Fuck My Beauty Standards

The other day while getting ready for a massage I came to a revelation about my body and if I am honest its probably something that should have happened a long time ago. I am 95% (because 100% would leave no room for improvement) happy with the skin that I am in, even though society tells me that I probably shouldn't be. I was trying to pick the perfect knickers to wear and on looking down I realised that I have a pretty great bum. It may not be rock hard and looks more like a rockmelon than a watermelon, but it is mine and it is the way it is because of the life experiences that I have had. We've lived a good life, my arse and me, and here is what we think.

So much of how we view ourselves comes down to how we think that other people view us. I was chatting with a guy the other night and as so many of these young ones do, he asked for Nudes and to entice me to send him some, he sent me a couple of torso shots and I was blown away, this kid was in a good shape, like great shape and I was gob smacked and instantly instead of wanting to send him something back I retreated in to myself and decided that next to that, my body was not worthy of attention. I was making a decision for him, I decided that I wasn't good enough and wouldn't really listen to what he had to say even when he tried to convince me otherwise... the human brain is pretty stupid, I talked myself out of the compliments that were probably coming. Why would he be asking for nudes if he didn't find me attractive? The thought that I wasn't good enough even overruled the fact that I gave up sending nudes to people years ago.... stupid brain.

Its not easy being a women and having these preconceived ideas on beauty being thrown at us through the media and as much as we would like to think that it doesn't affect us, it really does. Recently I went on a few dates with this amazing guy and I was really excited about the prospect that it could be something, when he stopped contacting me, one of the first things that crossed my mind was that it must have been because I wasn't pretty enough or skinny enough for him. That really is the most preposterous thought, he had spent time with me previously so he knew what I was about, why do we so quickly jump in that direction and blame ourselves for not being enough. We discount everything else about ourselves that is great (like my eyes, or my personality or my superior joke telling ability) and let it be over ruled by how much we weigh and what we think people think of us. What is wrong with us?

If I was to describe my ideal man to you, he would be tall, chubby, bearded and tattooed. I like Chubby Men, I have always liked Chubby Men, to me they are gods perfection, so with this in mind does it not also make sense that there are men out there that like Chubby Women. I am tall, chubby and tattooed (I have been working on the bearded but sadly no matter how hard I try I cant seem to get that one) so why cant I be gods perfection as well?

I follow a lot of plus Size Models on Instagram and I always look at them and think about how beautiful they are and I would always wish that I had the same confidence as them and then I realised that there is no reason that I cant.  I always used to worry about being single at this age because my "Prime" was behind me, my body isn't as tight and perky as 18 year old Kerry's body and that made me upset because my great love would be getting the watered down version, but then I got thinking, why cant now be my prime. Its not so much about what you look like or what you used to look like but its how you hold you self. There is a line in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory where Willy Wonka is being accosted by one of the little girls and he turns to her and says "Well, Confidence is Key" and I am going to make that my Mantra. And while my body may not be as taunt and terrific as it used to be, my face has certainly improved, and that's mostly what the world sees anyway so I'm taking that as a win. You're welcome world, you're welcome

I am able to look at this situation from both angles, I have been skinny and believe it or not I hated it. A few years ago I went through a pretty nasty break up and my body suffered because of it. I dropped 30kg in about 3 months and everyone was saying how great I looked but when I looked in the mirror I was so unhappy. At first I wasn't sure if it was because I hated the reason for the weight loss or I actually hated what I saw and I am now starting to realise it was probably the latter. My ribs stuck out, my hips jutted and I had lost all the soft that I liked and realistically I looked like a bobble head. It was terrifying to me. I look back on photos and feel ill because of it. Sure I fit in to societies idea of skinny beauty but I went against what I felt to be beautiful.

I have friends that are fabulously skinny and work out and limit their life styles so that they can have their perfect bikini body and I support them totally, they are being happy with the skin that they are in as well, they are just doing it in a different way to me. I like going to the gym, I enjoyed boxing and being fit and strong but I also enjoy going out and eating and spending times with my friends without limitations, that to me is the balance. There is no right or wrong answer on what you think is beautiful or how you want your body to be. Be happy with what you've got or change it until you are, but only do it because you want to and not because society tells you that you should. To me you are all beautiful and perfect, true story. 

