Friendship and the Delete Button

Its National Best Friends Day today, a day where you celebrate your ride and die and for the first time in my adult life I don't feel like I can say that I have a best friend. Please don't get me confused here, I am not saying that I don't have any friends because that would be a gross understatement, what I am saying is that I don't have a ride or die person anymore, Someone that I feel comfortable with telling all my secrets to.  And I have come to realise that this is a situation of my own creation.  As I have gotten older I have realised that not everyone is for you and despite all the work that you put in sometimes people just grow apart and the dynamics of a relationships change. Just because it has always been that way doesn't mean that it always will and that's ok.  If it doesn't feel right, don't be scared to walk away. 

I have been falling in and out of depressive episodes in the last few months, and have come to realise that this may have a lot to do with the people that I have picked to surround myself with. As a way to try and snap myself out of it I decided that I needed some Daily Affirmations, to remind myself what I deserved and to help me to take the hard steps. They are - 

Listen to your Gut

Cut the Ties

See the Silver Lining

Only Speak Good Thoughts

Realise that you Deserve Better

So with these affirmations in mind, why do we keep the people around if they are not serving us? Its pretty easy to cut them out of our physical world , we can stop seeing them, stop replying to their texts but its a little bit harder  when it comes to interactions on line. I have always had a problem with deleting people from Social Media and I am not totally sure why. What do they bring to our lives but a sickish feeling in our gut when we see them posting or commenting? Why would we put ourselves through that willingly? Here is maybe why... 

You want them to see how good you are doing with out them - Hey, look at me, having fun, living life, whoooo. Yet you are there obsessing if they've seen it and what they might be thinking,. You are keeping yourself in the loop when really its time to get out. Go out and do you, for you and stop worrying about what they think, because probably they don't actually care

You cant be Bothered with the Drama - because people put so much focus on the digital world, if you unfriend them its an issue of biblical proportions and they might start telling people its because you cant handle the truth or that they didn't do anything wrong. And that might be the case, but you don't need to justify your decisions to anyone and if these people are going to trash talk you, they will do it whether they can see your online life or not

You want to believe in the good in people - you hope their behaviour will change, that they will finally realise that you did good things for them and you cared for them and only ever wanted the best for them. Its taken me 35 years to realise that sadly this hardly ever happens, once the cards have been shown they rarely change

You want to see them succeeding - this one will probably sound odd and I will admit that it doesn't entirely make sense to me either, but I like to see people doing well and being happy and having good things happen in their lives. It doesn't matter if we aren't friends now, at one stage we were and my desire for you to excel has not changed. Everyone deserves the best and I like to see when people get it. It gives me hope that it will happen for me as well. 

Not everyone is going to like you, and you would probably be living your life as a lie if they did. So with that in mind, maybe it is time to find the delete button. If someone will walk past you in the street or refuses to acknowledge you if you try pleasantries, THEY DO NOT DESERVE A PLACE ON YOUR FRIEND LIST!!!!!!!!! And trust me, you life will be so much better when they are gone. The sickish will be gone, your feed will be calmer and you can just concentrate on living your best life. A small circle is way better than a circle filled  with sharks

While scrolling through my feed the other day a beautiful soul that I know posted about how the People around you are a reflection of the person that you are and I believe that she is 100% on the money with this statement. If the people around you don't reflect the person that you want to be, its probably time to find new people. This week I have gotten inside my head and started to believe that people treating me badly was because I deserved it because I was a bad person but I am trying to give up the blame. There may be some truth in the statement but there is also the resounding fact that not everyone is nice and has your best interests at heart.  

I have been working on this post for the last week and out of curiosity I have been watching my friend numbers on Facebook. When I started I was sitting at 1005 and on checking just now I am on 1001, and you know what gets me the most about it all? the fact that its so close to being a nice even number. The people who deleted me have their reasons and I am not taking it personally, if I see them in  the street I will still smile and say hello in passing. Because we never know the struggles that people are going through or how our actions might effect them.

