the suggestion.


As the night wore on I started interacting with the Tall Good Looking bearded man and when a circle pit start and a fight broke out I got pulled into the safety of his arms. I was feeling pretty awesome at this time and feeling smug because I had acquired my target. The night drew on and out of no where (His hands had been resting on the front of my jeans with his fingers hooked into my belt) he turned me around and these exact words came out of his mouth "do you shave?" I looked at him with a dumb founded expression and didn't say anything and then he winked at me. Finally had I found someone that was as interested in the state of the worlds pubic hair as I was? Or had he got a preview of what was inside my pants without me realising (we are entering week three... give me a break ok, its not the Amazon yet)

The 'Oars want you!!

After the gig finished he looked and me and goes "So are we going to go home now?" I like a man that is to the point, but sadly for me it turned out this one was a dick head and I ditched him not long after that. Its made me think that the tall good looking ones (and this guy was tall, I am 5'10 and his chin rested on the top of my head) might infact be crazy. So it was with that, that I told Mr Oar to Row Row Row his boat out of my town. Disappointing because he was soooo pretty and I do like them tall, I guess it shows I actually do have standards and self respect. 


So what ever is in the water, I like it!!!! But how about next time we bring me something that might be a keeper??


Love and Dodgy Drinking


Miss K