Winter is a time for comfort food, flannelette sheets,
fluffy slippers and cuddles. I personally never really liked winter, the cold
and the miserable and the cuddling. That’s right, I hate the cuddling. I can
hear you all gasping as you read this, who hates cuddling? What kind of person doesn't like to get all snuggly and share their body heat? This kind of person. Hugs are by definition the best thing since sliced bread to most girls, but not to me. Have I some how managed to get the defective
female gene? I was once told that I was very self aware, so using this reflective skill I have come up with some plausible reasons for my aversion to cuddling.
Family
I never grew up in a cuddly family, we would generally show our
affection by way of insult and this worked for us. We didn't need to cuddle and hug and proclaim our undying love to each other to know that we are there for each other. For me this was the norm and there is nothing wrong with that.
Would I be different if I
had have been hugged more as a child?
Assaults
As I have written about before I was the victim (I hate that
word) of a sexual assault a few years ago and this has certainly had some
affect on the way that I am with people and their proximity to me. I don’t know
if it is ever really a conscious thing when I shy away from people but if you
are drunk and try to get in my space to hug me or hold me chances are I am
going to run for the hills. I have trust issues, I am not afraid to admit that. I need to feel in control and if someone holds me too tight, my control slips away.
Would I be different if I hadn't been assaulted?
Social Awkwardness
It has started to dawn on me that maybe I am socially awkward. I hate
those times at work when its someone's birthday and we all do a singing and a
cheering and then there comes the time for the birthday person to hug and kiss
everyone in thanks. The idea of this bizarre ritual freaks me out. I stand in
line diligently, wait until its my turn and then go to my happy place while I
wait for it to all be over. I don’t know these people (well not really) what
makes it ok for them to touch me? Weren't we taught stranger danger at school? This is the same for all social situations, if one person
hugs another person on leaving it is the social norm for everyone to hug. I am
that strange person that kind of just hangs around in the back ground hoping
that nobody knows that I exist. I guess I kind of find it all fake... why would this person want to hug me when they don't even know me?
Would I be different if I wasn't socially awkward?
Drug Manipulations
I was once best friends with a Heroin addict socio-path (from
what I have read these two things actually go hand in hand with each other) He
managed to break down my defences easily and before I knew it I was so
dependant on this cuddly monster that I didn't know how to function without
him. I felt like something was missing when I was away from him and when I was
with him I would always be touching him or he would have his arm around me. It
was a strange phenomenon and I felt safe. It wasn't until later on when he
screwed me over and stole from me that I realised that he had used the touching
as manipulation. He made me so reliant on him and wanting his approval that if I would say no to him he would punish me by
not touching me…. So I would say yes just to have that security. In breaking my trust did he also break my desire to have people close to me?
Would I be different if I hadn't been friends with a socio-path?
Connection and Meaning
I guess for me I think that cuddling is something special and something sacred (wow that sounds really gay). I know there is a difference between a hug between friends and laying still sharing a moment with someone you care about. For me the moments with someone that you care for are few and few between and because of that I may put more emphasis on them than other people. The idea of sharing a bed with someone for the pure reason to cuddle kind of seems pointless unless you have that deeper something. Have I been reading to many romance novels so think that connection is actually a thing?
Would I be different if I didn't put so much stock in connection?
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate everyone and I will hug
people but normally its only after I have known them for a while. I guess its like a dog sniffing another dogs
butt, once I know they are safe its ok to let my guard down and play with them
(or am I getting the butt sniffing thing wrong? I know there is a correct dog
metaphor in there somewhere). There are also some cases where I feel instantly at ease with people and will seek them out for hugs. Sadly there doesn't really seem to be an exact science to this.
I guess its something that I just need to deal with and get over, I did some research about the benefits of hugging and they are all things that I could do with in my life. Did you know that cuddling a partner can improve the healing process of bruises and wounds due to the release of Oxytocin or that it reduces stress and the risk of heart disease. A good dose of cuddling can lower your blood pressure, drop your anxiety levels and boost your memory. I am working on it and expanding my circle all the time and remember if I cuddle you, make sure you realise how special you are.
Don’t hug me, I will hug you
Love and Snugglets
Miss K
These cuddles I am actually ok with
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