Happy One Year Anniversary.... thanks for putting up with me.

On the eve of my one year anniversary of moving to Melbourne I am sitting in my own apartment in my pyjamas thinking about the last year with a smile on my face because, I made it. I was always worried when I first made the move that I would be part of the  "Three Month Melbournian" statistic, someone who made the move, couldn't make it and had to head home with nothing but my tail between my legs and an experience under my belt. And to tell you the truth I nearly was, not because I wanted to but because of circumstances that I couldn't control (like a shitty economy) but I made it through and probably feeling the best and most settled that I ever have.

In the time it could have taken to brew a baby and then some (but thankfully I didn't do that)  I've learnt a few things, made a few observations and experiences some things.... so here goes.

I love beards - Melbourne is full of beards, I had a small appreciation for them before the move but now I am surrounded on the daily my appreciated nay LOVE AFFAIR for the bearded creature has grown.

In your Face - there is really nothing more satisfying than proving the haters wrong. I came up against lots of opposition and negativity when I moved and a lot of people said I was going to fail. So to them, stick this one year in your pipe and smoke it

Polony, Middy, Cool Drink - If you are to say any of these things people look at you like you have a second head (that's Tasmania not WA kids). They tried to give me many fake imitations of polony and teach me the way of the Victoria Glass (schooner, pot WTF? I am now forced to always drink pints because that's a universal size) but I cant give up who I am

Only the Strong Survive - lets repeat that ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE and moving here has made me realise that I am much stronger than what I though. No weights included

Weather with you - This is something that I may not ever get used to, the cold her is proper cold. It makes me giggle when ever I see Perthites complaining about the cold  on Facebook, ahh I remember those days when I used to think that Perth was cold. 

The Scene is the same - I have managed to break myself into the drift scene here and if I close my eyes sometimes I can think its home. The conversations are the same, the characters are the same and the Melbourne Drift Kerry is a little Asian Girl. 

No Car, No Sweat - If you had have asked me a year ago if I would be able to live my life without a car I would have laughed in your face. Not only have I survived without a car but I didn't struggle to do it. Having a good infrastructure helps I guess. I will admit to fantasising about the car that I would have if I did decide to get one. At the moment a Square Volvo wagon dumped on steelies with a roof rack and Venetians would be hitting that spot.

Krispy Kremes - this shit just doesn't get old. I could still eat one every day and not get bored of them. If only they didn't make my arse the size of the fair state of WA. 

Strip Clubs are Different - I know this may be a weird point to add BUT it has been something that has changed my life. The girls touch themselves (yep down there) here, strip clubs stay open until well past the first tram and you don't tip with tipping dollars, them bitches want your real money (and sometimes bitches aren't worth the $5)

Wages are Lower - and that's really OK because cost of living is lower, you don't have to line up with 30 other people to rent an overpriced shit hole, groceries are cheaper and Victoria has Aldi. Not having a modified car has saved my umpteenth amounts of money as well.

Melbourne Crazies beat Perth Crazies - I have nearly been run over by a guy on a gopher who called me a filthy dog, had some guy tell me to bet $50 on Sydney Swans and another guy tell me I was  trying to control him by offering him some food. They do however catch the midday public transports like in Perth. On a side note we also have more homeless and less indigenous so I guess it all works out in the wash. We don't have a Mad Dog though. I miss Mad Dog 

and the biggest realisation that I may have come to is.... DRUM ROLL

Hipsters aren't so bad - Yeah I never thought that I would utter those words either. But heck if you cant beat them, go to the op shop, grab yourself a hideous cable knit sweater and ride your fixie to the closest pub to order your shandy. 

So that's a year and to celebrate I am going to an adult club where the ladies can touch themselves wearing my giant hipster glasses and a scarf with my friends that make it home. I shall shout from the roof tops "Melbourne, I'm Loud, Proud and I'm here to stay" (or something as equally cliche)

Love and Victorianisms 

Miss K

Hints for the employment Capabale...

So it turns out that someone out there thinks that I am employable and pays me money to make other people employable. I work in my real life as a Recruitment Consultant (though I am campaigning to get my title changed to something cool like Talent Acquisitioner or something alternately wanker like) and in this course of work I have seen some things that make me gasp and laugh at the general public. I guess sometimes my job just reiterates the fact that the general public are stupid (my dad says it all the time so it must be correct). I am going to share some of my top tips with you to keep in mind when looking for jobs... 

