To the outside world we are simply...

On the recommendation (or the constant harassing) of a friend I finally watched The Breakfast Club (well if I am honest, watching Pitch Perfect kind of made me want to watch it too) and while it wasn't as great as what everyone made it out to be it did at least get me thinking. We are seemingly the image that we portray to the world but maybe this image isn't exactly who we are. So here is me, how I identify myself, whether you agree with me or not

I am Damaged - Life caught me and shook me around a bit. I am like that bottle of Coke that you dropped on the ground, you need to let it settle down before you take the lid off. 

I am Independent - fiercely. I am my own person, I can do these things myself because then when it fails its all on me. Its safer this way.

I am a Hermit - I want to be alone in my bubble. My bubble can expand to fit you in, but only when I am ready. I don't want to talk, I don't want to move, I just want to be still.

I am Slightly Left of Centre - I am quirky and strange and a clown and a little bit different from everyone else and that's just the way I was made. I had to be who I am because everyone else was taken.

I am Fragile - I will never admit it but I need people to care for me. Even if its just a little bit when I let them, i still need it. I want to be wrapped in Cotton Wool every now and again to feel precious.

I am not as brave as I make out to be - I got told last night that I was not as Strong and Independent as I thought I was and that was OK. I have always been told to put on a brave face and have done it so that people around me don't suffer, people just expect it now so its hard for people to see what it really is

I am Stubborn - take it as a trait of being a Taurean maybe but chances are I will lock horns with you if I disagree... and I probably will. Its what I do.

I am Scared - always, over everything. I don't let it rule me though, the world keeps spinning so I have to as well 

I am a Romantic - I love romance, I Love the Idea of being in Love, I love weddings. I am unashamed. I may not have it just yet but its the idea of it that pushes me on every day. If I think you are worth it, my whole life will be about making yours better.

I am an Optimist - I believe it will work out, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but some time soon. All of this is just preparing me for that

I am Victorian - For many years I was Western Australian but it hit me on the weekend that now more than anything I am Victorian. This one took me a bit by surprise and it was as simple as the person who I decided to back. I was at a National Drift competition and when a WA Kid and  Vic Kid were driving against each other I always chose to back the Vic Kid. Home is where your heart is... and now my heart is here

I have also recently been struck by the thought that possibly the way that people view us influences the way that we view ourselves.  Is it not human nature to believe something that you are told often. A friend of mine keeps warning me off him because he is a bad and selfish person and I honestly believe that he thinks that with his whole heart. From what I have seen though he is kind and patient and caring and loving... and every time I tell him this his response is "just wait". What has happened to him to get him to the point where he cant see the good in himself. Is it not the same for me as well? I get told often enough that I am damaged so now I believe it to be real but maybe I am not damaged at all and everyone is going through the same stuff as I am.... maybe its not damaged, its just life.

Maybe its time that we all change our mind sets, we are the reality that we create for ourselves, we need to stop letting other people dictate what that reality is going to be. Just a thought, on who I am and who I want to be.

Love and Character Traits

Miss K

Dear Mr. Vernon: 

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But, we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But, what we found out is that each one of us is: a brain . . .
Andrew Clark: And an athlete . . .
Allison Reynolds: And a basket case . . .
Claire Standish: A princess . . .
John Bender: And a criminal.
Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question? 

Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club. 

Words from the back of Beyond

I come from the most isolated Capital city in the world, that little place (and little probably being the operative word) that is tacked all alone on the far West of Australia. For those of you playing at home, I am talking about Perth. I am reminded nearly on the daily that things back West may be a little bit off kilter from the rest of the world. This comes in the forms of the blank stares that I get from people that I am trying to talk to, apparently coming from WA makes me have some strange alien language that so few people understand. I would like to give you some examples so that the next time I speak to you, you may actually understand the words that are coming out of my mouth.

Boondy - Clump of Yellow Builders sand that has gotten damp and then baked in the sun forming large chunks that are suitable for throwing at your peers.

