Its been a while between takes, I stepped away from the keyboard for a while and went in front of the Camera to try my hand at that but lately I have been having some requests for some written content, so lets give this a crack. Lets start back with a topic that I am sure that we have all faced at one point in our lives. How do you feel confident and be intimate with a partner while you are hating yourself and feeling sad about life?
So look, to be fair, its been a really long time since I have been in a relationship and have been getting some action on the regular so this problem hasn't plagued me for years but I remember being there. When I was younger my self esteem and body image was so bad that I remember covering the mirror in our bedroom so I didn't have to see myself. I didn't want to look at myself and I certainly didn't want anyone else looking at me. It put a huge strain on my relationship and ended up being one of the catalysts to it all falling apart. I wish that 23 year old me had the confidence of 34 year old me, but you know what, life is all about the learning curve. And here is what I have learned
Take those nude photos - controversial opinion I know, but when you feel good, document those moments. My phone is literally full of nude/risque photos of me being confident in my skin. And most of the time no one even gets to see them but me, but that's the greatest thing about it, those photos are a reminder for sad me, that confident me is never far away.
Lingerie!!!!! - This one ties in with the one above, if you look good you feel good. So find those things that you feel good in. I have a whole draw of Lingerie that I wear on the daily to turn that frown upside down. And yeah sometimes it may cost a bit of money (I could probably have bought suspension for my car with the amount of lace that's sitting in my top draw) but can you put a price on feeling good?
Focus on yourself - take time out for yourself to make yourself feel good. Wash your hair, shave your legs, get a pedicure, apply fake tan, what ever you need to do to feel confident. For me, I don't feel as confident if I'm not tanned, give me some of that Bondi Sands and I will most likely forget where I put my pants
Porn - sometimes we need something to kick start our imagination and remind us how good it feels to be in the mood. There is nothing wrong or shameful with using some outside influence. Just keep in mind, that its not real and if you try to throat fuck a girl she is probably likely to spew on you (just a quick FYI to you guys out there)
Remember that Time? - Remember that time that you did that thing and it was hot? yeah that time. When you are feeling sad and not in the mood, think back to the times that you were in the mood. Yep, just as I though, Vagina Epilepsy*
Communicate - sex is as much to do with the mind as it is to do with the body. So get you mind involved. Sexting isn't just for your potential Tinder Dates, keep that shit running when you are in a relationship as well. It doesn't have to be all P in the V talk, I am a big believer that a little innuendo goes a long way. As do compliments. You like how he digs his fingers in to your hip bones when he pulls you against him when he is half asleep.... tell him that shit (and vice versa)
Try to see yourself in their eyes - and this one is hard, probably the hardest out of all of them, but you need to remember that they want to be close to you because they are attracted to you. That erection that is staring you in the face, that's because they find you attractive, the way the kiss your neck and look at you with longing in their eyes, THAT'S BECAUSE THEY FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE!!!!!
Tell him you are not in the mood - we are human and are not sex objects, if you aren't feeling up to it, be open about it. And any good partner will accept this (or they should). These moments are temporary and will pass so don't put unnecessary pressure on your self because it will only make things worse in the long run.
I guess what it comes down to is, you need to feel good for you first in order to feel good for them. And in case you have forgotten, you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are.
Love and Confidence
Miss K
* Vagina Epilepsy is when you remember a moment and you get all funny and clench downstairs out of pure pleasure in that memory.
P.S In recent months I got close to a guy, this guy is nothing but pure sexual energy (well, that's the way that I see him anyway) and he has awoken this confidence in me that I didn't know I was capable of having. Just thinking about the way that he kissed me gives my Vagina Epilepsy, we haven't had sex and it could be a total failure if we do, but while this is all up in the air, I'm trying to ride this confidence train. The other night after a failed encounter he must have seen in my eyes that I was feeling down on myself and doubting everything that I was. His cocky little response was "you just gave the hottest guy in the world an erection" and that's when I remembered, it important to see yourself through their eyes. And in his eyes, in that moment, I looked perfect to him (or it could have just been the very expensive lingerie that looked perfect to him, but I am still taking it as a win). We are human, and things happen, remember that if things don't go to plan. It happens to the best of us
P.S.S if you watched my Vlog you'll know that I am the place where dicks come to die, I killed one again, but I am still holding on to hope that one day (hopefully soon) I am going to be able to make it work. Confidence is key. If you haven't watched it, here it is
