The Reason I.... Part One

Lists are good, I like them to organise my day, figure out what I need to forget at the shops (because I have left the list at home) and in this case to give me the pros and cons of that adventure called life. Here is a list of reasons why I...  

The reason I... Shouldn't Drink

- getting on a roof always seems like a good idea, but then the getting off the roof may be a bit of a challenge. Here is a bit of advice for free - laying down and rolling off may get you there but its probably going to cause you some damage 

- Every ones food is my food, I see it, I want it, I take it and fuck the consequences, 

- Drunk Kerry is an excited puppy and wants to touch and kiss and generally cause mischief, that probably needs to be restrained

- Drunk Kerry is also a thief, stealing 8 pint glasses from a fancy pub will seems like a great idea until you get in the car in the morning and wonder what all that chinking is

The reason I... cant be trusted around sharp items 

- plastic bags can be difficult to negotiate and when you combine a plastic bag and a sharp knife someone is going to get stabbed in the sternum

- The destructive nature is strong with me, if I can stab it or cut it or drill it I probably will 

- I have the attention span of a goldfish, when wielding anything dangerous this could be to my detriment

The reason I... shouldn't be allowed out in public 

- I say cunt a lot more than a regular person

- I have the energy and destructiveness of a puppy, I don't mean to be bad but it just kind of happens 

The reason I... could never become a politician or a royal 

- there are far to many nudes of me floating around in the digital landscape. Pauline Hanson and her belt has nothing on me 

- I am tattooed and foul mouthed, so really all ingredients for a society miscreant

- The world probably couldn't handle me on a big stage and I am probably not what you would like your young girls to aspire to be

The reason I... want to procreate 

- little kids Jordans are cute and you don't have to line up to get them, no reselling cunts in the kids black market 

- I want to use the line "I'm not angry, I am just disappointed" That's a winner, EVERY TIME

- I could have all the toys that I wanted and kids go to bed early so I wouldn't even need to share them 

- Public Tantrums can be a thing, just to teach them a lesson of course. Instead of looking down at me the public, they would cheer for me.

The reason I... couldn't touch the stripper 

- she was too pretty, like one of those amazing glass ornaments, if I touched her I could break her 

- its ingrained in me that you aren't allowed to touch them, its all been about sitting on your hands and trying not to breath too heavy 

- Where would I have even started? do you start at the belly button and work your way up or just jump straight in? The anxiety of the situation was far too much for me to handle 

- she had an outie... and the outie was in my face when she did a hand stand... and I panicked. I am not ashamed to say that I haven't seen an outie before. It wasn't wrong, it was just different 

The reason I... shouldn't touch boys testicles 

- it hurts them, when they can feel it in their solar plexus you know have done a bad thing and they may never talk to you again 

- you may have seen it in the movies when the guy slaps the girl in her privates, but it doesn't translate well off screen and with different genders. The noises are most certainly different 

- Cosmo will tell you cup the balls whilst preforming intercourse, the one time I tried this, the motion of our bodies may have got in the way and some crushage happened followed by some squeaking. I think that's bad. 

- I could have single handedly (only slightly pun intended) put and end to tall bearded tattooed babies. 

Love and Reasoning 

Miss K