I don't even know how this one came up in conversation but when I mentioned it everyone was so shocked that I had said such a racist term* and when I tried to tell them what it actually was they didn't believe that it was actually a thing. Their great theory is that we as children had heard our parents being racists and using that word and to try and cover their tracks they told us that it was a lump of sand. Good game parents, good game.

* I did find out later that this is actually a term that Indians / Pakistanis uses to describe each other so maybe it is pretty racist.

Polony - delicious lunch meat that is best served with sauce on fresh white bread. Also best to not think about what it is made out of.

I went to the meat counter at the local Coles not long after I moved here and asked for some Polony. The lady gave me a blank look and I realised the error of my ways, I had not given her an amount (I normally like to get 10 slices) so quickly corrected myself. Again she gave me the blank stare and asked "Sorry I don't know what Polony is" WHAT!!!!!!!!! How can you not know what Polony is????? EVERYONE knows what Polony is. Well its turns out that they don't actually have it here and despite me searching high and low I haven't been able to find it. I have come close in the form of Pariser but it just isn't the same.

Spearmint Milk - Delicious spearmint flavoured milk made by Masters (not the hardware place). Brightly, festively Green coloured. Best served supremely chilled.

First problem - Melbourne Does not have masters, Second Problem - No one has ever heard of spearmint milk, third problem - everyone thinks it would be disgusting. Well Melbourne, I have some news for you. SPEARMINT MILK IS AMAZING!!!!  and the sooner you all realise that the better off my(and your) taste buds will be. I am thinking that I might start an illegal food smuggling ring to supply Polony and Spearmint Milk to all the WA ex pats here in Victoria. I would make a killing. 

Cool Drink -A delicious carbonated beverage ie. Coke, Lemonade, Diet Ginger Ale. 

Apparently here on the other side they refer to such things as soft drinks or fizzy drinks. Apparently saying "Cool Drink" is much to much of a broad statement because I could be referring to ice water, or milk or anything else that is cool. If I wanted Cold water or something general I would ask for a COLD DRINK. Come on people its not really rocket science. 

Carton - A unit of measure for beer that comes in a box. 

Slab, Box etc etc (I actually think that there is more but I am not really able to name them because to me its always been a carton. See it makes sense because it is a carton and its not really discriminatory to what is inside the Carton. Mmmm Delicious Beer 

Middy - The smallest glass of beer that you can get in the pub, possibly not worth wasting your time on. 

While we are on the subject of beer, here is a good one. I have just googled and a Middy is apparently 285ml. They don't have Middys here, they have Pots and Schooners and for the life of me I still cant figure out what size is which so I always have to order a pint because at least that is a universal size and people don't look at me funny when I ask for it. I have asked for Middys on numerous occasions only to be greeted with the "Polony" face. 

Honky Nut - The nut that is found on Gum trees. Commonly known for causing a menace whilst mowing the lawn. 

I guess you would call it a Gum Nut, like Snuggle Pot and Cuddle Pie. Apparently by using the term Honky Nut I am being racist and everyone thinks I am talking about a Crazy White Person. I guess crazy white people do have nuts as well. And you're welcome for that imagine, next time you see a white person of the lower socio economic scale (ie/ A westie) you are going to imagine these bad boys as their tackle. Ha that's what you get for calling me a racist 

Deli - The local corner shop, you go here to get your paper and your milk. 

I think it is known here in Melbourne as a Milk Bar or Corner Store. Apparently Deli is reserved for a place where you buy olives and cold meats. We would also call this a deli but we would generally elaborate on what we were getting so we would know which Deli we were talking about. I guess it is a case of Which Witch is which? 

So there you have it, a cross section of common WA Slang that should help you in navigating the mine field that can be speaking to a West Aussie. We may appear to be a simple folk but once you take the time to get to know us its kinda well worth it. Actually this is more a community service announcement for you East Coasters, there are enough WA people here these days that it only seems fair that you get to know their language don't you think?

