All aboard the Aussie Bang Bus

There must be something about travelling overseas, its as if the moment you step on the plane your sex appeal triples and you are ready to get some loving. I have myself experienced this phenomenon but something that has become apparent to me on my last few trips is that like seeks like. You travel the world to sample local dishes, but you generally end up banging someone from your own country.... why is this?

I get told constantly that when you stop looking for something it will end up landing in your lap, so could this be part of the appeal of a "Holiday Romance" if you will? You are on holidays, you are free of concerns and work stresses and you just want to let your hair down. Its a well known fact when you are happy you will attract people into your sphere of being. Does happiness lead to fornication?

I will be the first to admit that when I am on holidays I find myself gravitating towards the bars that are full of Gaijins (this is the Japanese word for Foreigner or Ghost Person) and this is generally for the simple fact that when I am by myself I like to have other people that can actually speak my language. When I was in Tokyo I was constantly drawn to a Dodgy bar in Roppongi (think Northbridge but 10 times more seedy and filled with Nigerians) called Gas Panic and the main reason that I kept going back there was because it was full of lots of whiteys that actually spoke English (and the bar tender did magic tricks which also fueled my desire to go back to the bar cause fuck, everyone loves magic). I dont think I ever went there with the specific intention to take someone home but after some social lubraication things start to happen (I would like to point out that I didnt actually take anyone home from here, I did possibly make out with a very very very very good looking french Guy called Alex, but then I possibly rainbow coloured his shoes and that was the end of that) but I am sure that I am not the only one that this happens to.

Going to a destination that is highly populated by Australians would also not be helping the cause, I recently returned from a short trip to Bali and without a word of a lie you couldnt swing a cat without hitting an Aussie, so really are you setting yourself up for some home grown talent if you choose to holiday in a local talent rich area? This trip I managed to evade this situation but on past trips I have not fared so well, welcome to the world of banged up abroad.

Looking like this how did I not get laid whilst in Bali?

Aussie Number 1 - Japan 2010

The trip had been planned for ages, I was excited and nervous and all which ways of 10 shades to get there. I was meeting some friends at the destination and on the day of my arrival they were remarking to the other travelling companions "Kerry gets here today!!!" to which the companion replied "Who is Kerry?" well this question in itself is proposterous, because honestly how could anyone not know who I am, I am kinda a big deal. After hanging out for a few hours, enjoying some beverages and some partying I excused myself and headed to the ladies room, on hearing a noise I turned to find I was being followed by Aussie Number 1, I used the facilities and on exciting came face to face with AN1 who dazzled me with these words "So you are Kerry?" and then he started to suck my face off. On speaking with my friends since, apparently this is the patent move. 1. Drink 2. Toilet 3. Make Out. I must have missed the memo on this one because up until that point I had been unaware  of this. But now I know, if the need shall arise I will be sure to take full advantage of it, because I am sure hanging out outside a toilet and waiting to suck someones face off is actually not as creepy as it sounds. As you can imagine the amount of flack we copped from everyone for our "Holiday Romance" was pretty high. In their minds why would you travel to the otherside of the world to try something you could have at home (I put it down to the care free attitude because honestly that kid was pretty much out of my league or it could be the fact there werent many other girls there and he was desperate).

I lie, actually I hooked up with this beer fridge

Aussie Number 2 - Japan 2011

I went on this trip with a firm belief that I would not drink from the Perth cup (or any cup at all) while away vacationing. I rocked up to my destination, got a feel for things and then happened across a young lad with a Western Australian Flag Stick proudly emblazoned in clear sight. I was amazed to see him, because if he was from WA, how was it that I didnt know who he was (lets just say the scene is small) and on getting to chat to him realised that he was actually a pretty awesome guy. We spent the rest of the week hanging out but nothing happened until the addition of Alcohol and Partying... you know that same old story, and one thing led to another. I was kicking myself that I had infact done the one thing that I had admonished myself that I wouldnt. I guess there was nothing that I could do about it but laugh and it was a pretty enjoyable experience. It is totally true that you cant help who you are attracted to.

Liking Hip Hop gets you laid apparently

There may possibly be a divinity in the sexes though, because all the boys I have travelled with a super keen to get on board of the sushi train, where for a girl (or possibly its just me) the prospect of Asian delacy doesnt actually excite me that much. I will admit that I have listened to the stereo type, by no means do I have sleeve of wizard but I like to feel whats going on down there. One interesting thing I did find out from a friend that did ride the sushi train was that the asian like pubic hair.... how strange is that? Maybe if I was to travel to non asian destinations my view on riding the train may change.