So I did it, I hit the delete button on a few people that at one stage of my life were my ride and die, its ok to miss what was but its also important to remember what is now. I believe I have another ride or die coming for me, because despite all my faults, I am worth something and I deserve that (and so do you, if you need reminding of that). Its never to late to stand up for yourself and find a different circle. 

Love and Deletion 

Miss K 

How to find your confidence when you are just full of sadness...

Its been a while between takes, I stepped away from the keyboard for a while and went in front of the Camera to try my hand at that but lately I have been having some requests for some written content, so lets give this a crack. Lets start back with a topic that I am sure that we have all faced at one point in our lives. How do you feel confident and be intimate with a partner while you are hating yourself and feeling sad about life?

So look, to be fair, its been a really long time since I have been in a relationship and have been getting some action on the regular so this problem hasn't plagued me for years but I remember being there. When I was younger my self esteem and body image was so bad that I remember covering the mirror in our bedroom so I didn't have to see myself. I didn't want to look at myself and I certainly didn't want anyone else looking at me. It put a huge strain on my relationship and ended up being one of the catalysts to it all falling apart. I wish that 23 year old me had the confidence of 34 year old me, but you know what, life is all about the learning curve. And here is what I have learned  

Take those nude photos - controversial opinion I know, but when you feel good, document those moments. My phone is literally full of nude/risque photos of me being confident in my skin. And most of the time no one even gets to see them but me, but that's the greatest thing about it, those photos are a reminder for sad me, that confident me is never far away. 

Lingerie!!!!! - This one ties in with the one above, if you look good you feel good. So find those things  that you feel good in. I have a whole draw of Lingerie that I wear on the daily to turn that frown upside down. And yeah sometimes it may cost a bit of money (I could probably have bought suspension for my car with the amount of lace that's sitting in my top draw) but can you put a price on feeling good? 

Focus on yourself - take time out for yourself to make yourself feel good. Wash your hair, shave your legs, get a pedicure, apply fake tan, what ever you need to do to feel confident. For me, I don't feel as confident if I'm not tanned, give me some of that Bondi Sands and I will most likely forget where I put my pants

Porn - sometimes we need something to kick start our imagination and remind us how good it feels to be in the mood. There is nothing wrong or shameful with using some outside influence. Just keep in mind, that its not real and if you try to throat fuck a girl she is probably likely to spew on you (just a quick FYI to you guys out there)

Remember that Time? - Remember that time that you did that thing and it was hot? yeah that time. When you are feeling sad  and not in the mood, think back to the times that you were in the mood. Yep, just as I though, Vagina Epilepsy* 

Communicate - sex is as much to do with the mind as it is to do with the body. So get you mind involved. Sexting isn't just for your potential Tinder Dates, keep that shit running when you are in  a relationship as well. It doesn't have to be all P in the V talk, I am a big believer that a little innuendo goes a long way. As do compliments. You like how he digs his fingers in to your hip bones when he pulls you against him when he is half asleep.... tell him that shit (and vice versa)

Try to see yourself in their eyes - and this one is hard, probably the hardest out of all of them, but you need to remember that they want to be close to you because they are attracted to you. That erection that is staring you in the face, that's because they find you attractive, the way the kiss your neck and look at you with longing in their eyes, THAT'S BECAUSE THEY FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE!!!!!

Tell him you are not in the mood - we are human and are not sex objects, if you aren't feeling up to it, be open about it. And any good partner will accept this (or they should). These moments are temporary and will pass so don't put unnecessary pressure on your self because it will only make things worse in the long run. 

I guess what it comes down to is, you need to feel good for you first in order to feel good for them. And in case you have forgotten, you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are. 

Love and Confidence

Miss K 

* Vagina Epilepsy is when you remember a moment and you get all funny and clench downstairs out of pure pleasure in that memory. 

