"Shitty" Super Powers

Having recently gotten Netflix I decided to rewatch one of my favourite shows and have a little bit of housemate bonding in the process. There is this English Series called Misfits which is about people that get super powers because of a freak storm. It follows the adventures of the main characters while they try to navigate life with their new found abilities and all the hilarity that ensues. Some people have cool powers like being able to turn back time, or read other peoples thoughts, while others have less cool powers like being able to control Dairy Products. While walking to the train station today I wished that I had the ability to make people walk faster and it lead me to thinking about other not so Super Powers that might be ok to have.

I would like the power to... control the speed of other peoples walking.You may not have anywhere to be but my train is due in two minutes and I still have a few hundred metres to stride. Just go that little bit faster. I could control them to be like the bow of the boat smashing though the ice to get me to the main land (in this case, Platform 1 for the 5.15 South Morang)

I would like the power to... make food the precise temperature for consumption without having to wait. I don't like having to wait, this is probably why I eat a lot of my foot tepid because I need the food now and not in one more minute.

I would like the power to... wear 5 inch stilettos without my feet hurting after a few hours. I would never have to be that girl, my calves would always look amazing and those dresses and jeans would just Pop. Oh yeah, then I would also have a weapon on hand to stab people if I needed (please note I said, if I needed, as yet in life I haven't needed to, but I have thought about it)

I would like the power to... always get a good seat on public transport. You know those single seats where you can stretch your legs out and not worry about banging knees with the person in front of you. That one. And facing the right way. Preferably with the added bonus of having the seat next to me free to put my bag on but I don't want to be greedy

I would like the power to... bring food back from the dead. That delicious thing that you wanted to eat but you forgot about and it expired two days ago... yeah. Back, in all its delicious fresh glory. 

I would like the power to... make clean linen. Want fresh sheets every day but cant be bothered with the arduous chore of changing and washing and folding and making? Never fear, Linen Cleaner is here. One swipe of a hand and all your linens are fresh and soft and clean. I hear you asking "What about stains?", stains are a thing of the past with this power. 

I would like the power to... block out annoying noises. For example, people making food noise, people talking loudly on their phones on public transport (yeah bitch who sits across from me EVERY afternoon and says Like a lot, I am talking about you), the droney noise of an Auto exhaust, Harley Davidson Motor Bikes. I have very sensitive hearing I guess and my life would be better without these things in it. 

I would like the power to... control traffic lights. you would think that I would use it to always give me the green light, but I would sit at a red light if it meant infuriating people that were being wankers. You know the ones, people that split through lanes to try and get ahead... but then you meet them at the next set of lights... yeah those people. 

I would like the power to... fall asleep on demand. If I go to sleep NOW I will have 6 hours and 37 minutes sleep before I have to get up. BANG. ASLEEP. And god damn those 6 hours and 37 minutes would be glorious. 

I would like the power to... Control Music. I want to listen to this song and then its on, no having to scroll through play lists or worrying when you forget the name of the song. One thought and the music would be coming out of your speakers so that you can sing at the top of your lungs while you are waiting at the traffic light that you turned to red, just to piss people off. Make them wait at the Lights AND have to deal with my singing.

So really, I guess it isn't the about the power, it is how you use it. 

Love and Levitating (not a power that I think I would want, I get motion sickness) 

Miss K

Sneaky Adult Excitements

I am 33 in two months, yep that's right 33. Holy Shit right? I had my moment of freaking out about turning 25 and  then about turning 30 and then 31 crept up I had a little freak out about that as well. So who knows what 33 might be like, I am thinking about maybe doing a wine tour, because I am an adult and that's what adults do. To be honest though, I have been noticing lately little adult things that I find strangely satisfying and kinda calming, so here they are...

Clearing my Inbox out - the other day I got to work and had 47 emails, I left with only 8 in my inbox. I was pretty god darn excited. Its like you can visibly see all the work that you have done (and I didn't even delete them, I totally dealt with them). High five for being an efficient worker and getting shit done. Whoooo, go me. 

