Friendship and the Delete Button

Its National Best Friends Day today, a day where you celebrate your ride and die and for the first time in my adult life I don't feel like I can say that I have a best friend. Please don't get me confused here, I am not saying that I don't have any friends because that would be a gross understatement, what I am saying is that I don't have a ride or die person anymore, Someone that I feel comfortable with telling all my secrets to.  And I have come to realise that this is a situation of my own creation.  As I have gotten older I have realised that not everyone is for you and despite all the work that you put in sometimes people just grow apart and the dynamics of a relationships change. Just because it has always been that way doesn't mean that it always will and that's ok.  If it doesn't feel right, don't be scared to walk away. 

I have been falling in and out of depressive episodes in the last few months, and have come to realise that this may have a lot to do with the people that I have picked to surround myself with. As a way to try and snap myself out of it I decided that I needed some Daily Affirmations, to remind myself what I deserved and to help me to take the hard steps. They are - 

Listen to your Gut

Cut the Ties

See the Silver Lining

Only Speak Good Thoughts

Realise that you Deserve Better

So with these affirmations in mind, why do we keep the people around if they are not serving us? Its pretty easy to cut them out of our physical world , we can stop seeing them, stop replying to their texts but its a little bit harder  when it comes to interactions on line. I have always had a problem with deleting people from Social Media and I am not totally sure why. What do they bring to our lives but a sickish feeling in our gut when we see them posting or commenting? Why would we put ourselves through that willingly? Here is maybe why... 

You want them to see how good you are doing with out them - Hey, look at me, having fun, living life, whoooo. Yet you are there obsessing if they've seen it and what they might be thinking,. You are keeping yourself in the loop when really its time to get out. Go out and do you, for you and stop worrying about what they think, because probably they don't actually care

You cant be Bothered with the Drama - because people put so much focus on the digital world, if you unfriend them its an issue of biblical proportions and they might start telling people its because you cant handle the truth or that they didn't do anything wrong. And that might be the case, but you don't need to justify your decisions to anyone and if these people are going to trash talk you, they will do it whether they can see your online life or not

You want to believe in the good in people - you hope their behaviour will change, that they will finally realise that you did good things for them and you cared for them and only ever wanted the best for them. Its taken me 35 years to realise that sadly this hardly ever happens, once the cards have been shown they rarely change

You want to see them succeeding - this one will probably sound odd and I will admit that it doesn't entirely make sense to me either, but I like to see people doing well and being happy and having good things happen in their lives. It doesn't matter if we aren't friends now, at one stage we were and my desire for you to excel has not changed. Everyone deserves the best and I like to see when people get it. It gives me hope that it will happen for me as well. 

Not everyone is going to like you, and you would probably be living your life as a lie if they did. So with that in mind, maybe it is time to find the delete button. If someone will walk past you in the street or refuses to acknowledge you if you try pleasantries, THEY DO NOT DESERVE A PLACE ON YOUR FRIEND LIST!!!!!!!!! And trust me, you life will be so much better when they are gone. The sickish will be gone, your feed will be calmer and you can just concentrate on living your best life. A small circle is way better than a circle filled  with sharks

While scrolling through my feed the other day a beautiful soul that I know posted about how the People around you are a reflection of the person that you are and I believe that she is 100% on the money with this statement. If the people around you don't reflect the person that you want to be, its probably time to find new people. This week I have gotten inside my head and started to believe that people treating me badly was because I deserved it because I was a bad person but I am trying to give up the blame. There may be some truth in the statement but there is also the resounding fact that not everyone is nice and has your best interests at heart.  

I have been working on this post for the last week and out of curiosity I have been watching my friend numbers on Facebook. When I started I was sitting at 1005 and on checking just now I am on 1001, and you know what gets me the most about it all? the fact that its so close to being a nice even number. The people who deleted me have their reasons and I am not taking it personally, if I see them in  the street I will still smile and say hello in passing. Because we never know the struggles that people are going through or how our actions might effect them.

So I did it, I hit the delete button on a few people that at one stage of my life were my ride and die, its ok to miss what was but its also important to remember what is now. I believe I have another ride or die coming for me, because despite all my faults, I am worth something and I deserve that (and so do you, if you need reminding of that). Its never to late to stand up for yourself and find a different circle. 

Love and Deletion 

Miss K 

How to find your confidence when you are just full of sadness...

