Monday, 13 August 2012

No Good Guys Left?

Are we unconsciously fucking the world for ourselves because of the attitudes we have and the actions we make, is it a pattern of rinse and repeat. People continue to follow the same path and expect a different outcome. You let a guy treat you mean and keep running back and then complain that there are no nice guys, how can you tell when you aren't giving the good guys a chance? Why do we play into the Treat em mean routine? Are we so indecisive and fearful of being alone that its good to have someone at arms length in case you decide that you want them? Are you waiting for something better to come along? How about we all just man up and realise that this act doesn't get anyone anywhere, a bit of niceness goes a long way, and if we don't start to realise this soon the world will just be full of jaded humans who don't get what it should actually all be about 

The concept of treat them mean, keep them keen has always baffled me, for the fact that it makes no sense and the fact that it actually works. When did someone realise that this was a thing and when did girls decide it was a good idea to go along with it? All Girls (and I will include myself in this box) are guilty of this. Its as if we have to keep chasing after someone that's keeping us at arms length because we can not conceive that they may not want us, we are conditioned to think this is the way its meant to be and for me its probably because I'm to stubborn to give up. My last relationship was a perfect example of this, he was amazing when he was with me but when we were apart he was so distant that I couldn't reach him (I am talking emotionally, physically I think the kid has his phone glued to his hand). Yet I kept trying and giving it everything because I put too much stock in the fact that he was a good guy but really I should have read the signs and seen it for what it really was and jumped ship earlier. It would have saved me a hell of a lot of sleepless nights and heart ache. Guys can do "treat em mean, keep em keen" because we let them.

Don't think for a second that the shoe doesn't fit on the other foot as well. I know that girls live by this same mantra as well. Have we ever thought that there are maybe no nice girls around? I asked my friend recently how he could still be single. He is very tall and good looking with eyes you could get lost in, has manners that his mother would be proud of and has an ability to make girls feel secure and precious. His response to my question made me sad (and a little bit angry if I am totally honest), he told me it was because girls always fucked him around because he was too nice. He told me that he was going to try and start treating girls mean but he knows that he doesn't have it in him. Maybe I guess its lucky that he doesn't because the world would be loosing a true gentleman if he did. If it was a different time and place I'd be going out of my way to get this boy for myself because I'd (and any other girl) be lucky to have him.

We did personality profiling at work recently and its results gave me some insight into who I am and why I act the way that I do. The theory is there are four personality types that a person can fall into, you answer a series of questions and at the end of it you are able to tell if you are Dominant (direct, decisive), Influential (interested in people, interactive), Conscientious (compliant, controller) or Steady (Stable, supporter, secure). It was of no surprise to me at all that my two highest scores were Dominant and Influential (dead tie) and my lowest was Conscientious (a whole 7 points below the other two). Ive always known that I'm a people person and I'm opinionated as hell and this turns me into a bit of a steam roller (I am very self aware of my faults) and this doesn't only count for my work life. The majority of the time this is done in my home life as well. So without even realising that I am doing it maybe I'm at fault of treating them mean. I like to get my own way and unless people stand up to me I will rail road them. Looking back with the gift of time I realise I did it to Ikea Flat Pack for years and then when he tried to stand up to me I wouldn't have it. If you let someone create a pattern they will continue this way. I'm more vigilant with it these days and try to catch myself before I do it, but it made me realise the person I need to be with. 

I don't know if its just me, or if this is a common thing but most of the guys that I end up meeting have been treated badly and overrun by past relationships. Is it that there are so many out there or is there something about me specifically that they gravitate towards? Do we as humans need someone to take control for a while? By going to someone that is Dominant I guess it gives them a bit of breathing room. From what I have seen if a guy gets burnt he generally closes off and tars all women with the same brush while women are more willing to try and put it behind them and try and move on. If this is the case really what chance do girls have? Everyone gets burned eventually

Maybe the sexes aren't so different after all, the boys think there are no nice girls and the girls think there are no nice boys. They are out there, I believe it, you just need to give them a chance. Remember one mans trash is another mans treasure and in this is the time for recycling. And remember you need to start a relationship the way that you plan to continue it. Let them treat you mean from the start and they will more than likely treat you mean forever. Just something to think about 

Love and Love 

Miss K 


  1. Also, thanks for the kind words ;) - Hippy ex-housemate.

    1. Yes because this one was all about your dreamy eyes :p