No Good Guys Left?

Are we unconsciously fucking the world for ourselves because of the attitudes we have and the actions we make, is it a pattern of rinse and repeat. People continue to follow the same path and expect a different outcome. You let a guy treat you mean and keep running back and then complain that there are no nice guys, how can you tell when you aren't giving the good guys a chance? Why do we play into the Treat em mean routine? Are we so indecisive and fearful of being alone that its good to have someone at arms length in case you decide that you want them? Are you waiting for something better to come along? How about we all just man up and realise that this act doesn't get anyone anywhere, a bit of niceness goes a long way, and if we don't start to realise this soon the world will just be full of jaded humans who don't get what it should actually all be about 

The concept of treat them mean, keep them keen has always baffled me, for the fact that it makes no sense and the fact that it actually works. When did someone realise that this was a thing and when did girls decide it was a good idea to go along with it? All Girls (and I will include myself in this box) are guilty of this. Its as if we have to keep chasing after someone that's keeping us at arms length because we can not conceive that they may not want us, we are conditioned to think this is the way its meant to be and for me its probably because I'm to stubborn to give up. My last relationship was a perfect example of this, he was amazing when he was with me but when we were apart he was so distant that I couldn't reach him (I am talking emotionally, physically I think the kid has his phone glued to his hand). Yet I kept trying and giving it everything because I put too much stock in the fact that he was a good guy but really I should have read the signs and seen it for what it really was and jumped ship earlier. It would have saved me a hell of a lot of sleepless nights and heart ache. Guys can do "treat em mean, keep em keen" because we let them.

Don't think for a second that the shoe doesn't fit on the other foot as well. I know that girls live by this same mantra as well. Have we ever thought that there are maybe no nice girls around? I asked my friend recently how he could still be single. He is very tall and good looking with eyes you could get lost in, has manners that his mother would be proud of and has an ability to make girls feel secure and precious. His response to my question made me sad (and a little bit angry if I am totally honest), he told me it was because girls always fucked him around because he was too nice. He told me that he was going to try and start treating girls mean but he knows that he doesn't have it in him. Maybe I guess its lucky that he doesn't because the world would be loosing a true gentleman if he did. If it was a different time and place I'd be going out of my way to get this boy for myself because I'd (and any other girl) be lucky to have him.

We did personality profiling at work recently and its results gave me some insight into who I am and why I act the way that I do. The theory is there are four personality types that a person can fall into, you answer a series of questions and at the end of it you are able to tell if you are Dominant (direct, decisive), Influential (interested in people, interactive), Conscientious (compliant, controller) or Steady (Stable, supporter, secure). It was of no surprise to me at all that my two highest scores were Dominant and Influential (dead tie) and my lowest was Conscientious (a whole 7 points below the other two). Ive always known that I'm a people person and I'm opinionated as hell and this turns me into a bit of a steam roller (I am very self aware of my faults) and this doesn't only count for my work life. The majority of the time this is done in my home life as well. So without even realising that I am doing it maybe I'm at fault of treating them mean. I like to get my own way and unless people stand up to me I will rail road them. Looking back with the gift of time I realise I did it to Ikea Flat Pack for years and then when he tried to stand up to me I wouldn't have it. If you let someone create a pattern they will continue this way. I'm more vigilant with it these days and try to catch myself before I do it, but it made me realise the person I need to be with. 

I don't know if its just me, or if this is a common thing but most of the guys that I end up meeting have been treated badly and overrun by past relationships. Is it that there are so many out there or is there something about me specifically that they gravitate towards? Do we as humans need someone to take control for a while? By going to someone that is Dominant I guess it gives them a bit of breathing room. From what I have seen if a guy gets burnt he generally closes off and tars all women with the same brush while women are more willing to try and put it behind them and try and move on. If this is the case really what chance do girls have? Everyone gets burned eventually

Maybe the sexes aren't so different after all, the boys think there are no nice girls and the girls think there are no nice boys. They are out there, I believe it, you just need to give them a chance. Remember one mans trash is another mans treasure and in this is the time for recycling. And remember you need to start a relationship the way that you plan to continue it. Let them treat you mean from the start and they will more than likely treat you mean forever. Just something to think about 

Love and Love 

Miss K 

Its not the size, its how you use it?