Love and Pronunciations

Miss K

A crazy little thing called love

A friend suggested that I write a post about love because after all I am some what of an expert on this topic, what with all of the romance novels that I read and the fact that I am partial to a bit of that RomCom action, so here it is, my post on love. The Good, the bad and the reasons that I cant make it work

The Unrequited Love

This is the kind of love where you love someone and there is a great chance that they have no idea that you exist or they just look at you like "friends". You pine after them, you dream about them and you would do anything just for them to notice you. My first love (and unrequited love) was a boy called Terry Arnold, I was in Year 1 and he most certainly was the bees knees. My first love turned into my first heart break (as is always the way) and the soul crushing moment came when he was unable to come to my 6th birthday which was being held in the plane at Midland Maccas (yeah I was kinda balla as a child. I had a rats tail). I was heart broken before I knew what heart break was. I loved him and he never even knew I existed. I guess I kinda dodged a bullet there though, he turned out to be short and I turned out to be tall and who knows what that would have done to our children.

The Friend Kinda Love

I have this terrible habit (as I am sure many people do) of falling in love with my friends, well maybe its not love but its some sort of lust and deviancy but really this makes sense when you think about it. Your friends are good looking, clearly you like their personalities otherwise they would be your friend. So it seems only natural for me to fall for them and think about them romantically. Normally this is just a secret shame I hide from everyone because there is a unspoken rule of "You Don't screw the crew" and they probably wouldn't like me anyway.

The Grass is Green Love

This is the kind of love that exists for things that are outside you own relationship. It might be looking at a friends relationship and thinking that its perfect and that's what you want. Let me let you in on an inside secret here, It may look perfect but in reality it probably isn't. When Ikea Flat Pack and I broke up everyone was shocked because we were the "Fairy Tale" couple and yeah on the outside we were but no one saw what was going on behind closed doors.

When I was in school I remember clearly going back on the first day of term and hoping that there would be a new kid, someone new and exciting to play with that has different stories and someone that will give me the chance to be cool again (I know its hard to comprehend but I wasn't cool as a child. I was forced to wear a lot of skivvies). Is this not the way that we look at dating as adults? We may be happy in what we have, but we are always looking for that bit of excitement and newness.

The Settler

You're with someone, you have been with them for a while and things are comfortable and if you are going to admit it, things have kinda lost their spark. You stay because its familiar, its easy and don't they always say "Better the Devil you know". Oh don't get me wrong, you are happy, but you are always questioning in the back of your mind if there is someone else out there. Here is an insider tip, you aren't doing anyone any favours by hanging around. All you are doing is delaying the inevitable and robbing yourself of the opportunity to actually find something that means anything. Or worse still you could hang around and live a life of regret and what ifs. Let me tell you, What If is the most soul destroying question you will ever face.

The Lust/Fillers

These are those ones that fill in the gaps between the moments of meaning. They are there, you have some attraction and you are content with that. They don't really mean anything and you will probably not remember their names in 10 years time. Everyone wants to feel special and important, i understand this and those fillers can do this for us. I wish that I could give you a hilarious example of this but like I said, they really don't mean much on the grand scheme of things and I have probably forgotten the details.

The Forbidden

this is the kind of love that you feel you need to hide, you are worried about what people will think, or the people that will get hurt by it so you keep a lid on it. I am a big believer that if you have to hide it from people then you know its something that you shouldn't be doing. I was always taught to be truthful, people i think should remember this. People will generally get over it and I can 100% guarantee that they will be more upset when they find out that you have lied to them.

