Sex... Its not what they say (a take on 50 Shades)

Unless you have been living under a rock I am sure you have heard about a little book called 50 Shades of Grey, yep its that book that is getting ladies panties wet all over the country. Now is the time to admit that yeah I have read it, I am a reader and I jump on board the "latest" thing because surely if that many people were raving about it then it must be literary genius, or so you would think. Let me tell you what this book is, its literary porn (and not porn in the sense of something being awesome ie/ that car is porn), hard core unadulterated smut. This has got me thinking, how realistic is a book like this and what kind of disappointment is it setting women up for? 

Here is a quick run down of the book, a man meets a girl who blushes a lot, decides that he would like to take her as his sex slave submissive, she is a virgin, he deflowers her, they break up, get back together and he changes his ways for her and while all of this is going on they have raunchy raunchy sex that ends in them simultaneously shouting each others names as they have their bone shattering releases together. I would like to call Bullshit on this and say that it is some what unrealistic. I have had sex with "X" amount of people (yes X is a number but I didn't pay much attention in Algebra so cant really remember how to figure out the value of X) and I am yet to meet a guy who can 1. Make me climax every time (or at all in some cases) and 2. one that screams my name while pouring himself into me, he isnt a little teapot for fucks sake!! who the fuck pours themself out?? Though this could just be me and I am in fact having sex with the wrong men.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind being like Ana (the girl) pretty much all Christian (The guy) has to do is look at her or flex a ruler her way and she blows her load all over the shop, heck my hand would cramp up a lot less if this was the way things actually worked, but see I know that this isn't actually the way that things are. What if a virgin was to read these books, she would think that an orgasm was as easy to get as a root in a brothel, wouldnt it cause her some anxiety when she couldn't orgasm on command?  

I lost my virginity at the age of 17 and 8 months, to a tall red headed fellow that made things special for me, but it was still awkward and I did ask the question that a girl should never ask, "Is it in yet?" (for the record it was but I wasn't sure what the sensation was supposed to feel like so I had to ask the question, don't judge me ok) but first time sex should always be awkward, its kinda a right of passage. The sex was great (well I didn't have anything to compare it to at the time but looking back now it was actually up there in the top of the ranks) but it wasn't until I was 23 that I actually achieved the big "O" and that was done under my own hand and it wasn't until much much later in life that I actually managed it under someone elses hand. But that didn't mean that the rest of the experiences weren't enjoyable. A book like this puts so much emphasis on the end result that the romance and the connection gets lost along the way and for me that's where the importance lays (this may come as a surprise to some of you as it goes against my perceived whoreish ways but its actually true, mostly). 

Lets look at this from another perspective, think about the pressure that this book is putting onto the men, their women folk read these books, get their engines revved up and are left wanting by the perceived sub par performance. Sure the guy will probably be happy because he will be getting laid more while the Sheila is reading the book but at what cost? I can imagine a fair few women going "Why cant you be more like Christian Grey!!!" (heck I am just happy to get laid so I wouldn't be doing any comparisons)

This book and its mass following has also got me thinking about the women that get so caught up in it, the  Male Protagonist is a fucked up, controlling, masochistic arsehole, why would anyone want that? His character is much the same as Edward in Twilight and I was not the biggest fan of him either because of his controlling nature. I like my men to give me space, lavish me with love when I want it and let me have my own opinion. Is that to much to ask? I don't get girls that go weak at the knees over the thought of a guy like Edward Cullen or Christian Grey, have womens rights and the burning of the bra taught you ladies anything?

So to books like 50 Shades of Grey I say, stop trying to hide your sex behind a story that no one really cares about, proclaim yourself for what you are, a dirty fuck fest. And to the women out there, don't be ashamed of wanting to get sexed up, its totally fine, but my suggestion is get on redtube.com, its free and a 3 minute video sure as hell gets me off a lot quicker than a 300 page book does. 

Love and Smut 

Miss K