Last year I took you on an initial journey of ragedom and over the last few days I have realised that more and more things are driving me to distraction and increasing the urge to stab people in the throat with the sharpened point of my stiletto. I am coming in to my 32nd year and maybe this is when grumpy old lady syndrome kicks in, I will be sitting on my balcony howling at the moon and throwing my cats at people before I know it. In case the police are called, here are my triggers and so you all know, I am going to plead insanity....
Whistlers - Everyone thinks they are good at whistling, news flash I would rather Blumpkin that listen to the high pitched out of tune whine noise that is coming out of your tooth cave. And if you don't know what a blumpkin is you should look it up to know how serious I am. Just don't, no whistling. EVER. And if you do it in the work place, just a friendly reminder, I know where the box cutters live.
People with Bad Work Ethic - I have a very busy job, when I started there were four people and now there are two and our work loads have increased so I really don't have time to scratch myself. This in no way is complaining, I much prefer to be busy because it keeps my mind occupied and my days seems to fly by. And by no means do I think that I am the model employee but at least I try. I work with some people that see to have run out of steam the minute they walk in the door in the morning. Everything is a struggle and they will let you know this every time that they are asked to do something. If you are so busy, how prey-tell do you have time to sit browsing the Internet? You might think that you are hiding it by making the window small in the bottom corner of your screen but when you don't move for an hour you kind of give yourself away. How can someone live their whole life with no ambition? I work somewhere that if you show promise they will foster that. I just don't get people. One day I am probably going to snap and say something that I cant come back from, but FAKE busy shits me.
Talking Slowly - here is a little known fact about me, I have exceptional hearing, like above average and stuff. I think this is due to my terrible terrible eye sight so it all kinda comes out in the wash maybe. English is also my first language. If you are telling a story you don't need to slow your words down to double line spacing so I am able to comprehend it. I am suuurrrreeeeee you have a point, so please for the love of god GET TO IT!!!!! I don't have a good attention span, so if you talk for too long or too slowly I am going to forget what you are trying to say, get bored and think of ways to kill you. There is building suspense and then there is building a death wish, you need to choose the happy medium.
Clock Watchers - 5.29 bags packed and ready to spring out the door the minute the clock ticks over. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!!! Fuck man I want to go home as much as you do but if I am in the middle of something I am going to finish it so that I can start fresh in the tomorrow. Home time is not the fucking Cinderella story, you are not going to turn into a fucking Pumpkin!!!! Goshhhhhhhhh.
Cryptic Messages - Being single in this day and age is pretty tough and I don't think I need to tell you guys that, gone are the days of pulling petals off a flower with he likes me / he likes me not to find out if the one you are crushing is crushing on you. Why don't people just say what they mean??!!!!????? It would solve so many problems. If you aren't interested say it, if you are interested man the fuck up and put on your big kid pants and say something. Yeah its scary but that's what makes it worth it. I am so sick of sitting here having no idea what the fuck is going on. Here is another news flash, I am so shy that even being near a guy I like makes me a mute retards and even I try.
Yapping Dogs - The next door neighbours have just gotten a dog or they are babysitting a dog or dog. Anyway this thing doesn't seem to have an off switch and my neighbours don't seem to notice. It barks ALL night for hours and hours on end and they are oblivious. I haven't slept properly in weeks because of it and the nice note (which was actually nice, no lies) that I put in their letter box seems to have had no affect. I am not for harming animals but my resolve is being tested.
Smokers - Actually that may be a bit broad of a statement, you can smoke all you like but I hate when it impacts on me and the comfort of my life. I live on the first floor of a nice apartment block, old mate downstairs Angus (who we thought was Gay but actually has a girlfriend) is a smoker, and a heavy one at that. He sits on his balcony and smokes cigarette after cigarette to the point where I cant have my balcony door open because my house wreaks of smoke if I do. There is a clause in all rentals called Quiet Enjoyment and I think this crosses this line. At least he likes to mix it up a bit though, sometimes he smokes Pot. What a lovely smell to go to sleep to, who needs incense when you have that?
Gosh, I probably should stop, my head is now overflowing with quietly simmering rage, I am currently sitting in the Laundromat doing my adult duties and I am sure that the people in here doing the same don't deserve for me to explode and shoot angry guts and hateful words all over them. They are just trying to go about their business and they probably don't realise that talking overly loudly on their phone, standing in the door way smoking or eating that packet of chips with their mouths open are triggers for me. Its like that movie where the kids sees dead people, he can see them and sometimes they don't even know they are dead. I can see these people and they don't even know that their existence makes me angry, who am I to burst their bubble.
Love and Blood Lust
Miss K
No comments:
Post a Comment