You're an adult now, your teenage email address of littledevil69@genericemailprovider.com may not be appropriate (and never should have been) to use when applying for jobs. its our job to notice things like this so don't think that we wont. It might be a good idea to stick something generic like stevesmith@genericemailprovider.com because there is no way you can get into trouble with that. Look there needs to be no shame in your original email address. My first one was something along the lines of feral_2@genericemailproivder.com, at 14 years old my best friend and I were called Feral 1 and Feral 2 (and maybe now I think about it I maybe should have been offended by this but I never way) so it seemed like a good email address. Good Ol' Feral_2 served me well.

In this world of social media it is very easy to trace people and find out information on them. Recruiters use these social media tools to their advantage. I will admit to going in to peoples FBs before we bring them in just to see what we are getting ourselves in to. Before you jump up and down and shout that this is a blatant abuse of personal rights think about this, if you are dumb enough to have it public then people are going to look at it. Lock your shit down and make it private if you are worried about the way that you behave in your down time. Keep your profile pics classy(ish) if you can and you wont have anything to worry about. 

N.B as a modified (tattooed and pierced) recruiter I generally judge less than a few of my counter parts but we do have a job to do and a service that our clients pay us for and sometimes that does come down to the image that the company wants to portray. 

Keep your resume up to date and make sure it reads intelligently. We may get a couple of hundred resumes for each job that we put up, you need to make yours stand out. Check it for spelling mistakes and grammar, don't make it fancy and loud (unless you are going for a fancy loud job like advertising or the like) and keep all the fonts the same. The Internet is a powerful tool, use it to your advantage. Google resume samples etc and then all you need to do is fill in your relevant information. 

A few years ago a friend of mine lost his job, we were having a party at his girlfriends house that evening and as you can imagine he was a bit upset about being unemployed and after many condolence drinks he disappeared. Like the worried friends that we were we set off to find him, after much hunting we found him in a strangers house, sitting at the strangers computer typing up his resume. Without a word of a lie this happened and the lesson to be learnt from this is possibly stranger danger BUT also not to resume whilst you are drunk. My friend hadn't even spelt his name correctly and if you cant spell your name correctly how can someone hire you. 

Hobbies? that's fantastic that your life has substance but realistically why does that need to be on your resume. My hobbies may include fisting and ritual animal sacrifices and I can guarantee that these two activities will not assist me in my job gaining ability. I got a resume the other day and the girl listed her hobby as Extreme Frisbee, what the fuck even is extreme Frisbee????? 

Follow up, make yourself stand out, really this is all that job hunting is about and I cant stress it enough. If you have applied for a job online and haven't heard anything in a day or two call the company to see that they have received it. There has been a few times when I have discounted a resume and then the person has called up and they have blown me away over the phone so I have brought them in (and they have subsequently got the position). It is much easier to get a message across in speech rather than on paper. 

Sell yourself - I did marketing at Tafe and whilst my teacher was a whore (I don't know if she actually was sexually loosely moralled but she was a bitch) she did teach me one important thing "the most important thing you can ever market is yourself". A cover letter is a great opportunity to do this so think about it before you send it. Mention the position you are applying for, why you want the job and what you have to bring to the company. I have gotten call backs for jobs before when I forgot to attach my resume simply from the strength of my cover letter. Make that extra bit of paper count. 

Once your resume is done and submitted the next hurdle is the actual interview. To give yourself a flying start remember these points

Be on time, well actually you should be 5 minutes early, it shows that you are eager and you wont be rushed. It will give you some time to compose yourself and be calm before you are called in to interview. 

Be about contact, but in the non creepy way of course. When the person interviewing you comes in to the room stand up to greet them, give them a firm hand shake, address them by their name, keep eye contact. Let them know that at this moment in time they are the most important person in your life (again without being creepy, no touching eyes or stroking of beards)

Know your Resume - this one is a actually a bit of a no brainer BUT you would be surprised how many people mess this up. Give yourself a quick refresher because it may be hard to remember what you were doing 5 years ago (If you are anything like me I sometimes even forget what I did yesterday)

Explain your gaps, if you have been off travelling or popped out a human or something which has kept you away from working be willing to have an answer as to why you have long career gaps. Its a question that you will be asked so don't let it stump you.

