As a child I could always think of amazing stories and
amazing games to play by myself and was often told that I had a great
imagination (this might have helped me with adventures in my adult life as
well, mainly this little adventure that I call blog writing). The world of my
over active imagination didn't stop as a child and still runs rampant today, like
just before I was walking past my neighbours house and heard noises which
conjured all sorts of disturbing images in my head. Is it normal to have these
strangely inaccurate musings on life?
Strangers in the Window – My child hood house had a danger
fraught route to the toilet in the after
dark hours. To get to the facilities you had to walk through the kitchen with
its giant window that looked out into the dark dark back yard. I was always
convinced that there were people watching me through the windows so would avoid
going to the toilet just so they wouldn't be able to get me. I will disturbingly
admit to having peed in the bath a few times because the route to the bathroom wasn't so treacherous and didn't involve going through the kitchen. Judge as you might at least I didn't pee in
the bed or in a cupboard like I have heard other people doing (even as adults)
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Excessive Package Deliveries – The house across the road
from mine gets a lot of packages, like I mean the DHL man comes every morning.
Either this person likes online shopping or they are in fact drug dealers and
their latest shipments are being delivered under the disguise of the DHL. Of course it is the drugs, we live in a nice area and they have a HUGE house and
a BMW. Where else would all that money be coming from?
It hides in the darkness – when its dark that’s where the
serial killers hide. They just sit in the bush and wait for you to
walk/drive/helicopter past them and then they jump out and steal your soul.
They can run really quickly (like quick enough to liquid metal onto the back of
your car) and they will fuck you up no questions asked. I spent my teenage
years living in a house in the Perth Hills that was close to a national park.
In this national park there was a train tunnel that was no longer used and on
walks through the tunnel I always used to
think that there would be people in there waiting to grab me or that the baddies
had already been there and dumped their prior victims in the tunnel because it
was so dark and they would never be found, heck if I was going to Murder
someone that’s probably where I would put them (if anyone winds up dead in the tunnel, I live in Melbourne now, it wasn't me)
Vibrations through the Wall -
I live in an apartment as most trendy hipster inner city kids do and
part of living in an apartment is hearing the noises that come through the
wall and if my hearing is correct my next door neighbour has a giant vibrator
that she uses EVERY night. Really what else could it be, who uses a blender
and/or food processor every night. She does have a very good looking boyfriend
and sometimes the noise is going when he isn’t home. He must be unsatisfactory
between the sheets. Don’t worry sister I know how that is. This isn’t actually
the first time that I have thought this whilst being in close living confines.
On walking downstairs in my first Brunswick share house I heard a noise that
was distinctly vibrator like, I was awkward and embarrassed for the inhabitant
of bedroom one, well you can imagine my relief when she appeared brandishing
not a vibrator but an electric shaver. Turns out that they make the same noise.
Who knew.
Cat Carriers – If there is a bag in the middle of the road,
be it a grubby pillowcase or a paper Maccas bag, there is cats inside it. Poor
little baby cats that weren't wanted and someone put them in the bad to dispose
of them. If they leave them in the road and someone runs over them its not
their fault is it? YES IT IS. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CATS IN BAGS. It started off as
a fear and then when I got a car low enough that hitting anything would destroy
everything it turned into a real phobia. I think it stems from someone telling
me that they drowned kittens in pillowcases. Get your cats fixed, this is a
much better alternative than what comes to my mind.
Bodies in the Bowl – I only put the toilet seat down in
public toilets when I have done something that I would like to cover up or a
smell that I would like to entrap. It only goes without saying that everyone
else lowers the seat for the same reason. This is the main reason that if I go
to a communal toilet and the seat is down I will go to another toilet just so I
don’t have to lift the lid. Under the lid there is probably very likely to be a
new born baby, a severed hand or a kitten (again with the kittens). Do me a
favour, leave the seat up, even if you did leave skiddies, at least then I know
what I am getting myself in for.
Its all about me – when people are talking and whispering,
they are talking and whispering about me. ALWAYS, all of the time. When there
is a meeting between bosses, I am the main topic of conversation. Call it guilty
conscious possibly even though my rational mind knows that I haven’t done
anything that would warrant these conversations and on the scale of bad I
probably don’t even register. This probably comes from being bullied as a
child, when people were actually talking about me. Or it may come from my
inflated sense of self worth, why would they want to talk about anything else,
I AM the most interesting thing out there and did you see my recent facebook
post? I would probably talk about me too. And thanks I did know how amazing my
hair looks today, it was nice of you to notice.
We all have the little things that cloud our minds and our
judgement, the people hiding under the bed, the snakes in the closet and that
tiny midget that is sitting on our back seat waiting to kill us. I suggest that
you take your inner most imaginations and use it for creative
pursuits. It has seemingly been beneficial to me
Love and Thought Bubbles
Miss K
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