There are many things in life that elicit fear in humans but possibly nothing so prolific as First Dates. First dates are like the lucky dips that you get at the show, they could be great but they also have the potential to be like that toy that you don't want and accidentally leave on a park bench somewhere. Here is today's truth bomb, first dates, they are kind of a necessity. Its not really plausible to find someone that you find attractive on the street and then take them home and tell them that they belong to you now. I'm in no way saying I am up to speed on these legal things but I have a feeling there is laws definitely about that. To help you navigate the mine field that is first dates, here are some things you might like to consider...
1. Make it somewhere mutual Start a relationship off on equal footing. If you live on the other side of the country, find somewhere that is easily accessible to you both. Somewhere that you can make a quick get away if you need to as well, you know, for your safety and all.
2. Go in armed with some topics of conversation, If you have had the chance to facebook stalk them find out things that they like and research them a little bit so you can fill those otherwise awkward lulls in conversation with your knowledge. "Ohh the war of the Power Ranges. Why of course I am well versed in it". By taking an interest in what interests them, you have just made yourself 7% hotter. At least.
3. Don't put so much pressure on yourself its just a date not your wedding day. If its good, you have a nice romantic story and if its bad you have something to write blogs about. So really either way you look at it, its all positive (Disclaimer: see point below. This part probably isn't positive)
4. Tell your friends where you are and who you are with you know cause, like there are serial killers and stuff. I don't want to hear that you became that person locked in the well rubbing the lotion on its skin so it doesn't get the hose again. Don't say that I didn't warn you
5. Do something out of the ordinary Everyone can go to a bar and get a drink... but not everyone will take you to a gaming arcade to shoot hoops. It will also give you something to talk about and something to concentrate on and there will be none of that awkward silence trying not to make eye contact while sitting across from someone at a table. Most people have a competitive streak to them, if you give them an opportunity to show that, you also give them the opportunity to show you who they really are.
6. Wear something that is you on the everyday. What I am meaning is don't pretend to be high fashion if you are Kmart. If the date goes well, hopefully you will see them again and having to buy a whole new wardrobe can be an expensive exercise. Make an effort by all means, do your hair, put on some make up, wear your good jeans but keep you, you.
7. Don't be afraid to share tid bits about yourself, first dates are similar to job interviews. You want to make yourself stand out and show a bit of your personality. If you share, you become relateable and it can lead on to them sharing stories about themselves. I can always be known as Kerry, the girl who got her nose ripped off by a Kookaburra (That actually happened by the way. Ask my mum)
8. If its not going well, don't drag it on. You are doing both of you a favour by finishing it. Sometimes things don't work and that connecting spark got blown out by the breeze. I went on a date with an accountant once, and while I am not saying that all accountants are like this, this accountant was your stereo typical accountant and I was bored out of my brain. I let him pick me up and with in 5 minutes of being in his presence I wanted to stab myself with the highlighter that he kept in his centre console, that's how bad it was. It just got worse from there, to the point that I have blocked it out and cant even remember his name.
9. Shave your legs and clean your house Just In case. I am not advocating sex on the first date but I am also being realistic. By being prepared you are removing some of the stress of the situation. There is nothing more awkward than bringing a guy home and telling him to entertain himself while you do a mad dash to de-hair yourself. I would put that up there with the same kind of awkward as being at your friends house while their parents are yelling at them.
10. Take yourself - then you can leave when you want, you ensure your safety and you aren't relying on someone else. I know I sound like I am paranoid but also it means that they wont know where you live. Here's Johnny!!!!!!! ring any bells to anyone? Yeah, you don't want that.
The most recent first date I had actually broke all the rules of first date dating. I had been chatting to the lad for a couple of weeks and decided that it was time for him to get out of my dreams and into my car (or something to that effect, I do understand that reference will not be as relevant for those of you that are unfamiliar with the song by Billy Ocean) so I panic asked if I could cook him dinner. As many of you know, I don't really think things through and I actually didn't expect him to say yes, but then when he did I had to commit. Not only was he going to be judging my conversation and my appearance (as is standard for all first dates) he was also going to be judging me on my cooking skills and my home decor. This was one of those times that I put more pressure on myself than was needed. I was so nervous (also read drunk) that ended up wearing most of the expensive wine that he bought over to complement my culinary offerings.He ended up seeing me again so I guess I passed the test. Funny story, while I was at the shop buying ingredients I asked the Green Grocer if he had any mangoes, he enquired to why I wanted them and when I told him I had a date, he looked me dead in the eye and said "Is he Aussie? If he good Aussie boy, you make him steak and eggs. None of this junk". Way to stereo type old stereotypical Italian Green Grocer man, way to stereo type.
As bad as it could be, just remember it will all be over soon. In fact these dates could be the start of something amazing, with great risk comes great reward, another number of Tony Robins quotes etc etc. While the idea of living in a house with 7 cats sounds amazing (and would be amazing) I kind have my heart set on some human companions as well so will go through as many first dates as I need to, to ensure that happens.
Love and Jitters
Disclaimer: Sometimes when you ask people on first dates, they might say no and thats ok as well. You will survive. Late last year I agonized for days (weeks) about asking this guy out. I had it all planned out, I had a great activity picked, I wrote and rewrote the corrosponding text and then got drunk to get the courage to finally push the button. His response was pretty perfect, hilarious even and I would high five anyone for it. Anyone that hadnt done it to me that is. This was his response....Good Game Guy.