Love and Thunderous Thighs

Miss K 

P.S Turns out that my Underwear for my massage was the least of my problems, to say it was a disaster is maybe the understatement of the year. I ended up with 2nd Degree Burns from a Malfunctioning rain shower and bruises and a bang on the head when the massage table we were using flipped and catapulted me to the heavens. When I got over the pain I was thankful that I had chosen the black lace Brazilian cut panties because I am sure the Masseuses would have been thankful they were something pretty as my arse went cartwheeling past her face.  Its ok to laugh, I certainly did when the pain stopped.

How good is travelling alone?

Since starting my new job (I am becoming a Train Driver, not even kidding) I have been doing nothing but studying and the occasional bout of eating so when our first holiday period rolled around to say I was excited for the break was an understatement. We live in this magically beautiful country and now I have a car I am set to explore, and explore I did. If you are an avid reader of my blog you would know that I have a tendency towards the loner side of life, and this has its positives and especially positives when it comes to traveling alone, so here they are, the goodness that is solo road tripping 

There is never any fighting over music - I have amazing (Questionable) taste in music, my Ipod kinda looks like Spotify had a hard night on the booze and vomited everywhere and you know what, that's pretty rad. I always say that I don't pick the music, the Ipod does so you never really know what you are going to get. You can guarantee though, when it throws up some Hanson or Kenny Rogers, I am going to bring the house down with my singing.

No one has to see you being unfit - I headed down to the Great Ocean Road and there was a lot of walking. Like I am relatively fit, not running marathons fit, but walking around the block without puffing fit, but I was tested. I walked in to Hopetoun Falls, easy walk in, down about a km but then getting back up, holy fuck. I honestly thought I was going to die, I was huffing and puffing and despite the 8 degree weather I stripped off all my layers to cool down and then when I finally got to the top I had to have a rest in my car before I could drive. That would have been embarrassing if anyone had have seen me, lucky I was all by myself and the only people that had to bare witness to my imminent heart attack were the park workers that I would never see again. Easy 

You don't have to share the Couples Wine or Chocolate - I booked my Accommodation using Scoop On and it turned out to be cheaper for me to book a couples retreat than it would have been to book a Singles Holiday. As part of my package I got a King Size Bed, some local chocolates and a bottle of wine. And, because I was there by myself I didn't have to share with anyone. It was a pretty magical experience for me (read magical as Drunk intersected with Hilarious conversations with my Kiwi mate from Perth) 

Fluffy Towels and Pillow Forts - Along the same thread as the above point, in fancy accommodation you get robes and fluffy towels and enough pillows to build a fort. I had a new towel every day, it didn't matter that I dropped wine and cheese all over my robe because I had a ready replacement and I really didn't need someone there to cuddle me because I had enough pillows to build myself a cocoon. It was soft,warm and fluffy. Amazing. (Though if I am really honest, the pillows weren't to my liking and my old lady back was protesting a bit)

You Don't Need to Speed Read - I am a bit of a history nerd and I live for all those trivial facts about wall paper or building blocks or what ever may be the subject of the day. I read all the plaques and then see what they reference so as you can imagine going to a museum or tourist attraction with me can be a bit of a time consuming experience. I always feel like I should read quickly and get going so that my companion doesn't get bored... but when I travel alone, its all me baby. I can read and ponder and read again and no one can tell me different. That shit is great. I feel smarter because of it. 

I'm the Boss - I can do what I want, when I want and no one is there to tell me not to. If I want to spend the whole day sleeping, I can, if I want to stop at 15 inlets in a row, I can, if I don't feel like eating a proper breakfast and want to eat chocolate instead, I can. See how magical that can be. 

Selfie Sticks are Great - I have done a bit of traveling by myself and always struggled with taking those cheesie holiday snaps because my arms just weren't long enough, but since the invention of the selfie sick, all my problems have disappeared. I will admit that I don't actually own one because owning one comes with some amount of shame but I borrowed one and it was legit brilliant. Hey this is me at the Apostles, This is me getting blown off a light house and this is me standing in a cave. BRILLIANT 

From the list above, I have pretty much sold you on Solo Travel haven't I? But in the essence of giving you a fair picture, it does have its draw backs as well, so lets just gloss over those quickly 

Sometimes you feel a bit lonely because you are doing something amazing and have no one to remark to, I just talk to myself, That works as well. 

