Wednesday, 30 December 2015

That Ol' New Years Kiss

So, Typical turn of events for a New Years Eve, catch up with friends, eat, drink, be merry, suck someones face off at the stroke of Midnight, hug everyone in your vicinity, struggle to get a taxi home but feel optimistic about the year to come. Pretty standard fair right? Right. Well in the essence of full disclosure (because that's pretty much what this blog is all about isn't it) its time to admit that I have never had a New Years Kiss, 32 and never been kissed and all that Jazz. And with New Years eve upon us again, I am sure you are wondering if I am going to change that tonight... and I am realistic enough to believe that the answer is going to be no. Here is why

I am socially awkward - during the course of the night various men will talk to me, probably show their interest but I will find some way to get out of it. It will kinda be like "hey, can you hear that, I think its the Bat Phone, I better go". I don't mean to be socially awkward, it just kind of happens. If I hang around, I am going to spill something on myself and probably on you as well, I will touch you inappropriately and probably talk about fisting or ask you if you have a foreskin so its better that we just end this exchange now before things actually get weird. Its not you, its me.

I probably will need to go to the toilet at that exact moment - talk about the King of bad timing, the one new years that I had the chance to have a smoochy smooch, I needed to go to the toilet and I couldn't hold it. My long term boyfriend at the time was like "are you sure you need to go, right at the second" and the answer was yes, the answer is always yes. So I was inside the toilet, he was standing outside the toilet waiting for me and when I walked out it was probably the saddest sight I had ever seen, poor old mate standing all alone, abandoned and waiting for me. So not only did I miss it, I made someone else miss it too. Man I am a Jerk. (Though as a disclaimer, I had been taking a fair amount of drugs that evening (drugs are bad ok) and the toilet was really empty and I didnt have to line up, so I guess there was some silver lining on this cloud)

I wont make the first move - because plain and simple, boys have germs and I don't want to get germs. Or something. Sure I might smile at you, but I will probably look away in the next instant because while I want you to approach me, I am also doubting that you will. I have recently been told that I have to stop tapping peoples sacks and that was always my sure fire opening line, so without that I am not actually sure how to talk to guys, If you have any ideas, we have a few hours before I need to put them in to practice, so hit me up.

I'm not Confident - shock horror and I know that this will be a revelation to some of you but I have the confidence of Dobby The House Elf. Its inconceivable that someone would actually be wanting to talk to me, so I dismiss them or ignore them or go to the toilet. Anything as an escape.

I'm old and would rather stay at home - I know, I know, 32 is not that old, but really, I am going to go out and probably be more excited about the prospect of going home and getting in to bed than I am about the men around me. You may call it a missed opportunity but I call it perfect forward planning. I don't know when I stopped being part of the FOMO Generation because now I am part of the IHAH (I'm Happy at Home) Generation and I am over the moon about it.

My Friends are more important - I am with them on New Years because they got me to this point, their love and support got me through the last year, so why at the last moment would I choose to be away from them? When the Ball Drops, I want to be with people that love me for me, not because the beer is telling  them to.

Whats the Point? - When I was 18/19 I would suck anyone's face off, walk in to a club feeling like P Diddy, give me 5 minutes and it would be on with some random. Sure it was great fun and I probably got some free drinks out of it but what did it bring to my life? Do I still see any of them? Do they even remember that I exist? Can I remember what their names were or what their faces look like? Not really no. So whats the point? Life for me now is about making memorable moments and lasting connections. Sure the guy that I could kiss may well be the love of my life and Fireworks could erupt when our lips brush.... but probably not. 

As you probably gathered, I am not all that fussed about the Good Ol' New Years Kiss, if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, then that's no skin off my nose either, I got a whole life going on here, whats a few seconds of lip smacking? Stay Safe Everyone, look after one another and do good things. We got shit to do next year, and I need you around to do it (or to hold my beer and watch me while I do it)

Love and Auld Lang Syne 

Miss K

N.B Normally I do a recap of the year and a set out for what I want to achieve in the year to come, but this year I kinda didn't see the point. I don't know that I achieved any of the goals that I set out at the end of last year and I probably would just be making myself loud empty promises if I went down that road again so instead I have one New Years Resolution that I think that even I can stick to, and it can be all encompassing. Here it is, Drum-roll please, "In 2016 I'm not going be a Jerk". No Matter what, Don't be a Jerk. I got this.

N.B.B I know reading this a certain few people are going to be cross at me for not being confident and believing in myself. Noted guys, so I will add that one to the list as well. "In 2016 I'm not going to be a jerk and I am going to get more confident. Because I am Kick Arse". New Year, New Me Standard Bullshit but I promise you that I am actually going to try. If I loose my way can someone please tell me to go look at my boobs, they are always the confidence boost that I need.

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