Monday 8 June 2015

The 10 Commandments of Cunnilingus

I wrote a post the other day about the art of giving a good blow job and after its astounding success I was approached to write one about the ancient art of Cunnilingus. It is with shame that I admit that up until about a month ago I wasn't even able to say that word correctly. Some how over the years I had managed to stick too many syllables in there, so it stands to reason that I am probably not an expect on this subject. The sad truth is that its only really been in the last 4 or 5 years that I have even let guys do it to me, because some how in my head I had convinced myself that my Vagina was the creature from the black hole. Over time I worked out that this isn't actually the case and once I let go of the self consciousness and fear I opened myself up (only slight pun intended) to a whole new world of pleasure. After a brain storming session with my ladies in waiting we have come up with some pointers...

Thou Shalt Not think outside the Box *

Thou Shalt be Gentle - its sensitive, please don't pull on it or chew on it like a pigs ear 

Thou Shalt take time and slow down, it is not a race 

Thou shalt work the whole area, being a love leech and attaching yourself to the clitoris may have results but variety is the spice of life.  

Thou Shalt remember that some girls have hooded Clitori, be sure to peel back the layers to expose the jewel

Thou Shalt Pay attentions to all noises emanating  from her, use this to guide your way young grasshopper

If your hands are not in her, make sure they are on her. Be her rock outside of the bedroom and her anchor inside it.

Thou shalt mount a two pronged attack and use all available resources. God has gifted you with fingers and tongues for a reason 

Thou shalt remember your ABC's. Write lines upon her sex until the bell rings. 

Thou shalt do on to others as thou wants done to them. Enthusiasm, effort, attention. Exalt her.

I know that's 10 but if I could put out a number 11 that will guarantee a pleasant experience for me "Thou shalt have a beard" would be it, pure and simple, nothing better than using his beard to rebeard your clam. Merkin anyone? 

Every girl is different and what works for one may not work for another but I implore you, do not give up, it is worth the effort for both of you. And girls don't be afraid of communicating, in this day and age of sexual maturity why should we be ashamed to ask for what we want. Let him know if something that he is doing doesn't float your boat, he may be running on flawed information. You will also be doing your bit for future generations of "fish", think of it like the Rex Hunt catch, kiss and release technique. Fishing for a sustainable future. 

Love and Lickings 

Miss K 

P.S I would like to thank all of my friends and all the randoms that had to endure my practising of pronunciation. It was trying times for all I am sure. I am not clear on where the other syllable came from and clearly "Cunningnigulus" isn't a thing, it kind of sounds like the noise that a two stroke motorbike would make. Or maybe its like a cunning fox sneaking up to take the chicken unawares. Neither of these things sound enticing... no wonder I put it off for as long as I did.    

* without a word of a lie, I was once told "I am thinking outside the box" when I asked what the fuck the gentleman was doing in my nethers. Thinking outside of the box is never the answer in this situation. Box is life. Box is love. Get acquainted. 

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