I was sitting on a plane coming home the other day and "My Scene" by Seth Sentry started to play on my Ipod. Its on of those reflective songs that makes you think about what you are and where you are going. It goes along the lines of Seth making a journey and meeting people trying to find where he fits in and at the end of all of his search he still isn't sure if he has found his place. So it got me wondering, have I found my scene or am I still searching as well?
When I was young I wasn't well liked, the kids at school thought I was strange and smelly (I was) and even my own cousins didn't want to be around me and used to fight over who would be my partner (I was a shit so I get that). I went into primary school and would spend my time reading stories to the younger kids instead of hanging out in the play ground. In High School I preferred to float around between everyone instead of being in one spot.
In my early 20s I was in a long term relationship and as sometimes happens I forgot who I was and became a person that I didn't know and who I didn't really like. At the end of the relationship I was left again wondering what my place was in the world and who I actually was. I drifted through jobs, I built myself a good friend base from work friends and took on the activities that they did, but if I am honest I still didn't really feel like me. I got to thinking that maybe my life was only ever going to be about fitting in with the people I was around and always feeling off to the side.
It was at about this time that I got my first import car and it was as if my whole life was blown wide open. I had friends, people who actually wanted to have things to do with me. They dressed like me, they spoke like me and they liked the same things as I did. It felt like I'd finally found where I needed to be. I was respected and well liked and I felt at home. After a few years I sold my car and when this happened I felt that I had lost my identity and direction. If affected me so much that I brought it back and it felt like my soul had been returned.
this is an actual Photo from back in the day
I was someone again but I knew that was only going to last until I moved, so the car was moved on again and I rocked up in Melbourne Bright eyed and fresh faced and the search for the scene has begun again. Its a strange feeling to be in a new town trying to get into the same "scene" that you have been in for so long and so far its been rather difficult even with insider help. I guess I just got so used to having everyone know me that I didn't remember what its like to not be that girl any more. The girls don't like me because they think I am trying to steal their boyfriends (which I am only half of the time) and the boys aren't sure of me because they don't know if I am genuine. I guess its all going to be a matter of time... I hope.
Through all of this and as I have gotten older I guess I have realised that scene has become less important to me. Its not so important where my place is or where my friends come from because I know who I am. They say home is where your heart is and I think that the same goes for scene. My heart beats firmly in my chest so maybe I am all the scene that I need? It all comes down to believing in your self, because at the end of the day we have to be happy with where we are and who we are while we are there. It feels good man.
this is my feels good face
Love and Scenic Routes