P.S In recent months I got close to a guy, this guy is nothing but pure sexual energy (well, that's the way that I see him anyway) and he has awoken this confidence in me that I didn't know I was capable of having. Just thinking about the way that he kissed me gives my Vagina Epilepsy, we haven't had sex and it could be a total failure if we do, but while this is all up in the air, I'm trying to ride this confidence train. The other night after a failed encounter he must have seen in my eyes that I was feeling down on myself and doubting everything that I was. His cocky little response was "you just gave the hottest guy in the world an erection" and that's when I remembered, it important to see yourself  through their eyes. And in his eyes, in that moment, I looked perfect to him (or it could have just been the very expensive lingerie that looked perfect to him, but I am still taking it as a win). We are human, and things happen, remember that if things don't go to plan. It happens to the best of us 

P.S.S if you watched my Vlog you'll know that I am the place where dicks come to die, I killed one again, but I am still holding on to hope that one day (hopefully soon) I am going to be able to make it work. Confidence is key.  If you haven't watched it, here it is

17 for 17

Going from 2015 in to 2016 I decided that I wasn't really going to do any resolutions because to be fair, who ever really sticks them and instead wrote a blog about my lack of a new years kiss and signed it off with a goal of not being a Jerk. Little did I know that there was going to be a turn of events on New Years Eve that made that blog kind of null and void and by kind of, I mean TOTALLY. And that was rad. So it got me thinking, if I could prophetically magic myself a new years kiss, why cant I magically profess myself a cracking 2017. Stranger things have happened. To give myself a fighting chance at success, it is probably important to go in to 2017 with a bit of a guide to better living. So here it is, my 17, kind of resolution with a hint of life lessons 

1. Be Kinder to myself - like fuck mate, I'm alright, I just gotta start believing it. We put some much emphasis on what other people think about us when really at the end of the day no one else really matters. If you need a reminder of how much you have actually grown and improved and become more beautiful go back and look at your Myspace. I am glad to say, the years have been kind to me. Though I still stand by the fact though, that my perm was great. Everyone loves a little bit of curly noodle hair 

2. Read More Books - I have always been a big reader but for the last 8 months I have been buried in piles of study books and haven't really had much time for normal literature. The end is in sight (hopefully, but I don't want to Jinx it) and when I am all done with my studies I am going to get back in to the books hard, so if you have any recommendations flick them my way 

3. Stop Chasing People - I joked the other day with The Smile about this and said that I was going to make it one of my New Years Resolutions to stop Harassing him so much and its probably actually something that I should use as a blanket approach to life in the new year. I am forever chasing people for attention, and after a while it gets to your self confidence, I am worth it and if they don't want to take the time to tell me that, then really, why should I bother.

4. Be more creative - with all my studies my creative endeavours have suffered. I haven't been writing or making Vlogs or colouring in or practicing my knitting that my nan spent so many pain staking hours teaching me. I need to get back to that. So if you can think of any topics you would like me to tackle, please let me know 

5.  Not get so fussed with the little things - If 2016 taught me anything it was that there is a whole heap of shit in the world and a mass of negativity, the more of this you take on, the worse your life is going to be. So I am going to make a conscious effort to not let it affect me 

6. Go on adventures - this year saw a lot of impulse decisions that turned out to be the best experiences of my year. I guess its kind of like, have car will travel. And travel we will

7. Meditate More - kinda hippy and new age but it actually makes a giant difference to my mental state. Breath in through your nose, out through your mouth, rinse and repeat. I got this.

8. Start Cooking - since living in my share house I have stopped cooking, now that I am going to be alone again soon I am going to get back in to it. I am actually not the worst cook in the world and have managed to get to 33 without giving myself food poisoning (other people have accidentally not been so lucky, sorry about those Chilli Mussels Ikea Flat Pack, I do still feel bad about it)

9. Stop Looking for Approval - I said to my dad a few months ago "are you proud of me?" and as much as I love him and want him to be proud of me, none of it really matters because I am proud of myself. I have achieved a lot this year through sheer hard work and determination and what any one else thinks of that really should be of no consequence.

