"Shitty" Super Powers

Having recently gotten Netflix I decided to rewatch one of my favourite shows and have a little bit of housemate bonding in the process. There is this English Series called Misfits which is about people that get super powers because of a freak storm. It follows the adventures of the main characters while they try to navigate life with their new found abilities and all the hilarity that ensues. Some people have cool powers like being able to turn back time, or read other peoples thoughts, while others have less cool powers like being able to control Dairy Products. While walking to the train station today I wished that I had the ability to make people walk faster and it lead me to thinking about other not so Super Powers that might be ok to have.

I would like the power to... control the speed of other peoples walking.You may not have anywhere to be but my train is due in two minutes and I still have a few hundred metres to stride. Just go that little bit faster. I could control them to be like the bow of the boat smashing though the ice to get me to the main land (in this case, Platform 1 for the 5.15 South Morang)

I would like the power to... make food the precise temperature for consumption without having to wait. I don't like having to wait, this is probably why I eat a lot of my foot tepid because I need the food now and not in one more minute.

I would like the power to... wear 5 inch stilettos without my feet hurting after a few hours. I would never have to be that girl, my calves would always look amazing and those dresses and jeans would just Pop. Oh yeah, then I would also have a weapon on hand to stab people if I needed (please note I said, if I needed, as yet in life I haven't needed to, but I have thought about it)

I would like the power to... always get a good seat on public transport. You know those single seats where you can stretch your legs out and not worry about banging knees with the person in front of you. That one. And facing the right way. Preferably with the added bonus of having the seat next to me free to put my bag on but I don't want to be greedy

I would like the power to... bring food back from the dead. That delicious thing that you wanted to eat but you forgot about and it expired two days ago... yeah. Back, in all its delicious fresh glory. 

I would like the power to... make clean linen. Want fresh sheets every day but cant be bothered with the arduous chore of changing and washing and folding and making? Never fear, Linen Cleaner is here. One swipe of a hand and all your linens are fresh and soft and clean. I hear you asking "What about stains?", stains are a thing of the past with this power. 

I would like the power to... block out annoying noises. For example, people making food noise, people talking loudly on their phones on public transport (yeah bitch who sits across from me EVERY afternoon and says Like a lot, I am talking about you), the droney noise of an Auto exhaust, Harley Davidson Motor Bikes. I have very sensitive hearing I guess and my life would be better without these things in it. 

I would like the power to... control traffic lights. you would think that I would use it to always give me the green light, but I would sit at a red light if it meant infuriating people that were being wankers. You know the ones, people that split through lanes to try and get ahead... but then you meet them at the next set of lights... yeah those people. 

I would like the power to... fall asleep on demand. If I go to sleep NOW I will have 6 hours and 37 minutes sleep before I have to get up. BANG. ASLEEP. And god damn those 6 hours and 37 minutes would be glorious. 

I would like the power to... Control Music. I want to listen to this song and then its on, no having to scroll through play lists or worrying when you forget the name of the song. One thought and the music would be coming out of your speakers so that you can sing at the top of your lungs while you are waiting at the traffic light that you turned to red, just to piss people off. Make them wait at the Lights AND have to deal with my singing.

So really, I guess it isn't the about the power, it is how you use it. 

Love and Levitating (not a power that I think I would want, I get motion sickness) 

Miss K