Language counts, your speech will let someone know everything about you. Refrain from the "like", slang and for goodness sake check your potty mouth at the door. I had a girl come in to interview me and say "I'm so over this shit" and guess what, she didn't really get far. Its good to be relaxed but then that may be a bit too relaxed. 

Think about it. If you are asked a question that you don't know the answer to its ok to take the time to think of an appropriate answer, try and stay to the point and give relevant examples. If you are unsure ask them to repeat it, asking twice is better than giving the wrong answer once. 

They will check, so make sure your references know to expect a call. One of the questions they will generally be asked if why you left so be sure that the answer you give is the answer that matches theirs. Honesty is always the best policy. 

Go forth and prosper my creatures, believe in yourself and you can get your dream job. 

Love and Leadership 

Miss K 

Living Life on Line

Facecracks, Tumblrs, Hipstergrams, Tweetering Birds, heck you are even reading this darn fandangled blogger thing that I am writing so I guess you could say yeah, I am totally all over the digital age. There are lessons to be learnt and points to remember, here are some of them

What happens in Vegas, is already on face book - You can bet your bottom dollar that if there is something that you have done THE WHOLE WORLD IS GOING TO KNOW ABOUT IT. Like that one time you made out with a 20 year old or were trying to pick up a guy whilst holding a pregnancy test. Yeah they know about that shit. 

Its not a thing until its Facebook Official - it doesn't matter what you do, it doesn't mean anything until you have put it on Facebook. Those in the know call it FBO (Relationships especially, fuck I am really no one because I haven't had a FB official relationship in Ages)

#whothefuckcanactuallyreadthese? - What the fuck is with Hash Tags? Look I may be a bit of a retard but I hate having to put my own gaps in. I DONT UNDERSTAND. Hashtags can eat a dick and who even references them anyway (you reference hashtags dont you?)

Stalk, Stalk, Stalk - how did we get along without being able to have all the information and photos of our crushes at our fingertips? Jesus if facebook was like LinkedIn I would be fucked, I stalk more than your average (maybe) because you gotta add things to the "bank" for those times when you have reached your monthly data limit. 

Add and avoid - this is probably my favourite, add me to facebook but then avoid me in the street. Look that's really OK because I would want to follow me as well because I am actually pretty hilarious. 

675 friends - I think that totally makes me a big deal. Realistically this doesn't have anything to do with anything but I just wanted to let you all know that I have lots of friends. 675 to be precise. I just checked. 

If you cant say it post it - because that makes it so much better and easier (just a little FYI, people read what you post). I am actually a firm believer that if you wouldn't say it in real life, don't put it on the Facecracks. 

Passive Aggressive - this is really the only way to attack people, and it goes hand in hand with the above. Rant away because generally the person wont realise its about them due to your vagueness and the rest of your followers will giggle about how angry you can get without actually getting angry. 

Weirdos live in the Internet - Realistically they live in the real world as well but they are more accessible to you via the Internet. This may come in the form of Internet dating, random FB adds and Tumblr. They may freak you out just a little bit so now all you can think about is them wearing your skin as a coat. God knows we have all been there. 

Revenge is a dish best served digital - this takes the travel time out of getting back at someone who has gotten to you. If you know them well enough you can destroy them one post at a time. Yeah this is probably immature BUT good god it is satisfying. 

Getting Laid is easy - realistically its easier to to organise a root on line than it is in real life. None of that trawling bars for a suitable specimen, instead it is more trawling of the facebook friends for the recently single. Oh the advancements in technology you are a marvellous thing. 

The world is full of warriors -  Keyboard warriors to be precise. Lets all go to battle with nothing but our cntrl/atl/delete and a little bit of spacebar bashing just for good measure. 

Like it or lump it, on line life is the way of the future. Has the life on line stolen our real life? I sit on the tram looking at my Facebook and Tumblr in silence while the world flashes by... sometimes I wonder what I am missing but then I realise, if its actually important it will be big Facebook news tomorrow. 

Love and Posts 

Miss K