Its hard to take trashy tourist photos, this is why I love traveling with my sister best because she will happily do stupid shit like getting in the mouth of a dinosaur of laying down in the middle of the street just to get that perfect photo. I don't really know how I would ask someone to take a photo of me riding on top of a giant clay elephant. It could be weird .

People will look at you funny when you say you are alone - Before I left I was telling my friends where I was going and one of them repeated to his girlfriend "she is going alone" when I told him that I was. I guess most people don't understand the beauty of solo travel. 

No one to share the driving - In three days I did 1200km and I was pretty wrecked at the end of it. It would have been nice to be able to share that with someone so that I could have taken a moment to stare out the window at the amazing passing scenery. Its kinda hard to look at breath taking ocean cliffs when you are worried that you are going to drive off the edge of them. You know how it is. 

People will Judge you for having a selfie stick -  I don't think this one actually applies if you are an Asian, and despite my clearly slanty tiny eyes, I am most certainly not Asian so people probably judge me harshly when I am smiling at my stick. Pfft to them I say, you gotta do what you gotta do. Simple. 

That's a pretty top heavy list I think, so if you haven't thought about it before, I would really recommend taking some time out to go on an adventure by yourself, you could be amazed what you find, the people you could meet and the sights that you could see

Love and Adventures

Miss K

So he hasnt messaged you back?

I would like to curse modern technology, it has come in to this world and while it makes things easier it also makes some things a lot harder and a lot more confusing. Like Dating, that's one thing that has been fucked up by modern technology. We now live in a society of instant gratification and if we don't hear back from our significant other or latest crush with in the hour, pretty much the sky is falling and all hell is breaking loose. Don't worry girls, you are not alone in your insecurity and all girls have been there at least once while waiting to hear back... and in this time we let our imaginations run wild as to what is actually going on. Here are some reasons that we come up with as to why he hasn't texted back 

The Reasons you give yourself on to why he hasn't texted Back

(Because your world is about to end, you think of all the little minor details of things that you could have possibly done wrong and that's the reason that you haven't heard from him. You are the Reason, you are always the reason. WHY CANT YOU STOP BEING THE REASON!!!!!)

• You accidentally farted while you were out with him and while it was super quiet and discreet, he totally heard and now he hates you 
• He has finally realised that you are not a size 8 Playboy model and he hates you 
• He thinks you are too clingy and he hates you 
• You are too tall and your hands are too large and he has just realised this and he hates you 
• You remember that time you went out and put on a rushed face so your left wing wasn't as good as your right wing and he noticed and he doesn't want no girl that has misshapen eyes... and he hates you 
• He is too busy texting the 50 other girls he knows because he hates you 
• You like your steak Medium well and he likes his Steak Rare, it was never going to work and he hates you
• He figured out that one time many years ago you made out with one of his friends and now he hates you 
• He likes girls with Dark Hair and you have blonde hair and now he hates you 
• He remembers the time you accidentally squirted lemon in his eye while you were eating Pho and he doesn't want to hang out with someone that is so clumsy and he hates you 
• Maybe he died.... from hating you 
• He hates you

The Reason You Best Friend Gives you on why he hasn't texted you back 

(because of course she is being kept up to date with the situation and counting the minutes with you since you heard from him last. Its her job to try and cushion the blow and keep you calm and possibly even giving you false hope and mostly you love her for it)

 

• He really likes you but he is overwhelmed and doesn't know how to deal with it
• Guys are shit 
• You haven't done anything wrong, he is just busy. 
• Maybe he lost his phone
• he is probably just sleeping 
• Maybe he hates you (disclaimer: they never say this, but maybe they should)

The Actual Reason he Hasn't Texted You Back

(Because he actually might have a reason, and all this hate is probably unwarranted. Boys and Girls are different creatures remember. And maybe they just don't realise that they are being perceived to be playing games. Silly Boys) 