10. Write down a positive EVERY DAY - when I lived with the Hippy House mate we had a happy wall, every day we would write down something good that happened to us or something that made us smile, and every time I walked past the wall I would stop and read all of the positive. Its time to focus on the little thing and the bigger picture will fall in to place

11. Buy a new Mattress - I am only making this a guide to better living because I have been saying it for like two years and haven't done it yet. Someone keep reminding me until I do it please... my back will thank you

12. Compliment People - a few words can make someones day... and that's a pretty strong power to have. You could create a smile that has a knock on positive effect in the world... that's pretty exciting right?

13. See more live Music - I used to go to gigs nearly every weekend and this year I think I saw one, I miss it and I miss the random people that you meet while you are out. I am going to change that

14. Grow some Herbs - mmmm Coriander. MMMMMMMM. And now I have a nice little Balcony to try my hand at Horticulture... pray for me, I am not good at plants 

15.  Tell people that I love them - people are so scared of these words, but you never really know when its going to be the last time you will see someone so I am sure as hell going to tell them I love them. Because I do, and everyone deserves to know that they are loved.

16.  Embrace confrontation - when I was younger I wouldn't back down from a fight, if you had wronged me, I would let you know that I didn't appreciate it, the older that I have gotten the less that is happening and its a pretty scary development. I need to start taking the power back and standing up for myself. Watch out if you cross me, in a nice way of course.

17. Smile More - pretty much yeah, that's about all I think you need in life. A smile can fix most things and you never really know when someone else needs one. And you know what the best part is, a smile is free

So lets see how this goes. And I have realised that it doesn't matter if I succeed, its about the effort I put in to making it work. Thanks to everyone who made my 2016 what it was and a thanks in advance to everyone that will make my 2017. I am blessed in the people I have in my life and you are part of my happiest memories. Lets go make some more!!!!

Love and 24K Magic Wishes

Miss K 

N.B I wanted to do a bit of a reflection on 2016 but I think like most people my 2016 was a bit of a bastard. It was the year for me of confusion and Wasting her time. I haven't seen my family in a year. Its been so long since I got laid that I am actually terrified of it now and all sorts of rubbish just kinda stacked up on me. But through it all I had amazing adventures, made a lot of new friends and came out the other end, a little bit bruised and battered but generally in one piece. I started an amazing new career which I am kicking arse at, met a guy who stole my breath the first time I saw him and gave me faith that things might be ok and that there are still gentlemen in the world (even if I am not with him). This year has had the Mantra of "Every day may not be a good one, but there is something good in every day". And I think I managed to get through most of it without being a jerk... so hey, I guess I was always winning if that was my bench mark. 

Grope-Nilla - a Year in the Life of a Lonely Vagina

So it appears at the start of the year I embarked on a spiritual journey, or at least that's what I am going to call it in and effort to make my situation appear less dire. My name is Kerry and it has been 11 months and 4 days since I had a sex. I am now in the longest drought of my sexual history and let me tell you, that's a strange feeling or phenomenon for someone that could have rightfully been called a slut in her younger days. 

But in the essence of truthful story telling, the year didn't start like that. I kicked off the year with some sex. I was thinking, wow this is brilliant, busting a nut in to the new year and starting off right, amazingly great sex with a guy that is so sexy that when he took his shirt off, I exclaimed "oh, get fucked" out loud. This was going to be an indication of the year to come. YES!!!!!! I was going to find my Mojo again and start slaying.... Ha. Ha. Lets all laugh at this one together, how wrong could I have been.

To be fair though, for the first couple of months I wasn't really interested, coming out of a pretty fucked up relationship meant that I was closed for business. I think I may have even stopped masturbating (Sorry for the drop in Battery sales Bunnings, don't worry though, I poured all that money in to the Sausage Sizzle out the front, so you still had my loyal patronage) and then this dude came along and I was like, yeah this could be a goer, we went on a couple of dates, my Vagina woke up and then he disappeared (and really I still have no bloody idea why, I am sure I will get to the bottom of it one day), but in his wake was a woken dragon with a thirst that needed quenching. So here it is, this is a year without sex...