I pose you a serious question, What is the number one male fixation? What Beer to drink, two shakes or three or if they want their sub with double cheese? It could be any one of these  but because I am not a man I guess I may not be qualified to comment but I have a theory, The number one male fixation is wanting to have a bigger cock. I base this on the fact that everyone guy I know (bar one or two) have expressed their desire for a longer slong. I will admit that sometimes, yeah some men could do with a bit of an upgrade but sometimes I have had to look at them incredulously and go "Say What?". After all as I've gotten older I've realised that the old adage of "its not the size its how you use it" may actually be pretty true. So boys whats your deal?

I experienced "Big" very early on in my sexual career (its not really a career but I am not sure what else to call it) and my face must have given away everything to this poor boy. As he disrobed he looked at me with hurt in his eyes and said "Why does everyone always pull that face?". How could I answer a question like that? I think I mumbled out something like... umm cause its big. I ended up being in a long term relationship with this guy and his "package" admittedly caused some issues. Sex became an issue because it was difficult and stressful and mostly painful and probably played a big role in the break down of our relationship. Could my relationship have been saved if he had a normal size package? I guess we will never know. So bigger, is not better. Most certainly not.

Don't get me wrong though, we were intimate, and thanks to that this little pearler of a story came about. I had gone to the chemist to stock up on some prophylactics and I have to give the chemist assistant props, she was pretty switched on. Imagine an older lady that reminds you of your nan, white hair and bingo wings to boot. I grab the necessities and on rocking up to the counter with a box of extra large condoms and a bag of jelly beans (things always look way less suss if you buy other things as well) the chemist lady kindly lent over the counter, put her hand on my arm and looked imploringly into my eyes and for as long as I live I will never forget what came out of her mouth next "Dear, just because they tell you they need extra large doesn't mean that they actually do". As you can imagine there is little that you can do when an old lady says things like this to you but smile your mortifying smile, take your package and flee from the store at a great rate of knots. This happened when I was 19 and still very young and naive. I would probably handle it different these days, maybe pull out a photo to show her, make the old biddies day.

Going home with someone you haven't slept with before is kinda like a game of Russian roulette, you really never know what you are going to get when you spin the chamber. I will admit that I have gone into events with high expectations from pre conceived notions and stereotypes and I have been reminded harshly to never assume. A few years ago now a very tall very good looking (it appears that all my stories start out this way) ex pro basketballer happened across my path. We hit it off instantly and after a few months of flirting with a heavy air of sexual tension we decided to give it a crack. Well you can imagine my surprise when Mr B-Ball didn't even stretch across my palm when fully erect (yes I know I have big palms, but I just measured it and its 8cm!!!!!! 8CMS!!!!). I hid my surprise well and continued with the routine. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having a small penis, it was more the fact that he had no idea how to use it and didn't try to make up for it in other ways. In this case having a small penis made him selfish (yep I stand by that). I would like to publicly write that I am not against small packages. The best sexual experience that I have ever had came from someone that was average, but what he lacked in size he surely made up for in skill and determination. This kid is a serial womaniser though so I guess he has had a lot of practice. 

8cms??!!!???

I had an experience recently with a large package that actually hurt my ego (yeah you all thought I was bullet proof hey?). I pride myself on my sufficient oral skills, its whats I do and Ive never had any complaints about it (I am a strong believer in the hello head job) but this one time I got told to stop. He then proceeded to use the line "its not you its me" and that his penis was on the larger side so that even my overly large mouth couldn't protect him from my teeth. . What make this story even funnier is that moments before this he had been telling me it wasn't that big. I guess I shouldn't really complain because it makes my job easier when it comes to this boy. He takes the vote for number two best... see best can come on all ends of the scale and its generally more to do with the other skills than the "SKILL" (that was code for penis, cause I am trying to mix it up).

Boys, take note. If its big or small or bent to the left or slightly odd shaped, you cant change it so rock it instead. ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT. If you don't make a big deal out of it she probably wont either. If she is having sex with you it probably means something is special about you, so focus on that fact. And if you are worried about it, up skill yourself in other areas, fuck even if you aren't worried about it up skill anyway. After all a happy wife equals a happy life (please substitute wife for  girlfriend, casual friend or one night stand). And even if you are Captain of the Titanic (this line was used on me recently as a joke) don't go blowing your horn about it. Some girls may be impressed by your Mega Structure but most will probably just think "You want to stick that where?"

You run on steam?