Having a clean kitchen - EVERY DAY. Don't worry the irony is not lost on me, most of these things are centred around having clean / fresh / clutter free spaces and as mentioned in my last video blog this is polar opposites of what I used to be when I was in my early 20s. But man it does feel really good to look around your kitchen and see nothing but clean bench space. And when the dishes are done, that's one less chore to do and that means that I am closer to the time where I can do things that I love. Mainly Nothing. I love doing nothing... which leads me to my next point.

Doing Nothing - When someone asks me what I am doing on the weekend, do you know what my favourite answer is? Nothing. Yep that's right. A big fat nothing. I love sitting at home and watching TV and laying in my bed staring at the ceiling. Who knew that doing nothing could be more fun than actually doing things.The idea of having to put pants on, do my hair and slap on a face is sometimes more than I believe I can handle. 

The succulents that I have on my window sill growing and sprouting - I get excited every time I go to the sink because 1. It means I am probably cleaning and 2. those little suckers are growing and sprouting and bringing life to my life. That's shits awesome and I did that (and as a side note they are growing in Fake Arse Jordan 4s and they look pretty ballin). Life is good in succulent land. I have had these plants for 3 years and while they were surviving, they certainly weren't thriving.... who knew what a bit of water could do?

Clean Sheets and new bed linen - In the last two months I have purchased three new bed spreads and a couple of pillows and it was exhilarating. There is no better feeling on a Saturday than putting clean sheets on and getting in to bed and wiggling all around in the tight goodness. Mmm sweet sweet tight goodness. I never really cared for home decorating and home decor but since I got my awesome new bed I have really wanted to create a good looking space, you know, just so I don't let the bed down. 

Having an empty clothes hamper - who knew I liked to do washing. Might have something to with having a good washing machine now but seeing the bottom of the basket and having everything to wear at my disposal at the start of the week is pretty wonderful. Also another positive of suburb life is that my washing line is ALLLL mine and I don't have to worry about the people in my complex stealing my under garments (not that I thought they would, or that I think I am worthy of stalking but we live in a world of possibilities so I needed to keep these thoughts around and I do have expensive sheets, If I didn't own them, I would probably want to steal them)

Vacuuming - or more specifically using the Dyson. Man if you haven't vacuumed with a Dyson you haven't really lived. I know that's a big statement but ask anyone that has Dysoned and they will be with me on this one.I vacuum my house every week (or every couple of days if I am feeling adventurous) and its a pleasure, it doesn't even feel like a chore and at the end of it the carpet is clean and dust free and that's gotta be good for my health.

Finding a good Avocado - those fucks are $3.50 a pop so don't you even tell me that you don't get a little jolt of happiness when you cut it open and its beautiful soft and green. Mmmm squishy green 

People asking me for directions - I was walking home from work the other day and a Kiwi Lady asked me where to go for shopping and of course being the good host that I am, I was able to point her in the direction of some good bars with great happy hour specials as well. I wanted to be a tour guide around the city but apparently you actually need to be a local of the city to do that.... piffle. I think I would rock at it, just ask the Kiwi Lady (she is probably drunk by now so would only have complementary things to say)

Old people talking to me on public transport - Its been happening more and more and I actually love it. I am making an effort to stay off my phone while I am commuting and the opportunities that this has bought me to talk to people are really paying for themselves. People are nice, but I think we always distract ourselves so much that we don't give them a chance to show us that they are.

Home Design Shows - and along the similar line, cooking shows. I want to be a domestic goddess and run a house hold full of designer homewares (granted its all Kmart but their homewares are rocking and if you haven't checked them out, you probably should get on to that. Like Now!!!) 

Grandma Underpants - High waisted cotton tails, yes please. Like I am not even kidding. I love Nanna Knickers. They tuck in the little pouch that I seem to have grown over the years and they keep everything tight when I want to go out and drink a lot of beer. Also not worrying about my plumbers crack showing is an added bonus. One time I was bending down to get something and someone shoved a straw down my bottom channel... I was unimpressed by this, if only I had know about Nanna Knickers back then.

So yeah, as you can tell being an adult isn't the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Its all about seeing the silver linings and cheaper insurance (I just got a car, its something that I need to consider these days)

Love and Laugh Lines

Miss K