A year without sex is: meeting a guy and flirting with him and then making an emergency trip to the waxer, you know, just in case 

A year without sex is: Keeping on getting waxed because you are still talking and flirting and maybe its going to happen soon 

A year without sex is: "it" not happening ( well clearly, because otherwise this Blog wouldn't need to be written)

A year without sex is: going on Tinder, not because you want random sex but because you might find a relationship that would enable you to do the sex 

A year without sex is: buying new lingerie to show "That Guy" just because he might be interested 

A year without sex is: buying MORE lingerie because it turns out that he doesn't like red. 

A year without sex is: wondering if I actually find someone attractive or is it just their beard that I am attracted to

A year without sex is: saying no to three separate guys whilst holding out for a guy that you think is special because you don't want to risk jeopardising it (hey guys, that guy appears to be a full stop no go, so like get back in contact with me, or something...) 

A year without sex is: having no one believe that YOU, of all people, cant get laid 

A year without sex is: wondering what the heck is wrong with me and if I may actually be a hideous swamp donkey 

A year without sex is: thinking that maybe I should lower my standards, because sex can just be sex right? And we are now at the stage that beggars probably shouldn't be choosers 

A year without sex is: every man and his dog trying to set you up (shout out to Heathy... I know how hard you have been trying. It will happen one day and when it does, you will be the first one to know)

A year without sex is: your doctor making a joke when you go to refill your pill prescription, because you live in hope and he is sure that it will happen for you one day.

So that's what the Drought is all about, I get that there are water restrictions but this shit is just out of control. Maybe I might take a new tact next year, plant some drought resistant plants and see if I have more success. 

Love and Not Getting any Loving 

Miss K 

N.B Shout out to that guy, he wins hands down for best sex I have had all year. And yes, technically its the only sex that I have had all year but I feel like he deserves a special mention  

N.B V2 Giant thanks for everyone who suggested names for this blog. Seriously I spent the whole of last night laughing. There were some very creative suggestions. My personal favourites are listed below 

Debbie Does No One 
50 Shades of Fuck All 
The Sad Beaver 
Forever Unboned 
Dried up and Crusty - A users Guide 
A Goodyear (from my Aunty Heather.. she always provides the Lols)
FIngerbang - No dick for Days 
        

Some thoughts on Modern Day Dating

I think that I have mentioned it before, we live in this modern day world full of choice and technology and I am starting realise (or maybe I have known for a long time) that this doesn't really do any favours to those of us that are trying to date. To me, this is modern dating... 

Modern Dating is... never knowing what the fuck is actually going on and being to scared to ask because you don't want to come across as crazy 

Modern Dating is... sitting on "Read" and going silently crazy wondering what you did to upset him

Modern Dating is... joining Tinder even though you think its probably not going to work but feeling desperate enough to give it a go anyway because your time is running out. 

Modern Dating is... Deleting Tinder a week after you installed it because its not organic and everyone you have met isn't actually 6 ft even when they said they would 

Modern Dating is... Reinstalling Tinder a few months later because hey, this time could be different and you're not getting any younger 

Modern Dating is... saying no to all other guys because you have feelings for someone and while nothing has happened, you just don't want to risk it in case it does. And this is why, you are currently in the longest drought of your sexual career 

Modern Dating is... buying new lingerie, getting a wax and a fake tan and laying yourself on a silver platter only to be turned down. But hey, you look banging so really he is the only one that misses out and sharing a bed is annoying anyway.