What makes Australians so attractive to other Australians while out adventuring in the big blue yonder? For me it was accidental coincidences that saw me batting out of my league causeing a trend to appears, Bang an Aussie Abroad and lift your batting average? Pretty Sure I hit this one out of the park. So if you happen upon another Aussie and the local delights do not indeed take your fancy, take it from me, you could be doing a lot worse. But remember kids, if its not on, it is most defienently NOT ON

You can never be too careful

Love and "Gloves"

Miss K

P.S Maybe I should take this time to say again the importance of safe sex, you can sort out a baby but when your junk falls off thats a bit harder to fix. Use necessary methods to cover yourself and get tested regularly. I recently went to get tested just for my own piece of mind and after the Old Indian Doctor making a joke that they would call me because they couldnt have me running around with Chlamydia, I am happy to announce, In your face Old Indian Doctor Lady, I am still free from the Herp or other nasties. I take pride in my clean disease free vagina and you should as well

She touched my Vagina... and it was inspirational and other moving stories

Yes, its time for another post about my Vagina, but this one I promise you wont be as graphic as the last couple. So lets get into it, monthly routine waxing day had come around and I was daunted at the thought of finding a new waxer (after the last two disasters I thought it best to take my intimates to someone else to abuse) so with a deep breath walked into a beauticians close to my house, after the normal rigmarol of taking off my pants and spreading my legs we got talking, and it turned out the lady that I was paying to touch my vagina was probably one of the most inspiring people that I have ever met in a long time. 

I would like to introduce you to Holly the 21 year old beautician from Sydney.  As clearly you can see from this blog I like talking about myself so I mentioned that I was leaving the fine state of WA to take up residence in Melbourne and when I said this she smiled at me brightly and told me congratulations. She then began to tell me her story. One year ago she was restless in what she was doing and decided that it was time for a change, a week later she was at the airport with her backpack and was on her way to Cairns with nothing but the clothes she had in her bag. 

What has followed for her is 8 different locations, a variety of jobs and some amazing stories. From working on a Dive Boat in Cairns, taking Horse Safaris in Arle Beach and rocking up to Perth with $200 and no where to live or a job. Talking to her blew me away, she is doing at 21 years old what I am struggling to do at 29 (and I have a hell of a lot more preparation and money behind me not to mention somewhere to actually live when I get there) and she is doing it all on her own. It kinda gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to stop being fearful and instead embrace it and jump head long into it. Talking to Holly came at a time when I really needed reassurance, and she probably has no idea how much she helped me.


There is an art to supreme procrastination. Over the years I have seemingly mastered this act. Why do it now if you can put it off until later? I think that should be my new moto because "make hay while the sun shines" sounds all a bit much like hard work (plus on a related side note hay is what horses eat and we all know my thoughts on horses) I have know I have been moving since March (and if you do the maths that is four months) which you would think would have given me lots of time to get organised, well you would be thinking wrong. All my earthly possessions get picked up on Friday and as at last Monday I had only just decided that it might be a good idea to get something into the boxes that I have already paid to be shipped (oh don't worry there was a lot of badgering coming from the various people closest to me)

First box sealed, and this one was only shoes.... 

yep there is 34 pairs of sneakers in that box

For me there was a feeling of something sad and final about packing all your possessions up, making the hard decisions on what things you cant survive without and whittling your life down to the contents of 4 boxes. I will admit though its been refreshing to cull all the dead wood and be left with a white bright wall. Everything I own can be packed into 4 boxes and I can flee the country at the drop of a hat, its a pretty liberating feeling. This whole experience has taught me that material possessions actually really mean nothing in the grand scheme of life.


I have now finished my packing and taped up all the boxes for their collection tomorrow, I am currently sitting in the middle of the tower that is my life and contemplating the next few weeks for me. I thought that moving would be easy, I would just get on the plane and it would be done, I guess I didn't really take into account the human factor. I have been blessed with a very large close circle of friends and saying goodbye to them has been harder than what I thought it would be. There has been lots of tears already and I am sure there will be a few more before the week is out, I guess I just have to keep reminding myself its not actually goodbye and more until next time, cause long live living, while living can be done.

I have made a pact with myself that I will atleast stay in Melbourne until Christmas time, it gives me six months to get my bearings and make an informed decision on whether or not I like it and want to stay. I have removed one of the main temptations that would bring me back to Perth and that was my car. The car has always tugged really strong heart strings for me but after the accident it made it easier for me to part with it. It has gone to a very good home so I will still be updated on her progress but not having her as my own will make me less likely to pine for her. Plus its not really fair on her for her to sit in storage for three months at a time and only get driven on the odd occasion. I possibly think my dad might be sadder about the car going than me (or should I say the memory that he has of the car back in the day when I hadnt fucked it and it was still as Mr Nissan made it) as he said that now he has nothing to put into his shed as he was looking at getting a hoist (yeah nice timing, Ive only had the car for 7 years and a hoist would have come in exceptionally handy hahaha)

I gave him this photo as a parting gift

There is a boy but then there is always a boy isnt there, and when I met this boy it was of many peoples opinion that I shouldn't go because what if he was the "one" but I am a firm believer in that if its meant to be it will, so what will happen with the boy now, who knows. The boy is also adamant that I go, because he doesn't want me to have a reason to resent him... wise boy this one is. I think I was fine to leave until I met him and he made it all that harder, but we both knew that I was leaving when we met so I guess we have no one to blame for this but ourselves. If there was an award for bad timing, I would take out the noble prize for it I am sure

So I would like to send out a giant hug to Perth, and say thanks for having me and being such an amazing place for me to grow up in. I will miss my friends and my family but also this wonderful city, if you don't see it in all its beauty I would recommend that you get out there and actually look at it in all its glory. Who knows I may be back sooner than we know 

So remember its not goodbye, its until next time 

Love and Leaving 

Miss K 

P.S If you were wondering the wax actually went really well, my vagina is still there and the hair is gone. Hooorraaahhhhhh