• He thinks "She didn't ask me a question in that message so I don't need to reply to it" 
• He simply has nothing else he needs to say
• He isn't interested but doesn't know how to let you down gently
• He forgot (heck, we are all guilty of this one, you think that you reply and then you open your inbox and bam, a message from your mum from three days ago is sitting in there waiting for a reply) 
• He is sleeping 
• He hates you

So guys, if you are reading this, just put her out of her misery and throw her a text. Even if it is just to say "Oi Slut, fuck off, I am not interested and Yes I am seeing other girls. Bye Felicia", girls appreciate honesty and mostly they weren't crazy until you came along with your penis voodoo magic. And Girls... this is a two way street, you know how crazy it makes you, so do on to others, as you wish to be done on to you. Simple.

Love and Lateness 

Miss K 

P.S Thanks to all the amazing girls that gave me input in this one, its nice to know that I am not alone on the crazy shelf. I say we go back to hand written, posted love notes, less anxiety for sure and then we can have another reason for hating Australia Post when the letter never comes.

Why having a cat is just like having a kid....

So recently I got a cat... well technically I didn't get a cat, I was just kitty sitting for a few weeks and it was amazing. All those tiny little kitty cuddles and the unconditional love (well, with the one condition, that I feed her and not pat her unless she wants to be patted. Cats can be jerks like that). It was like I was owning a cat without all the expense and responsibility. Through this amazing experience I also came to realise that having a cat is actually pretty similar to having a kid, well I am guessing so anyway, considering I don't actually have any experience with the latter. So here it is, my thoughts on cats and kids, or kids and cats, or just cats, or just kids, well you get the drift. 

They will cry if you don't give them attention - oh, so you are doing something that doesn't involve me, I will have none of that. I am going to stand outside the shower and cry and cry until you let me in. And then when we are done, you have to dry me first or I will cry then as well.

You will constantly wonder about their welfare when you aren't with them - going to work is really hard, they will be at home alone, probably sticking forks in to power points and wondering where you are, and you will spend all day counting down the minutes before you can get home to them to make sure they aren't dead.

Going to the toilet is now a public affair - Good bye to using the toilet without an audience. You shut the door and the crying starts, so you open the door and they sit there staring at you awkwardly and you try not to make eye contact while you are wiping yourself. After about the third or fourth go, its not actually as weird as what you think

You have to share your food - well technically you don't have to but cats have their guilt eyes on, and clearly you have a heart because you got a cat in the first place so if they want some, you are going to give it to them. They don't really understand "no kitty, this is human food, you are not a human" they just don't get it!!!! 

Their shits, yeah you have to clean that up - you just have to keep your fingers crossed that they do it in the designated area for easy finding and disposal, but sometimes they are sneaky mofos and will leave you surprise little nuggets around just to keep you on your toes. They are also probably going to sit there and watch you while you are doing it, just to make it that little bit more demeaning. I am sure they are thinking "Yeah, clean my shit you dirty bitch" or something like that.

They are little jerks but you love them anyway -  cats are like teenagers, attitudes out the Wazoo. They only want to be touched and have attention lavished on them when it suits them, they eat EVERYTHING and are untidy little jerks. But they are also kind of adorable and you are going to love them anyway no matter what they do and how bad they smell.

Sneaking around so you don't wake them becomes a thing - they have chosen my lap or my bed as a good resting place to slumber, I feel honoured to have this great duty bestowed upon me and the rest of the world can wait until they wake up. Yeah sure, I may be busting and need to use the toilet but all of that can wait, because look at that beautiful sleeping face. Its the face of a fluffy fluffy angel and I think that god would be pretty angry if you upset his most fairest angel. Thats a thing.

You speak to them in a baby voice and you aren't really sure why - maybe you don't want to startle them, or their cuteness activates something within your ovaries that turns you in to mush, but that mushy cutesy voice comes out in lashings. And like, you don't even care if anyone actually hears you either because just look at it!!! its perfect. 

