Monday, 16 April 2012

So you wanna blow my goat?

Lets face it, no matter how patient you are as a person there is always going to be something that gets your back up and makes you see red. I'm not sure if I'm less tolerant than most but there are a few things that blow my goat (this is strictly a metaphorical goat of course, because if I had a goat and I was blowing it, I am pretty sure I would be going to jail). Please find below a list of Miss K triggers, maybe use it as a friendly heads up

Food Noises  - Number One most hated thing in the world. It makes my brain red and makes me feel the need to fly kick the offender in the throat, cutting off their food pipe thus rendering them unable to eat ever again. By doing this I'd actually be doing the world a favour because I'm sure I am not the only one that has this annoyance. I'm not racially profiling by any means but I've found that the worst culprits are generally Asians with all their slurping and sucking and pissing me off. 

mmmm slurp slurp

People Driving Below the Speed Limit - Despite my car I am in no way a hoon and don't feel the need to speed everywhere but come on people, use the pedal next to the door. And while we are at it talking about driving skills that get me cross, when a light is green GO!! FOR FUCKS SAKE because green means GO. Starting to brake just in case the light changes makes everyone around you rage and makes you look like a big giant dick bag of an old person. Heck I'm all for being cautious but the orange light was invented for that reason. 

Bitch Please!!!!

So You Aren't Ready to Pay - Hey Doodle pouch, you have been standing in the line for 3 minutes, you have been watching the cashier put your shopping through for 2 minutes and then when the pretty little cashier tells you how much it comes to you start rooting around in your bag for your purse?? Lets have a bit of forward planning here loves, use that time you have been standing around to find your purse and be ready with your chosen method of payment. It speeds up the process for everyone. Don't be that guy!!!

Bhhaaa whu?

Porcelain Painting? -  I actually feel so strongly about this point that I believe that it deserves its own post but as a brief overview, I don't want to walk into your stench and see how you have artistically painted the toilet bowl. As an adult you can train your body to go at certain times of the day, so get the fuck to training it for outside of work times. 

N.S This doesn't apply if you legit have gastro or food poisoning etc, Ive had it happen and even I had to break my rules on this one (but this will all be mentioned in the new post about toileting at work) 

Outside of work hours please.....

You Pay for them Shit Tickets? - If you use the last of the roll, replace the fucker. Pretty easy especially if the replacement roll is just next to the shitter and you don't actually have to move off the throne. My Fabulous house mate (Hi Hippy, I will write a post about you before I leave I promise xox) had this GF thing and she was especially great at this and it used to drive me crazy. This also goes for using the last of the milk and eating the last of the cereal (or leaving not even enough for a full breakfast in the bottom of the box so people think there is still some left). Stop being selfish and do what you can for the next person in line because I'm sure you'd expect them to do the same for you 

Do you do this?.... thats not very nice

Have you ever worked in Customer Service Buddy? - Being rude to customer service people just isn't cricket kids and from my experience it is generally only done by people that have never worked in customer service before. The person giving you the Big Mac isn't the reason that your boyfriend hasn't called you, the receptionist who answers the phone isn't the reason that your pay hasn't gone in so why let your frustrations out on them. Also the way Ive always seen it is, you attract more bears with honey than you do with Vinegar. If you are nice to the people that are serving you they will generally be nice back. I used to give free shit to the customers that treated me nicely because it made my day. It also goes for the customer service Representative, smile at your customers, remember they may not be the reason that you hate your job   (unless you hate people, then they probably are, and you need to change industries) 

rahhh rahhh rage rage.... 

I'm Soooooo Drunk Man!!! - Yeah we get it, you are drunk, no one thinks that you are cool and if you are over the age of about 17 being drunk isn't something that makes you a rebel, it just makes you a normal functioning member of society. The only time I say that I'm drunk is when I have to stop Mr Metal ordering two drinks for me per round or I am going to spew (which I generally do the next day anyway). You should just get drunk, get awesome and let people feel your boobs, its a much more society friendly alternative   

Mannnnn Immm suchhhh a dickhead

Pheewwwww now don't we all feel better that we have had a chance to get that off our chest, I know I certainly did. So you have been warned... you know the consequences 

Love and FlyKicks 

Miss K 


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