Your shit is our Business?

So here is a topic that I am no doubt divide the nation and many work places, what is the etiquette on doing number twos at work? In my humble Gropezilla opinion the only correct answer is ITS NOT ON!!!!! but it appears that not everyone follows my sentiments on this idea.  I know that if you don't shit you die but really? Come on!! Is work the appropriate place. I have had this discussion with many people over the course of my work career and it is always met with mixed reactions, among the girls it is generally considered a cardinal sin to do it whilst boys are generally more than happy to drop the kids off at the pool whilst on work time. Apparently there is something satisfying to be getting paid to shit. Whilst saying that most girls prefer to keep it for the home scarily this is not always the case. 

It wont come as to much of a shock to anyone who has  been following my blog, that I have FTS or foreign toilet Syndrome. I am unable to make a bowel movement unless safely in the confines of my own bathroom (and no one is home) or in the bathroom of a close family relative or friend. I understand also that I may be at the extreme end of the scale and I should probably work on that but I guess I don't feel that it is appropriate that my work colleagues get forced to smell the contents of my innards, generally they have to smell the food as its going in, having them smell it on the way out as well could be considered a small bit of overkill don't you think?

This is the actual sign from the toilet at my work!!!!

So what is it about number twos in the workplace that i find so offensive, so here are the bare facts, I don't want to have to walk into a toilet into someone elses stench and see how their excrement has artistically decorated the bowl. The matter is made 10 times worse when the offender is actually in the bathroom because you cant make a hasty retreat from the cubicle to use another one because then that would be offensive, but then that in itself is silly, because hasn't that person just offended my senses by their acts?I always have the fear that on entering a toilet area with a lingering smell of faeces that someone will see me exiting and then blame me for the smell. Rightly or wrongly I would do the same thing. The issue of messy toileting became such an issue at my current work that they have giant signs in the toilet to clean up after yourself!!!!! Honestly we would think that everyone would be adult enough to clean your poo up once you are done, you would do that at home wouldn't you?

While we are in the realm of toileting at work, apart from the stench there are a few other issues that I feel need to be raised for everyone to have a more pleasant work place experience 

The Paper - If you use it all, replace it. I did touch on this briefly in my last post, if you use the last of it make sure you change the roll, pay it forward to the next person. This also goes for the hand towel, and while are on hand towel rip it on the ripper not up into the holder otherwise the next person has to fish around to get it and then the roll gets soggy. No one likes a soggy roll do they 

I actually have a friend that built a toilet seat out of toilet rolls while at a Race Track in Japan 

that only had squat toilets... I like his genius 

Air Freshener - This one is really a toss up, I don't like the smell of your shit, but I also don't like the smell of the air freshener. There is something about the mixture of violets and poop particles that just makes my stomach turn. 

Bin Behaviour - What ever it is that you have to put in the bin make sure it goes in it. And if you see that it doesn't make it, be sure to pick it up and place it in the receptacle. I am not your mother, I will not pick up after you

I guess it is now time to admit that I have such a fear of toileting in the work place. Welcome to my shame... once many years ago whilst at work, I was feeling pretty unwell and despite my best efforts I was unable to silence the bear that had taken residence inside my stomach. At the last possible moment when I couldn't hold it any further I dashed off to the facilities, What was to follow was something akin to a space ship taking off, the contents of my bowels issued forth at an alarming rate of knots and splashed down with a thunderous rumble. I felt momentary relief so after flushing, checking the bowl was clean and washing my hands I wandered back to my desk feeling still unwell but some what relieved, but sadly my relief was only going to be short lived. At this point in my career I was working in a building company and as you can imagine it was over run with Kiwi Builders. One of the Plumbers (and I am not even shitting you) came running out into the Admin office yelling excitedly about the girl with the explosive poo that he had just heard in the ladies toilet (an integral design flaw of the building became evident that day, why have paper thin toilet walls. WHY!!!!). Well you can imagine the flush that took over my face and I promptly left the office and went home so that there was no chance that it could happen again. As you can see, this has scarred me for life. 