The Hollywood Fairy Tale

As strange as it is, I honestly believe in the Hollywood Fairy Tale kind of love, its that kind of love that takes your breath away and even if you have only seen someone an hour before you still miss them and are excited to see them. Its the kind of love that every girl dreams of, her knight in shining armour riding up on his big white horse and sweeping her off her feet and riding into the sunset with her in his arms. I think that this is the type of love that every person is aiming for in every relationship that they enter. And while I think that it most certainly exists I also believe that its a very rare and beautiful thing. It connects on all levels of intimacy and its really enough to make everyone around you sick. Its maybe the love that Taylor Swift would sing about (before the subsequent break up and berating song)

So what do all of these love types have to do in practical application to me? At one stage or another I have been involved in all of the above types of "loves" but they have all been fleeting adventures. I have sometimes wondered why that is and have come to this conclusion, I have always been told that like seeks like and this is probably pretty bad for me because I am someone that finds it really difficult to settle, so then I am always seeming paired with people that aren't able to settle either. I have been thinking about the reasons that I find it so difficult to settle down and actually open myself up to someone else and this is what I have come up it. 

I fear being alone - I know this one sounds like a bit of a contradiction but I'm scared of being with someone because I am scared of being alone. If I am alone without having loved anyone I am OK with this because it is the existence that I have created for myself, BUT if I let someone in and then they leave me I will be alone and heart broken with no one to fix me. Is it not then easier just to not put myself in that position in the first place?

I fear that it might actually work out - this is fucking stupid and even I know that, but I am scared about getting into a relationship because it might actually work out. Every little girl wants her fairytale happily ever after but I have never been involved in ANYTHING that has lasted so I just don't understand how that works.  Very early on in the piece with the Army Brat I remember thinking "Wow this may be the most amazing thing that I have ever been part of, I don't know how to deal with this" I was constantly second guessing myself and looking for cracks that weren't there because I just couldn't think for the life of me why someone this perfect would want to be with me. Sure enough it did fail and I went back to fear number one. I am so used to things not working out that I don't think that I am capable of knowing what it feels like if things were to work out. There is a high possibility that I sabotaged what I had because I didn't know what I was doing. 

I fear that I am too broken and damaged - I was told the other day that I was damaged, I don't think it was meant in a bad way but I guess he was right, I am a little bit damaged. Life's circumstances have a way at eating away at your ok'dness and that's what happened to me. While I am trying to deal with my issues and make myself better I am not really in a position to help deal with anyone elses issues and after all that's what relationships are about. I am always worried that I am so damaged that there is really no hope of coming out of it. Who would buy the broken toy off the shelf when you can get a shiny new one in its box for the same price?

So I guess I have come to the realisation that it is me. I am the reason that all my relationships fail, after all I am the lowest common denominator in all of these equations. I've been presented in life with amazing boys that are perfect boyfriend material but it would seem that I am just never happy or unhappy to settle for just happy. I guess I am not a settler and I am always looking for that something bigger and better and the next bright adventure. As my dad always says, on the grand scheme of things, these boys don't really matter. All it takes is one to help you forget and every love that you have is just preparing you for the love that is to come. We learn a lesson from all the people that we meet so take the lesson and the love and move forward. Who knows, that next one may just be your Prince Charmimg... 

Love and Loving 

Miss K 

Sport? What about sportsmanship?

My name is Kerry, I was born on May 15th 1983 in Fremantle, Western Australia. When I was 12 years old a Football team called the Fremantle Dockers came into existence and from that day forth they were the team that I followed. Yes, that's right, I support the Fremantle Dockers. Yes I know that for 20 years they have done a whole heap of not much and Yes I most certainly realise that they lost the Grand Final (and the subsequent Grand Final rematch) and yes any other insult that you have to make I've probably heard before. But for Hook or Crook, they are my team. I enjoy the atmosphere and the suspense and the mateships that you can form with people you have never met simply by the colours that you choose to wear to a game. To me that's what its all about, but over the last couple of weeks I have come to realise that I may be one of the select few that believe this is what Football (or Sport) is all about. It appears that Sport is really about unsportsman ship and turning people into arseholes... let me explain why

I was walking around my neighbourhood the other day (I live in Hipsterville where everyone has beards and rides fixies and wears over sized ugly woollen knitted jumpers) and in the space of 10 minutes I got heckled three times!!! 3 times because I had chosen to walk that day wearing my Freo Jumper. It was outside of the football season but it appeared that people were getting started early on their hateorade. I was thinking that maybe sport turned people into arseholes but maybe they always are and being around them at sporting events just highlights this.  