I am pretty proud of myself, I managed to keep the cat alive for two whole weeks, she went home happy and healthy (bar the unfortunate incident in the car on the way home when she might have got the squirts everywhere!!! even all over herself). If having a kid is as easy as this, I totally got it.  So pretty much BRB, I am off to get some Business printed with the words " Miss K - Kitty Sitting Extraordinaire" on them, if you need my services just let me know, I am totally down for that. 

With Love and Whiskers 

Miss K 

So whats the deal with Threesomes?

Lets all take a knee, its story time.  

I have been asked to write this post a few times but have always turned it down because I do not have the proper worldly experience to comment on it and we all know that I like to write from personal experience. But I think maybe now is the time... lets talk about sex baby, lets talk about you and me, lets talk about all the good things and the bad things and inviting my friend along to join in the fun. I have long commented on the fact that I thought that my friends claims were bogus that threesomes were pretty common, but on doing some market research the other night I realised that he might actually be on to something...

In a crowded bar, I did a quick whip around asking the question "Have you ever engaged in a Threesome?" and the results actually shocked me, I didn't get any girls admitting it (though in fairness we were hugely out numbered by the boys) but I would say a good 1/4 of all of the boys that were there had said that they had (and I actually believe them as well). From what we found, they are generally done with a friend, normally after a bit of booze. You are probably more likely to have had one if you play football, admittedly, I don't understand the link either but it seems that there is a direct correlation. The most common type of threesome is the Boy-Girl-Boy Combination and if you are under the age of 25, it is a little more likely (I would like to blame this on the Internet pornography).

Prior to these discussions the only threesome that I had ever heard about was two friends of mine that had sex with the same guy at the same time, they didn't interact at all, he just kind of poked one a bit and then poked the other for a bit, in my head the whole situation was really really awkward but it could have been romantic, I am not really sure. Oh  also there was that one time that my mate was about to bang two sisters and then their parents came home, which may I add was probably for the best.   

Whilst we were in discussions I was asked for my view on them and why I hadn't had one and from my answers, I got told that I over think things and they were totally 100% right, so here are the scenarios and the over thoughts that I have had in relation to them 

Boy - Girl  - Boy - 

How do you decide who goes where? 

Do you take turns and then do the swap? 

Is that not considered double dipping and isn't that generally frowned upon at dinner parties? 

Do they get shy about their junk compared to their mates junk?

What if one blows on the other one? (this is a true story, it happened to a friend of mine)

What if I am actually only attracted to one of them?

I am not very good at multitasking, seems like there is a whole heap of multitasking involved. One guy is always going to get the raw end of the deal. I just want things to be fair.

Girl - Boy - Girl

How much interaction do I have with her and what does he do while this is happening? 

What if I am scared of vagina and cant touch it? 

If she goes down on me, do I have to go down on her?

What about diseases? She can have her turn on the fun stick and then when its my turn is it weird to change the condom (because really that's important) 

What if it turns out that I am more in to her than him? I don't want to hurt his feelings. 

A few years ago I met a girl at a Hens Day, her name was Stacey and we hit it off straight away, we swapped numbers to tee up a time to catch up later (as you do with people that you think are rad), well you can imagine my surprise when a few days later she messaged me to ask if I would like to be in a threesome with her and her new boyfriend.... I will admit that I considered it, because why not (I also patted a horse the day that this message came through so I was on a roll with conquering things that terrified me). Long story short, it never actually ended up happening because it was too planned, I was going to meet them together to see if I got along with the guy, there were a heap of rules (which I believe are totally warranted in this situation) and she was doing it in the hope to keep the boyfriend interested. Turned out the Guy was a fuck wit and they ended up breaking up because she wasn't able to organise one quick enough... but since this its not really came across my radar again.

On further contemplation, I think for me to engage in a threesome it would have to be a spare of the moment decision. You know when you are at a restaurant and the waiter has come to take your order and you haven't really decided what you are going to eat yet but you make a snap decision under pressure and you end up eating something delicious? yeah I think that's how it would have to be. I guess my friend Safety Sam said it best "If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I would have lunch with my parents" 

Love and Eiffel Towering

Miss K   

P.S Thanks to the couple of guys that approached me about being in their threesome after my Facebook post. I am flattered and you did a little thing for my confidence, but please see above note, menu, waiter, etc etc.