Modern Dating is... getting waxed every month because it might be lucky this time around and even though it never is, at least someone is touching your vagina, even if it is only to slather you in hot wax

Modern Dating is... having multiple platforms to contact people on and still not getting anything (because he hates you!!) and wanting to contact them but not wanting to seem crazy

Modern Dating is...trying not to be crazy but then being crazy about not being crazy. And actually legit not being crazy until that dude comes on the scene 

Modern Dating is...bomb fire Nudes that you send only to them and forget to save. Its kinda like that scene in Big Daddy "we wasted the good surprise on you". Though thankfully you did save that one amazing underboob shot and now its on Tumblr because hey, sometimes things are just too good to not share

Modern Dating is... making an effort with your head, just in case there is a chance that you might see them. Even if the Chance is like 0.01%. You can't hide your terrible personality but you can kind of try to hide your terrible face. 

Modern Dating is...'not looking for anything', and I kind of get that. If you've managed to get to this age without any battle wounds, I don't know that you have really experienced life. But I also think that you cant put your life on hold for ever just out of fear, not every person is them and you deserve to be happy... you just need to try. 

Modern Dating is...  finding out from social media that its over and you're done. No final show downs, just some ghosting and photos with the new partner. 

Modern Dating is... constantly wondering why you aren't good enough and why it is so easy for everyone else that you know to find partners or get affection. You know you're hideous, but fuck, you're not that bad and you're sure you've got some good qualities in there.

Modern Dating is... having to tell your friends that its another false alarm and they can take the eggs out of the basket now.  Or actually not really telling anyone at all, because really there was never anything to tell. 

This last couple of months, I have felt pretty much all of these things. Same old story, met a guy, he took my breath away the instant that I saw him without him even realising (I strongly believe that he is one of the special ones) A couple of months of talking and terrible flirting on my behalf and it all came to a head a few weeks ago. I laid my cards on the table and it didn't turn out how I was wanting, but that's cool as well, he isn't looking for anything and I respect him so much for being honest about it. I got sent this the other day and it hit my feels "Even if you go for it and it doesn't work out you still win. You still had the guts enough to head straight in to something that frightened you. That type of bravery will take you places" and you know what, that is 100% correct. I've survived every other set back in life and with each one of these, its taking me closer to the magic that I deserve. How bloody exciting is that. 

So hold in there my cherubs, its not easy, but I KNOW that one day its all going to be worth it. 

Love and Magic Dreaming 

Miss K

So its probably time to talk about Physcial Contact

Things I Do Well

- Making shy people feel uncomfortable

- Reaching things on high shelves

- Squirting water out of my mouth in a precision like manner at a target

- Eating

- Over thinking simple situations

Things I do Badly

- Drying my back properly when I get out of the shower

- Co-Ordination, all kinds, every day

- Having a poker face

- Putting my underwear on the right way, 7 days a week

- Physical Contact and Touching

So there it is, a little snap shot of the good and the bad that occurs in my daily life. But the one I really want to focus on, is the last one, because I am starting realise that it might actually be a bit of a big deal. For me, I have always been pretty bad at people being in my space, I guess I am a kind of a lone shark, but in recent years I have gotten discernibly worse. Long story short, I was the victim of a sexual assault a few years ago and now, I guess I am a bit crazy (well more than I used to be anyway I guess, or maybe a different type of crazy. Anyway crazy). I have gone through extensive counselling and I am most of the time ok, I can function and I am getting on with my life but it has had some knock on effects, like being weird about touching.

I have a friend (actually I have quiet a few) and she loves affection and will demand hugs and back tickles from anyone that is around and I envy her freeness with it all. For me its more, oh god, I don't know this person!!! Why are they touching me!!! Or I worry if they hug me, I wont be able to get away. And I guess as you can imagine, it makes dealings with the opposite sex pretty difficult.  If I am honest mostly I just let these interactions happen because I know that its me with the problem and to most people, these encounters are normal. My head screams at me to man the panic stations but I am getting better at trying to silence it and with each bit of contact I am starting to regain some footing.