Artist rendition....

And I guess while we are on the subject, I may as well ask you this question, what is with people trying to have conversations while using the facilities? I work in the same building as you, I've been forced to smell your movements and NOW you want to talk to me? Whats next, you'll come share the cubicle with me and help me wipe my bum? I understand its an awkward situation and you might be trying to break the tension but really all you are doing is making it more awkward. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually a really friendly person but really is the toilet the appropriate place to talk about the meaning of life? I will admit that I go to huge lengths to avoid these types of conversations, If I am in the toilet and the person in the cubicle next to me flushes, I will keep sitting until they have finished washing their hands and I have heard the door open. It works well unless the person exciting decides to check their hair or the like, because if you stay in the toilet for too long, people might think you are the culprit of the smell. 


I guess if you need to go you need to go, but please God I beg you, Dont go in the toilet that I want to go in and I promise I wont go at work 


Love and Poo Particles (but not in the workplace)


Miss K 

So you wanna blow my goat?

Lets face it, no matter how patient you are as a person there is always going to be something that gets your back up and makes you see red. I'm not sure if I'm less tolerant than most but there are a few things that blow my goat (this is strictly a metaphorical goat of course, because if I had a goat and I was blowing it, I am pretty sure I would be going to jail). Please find below a list of Miss K triggers, maybe use it as a friendly heads up

Food Noises  - Number One most hated thing in the world. It makes my brain red and makes me feel the need to fly kick the offender in the throat, cutting off their food pipe thus rendering them unable to eat ever again. By doing this I'd actually be doing the world a favour because I'm sure I am not the only one that has this annoyance. I'm not racially profiling by any means but I've found that the worst culprits are generally Asians with all their slurping and sucking and pissing me off. 

mmmm slurp slurp

People Driving Below the Speed Limit - Despite my car I am in no way a hoon and don't feel the need to speed everywhere but come on people, use the pedal next to the door. And while we are at it talking about driving skills that get me cross, when a light is green GO!! FOR FUCKS SAKE because green means GO. Starting to brake just in case the light changes makes everyone around you rage and makes you look like a big giant dick bag of an old person. Heck I'm all for being cautious but the orange light was invented for that reason. 

Bitch Please!!!!

So You Aren't Ready to Pay - Hey Doodle pouch, you have been standing in the line for 3 minutes, you have been watching the cashier put your shopping through for 2 minutes and then when the pretty little cashier tells you how much it comes to you start rooting around in your bag for your purse?? Lets have a bit of forward planning here loves, use that time you have been standing around to find your purse and be ready with your chosen method of payment. It speeds up the process for everyone. Don't be that guy!!!

Bhhaaa whu?

Porcelain Painting? -  I actually feel so strongly about this point that I believe that it deserves its own post but as a brief overview, I don't want to walk into your stench and see how you have artistically painted the toilet bowl. As an adult you can train your body to go at certain times of the day, so get the fuck to training it for outside of work times. 

N.S This doesn't apply if you legit have gastro or food poisoning etc, Ive had it happen and even I had to break my rules on this one (but this will all be mentioned in the new post about toileting at work) 

Outside of work hours please.....

You Pay for them Shit Tickets? - If you use the last of the roll, replace the fucker. Pretty easy especially if the replacement roll is just next to the shitter and you don't actually have to move off the throne. My Fabulous house mate (Hi Hippy, I will write a post about you before I leave I promise xox) had this GF thing and she was especially great at this and it used to drive me crazy. This also goes for using the last of the milk and eating the last of the cereal (or leaving not even enough for a full breakfast in the bottom of the box so people think there is still some left). Stop being selfish and do what you can for the next person in line because I'm sure you'd expect them to do the same for you 

Do you do this?.... thats not very nice

Have you ever worked in Customer Service Buddy? - Being rude to customer service people just isn't cricket kids and from my experience it is generally only done by people that have never worked in customer service before. The person giving you the Big Mac isn't the reason that your boyfriend hasn't called you, the receptionist who answers the phone isn't the reason that your pay hasn't gone in so why let your frustrations out on them. Also the way Ive always seen it is, you attract more bears with honey than you do with Vinegar. If you are nice to the people that are serving you they will generally be nice back. I used to give free shit to the customers that treated me nicely because it made my day. It also goes for the customer service Representative, smile at your customers, remember they may not be the reason that you hate your job   (unless you hate people, then they probably are, and you need to change industries) 

rahhh rahhh rage rage.... 