"Shitty" Super Powers

Having recently gotten Netflix I decided to rewatch one of my favourite shows and have a little bit of housemate bonding in the process. There is this English Series called Misfits which is about people that get super powers because of a freak storm. It follows the adventures of the main characters while they try to navigate life with their new found abilities and all the hilarity that ensues. Some people have cool powers like being able to turn back time, or read other peoples thoughts, while others have less cool powers like being able to control Dairy Products. While walking to the train station today I wished that I had the ability to make people walk faster and it lead me to thinking about other not so Super Powers that might be ok to have.

I would like the power to... control the speed of other peoples walking.You may not have anywhere to be but my train is due in two minutes and I still have a few hundred metres to stride. Just go that little bit faster. I could control them to be like the bow of the boat smashing though the ice to get me to the main land (in this case, Platform 1 for the 5.15 South Morang)

I would like the power to... make food the precise temperature for consumption without having to wait. I don't like having to wait, this is probably why I eat a lot of my foot tepid because I need the food now and not in one more minute.

I would like the power to... wear 5 inch stilettos without my feet hurting after a few hours. I would never have to be that girl, my calves would always look amazing and those dresses and jeans would just Pop. Oh yeah, then I would also have a weapon on hand to stab people if I needed (please note I said, if I needed, as yet in life I haven't needed to, but I have thought about it)

I would like the power to... always get a good seat on public transport. You know those single seats where you can stretch your legs out and not worry about banging knees with the person in front of you. That one. And facing the right way. Preferably with the added bonus of having the seat next to me free to put my bag on but I don't want to be greedy

I would like the power to... bring food back from the dead. That delicious thing that you wanted to eat but you forgot about and it expired two days ago... yeah. Back, in all its delicious fresh glory. 

I would like the power to... make clean linen. Want fresh sheets every day but cant be bothered with the arduous chore of changing and washing and folding and making? Never fear, Linen Cleaner is here. One swipe of a hand and all your linens are fresh and soft and clean. I hear you asking "What about stains?", stains are a thing of the past with this power. 

I would like the power to... block out annoying noises. For example, people making food noise, people talking loudly on their phones on public transport (yeah bitch who sits across from me EVERY afternoon and says Like a lot, I am talking about you), the droney noise of an Auto exhaust, Harley Davidson Motor Bikes. I have very sensitive hearing I guess and my life would be better without these things in it. 

I would like the power to... control traffic lights. you would think that I would use it to always give me the green light, but I would sit at a red light if it meant infuriating people that were being wankers. You know the ones, people that split through lanes to try and get ahead... but then you meet them at the next set of lights... yeah those people. 

I would like the power to... fall asleep on demand. If I go to sleep NOW I will have 6 hours and 37 minutes sleep before I have to get up. BANG. ASLEEP. And god damn those 6 hours and 37 minutes would be glorious. 

I would like the power to... Control Music. I want to listen to this song and then its on, no having to scroll through play lists or worrying when you forget the name of the song. One thought and the music would be coming out of your speakers so that you can sing at the top of your lungs while you are waiting at the traffic light that you turned to red, just to piss people off. Make them wait at the Lights AND have to deal with my singing.

So really, I guess it isn't the about the power, it is how you use it. 

Love and Levitating (not a power that I think I would want, I get motion sickness) 

Miss K

Sneaky Adult Excitements

I am 33 in two months, yep that's right 33. Holy Shit right? I had my moment of freaking out about turning 25 and  then about turning 30 and then 31 crept up I had a little freak out about that as well. So who knows what 33 might be like, I am thinking about maybe doing a wine tour, because I am an adult and that's what adults do. To be honest though, I have been noticing lately little adult things that I find strangely satisfying and kinda calming, so here they are...

Clearing my Inbox out - the other day I got to work and had 47 emails, I left with only 8 in my inbox. I was pretty god darn excited. Its like you can visibly see all the work that you have done (and I didn't even delete them, I totally dealt with them). High five for being an efficient worker and getting shit done. Whoooo, go me. 