Love and Foreskin 

Miss K 

P.S I would like to make a solid point here, really none of the above matters. They may touch you in the physical sense but what I (and I would guess most girls) am really looking for is an emotional connection. I want to be able to look into someones eyes and have the whole world melt away, I want to be the little spoon and the princess. Its why I do what I do. Its all about the connection at the end of the day and there is no size limit on that. You don't really know good sex until you make love.

P.P.S Mr B-Ball is now married with a kid, this reiterates the above point. Mr Big is in a happily committed long tern relationship as well. I guess its like a jigsaw puzzle you just need to find the piece that fits you

I'll show you mine if you show me yours?

By golly, its been a busy week, work, dancing, work, trying to make friends, getting three pictures of cocks, a bit more work. Yeah see like I said BUSY. I am sure that you glanced over everything else but the Three Cock Pictures caught your eye. Well they caught my eye as well, and not for the first time. Its not just a recent thing either, I have honestly lost count of the amount of "packages" that have been delivered to my phone in the past. When did I become that girl that you send your cock to?  Do they send them to me because of my overtly sexual nature? or do these guys send their johnsons to every girl that they have in their contact list? If this is the case at least I know that I'm not alone and adrift in the cocksea

Here is my catch...

So nudes and sexting? what are my thoughts? I think it has its places, its a great way for couples to know that the other person is thinking about them, or letting a perspective partner know what they are signed up for. Around about 75% of the genitals that I have received in the past though have come from people that I have not had intimate relations with, was this a wasted couple of cents for them? I generally as a rule only send them to people that I am sleeping with, because they at least its something that they have already seen before and where is the harm in that?

Maybe its just me but sometimes if I find a guy sexually appealing I wonder what equipment he is packing downstairs, I thought about this point for a while and I actually do this less than what you would imagine. I guess I really do look at it like its a lucky dip. You aren't meant to know whats inside the wrapping until you stick your hand inside the "box". But I will add a warning, there is honestly nothing worse than when the "surprise toy" doesn't match your expectation. I once received a photo from a very VERY good looking young lad, he was tall and well built so I guess I had high expectation of "little him" but sadly that wasn't the case. From then on, when ever I had to see him I looked at him and laughed a little bit inside thinking about his pantal inadequacies. I will also admit to telling my friends that he had a small cock, so they got a laugh out of it as well. That seems like a bitchy thing to do but its not like I actually showed them the photo, come now I do have some semblance of class. 

My thoughts on nudes of me? Heck yeah, I am all for it and I will admit that I have done it in the past and still do it now. Sometimes I look in the mirror and go "GOD DAMN" and I think that these moments need to be celebrated. The expression "Take a picture it lasts longer" actually comes in handy here, because while the feeling may not last, the picture sure as hell does. Is it wrong to look at photos of yourself and appreciate what you see? I don't really think so. So how did I go from photos for me to photos for everyone? One of my favourite fem bloggers CONSTANTLY warns about the danger of sending nudes and her advise is not to do it but if you do make sure as not include your face so it cant be traced, I guess for someone as tattooed as me my face is really neither here nor there, because my body is just as easily recognisable. I do have my limits though. Its generally only photos of my rack (cause I know they wont be up for ever) and sometimes my arse but NEVER my lady garden. I wonder why this is, if I am honest I am actually pretty scared of Vagina's (yes even my own) and once you've seen one, you have pretty much seen them all. And its whats on the inside that counts anyway

I have learnt however not store photos on my phone any more and I will admit that I learnt this the hard way. Even with the most careful of precautions things can go amiss and the short and curlies can fall into the wrong hands. I guess I was lucky that when this happened to me it wasn't that big of a deal but it made me learn my lesson none the less.  Going back a few years before fancy phones and locking codes I was at the local race track watching the drifts and my phone was in my pocket as I was laying on the grass (or so I thought). I got up to use the toilet and on coming back a friend was reclining on the lawn with my phone on his chest and Cheshire cat smile on his face. I knew straight away that this couldn't be a good thing so I approached with caution. As I got closer to him he threw my phone at me with a wink and remarked "There you go Porno Tits". I am sure you can join the dots on this one, my phone had fallen out on the grass, the young lad had seen his opportunity, seized the moment and scrolled through my pictures and came across the money shot. I am not going to pretend that I wasn't secretly pretty stoked that a young boy was saying I had amazing tits, I had been told this a lot before but it was generally by people that I was having sex with, and we both now that this is some what of a Biased comment. If they want to have intimacies with me again of course they are going to be complementary of my assets. 