Its been a while between takes, I stepped away from the keyboard for a while and went in front of the Camera to try my hand at that but lately I have been having some requests for some written content, so lets give this a crack. Lets start back with a topic that I am sure that we have all faced at one point in our lives. How do you feel confident and be intimate with a partner while you are hating yourself and feeling sad about life?

So look, to be fair, its been a really long time since I have been in a relationship and have been getting some action on the regular so this problem hasn't plagued me for years but I remember being there. When I was younger my self esteem and body image was so bad that I remember covering the mirror in our bedroom so I didn't have to see myself. I didn't want to look at myself and I certainly didn't want anyone else looking at me. It put a huge strain on my relationship and ended up being one of the catalysts to it all falling apart. I wish that 23 year old me had the confidence of 34 year old me, but you know what, life is all about the learning curve. And here is what I have learned  

Take those nude photos - controversial opinion I know, but when you feel good, document those moments. My phone is literally full of nude/risque photos of me being confident in my skin. And most of the time no one even gets to see them but me, but that's the greatest thing about it, those photos are a reminder for sad me, that confident me is never far away. 

Lingerie!!!!! - This one ties in with the one above, if you look good you feel good. So find those things  that you feel good in. I have a whole draw of Lingerie that I wear on the daily to turn that frown upside down. And yeah sometimes it may cost a bit of money (I could probably have bought suspension for my car with the amount of lace that's sitting in my top draw) but can you put a price on feeling good? 

Focus on yourself - take time out for yourself to make yourself feel good. Wash your hair, shave your legs, get a pedicure, apply fake tan, what ever you need to do to feel confident. For me, I don't feel as confident if I'm not tanned, give me some of that Bondi Sands and I will most likely forget where I put my pants

Porn - sometimes we need something to kick start our imagination and remind us how good it feels to be in the mood. There is nothing wrong or shameful with using some outside influence. Just keep in mind, that its not real and if you try to throat fuck a girl she is probably likely to spew on you (just a quick FYI to you guys out there)

Remember that Time? - Remember that time that you did that thing and it was hot? yeah that time. When you are feeling sad  and not in the mood, think back to the times that you were in the mood. Yep, just as I though, Vagina Epilepsy* 

Communicate - sex is as much to do with the mind as it is to do with the body. So get you mind involved. Sexting isn't just for your potential Tinder Dates, keep that shit running when you are in  a relationship as well. It doesn't have to be all P in the V talk, I am a big believer that a little innuendo goes a long way. As do compliments. You like how he digs his fingers in to your hip bones when he pulls you against him when he is half asleep.... tell him that shit (and vice versa)

Try to see yourself in their eyes - and this one is hard, probably the hardest out of all of them, but you need to remember that they want to be close to you because they are attracted to you. That erection that is staring you in the face, that's because they find you attractive, the way the kiss your neck and look at you with longing in their eyes, THAT'S BECAUSE THEY FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE!!!!!

Tell him you are not in the mood - we are human and are not sex objects, if you aren't feeling up to it, be open about it. And any good partner will accept this (or they should). These moments are temporary and will pass so don't put unnecessary pressure on your self because it will only make things worse in the long run. 

I guess what it comes down to is, you need to feel good for you first in order to feel good for them. And in case you have forgotten, you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are. 

Love and Confidence

Miss K 

* Vagina Epilepsy is when you remember a moment and you get all funny and clench downstairs out of pure pleasure in that memory. 

P.S In recent months I got close to a guy, this guy is nothing but pure sexual energy (well, that's the way that I see him anyway) and he has awoken this confidence in me that I didn't know I was capable of having. Just thinking about the way that he kissed me gives my Vagina Epilepsy, we haven't had sex and it could be a total failure if we do, but while this is all up in the air, I'm trying to ride this confidence train. The other night after a failed encounter he must have seen in my eyes that I was feeling down on myself and doubting everything that I was. His cocky little response was "you just gave the hottest guy in the world an erection" and that's when I remembered, it important to see yourself  through their eyes. And in his eyes, in that moment, I looked perfect to him (or it could have just been the very expensive lingerie that looked perfect to him, but I am still taking it as a win). We are human, and things happen, remember that if things don't go to plan. It happens to the best of us 

P.S.S if you watched my Vlog you'll know that I am the place where dicks come to die, I killed one again, but I am still holding on to hope that one day (hopefully soon) I am going to be able to make it work. Confidence is key.  If you haven't watched it, here it is