I'm Soooooo Drunk Man!!! - Yeah we get it, you are drunk, no one thinks that you are cool and if you are over the age of about 17 being drunk isn't something that makes you a rebel, it just makes you a normal functioning member of society. The only time I say that I'm drunk is when I have to stop Mr Metal ordering two drinks for me per round or I am going to spew (which I generally do the next day anyway). You should just get drunk, get awesome and let people feel your boobs, its a much more society friendly alternative   

Mannnnn Immm suchhhh a dickhead

Pheewwwww now don't we all feel better that we have had a chance to get that off our chest, I know I certainly did. So you have been warned... you know the consequences 


Love and FlyKicks 


Miss K 

One word answer?

I have been reading a book called "Eat Love Pray" I will be the first to admit that I bought into the girlie hype of the book and movie and have been trying to read it for the last 6 months without much success (I have a pretty short attention span). Honestly its been failing to hold my interest but possibly because I am stubborn I will continue to read something even if it is boring just because I need to know what happens in the end. So knowing this I have persevered with Eat Love Pray and a paragraph struck me last night as interesting, It was saying that everyone or every place has one word that describes them and it got me to thinking what my word would be, and if the word I chose for myself would be the word that everyone else would choose for me.


Take my Dad, if I was to describe him in one word it would be STABLE. My dad is one of those amazing dads that is there for me unconditionally even if he doesn't agree with the decisions that I am making. He sits and listens to my dramas without interrupting and gives me the chance to form my own opinions before he adds his own. He is my rock and I can turn to him when ever I need anything. 

This is my rock... 

If we are talking about cities I would think that Perths word is LAID BACK, everything can wait and its all at a slow pace. They call WA wait awhile, but honestly we cant complain about the life style that we have here. Melbourne would be  CREATIVITY and Tokyo would be EFFICIENCY. So what about me, how could I be described? I threw it up on the FB (which I will admit is my general form of research when it comes to matters of concern to me) and  the answers were varied, emotional, charismatic, Adventurous. But how do I see myself because it certainly isnt those ways (well not those ways entirely)


Early in the week while I was conceiving this post I thought the best word to describe me would be RESTLESS. At the moment I cant seem to settle into anything  and if I am honest its actually not recent, its been going on for a few years. I am always searching for more than what I have and looking for the next adventure. I cant sit still and I don't like quiet. My mind is confused and my soul follows not far behind it. 

In the last few days though I think that I may have possibly changed my mind and the word that suits me better would be RESILIENT. For anyone that knows me you will know that the last six months have been on the challenging side, and every time I thought that I couldnt take any more something else would happen. While this has been a bit shit it has also been a blessing because it has made me realise that I am stronger than what I thought and I can fight these things. I have stood strong in the face of adversity and am slowly coming through the other side.

I dont know if one word can actually describe all the facets of a person but for me I can think of one that encapsulates it all perfectly and that is "KERRY" Restless, Resilient, Adventurous or Emotional and anything else all comes together in that one word, because at the end of the day I cant be anything but what I am 

This is me... All rolled into a Kerry 

Love and Wordlessness 

Miss K 

Two parts of the same?