I wanna be this girl

So really I am fine with it, I don't plan on getting into politics or marrying a royal any time soon so a few photos of my boobs sitting on some guys phone Inst really going to bother me. Id like to think that I choose carefully to who I send them too and that they would respect the arrangement that we have entered into. Really if they didn't, remember I have evidence as well, so I have a bit of pull on where their "bits of pull" ends up, if you get my drift. So I say, send away, you never know what its going to get you, And maybe "I will show me your if you show me mine is anything" could be the start of something beautiful

Love and Nipples 

Miss K 

P.S Just a little note below to the guys. If you are going to send a photo, it doesn't always need to be of your dongle, there are plenty more appealing parts of your body that don't involve nudity. I got a photo sent to me the other day by The Tattoo boy and it was just his torso and admittedly that photo turned me on way more than a pic of his cock would have (not that there is anything wrong with his cock don't get me wrong). Women like a bit of mystery and we like to use our imagination. A shot of your hip bones (now that's a "bone" I like to see) or your neck and collar bone will win out every time over a picture of your penis. Well for me at least. I guess its something to think about 

This is much sexier than my garden, I bet you want to nibble my neck a little bit..

So its not all so Easy....

I've been here Five Weeks 

I have no where to go when the going gets tough

I eat a Donut a Day

I have made Three Friends - my goal had been three in the first week 

My Heart got Broken and I am putting it back together 

There is a spot on Flinders Street that is warm and smells like fresh laundry
I saw a girl annoying her dad at the shop and it made me realise I miss my dad, a lot

My True friends have been revealed and it was a shock

After 29 years I am finally close to my sister who is on the other side of the Country 

I'm constantly worried about money and my Job 
People on the tram mostly smell terrible, I miss my car

I felt Depression creeping up on me

This is Tough

Everyone is asking how I am going, so there is the short version. I have so much respect for anyone that has done the big move alone and handled it seemingly better than I have. I will find my feet though, because I cant fail. Its not all sunshine and light, but the moments of sunshine are worth it all 

Love and Contemplation 

Miss K 

Blowing your load over people with pretty skin?

I have this theory and I guess it is some what based on a bias but I think that Tattooed people are just prettier. Easy as that. I think anyone that has been following my blog would know that I am starting to errrr on the side of moderately tattooed (I guess its depends on who you asked) much to my nans disgust. 

I got my first tattoo at the ripe old age of 18, my first boyfriend had been getting tattooed and I was so impressed with what was going on that I decided that I wanted one as well. I remember my first tattoo was an ordeal, every little point of it, from the hand picked design (from the Flash Wall) to where it was going and when I was going to get it done. I picked my design and had it in my car for 2 weeks looking at it every day to make sure it was what I wanted and that I would be able to live with it forever. I finally settled on the "Sex Dragon" (I had the tattoo for 8 years before a friend of mine realised that the junction between its tail and its wings read as SEX. Awkward) to go on my highly original lower back. I remember thinking how hardcore I was because it was huge, I laugh now thinking about what the me then would think about the me now. I got an additional 5 small ones over the course of the next year and considered myself to be heavily tattooed (again I laugh at this notion). But for me the best (or the worst considering who you ask) was yet to come. 

Sex anyone?

My tattooing stopped until I was 26 when I decided that I would like to get a new one, something small and subtle and not to obvious that I could hide. I settled on an Audrey Kawasaki Design for my inner wrist  and remember feeling concerned about work as I now had a visible tattoo. I met the Army Brat a few months later and fell in love with the art thoroughly again and there was no turning back. It was with each new tattooed that I pushed my boundaries a little bit further, got more and more visible skin inked and finally topped it all off with a full back job. I am now of the opinion that I have gone this far so I may as well keep going (Sorry Daddy, but you know this anyway).