And to add to all of this, I am a walking contradiction and I know it. I want to be able to touch people and be close to them, and when I have decided in my head that I trust you and I am ok, I am probably going to do little things like put my hand on your arm, or want to hug you when things aren't going so well and to you its not big deal but to me, its huge. I have dropped a big wall to do that, and I kinda hope that you see that.  To be honest, I haven't actually figured out the best way to let people know how much it means and I just kinda hope that they can work it out for themselves.

Facebook memories popped up this post the other day and while I was reading back I was struck by how much has changed and how far I have come in three years and I am pretty proud of that. Three years ago, I couldn't have anyone touch me and even used to panic when men would look in my direction, and now I am at the point where I want certain people to touch me and that's an exciting advancement.  Its all steps in the right direction.

 Some mornings, I wake up and think, today is going to be a day when I am going to destroy the world, all of the molecules and happiness seem to align inside me and I feel unstoppable. I am starting to think that this may be the secret to it all, the answer to all the weirdness and aversion. Its something I am probably going to investigate anyway. So there it is, the problem, the exceptions and hopefully the solution, I guess now we just wait to see what I can build out of this 

Love and Touching

Miss K 

Life, Death and Living Away

These last few weeks have been tough, these last few week have reminded me how far away from "Home" I actually am. My uncle passed away a few week ago after a long and hard battle with Cancer and I wasn't there. This is the first big event that has happened since I moved away from Home and it was a lot harder to deal with that I imagined (even though in all fairness, I knew that it was coming). I felt like a fraud for being upset when I was so far away. But as with all big events and life changes, it got me thinking about the life that I have chosen to live, a million miles away from home  

Living away from your family causes a fair bit of conflict with in yourself. You feel an obligation and a desire to be with them because they are you life, but then you have also created a life for yourself here as well. You always wish that the lives could mix together seamlessly but you are also realistic that, that isn't possible.You miss things, you miss birthdays and parties and births and deaths. People have kids and the kids have no idea that you exist and that's hard.

But with all this, you are also given a glimpse of True Friendship. You will have friends that you can go months or years without seeing and then when you happen to see them again, you can pick right back up where you left off like you have never been gone.And the flip side of that is that you will grow apart from people as well and that ok too. I am a very firm believer that every person that comes in to our life is there to teach us something (or for us to teach them) and when they have done that, its time for them to go on and teach someone else that needs that lesson. 

What Facebook portrays is always a little bit different to the way that life may actually be. Don't get me wrong, I love the life I have but its hard sometimes as well. I cant go to my Nans house and sit in her kitchen and cry until I feel better and I just cant pop around to my dads house and eat his cereal and watch cartoons on his couch on a Saturday morning.  Living away from home means that you do a lot of things by yourself. I have the most amazing friends in the world that have become my family but even that doesn't replace the love and undying support of Sunday roasts at your Nans.

When I first decided to move, I came up against a lot of opposition. People didn't want me to go, people didn't believe in me and thought that I would be back in 3 months and a lot of people couldn't understand why I wanted to leave the life I have always known. And here I sit in my favourite cafe 4.5 years later reflecting on the biggest decision I ever made for myself. Before I left, my dad said to me "You're about to do something big, you just need to think about yourself"  (and when he got out of the car, I cried harder than I have ever cried) but he was right, the only way that I was going to get through this and I did get through this is by just thinking about myself. Moving away makes you selfish, but that isn't always a bad thing.

Above all, this is the thing that you really need to remember, life doesn't stop. They move forward with you in the back of their thoughts and you do the same. There is never a good time in life for anything, something will always be going on and something will always be tugging at you to stay so you just need to remind yourself that in life, you only have you, so you need to do whats right for you. And just remember, when it all gets to much, home is only a phone call or a flight away.

Love and Missing

Miss K 

N.B I was just struck with a scary thought, I am single at the moment but if that was to change I cant imagine getting married anywhere but here in Melbourne.... and I don't really know how my heart should feel about that. Life can still be confusing even when you think that you have it all figured out. On another note though,  I guess there is always Bora Bora as a second option.