I was watching Sex and the City the other night and they were talking about how many true loves a person gets in their life time. I ponder this question because if the answer is only one then sadly my ship has sailed and I am set for a life of mediocre and half felt love. So what is love? I got asked this question the other day and without hesitation I answered "it is a feeling deep in the pit of your stomach, like a spark of warmth that grows and escapes and colours your life with rainbows" for me love makes every situation a happy one, its like no matter what is going on you can handle it because there is a purpose in life. Love is knowing that person better than they know themselves and knowing what they are thinking without them having to speak a word. 

I've been blessed (or maybe is it cursed?) to have felt this love in my life once before and its changed my everything. In some ways it makes me sad that I've only felt it once because out of me three major relationships (as detailed here) only one of those boys has given me that true love kind of feeling. Was it something that I did the third time around that made it different or was it something much deeper than that. I honestly don't think that you can choose the people that you fall in love with. The minute that I laid eyes on mine I made the decision that I didn't want anything to do with him, I knew he was going to try and kiss me before the night was out and sure enough I was correct. I tried to keep my distance and pull my emotions back but the tide was too strong and I got swept away before I even realised that it was happening. 

For the time we were together I couldn't bare to be apart, the thought of seeing him sent butterflies in my stomach, I lived to hear his voice and even a smell that reminded me of him sent my heart soaring. I was in it hook line and sinker and for everyone around us I am pretty sure we were that sickening loved up couple. Like all good things though it had to come to an end and when this abruptly ended my whole world came crashing down. Love really is like a double edged sword. Everything that defined love was now defining heartache. I didn't like that I still knew the way that he though, the way he felt and the way that he smelt. These thoughts haunted my everything and like never before I couldn't snap out of it 

At the downfall of my relationship I was constantly questioning what I had done to make it happen or what I could have done to keep it going. I think I've finally come to realise that it actually had nothing to do with me in the end. Everyone in their lives is in a different place and things can only work out if two peoples places are aligned. For now I want nothing for him but his happiness, because in the end he did us both a favour by getting out of it early so we could have a chance at the happiness with someone else. 

Its been two years since the great love and I have just recently come to the realisation that great love may never actually die. Unknowingly and some what unwillingly I have been using it as a measuring stick for everything that has come after it. Am I destined to walk down this path for ever? Mythology suggests that soul mates exist because  humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zues feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them. If this was actually to be the case then well golly crap its all over for me.

But hey lets think about this reasonably and logically, there are 7 billion people in the world, surely in there, there is going to be another great love for me. What if there is a great love in every city and every town and I just need to visit them to find it? There are 196 countries in the world, so if there was only to be one in every country I would be happy with that number. Actually 196 is a pretty greedy number and 1 will do, and that will leave the other 195 free to find their one in 195 as well. 

maybe my soulmate is a marsupial

One of my favourite books I have ever read was a book called Brida by the Author Paulo Coehlo and its about the search for soul mates. It says that you can tell your soul mate by the light they have in their eyes and that it is more than possible to find more than one. I guess I should be thankful that we live in the modern world because I am able to meet so many more people than our previous generations. I have spoken in length to a few people about the search for love and the search for something more and they all say the same, once you stop looking it will find you, but if you stop putting yourself out there how is this possible? 

Sex and the City concluded that there could be more than two great loves in a persons life, so on this basis I still have one to go, this excites me with the possibilities and everywhere I go I look around and stare at the people that pass me wondering if they have the spark and the light in their eyes. I wonder what I would do if I actually did see it, would I have the courage to follow it? The last time I found it I felt the urge very strongly to get up and run away, the love unwound his arms from me and said I could go if I wanted to but he would like me to stay. What if I cant stop the urge to run away? Or is the fear all part of this grand scheme? How different my life would have been if I had have followed through with my fear.....

I walk around using these as my looking eyes... its totally going to work 

I best be on my way now to get my search happening 

Love and Sparkly Eyes 

Miss K 

Disclaimer: Love and confusion sometimes go hand in hand and make us do selfish things. Through confusion comes anger and from anger comes resentment. I wrote this so I can give up my resentment. So Universe, here you go. Its yours now, because I have no use for it and that chapter is well and truely closed.