Monday 16 September 2013

The art of the Pick Up

On having a conversation with the Army Brat after my post on Anal Sex, he made the comment of "You are good at vomiting on men and picking them up" and it made me think that maybe I pick up men in a non conventional fashion. But really is that surprising when I tend to do everything in a bit of a left of centre way? If you are in the market for a significant other (or not so significant if that's what you are looking for) maybe you would like to take a page out of my book

* Disclaimer - I am currently single so I do not know the tested longevity of these methods

The Vomit - I don't know the theory behind this one, but I have had it work for me three times. Two long term boyfriends and a foray into Anal Sex have all been secured after a sudden bought of techni colouring burping. Could it be the damsel in distress persona that draws them to me or do they really have an extreme like for carrots?



The Eat - Classic Kerry Pick Up, find a man, eat his food, stay for conversation. In honesty this one comes fraught with danger and it could end badly for those playing at home but it has seemed to have worked for me. It might be slightly easier if you have something to offer in return, maybe a delectable treat of your own or a little kiss to fill the void that stealing the food has left. 

The Tail - This may be the worlds best line / ice breaker and I use it regularly, sometimes it is hard to find an opening line so I simply say "If you had a tail what kind of tail would you have?". Its a question out of the blue, catches them off guard and intrigues them. It also gives me a good chance to see what kind of person they are. If they look at me in irritation then I know that they are probably not someone that I would like to spend my time with. If they think about it and give me an answer they will probably get a high five and if its a good enough answer, a prolonged conversation.



The Conversation Injection - This one works well when you find yourself in a situation where you are alone and need a quick fix of friends. Find a group of people that look interesting to talk to (or house a boy that you would like to engage with) and casually slide into the group undetected and after listening for a while inject some witty retort. Most people are open to conversations and it might be weird for a few seconds but use this to your advantage. Make a joke out of it and move forward. This also works well if you are on the dance floor, get rid of trying to be sexy and instead switch it up to trying to be fun. There are 1 million girls out there that are primped to the nines but most guys see the maintenance that would be involved in keeping them, guys go for fun... always (well the ones that you would want to be with anyway)

The Beard Stroke - this one hardly needs any explanation, as detailed in various other posts I have an extreme love of beards. I love to stroke them and fondle them and rub them just for good measure and the best thing about beards is that they are attached to the faces of men. Doing the beard stroke is like killing two birds with one stone, I get to do something that I like while setting up something to like in the future. 



The Worst Pick Up Line - The more terrible the better, its about engaging them and making them laugh. Laughter is the key to the soul (or is that the eyes... or the tummy... orr shiiitttt) and people will drop their defences and let you into them a little bit more if you can make them laugh. I like such line as "nice shoes, show me your cock", "does this rag smell like chloroform?" or "so you come here often?" (that one is always a winner). I spoke with a friend about the use of terrible pick up lines and she said that she would just laugh in someones face if they tried but laughter is the best medicine.

I have also realised that the only way that any of these pick up techniques work is if you deliver them with pure confidence (well other than the vomit, I don't know how one can be confident as your stomach is turning itself inside out and your head is captaining the porcelain bus). As Willy Wonka said, Confidence is Key, if you are interested in the look of someone grow some balls and go and speak to them, confidence is sexy and it will take you far in life and whats the worst that can happen? They can say no and last time I checked "No" never killed anyone. I may not have been a career Recruiter but in the time I spent in it, I did learn the valuable lesson of being a point of difference, my pick ups may be full of corn but at least I stand out from the field of cotton. 

Love and Loving

Miss K

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