What kind of example are we setting for our children? I was pondering this question the other day via social media and was informed that this kind of passion is bred into people, passionate parents breed passionate children. At the end of last season I went to the Port and Geelong Prelim final and there were some kids sitting in front of us (about 8 or 10 years old) that were YELLING abuse at the adults around them, vicious remarks and when I looked to try and find their parents I found their parents to be doing the same thing. I thought it was a parents duty to teach children right from wrong, respect for their elders and all those other things that make kids turn into decent humans. If this is the case why should there be an exception to the rule. Abusing someone because your team is losing is to me the equivalent to throwing a tantrum because someone took your toy. 

When I was about 15 I used to coach Under 8s Tee-Ball, team sports are important for teaching kids team work and sharing and taking turns, keeping them active and getting them having fun. We teach the kids it doesn't matter whether you win or lose but its how you play the game. The kids mostly remember this but there are some parents that seem to forget this lesson. There was a game when a parent yelled about an inch from my face because I didn't put his star little player on to win all of the things and I distinctly remember crying about it. Now days I would just stand my ground and look at the man is disdain. Just because you want to win doesn't mean you can change the rules and cut the line, I wonder what happened to that kid and how he ended up turning out? a few weeks ago I had a small small child yell at me that Freo Sucks, it just happened to be at the Game where we ended up beating his team by 70 odd points. Yeah mate, my team sucks but we are still beating your team. When I was his age I was too scared to even talk to an adult, and they say that video games are making kids lose their social skills? If this is the reaction that a 6 year old has can you imagine what he will be like as an adult. Maybe riots will come to AFL just like they do in the Soccer. 

  

I also think that Football Supporters are Like Elephants, they never forget. As I mentioned above, yes I know that we lost the Grand Final last year, that we have no premiership flags and all of those other things. Every person that I meet likes to remind me of that fact. I know these things, I watched the same thing as you did. What do you gain by bringing it up over and over again? nothing I would hazard a guess to say. I am going to come out and say it, we didn't deserve to win the Grand Final last year, we played sloppily, for what ever reason we just weren't good enough on the day. And that's really the nature of the game, someone always has to lose BUT we got there fair and square and really no one can take that away from us. So please continue to go on about how we lost, but unless you are a Hawthorn supporter you really are just white noise because we got there and your team didn't.

As a Supporter you are the face of your club - If I was to say Collingwood supporters to you, I am sure you would all pull an image up in your head of a toothless drunken lout and you would probably be right in thinking that because most of the supporters I have seen do in fact look like that. As with everything how you behave reflects on what people think of you. Sure have passion by all means, but is abusing someone because they go for a different team than yours really going to make you a better person? I don't hate any teams, I just dislike their supporters. Yelling stupid remarks and calling people names doesn't make your team play better, it just makes everyone around you think you are an idiot. I am the kind of supporter that claps when the other team scores, gives them props when they win and just goes to have a good time. Sure I hope my team wins but if they don't its not really the end of the world. 

Maybe sport is just like the Hunger Games. Kill Everyone that would stand against you so you can be the number 1 victor. Maybe I really have no place in commenting on this because I cant think of anything that would make me passionate enough to turn me nasty and spiteful. I am not competitive or motivated by one upping someone else, or maybe its because I have never actually been good enough at something to think that I could win so I just don't understand what it is like. So maybe I should just stick to competitive lawn bowls, at least at the end of it everyone has some scones and a nap and just hopes that they wake up again. That sounds more like my cup of tea.  

Love and Lawn Bowls 

Miss K 

My team is losing... I might just have a little cry