Tuesday, 12 January 2016

So I finally joined Tinder...

Yeah, I know, I know, by joining the Grind I go against everything that I wrote about in my previous post but hey, I thought that I might see if anyone was out there to light my fire (see what I did there) and I guess I was curious. We are three days deep in this adventure and it has been.... interesting. I didn't realise that I was such a judgmental arse hole (well maybe I did) but I have realised that going on Tinder is like shopping at the Op Shop, there is a lot of shit that you have to sift through in order to find that designer shirt bargain. Here are the reasons for swiping to the Left. 

Who Are You? - If I have to sift through five photos full of people I am going to give up. Which one are you? Why are you hiding with your #squad? Trying to show off that you have friends? I have friends as well, you aren't that special.

Likes: 420 - No shit, this is actually a thing. I see it every couple of profiles and it makes me wonder when getting high became cool? Look, I know a lot of my friends do it and that's fine, but I know them. I don't know you, for all I know you are the biggest bong head ever and will steal all my snacks. Ain't no body got time for snack stealing. 

No Blurb - Maybe this comes from the fact that I am a writer but Jesus cunts, take the 2 minutes to write a little something something about yourself. One dude wrote the Fresh Prince of Bel Air lyrics, Mass respect to that guy.

Negative Nancies - dude, you are on Tinder, I don't want a rant of what you don't want. I get enough nagging from my Nan. Your first impression isn't great.

Gym Mirror Selfies / Abs - no. Just no. Maybe its just because I am jealous that I don't have wash board abs and have not perfected the art of the mirror selfie but I don't know that I want to compete with your ego and protein pills. Though good for you for keeping in shape, I wish I had your dedication.

Not Chunky Enough - I like my men like I like my Salsas. Chunky (and red?). I am attracted to the big burly wood chopper lads and if you are a skinny mini you probably arent for me. I will admit that in my real life, I have crushed on the non Chunky but thats because I can be attracted to their aura. Or something. 

No Picture - because I like building relationships on hopes and dreams as well. 

Posing on Luxury Cars - I know this one might be a bit left of field because I am a "car girl" but I am not impressed by your toys (and secretly I think that maybe you just saw it on the road and got your mate to take a photo of it while no one was looking). Same goes with if you have heaps of photos of your car / motorbike / boat. Yeah I get you have interests and hobbies, but I am more interested in you that whats you drive. 

Yo, it would appear that Beyone was on to something  when she sung To the Left, To the Left. So many guys, to the left. And incase you were wondering, its going ok, everyone I swipe right to has generally swiped right to me already. Started a few conversations, deleted a few people because they were flogs, said yes to meeting a guy for a drink... making progress (I hope I have made you proud Katrina). Though dudes, I know I am good looking but clearly not good enough looking to be a Bot Sex Scammer so its ok to say hello first because I'm running out of amazing opening liners (9/10 times I have made the first move) 

Love and Lefting 

Miss K

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