I am not sure if its just me or if this happens to most heavily tattooed people but every where I go people want to talk to me, either to play show and tell or inform me on the wrong decisions I have made in my life by getting tattooed. Here are a few of my favourite stories 

- Every Tuesday a little old man and his wife go shopping at Vic Park Coles where I used to go to get my lunch and every Tuesday the little old man felt the need to leave his wife's side to come and tell me what a disgrace I was and that I should be ashamed of what I had done to my skin. I always smiled politely, thanked him for his opinion and wished him a lovely day (this happened for about 5 weeks in a row)

- After getting my Ditch (the crook of your arm) done I went to Maccas to get myself some important after tattooing food and while getting served the girl at the counter took in my now soggy bleedy glad wrapped arm and decided that she would like to share her tattoos with me. This is an extract from that conversation "Oh that's an interesting place for a tattoo. I have three and they are all in unique places as well. One is on my ankle, one is on the inside of my wrist and one is on the back of my neck. We have so much in common". As you can imagine in my head I was screaming "SHUT UP AND GIVE ME MY FUCKING BURGER BITCH!!!!" but on the outside again I smiled politely to her 

- People feel like they have the right to touch you when you are tattooed, I was out one evening with my friends in a low back dress when a lady in her 40s came up to me and pulled the back of my dress down without asking me. I was shocked and taken back and spun  around and looked at her and her response was "I just wanted to have a look, clearly you wouldn't have got it if you didn't want people to look".  Here is a little hint for people, if you want to look, ask. Most of the time I (or other tattooed people) will be happy to show you. I should also maybe put this as a warning, The next person to try and undress me when I am out is going to cop it, I shall rip their shirt off and run around brandishing it over my head like a Trophy. After all what's good for the goose is indeed good for the Gander

In reality its not all bad though, people are more likely to come and talk to you and be your friend if you are tattooed because they have an easy conversation starter (I met a super cool chic  called Carmen on St Paddys day at the pub because of my peacock) and now days they are getting more common so its not so taboo. Sometimes I wonder if people only try and hook up with me because of my tattoos though, sometimes it bothers me and then sometimes it makes me go "Oh well, if they look past the tattoos my personality is pretty amazing as well" and all is right with my world again. Or is it? 

I met a young lad called David (I am not even going to try and hide his identity) out at a drinking establishment one fine evening, he was 23 and from Melbourne. We got chatting, he convinced me to steal the bottle opener from behind the bar and then he bought me a beer. This kid was on a winner. He was very tall and very good looking and we got along famously and if by coincidence he happened to be staying on the street behind my house so we decided to share a cab home. I am sure you can see where this story is going so I will spare you the gruesome details and say only that we got "intimate". I am a firm believer that the first one is always a freebie, so when he managed to uncap his load after 1 minutes without fore play (and I say this without a word of a lie) I just laughed it off and said it was ok. Well you can imagine my shock when it happened TWICE more within the space of an hour. I hear you ask what this has to do with tattoos, well it was his excuse (yes you read that right). After the third time I looked at him incredulously and raised an eyebrow, to which he meekly replied "Your tattoos made me so turned on that I couldn't control myself". As you can imagine he retrieved his pants and made a hasty exit. But this got me to thinking, are tattoos really that much of a turn on?

I made it my some what joking mission at the start of the year to sleep with someone that was more tattooed than myself to test this theory. Don't tutt about how whoreish and shallow that is, everyone needs to have ambitions. I would like to take this moment to bask in my glory and announce proudly to the world that  I, Miss K achieved this goal early on in the year (its good to knock your goals off early so you can put your feet up and relax). Let me set the scene for you, Easter Weekend, Local Pub, Pints of Cider and something to prove. 

How could he not want this?

I was sitting down with my friends on a lovely chesterfield couch getting comfortable with my cider and drinking in the Ambiance of the venue when in strolled a Good Looking Blonde lad and his trusty side kick. He was everything that turns me on, he was wearing a hat, covered in tattoos and drinking beer. I couldn't fail!!!! When I saw him step outside for a smoke I saw my opportunity and I pounced. I cant remember what my line was but I am sure it was terrible (I think it was something about child hood somethings). I ended up spending the whole evening chatting to him and his mate and as the pub was closing up he asked if I wanted to head back to his house for some more drinks,  I obliged and what followed was a few months of hanging out and catching up.

I have to admit that during this time I got a slight glimpse at what Old Mate David might have been feeling when he looked at my naked colourful skin. When I was with Mr Tattoo I couldn't take my eyes off him, I caught myself trailing my fingers over him without realising it and if he had his shirt off, well goodness me. I was wowed by him and his beautiful skin and I'm not even ashamed to admit it. I guess I was lucky to have found a tattooed one that actually has a nice personality. It shows that not even the tattooed are immune to swooning over the more tattooed. 

With every tattoo that I get I feel more confident and more beautiful. The colour that I feel inside my body is now on the outside. I look at photos of myself before tattoos and I think I look strange and incomplete. It does sneak up on me though sometimes, while standing in a Myer changing room, I looked at myself in the mirror and went "Wow, when did that happen" and just smiled because its something I created.


