See, thats the thing about break ups

I'm going to call Wednesday a good day, on the scheme of things at least, for on Wednesday I got a free coffee. I go to the same coffee shop every morning and get myself a Large Skinny Capp with one sugar, pretty predictable but it gets my day going right. On Wednesday morning I walked in and the barista took one look at me and asked if I would like a double shot, at his kindness I started to cry like a weirdo and had to explain that I was going through a break up and I was a little bit crazy because of it. When I got to work I started to think about timing and when it goes from going through a break up to having been through a break up? I was never really good at tenses it would seem. So anyway, I know that I am not alone in the struggles of singledom and relationship demises so take these points as a show of support and reassurance that those crazy things you do might actually be run of the mill and everyone goes through them. This is what I have found happens after a break up

Their name will be everywhere - its as if the world is conspiring against you and forcing you to remember that person of who's name we shall not mention. You will see it on billboards, read it in books, even your local IGA server will have the same name. How did you not know that it was so common before? Who knew that Sir Lord Baron Von Vader Ham was the most common name in the history of the world (that's a Death Star Canteen Reference, if you don't know what that is I would recommend that you google it)

You will be a story on Tram Life - you will appear in someones tram life file (the status that they will write about the strange things that they see on the tram) as that person that was crying soundlessly and excessively whilst wiping your nose on the sleeve of your jumper because you have used up all your tissues for the third time that day.

You Will Relive it, Everyday - remember that time that you did that thing and it was awesome. Yeah well you will now. You will keep replaying those special times in your head trying to find a reason as to why it stopped working and wondering if you should have seen it coming.

You will agonise over every bit of social media information - they are now friends with who? why did they like that persons status? why are they OK? HOW ARE THEY NOT A BLUBBERING MESS LIKE I AM!!!!!!!!!!!! The age of reliance on social media has bred us into a culture of needing information which in turn we use to destroy ourselves. Its really not worth it, find the delete button and use it.

You will only remember the good times - anything  bad that happened, like that time he farted on you or the time he accidentally called you fat will be forgotten. You will only remember all of the good lovely memories thus confusing your head to think that it may be something that it actually wasn't. Maybe you should make a list to remind you that the grass may not have been greener (actually there may not have been any bad times and that time that he farted on you was probably funny and you probably deserved it and you probably got him back). Find some anger, it might help, maybe.

You will feel like your insides are falling out - your body will probably feeling like its breaking up and splitting apart but I have some good news for you I have a friend who is a medical professional and he has assured me that this wont actually happen, at the end of the day all your arms, legs and insides will be where they were before you started. You don't have to worry about a Mr Potatoe Head Picasso situation.

People will tell you to get over it - and in turn you will probably want to punch them in their stupid faces. I would highly suggest against this. As annoying as they are they are just trying to be helpful and remind you of the light that is apparently at the end of the tunnel. They also don't know how you are really feeling so they cant really put statements like that into play, if it was as easy as just getting over it, you probably would have done it by now. So you just take your time and use your inside head voice when thinking of responses for these well wishes.

It WILL feel like the worst thing that has ever happened to you - and it may well be but what I like to do is think of all the other bad things that have happened in my life to put it into perspective. Remember that time when Terry Arnold couldn't come to your 6th Birthday party in the Plane at Midland McDonalds and you cried for a week? THAT was the worst thing that had happened to you and you certainly got over it didn't you?

Finding something of theirs that you didn't know about may cause you to get upset - say you might be cleaning your room or doing the washing and you will find a pair of dirty jocks and sit clutching them to your chest sobbing theatrically because that black scrap of cloth has made you realise how much you miss them. This might go on for a few minutes but then you will come to your senses and pick yourself up off the ground and realise how pathetic you just appeared to the world. Lucky no one knows about this little indiscretion hey?

I have come to the conclusion that getting through a break up and using Pantene may be much the same thing, it wont happen over night but it will happen. So you just keep your chin up tiger and keep fighting the good fight and if all else fails head to the sea, No I am not meaning to walk and keep walking but more just to look at it because there is scientific studies to prove that water elements are crucial for balancing the body and creating physical harmony. That's science bitches!!!! And healing is all about harmony or harmony is all about healing?

(In) Love and (Out of) Love 

Miss K

N.B actually I just thought about it and maybe they aren't actually normal and I am a special brand of crazy and if that is actually the case then at least you can pump your fist in the air in triumph that you are not as crazy as I am.