Having a clean kitchen - EVERY DAY. Don't worry the irony is not lost on me, most of these things are centred around having clean / fresh / clutter free spaces and as mentioned in my last video blog this is polar opposites of what I used to be when I was in my early 20s. But man it does feel really good to look around your kitchen and see nothing but clean bench space. And when the dishes are done, that's one less chore to do and that means that I am closer to the time where I can do things that I love. Mainly Nothing. I love doing nothing... which leads me to my next point.

Doing Nothing - When someone asks me what I am doing on the weekend, do you know what my favourite answer is? Nothing. Yep that's right. A big fat nothing. I love sitting at home and watching TV and laying in my bed staring at the ceiling. Who knew that doing nothing could be more fun than actually doing things.The idea of having to put pants on, do my hair and slap on a face is sometimes more than I believe I can handle. 

The succulents that I have on my window sill growing and sprouting - I get excited every time I go to the sink because 1. It means I am probably cleaning and 2. those little suckers are growing and sprouting and bringing life to my life. That's shits awesome and I did that (and as a side note they are growing in Fake Arse Jordan 4s and they look pretty ballin). Life is good in succulent land. I have had these plants for 3 years and while they were surviving, they certainly weren't thriving.... who knew what a bit of water could do?

Clean Sheets and new bed linen - In the last two months I have purchased three new bed spreads and a couple of pillows and it was exhilarating. There is no better feeling on a Saturday than putting clean sheets on and getting in to bed and wiggling all around in the tight goodness. Mmm sweet sweet tight goodness. I never really cared for home decorating and home decor but since I got my awesome new bed I have really wanted to create a good looking space, you know, just so I don't let the bed down. 

Having an empty clothes hamper - who knew I liked to do washing. Might have something to with having a good washing machine now but seeing the bottom of the basket and having everything to wear at my disposal at the start of the week is pretty wonderful. Also another positive of suburb life is that my washing line is ALLLL mine and I don't have to worry about the people in my complex stealing my under garments (not that I thought they would, or that I think I am worthy of stalking but we live in a world of possibilities so I needed to keep these thoughts around and I do have expensive sheets, If I didn't own them, I would probably want to steal them)

Vacuuming - or more specifically using the Dyson. Man if you haven't vacuumed with a Dyson you haven't really lived. I know that's a big statement but ask anyone that has Dysoned and they will be with me on this one.I vacuum my house every week (or every couple of days if I am feeling adventurous) and its a pleasure, it doesn't even feel like a chore and at the end of it the carpet is clean and dust free and that's gotta be good for my health.

Finding a good Avocado - those fucks are $3.50 a pop so don't you even tell me that you don't get a little jolt of happiness when you cut it open and its beautiful soft and green. Mmmm squishy green 

People asking me for directions - I was walking home from work the other day and a Kiwi Lady asked me where to go for shopping and of course being the good host that I am, I was able to point her in the direction of some good bars with great happy hour specials as well. I wanted to be a tour guide around the city but apparently you actually need to be a local of the city to do that.... piffle. I think I would rock at it, just ask the Kiwi Lady (she is probably drunk by now so would only have complementary things to say)

Old people talking to me on public transport - Its been happening more and more and I actually love it. I am making an effort to stay off my phone while I am commuting and the opportunities that this has bought me to talk to people are really paying for themselves. People are nice, but I think we always distract ourselves so much that we don't give them a chance to show us that they are.

Home Design Shows - and along the similar line, cooking shows. I want to be a domestic goddess and run a house hold full of designer homewares (granted its all Kmart but their homewares are rocking and if you haven't checked them out, you probably should get on to that. Like Now!!!) 

Grandma Underpants - High waisted cotton tails, yes please. Like I am not even kidding. I love Nanna Knickers. They tuck in the little pouch that I seem to have grown over the years and they keep everything tight when I want to go out and drink a lot of beer. Also not worrying about my plumbers crack showing is an added bonus. One time I was bending down to get something and someone shoved a straw down my bottom channel... I was unimpressed by this, if only I had know about Nanna Knickers back then.

So yeah, as you can tell being an adult isn't the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Its all about seeing the silver linings and cheaper insurance (I just got a car, its something that I need to consider these days)

Love and Laugh Lines

Miss K