So do yourself a favour, hook up with a tattooed person. It will be amazing... guaranteed 


Love and Ink 


Miss K 

She wasn't crazy. Until I stuck my dick in her

Its the way it is isn't it, you meet a girl, you start seeing her and everything is cool. She is an awesome girl, down to earth, fun to be around but then she changes. You break up and a whole heap of crazy spews out from her that you didn't even know about before. Where does this crazy come from? Is it something that lays dormant in a lady until she is scorned? Does her Medusa hair spew forth from her head when she realises she is alone? What is this phenomenon? Over the last few days I have been sitting here wondering if I have in fact become that Crazy.

She gonna fuck you up 

I was chatting with a friend recently and he was convinced that he was the reason that girls went crazy and on musing this fact with some mates they all agreed. It seems that the minute you stick your dick into them you unlock something that you never knew existed before, below are some of the examples of crazy that my friends have shared with me 

- A 19 year old friend was seeing a 21 year old girl who very early in the relationship asked him to give her a baby so that she "could be friends with it"

- A girl gave her new puppy a name one letter different from a friends last name because she was that obsessed with him, apparently her boobs were so big that they were actually a waste. I know who actually thought that could happen

- Writing "love" in Menstrual Blood across her chest when he left the room after the first time they had intimate relations 

- Calling him 50 times and then calling all his friends because he didn't answer because he was busy - major rage face here

Yep, that girl needed it

These are extreme examples but crazy comes in many forms, from calling or texting constantly, stalking his crack book and blowing up at any interaction from other girls or stopping him from going out and hanging out with his friends. Whats with that? Possibly girls get out of it easily because nothing as bad as that has happened to me before but maybe that's because I don't really even get the chance to break up with guys maybe? 

I hate that crazy feeling, its like you know that what you are thinking is stupid, irrational and wrong but you cant stop yourself from going down that path. I'm a very smart girl, I have many leather bound book but I will admit right now that when a guy breaks up with me the crazy starts to dribble out (or gush as is sometimes the case). In my head every time he goes out he is hooking up with 50 women, all of them curvy Brunette superstars that look and fuck like Gianna, but probably in real life he may not even be talking to a single girl. I know that he doesn't want me but I'd like for him to not want anyone either. 

In my head this is whats going on with every girl he meets

So why is it that we get this way, do they literally pour the crazy into us? Before them we were level headed and capable of rational decision making. I'm going to put it down to jealousy or possibly sperm poisoning. I guess I am one of the lucky ones because I am able to keep my crazy inside my head for the most part and it very rarely shoots out to hit the person that its aimed at (because its OK to be crazy but you don't want people to realise that you are... if you understand) and for me it only happens on the rare occasion when I actually have loved someone, so possibly being a heartless bitch and not getting attached to people easily may have its advantages

Guys just need to get it, if a girl likes you, she likes everything about you and you are everything that she wants, its then inconceivable to her that every other girl in the world cant see that as well. So maybe having a girl that you've fucked the crazy into, be crazy, could be some what of a compliment because to her you really are the bees knees. And a message to the girl, try and dial it down a bit hey. We know you like him, we get that, but if he doesn't like you turning into the crazy certainly isn't going to make him stick around. 

Before writing this blog I texted the guy who was convinced that he was the reason for the crazy to tell him that I was going to write about his theory and his response was "its my eyes and maybe my penis, a lil, that sends them crazy". Well I give the kid one thing, at least he has a sense of humour about it. 

Yep its all in the Green Eyes

Mr Sentry said it correctly "You are fucking insane, and I don't mean that in a good way. Bye Bye" so really at the end of the day, you need to weigh it up, crazy is a double edged sword, and when it out weighs the good you know its time to get the fuck out of Dodge 

Love and Twitches 

Miss K 

Plastic Fantastic? You Fcking Bet Ya!!!!!!!

I saw the most amusing text yesterday, it went something along the lines of  "Going to see a man about a dog, and by man I mean plastic surgeon about two new puppies" and I pretty much lost my shit. Is this not the best written text in the history of, well, forever? I am going to put this here from the outset, I am the largest supporter of plastic surgery. It enables someone to make themselves feel like they do on the inside and thats a pretty awesome thing. It got me to thinking if I was going to get something done, what would it be? 

I am sitting here at the moment in a dirty hoody (my pasta sauce exploded and my hoody rotation is now down to one) and leggings and my self esteem is at a record low but I guess I have been pretty lucky as normally I am generally pretty confident in myself and what my mumma gave me (this saying though I find to be stupid but I was at a loss as to what else I could write to convey my point, but I digress).  Saying that though even I have down times and in those down times it has made me come up with these ideas 

Eye Surgery

I dont know if this exists but if it does, I am pretty sure that I would jump on board. My eyes have long been the source of self hatred and I think this stems from a tough child hood of my sister calling me feret and saying she could blind fold me with a piece of string. Or it could possibly have been from my mum telling me that she asked the doctor what was wrong with my eyes when I was born. These two things mixed together are enough to give anyone a complex about their slanty little eyes. 

See Squinty

I wear glasses and have since I was a young child and this never really bothered me, and now days glasses are actually cool, you can see that by people wearing just frames without the lenses to try and be up to date with the latest fashion trend.  Its the size of them thats the problem (its always the size isnt it?). Maybe I could get surgery to get Anime eyes, all big and doe like? I'm sure thats a thing. 

Over the years though I guess I have come to get used to my eyes, they have been vaguely staring back at me for the last 29 years, and people have actually started telling me that I have nice eyes, and here was me thinking that the only thing I had going for me was my killer rack... which leads me into my next point 

I'm ready for my close up

Boob Job

Now dont get me wrong I am pretty darn pleased with the tits that I have, I have been referred to as Porno Tits in the past and every time I take my bra off even I gasp in appreciation at what I got going on. I have managed to hit 29 without any sag but I know that the day is going to come when they arent where they were and have decided the minute that they head south I am going to go in and get that shit sorted out. While I am in there why not get them pumped up (Pumped up Tits? thats a song right?), I would love boobs so big that I could rest my dinner on them like a stable table or use them as my own pillow. Honestly whats not to love about that idea?

Boobs.... just imagine these bigger for a pillow. YESSSS!!!!!

Finger Shortening?

This one is coming from left field I know and its probably not possible but I would like to have smaller hands. Over the years I have managed to develop a complex over the gigantic mits that I have been lumbered with. Lets take a walk down memory lane to when I was 18, I was dating a young lad called Cameron. One fine day after a rather large night out we were cuddling on his couch holding hands and drinking Choc Milk (I would like to make a side note here, I dont even like Choc Milk, what was I thinking?) when he remarked "Oh my god, your have the biggest hands" and on comparing my hands to his, I realised that he was correct. The next day he broke up with me, and in my head these two things have always been related. 

Fast forward a few years to meeting a guy at a pub who was exceptionally tall (around about the 6'5ish mark) and being the cheeky little thing that I am, I started bombarding his senses with my flirting abilities. He was smitten and hooked (and honestly why wouldnt he be, see above for one reason to be enamoured), that was until I held up my hand to playfully swat him for a cheeky comment that he had made. A look of horror passed over his delightful features as he gasped "Your hands are huge" and on holding his hand up against mine, my hands were larger. Either he had tiny little hands or my fear of giant man hands was actually realised. If my hands are more giant that a giant mans, really how giant are they? Couple this with the fact that I am unable to find ladies gloves that provide me with enough finger length and I once got told that with hands this big I would make any guys dick looks small (I believe this has something to do with the reason that I am still single) something needs to change.  So if anyone has any solutions please let me know, but until then I will sit on my hands and try not to breath to loud (funnily enough this is the same advise that I was given when I was going to have a lap dance)

Giant Hands make working on cars difficult

So really if this is all that I want to fix, I dont really have much to complain about, there are always going to be the issues that all girls have like thinner thighs and a flatter stomach but even I know the way to get that and its a lot easier and cheaper than surgery. To anyone that is thinking they would like surgery, I say Go for it!!! At the end of the day, if you look good, you feel good and everyone wants to be around happy people. If you are able to get yourself to a point in life where your outside feels like your insides then you know you have done something right.

To anyone that feels the need to judge people who choose to go under the knife, I ask you to pull your head in. You probably dont know what that person was feeling inside and everyone deserves to be happy with themselves. Arent we all guilty of doing something out of "Vanity"? I will be the first to admit that I get my nails done and put on make up, really its all the same. As the infomercial for control top panties just told me "Why grin and bear it when you can smile and wear it?"

I love every plastic little thing about this Lady 

Love and Confidence 

Miss K 

It really is a marvel